Outrageously in Love by Jen Morris

37

Shit, shit, shit.

Okay. No, it’s okay. Maybe she doesn’t know. I bet I’m overreacting.

But as Alex whispers something to Michael and threads her way through the tables towards me, my stomach begins to crumble.

“Can we have a word?” she asks. Her tone is pleasant but her gaze is steely.

Shit.

I swig back what’s left of my champagne, then follow her across the room and back out the side door to the corridor. With every step I hear Admiral Ackbar in my head, saying It’s a trap! But my unsteady legs won’t let me run away.

Once the door clicks shut behind us, Alex turns to me and smooths the lace of her dress, not saying anything. I’m just wondering if I’ve misread this whole thing when she looks at me sharply.

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

I study the detailing on her dress. “What do you mean?”

“It’s Luke, isn’t it?”

I swallow hard, willing my pummeling heart to slow down. I’m not sure I’ll survive two panic attacks today.

“The lake last night. All those late nights at his place…” I can hear the gears turning in her head as she thinks aloud. “And he was so enthusiastic about your cafe idea. I saw him, just now, with your hair. You said—” She stops, staring at me in disbelief. “Please tell me I’m wrong.”

I open my mouth then close it again, unable to look at her. I don’t know what I could possibly say to make this any better.

“But…” Her forehead scrunches in confusion. “I thought you were seeing the guy from the plane? Liam?”

I cringe, dragging my gaze to hers.

“Wait. Liam… is Luke? Luke was the guy on the plane?”

I give a tiny nod, chewing my cheek.

“So, this whole time…”

“I wanted to tell you.” My voice comes out hoarse. “But I couldn’t. It’s not… We—”

“You do know he’s married?” she says viciously. “His wife is here.”

“Yes. Well, he’s—” Fuck. I can’t very well tell her he’s getting divorced, can I? It’s not my place to tell her, and he’d kill me. I won’t break his trust.

“That didn’t bother you?” Alex spits. “Here we are at my wedding and you’re out there making a mockery of the whole thing by fucking a married man and destroying his marriage.”

Her words are a knife in my gut, forcing a gasp from me. “It’s not, I mean, he’s—”

“Don’t you realize how messed up this is?” She raises her hands to her head, massaging her temples. “You’re my sister. This is Michael’s brother. It’s practically incestuous.”

I grimace as she uses the one word I’ve been keeping from my mind. She’s wrong; it’s not incestuous, not really. But—

“I cannot believe you’ve done this to me.”

“What?” I say, surprised. “I haven’t done anything to you—”

“What am I going to tell Michael?”

An icy feeling snakes its way up my spine. “Nothing! Please, you don’t have to—”

“Of course I do! He’s my husband. I can’t keep this from him. You don’t realize what an awful position this puts me in.”

Shit. She can’t tell Michael. It’s one thing for her to be mad at me, but if she tells Michael I’m in trouble.

She shakes her head, gazing at me sadly. “I hardly recognize you, Harri. Ever since you got here you’ve been acting differently. At first I thought it was really cool that you were coming out of your shell, but now I find out you’ve been lying to me for weeks and sleeping with Michael’s brother. His married brother.”

Every word from her twists the knife. I suck in a trembling breath, my airway burning.

“Honestly, what is wrong with you?” Her eyes glisten with tears. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.” And without waiting for me to say anything, she turns and heads back into the reception hall, slamming the door behind her.

I stand there for a moment, focusing on counting my breaths. In, out, in, out. I cannot spiral again. In, out, in, out. Slowly, somehow, I blink back my tears enough to pull myself together.

Okay. It’s okay. I know she’s upset, of course she is. I would be too, if I were her. But she doesn’t know the full story. She didn’t mean what she said—of course she didn’t—she just needs to know all the facts and then she’ll understand.

I open the door to the reception hall, my gaze seeking Luke. He’s already looking at me in the doorway, his eyes flared with concern. I gesture surreptitiously for him to come over and he glances around, then wanders across the room, trying not to draw attention to himself. He slips into the corridor, closing the door behind him.

“Are you okay?”

“Alex has figured it out.”

The color drains out of him. “What?”

“She thinks—” My words catch in my throat and I pause, trying to calm down. “She thinks I’m a home-wrecker, that I’m trying to break you and Dena up.”

“How did she find out?”

I shrug helplessly. “I… I don’t know. She saw us at the table and put it all together.”

