Outrageously in Love by Jen Morris

41

Istep from the shower, wrapping the towel around myself. My feet sink into the plush hotel carpet as I pad across the room and slip into my pajamas, my tired body protesting.

After my meeting with Isaac two days ago, I found a lawyer to help me negotiate the terms of the rental agreement. There was a lot of back and forth before I finally signed the lease, then I began looking for contractors so they can come and strip out all the old fixtures and the damaged drywall. I started to clear out some of the mess myself today, which was both thrilling and terrifying.

It’s good, though, to have a distraction from things with Luke. I may as well use this time while he’s out of town productively. It’s either that or I stay holed up in my hotel room, binge-watching Star Wars and torturing myself with what may or may not happen between us. Because even though I want to stay positive, whenever I let myself think about it, my mind conjures worst-case scenarios. I can’t help it; I’m hard-wired that way, especially when there’s so much uncertainty in my life right now. At least Paula is on a flight tomorrow. Having her here will be good.

I’m just crawling into bed, ready to devour a pizza in front of a movie, when my phone buzzes beside me. I see it’s Alex calling from New Zealand, and there’s a nervous spasm in my stomach. I haven’t spoken to her since arriving in the city, but we’ve texted, so she knows I’m here. I was hoping to have an update on the Luke situation when we finally spoke, not to mention I have to explain my cafe to her. Part of me worries she might think it’s absurd. I can’t deny I would love to speak to someone about this, though. And when I think of her moving here to pursue her own dreams, it occurs to me that out of everyone, she might understand the most.

With a deep inhale, I press the talk button. “Hey.”

“Harriet!” she shrieks. Her excited tone makes me giggle. “Switch to video.”

I glance down at my PJs—red shirt with the Hogwarts emblem—then press the video button. It’s just my sister; she’s seen me in worse.

But when the video connects, it’s not Alex on the screen.

It’s Luke.

My heart launches into the stratosphere. My brain short-circuits, attempting to explain what’s happening. What the… How is this possible? How is he—

“Hey, Harri.” Luke’s voice is low and gentle, clearing away my scattered thoughts.

Alex leans over his shoulder, grinning. “He came all the way here to see you!” she squeals and Luke flinches, shooting a look back at her.

“Honey, let her talk to him!” I hear Michael say somewhere off camera.

“Sorry.” She raises her hands, following Michael out of what I can now see is her old bedroom at our parents’ place. “We’ll give you guys a moment.” The door clicks shut behind her and Luke turns back to the screen.

I shake my head, trying to make sense of this. “You’re in New Zealand.”

He chuffs an ironic laugh. “You’re in New York.”

“I… Yeah.”

There’s a beat of silence while we just stare at each other, neither of us knowing where to begin. He’s wearing his glasses again and it’s making my pulse do crazy things.

“Nice PJs,” Luke says at last.

Oh God. I glance down at my Harry Potter top, feeling my face turn a matching crimson. Not to mention my hair is probably a mess. “Shut up,” I mutter.

“I mean it. I love them.”

I look back at the screen. Something bright and hot fills my chest as I gaze at the man on the other side. Of course he loves my pajamas—he’s the biggest nerd. He’s my favorite nerd. “Why are you there, Luke?”

He sighs, setting the phone down and leaning back on a chair. He’s sitting at Alex’s old desk. “Mike called me after he saw you and told me to get my ass down here. I jumped on the first plane I could. I had to see you.” He pauses, then adds with a rueful chuckle, “Of course, I thought you would actually be here.”

I utter a small laugh, not sure what to say.

He studies me for a long moment, then his face crumples and his head drops into his hands. “Argh, Harriet… I am so sorry. I fucked everything up.” His voice breaks and it makes my heart clench. “At the wedding… God, I was such a coward. I can’t believe what I asked you to do. I was just… I was afraid.”

I nod, my throat thickening. “I know.”

“No.” He shakes his head forcefully. “It wasn’t just my dad or pissing Mike off or ruining the wedding. It was having to finally step up and live my life on my own terms. I hadn’t realized how much I’d let my fear of what others think dictate how I live. But you helped me see that so clearly, even down to decorating my own damn apartment. You’ve made me so much better, Harri. But…” He pauses, gazing at me. “I was also afraid of how quickly I was falling for you. It scared the shit out of me. I never expected… I didn’t think… You just came out of nowhere and changed everything.”

My throat feels like it has closed up now, watching his agonized face.

“I should never have asked you to go along with everything at the wedding,” he continues, staring down at his hands. “And when Alex figured it out, I should have stood by you. I should never have walked away from you. I know I was spineless and I’ll always regret it.” He glances up at me again and his eyes are shining. “When you left, I was devastated, but I guess I felt like I deserved it. Then Mike called me and told me that he almost lost the woman he loved once too, and that I needed to fight for you. That’s why I got on the plane, Harri, to fight for you, to tell you…” He drags a hand through his hair, tugging on a tuft of it, his miserable eyes searching the screen. “Do you think… could you ever forgive me?”

A tear spills over my cheek and I wipe it with the back of my hand. “Yeah,” I say, leaning closer to the screen. He’s thousands of miles away and I wish, so desperately, that he was right beside me. And when I see a tear slide down his face, my heart feels like it’s being torn in two, knowing I can’t hold him. “I’ve already forgiven you.”

“I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you,” he says, lifting his glasses and wiping his cheek. “I swear.”

“Luke, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have run away. I know it put you in a really difficult position, and I wish I had stuck by you. I wish I could have helped you stand up to your dad.”

He shakes his head. “You leaving was the wake-up call that I needed. And in a way, it was good to stand up to Dad alone.” He lets out a long, shuddering sigh, as if he’s finally releasing the weight of the world after carrying it for so long. “God, I want to see you. When are you coming home?”

“Um…” A breath of realization rushes out of me. “Not anytime soon, actually.”

“Then I’ll get on the first flight I can out of here. Can you wait a few days?”

Happiness is blossoming inside me and I can’t help a watery laugh. “Yeah. I’m going to be here for a while, so… I can wait a few days.”

“Okay.” His eyes soften with relief. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“I won’t.” I smile to myself. He’s going to be so shocked when he sees the cafe. Shit, I need to get moving. I want to show it to him when it’s finished and perfect, not as the mess it is now.

He leans closer, smiling that gorgeous lop-sided grin of his. “I can’t wait to kiss you again. I’ve missed my wild girl so much.”

My wild girl.

His words steamroll over my happiness, crushing it into dust. Somehow, talking to him again, I let myself forget the most important thing of all: that I lied to him.

It’s okay, I reassure myself. He’ll understand. Just tell him the truth.

“Luke, there’s something I have to tell you. I—”

His head whips around and in the back of the frame I see Alex creep into the room. “How are you two getting on? Did you make up yet?”

Luke chuckles, which Alex takes as an invitation to come closer and peer at the screen.

“Yes,” I mumble. “We made up. But—”

“Yay!” She hugs Luke around the shoulders and he grins.

“Yep, I’m going straight back to New York. I need to see my girl.”

I coax my mouth into a smile, trying to ignore the way my stomach is tilting uneasily. Maybe it’s best to tell him this in person, anyway. And I can only hope, once I tell him the truth, he’ll still want me as his girl.