Luke wipes a hand down his face. “Oh. Shit.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumble.

“No—” He reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”

“I think she’s going to tell Michael. I know you didn’t want to, but if we just tell them…”

He looks at me pleadingly. “I really don’t want to do this right now.”

“I know,” I reassure him. “But we could ask them not to tell your dad, right?”

“It’s not just that. I can’t tell my brother, on hiswedding day, that I’m getting divorced. Come on, Harri, you must be able to understand why I don’t want to do that.”

“Yeah, I do. But that was before… I mean, Alex already knows something is up now. I wanted to tell her the truth, but I didn’t. I thought it should come from you.”

His hand drops from mine and a frown stitches across his brow. He rubs the back of his neck, a muscle ticking in his jaw, and for the first time I feel a flicker of apprehension.

My hands shake and I try to hold them still. “I know the timing isn’t ideal.”

“No kidding.” His frown deepens as he glares at the carpet. “Fuck.”

My heart jerks but I speak calmly: “We need to tell them, Luke.”

He breathes out hard, finally meeting my gaze. “I can’t do this today. I can’t be responsible for ruining my brother’s wedding.”

“But that wouldn’t ruin his wedding, would it?”

“Well if that doesn’t, telling him I’ve been fucking his new baby sister behind his back would.”

My lips part in shock. There are so many things wrong with that statement I almost don’t know where to begin. “I’m sorry, fucking me? Because that’s all this was?”

Luke’s features twist in agony. “I don’t mean… No. But—” He lets out a low growl and shoves his hands through his hair. “I didn’t want to make a scene at the wedding. You know that.”

“I know, but…” My stomach is full of rocks now, because this isn’t going at all how I thought it would. I wipe the sweat from my palms on my dress. “If you don’t tell them, then that means I’m the only one taking the heat on this and that’s not fair.”

He stares at me, his jaw locked, saying nothing.

I can’t believe this. Is he really refusing to tell them? I’m aware that I should be angry, that I probably should make a scene now, because that’s what he deserves. But more than anything, I’m hurt. After everything he’s seen me go through today, he’s refusing to stand by me when I need him the most.

A lump lodges in my throat, but I manage to swallow it enough to speak. “I thought you and I had something here.”

He blows out a frustrated breath. “Look, I didn’t plan to meet you. I didn’t plan to fall—” He stops himself abruptly and my heart drops. Was he about to say he’s fallen in love with me? It was only a few moments ago that I felt certain he had, but now that he’s standing here, letting me take the blame for everything, I realize how wrong I was.

“I can’t, Harriet. I’m sorry.” He shakes his head and looks away. As I gaze at him, I know the forcefield is totally gone. It’s shattered into smithereens, dissolved into dust, scattered across the cosmos. The man I was with—the one who got me to go on the trapeze, who showed me the cafe I could have, who made love to me despite all my scars and held me only moments ago while I spiraled out of control—he’s gone. Just like that. And, God, if that’s all it took for him to disappear, then I never really had him to begin with, did I?

With blinding clarity, I can suddenly see what Mel and Geoff knew all along: he doesn’t care. At least, not enough to fight for me.

“I need to get back in there,” Luke mutters, his gaze glued to the carpet. I watch as he turns and enters the reception hall again without looking my way, without acknowledging the hurt he’s just caused.

Tears press at my eyes and my breath comes in shallow, quick bursts. That’s it. He’s just walked away and left me. I’m too shocked to move, to do anything. I don’t know how long I stand there, paralyzed. I don’t know how I don’t fall apart again, but I don’t.

Then, as if in a trance, I walk into the reception hall. My gaze drifts over to where Alex and Michael are cutting the cake and posing for a photo. I catch Alex’s eye and she gives a disappointed shake of her head, turning back to the camera. The photographer gestures for Luke and Dena to pose with the others, and I watch numbly as Luke slides his arm around Dena and smiles at the camera with ease. After everything he just said to me, he’s smiling like nothing has happened. Like I don’t even exist.

Something inside me breaks.

How could I have been so stupid?

I feel a sudden, hot rush of humiliation and spin on my heel. I fumble for my bag and stagger out the door, my vision blurry with tears. The cold night air hits me like a slap in the face, but I don’t care. I need to leave. I need to not be here, with these people who don’t care about me.

Before I know what I’m doing, I’m running. I’m running and I don’t look back.