Saving Us by Wendy Million

Chapter Forty-Six

Igrabbed the last bag out of Annika’s car and held it until Sebastian came around to my side and took it from me.

“I’ll take it in.” He gave a small smile and brushed a kiss across my lips.

Annika reached into her vehicle and grabbed her final things.

“I realize you’re here, but are you sure this is a good idea?” How many times had I asked her this question? A million, maybe more.

The college had been supportive of her grades and classes. She’d completed work from home already. Annika didn’t want to lose a year. Part of me thought she should be transferring schools, even if leaving was unfair. She hadn’t done anything wrong.

Johnny was out on bail, and with Annika back in the city, I was worried.

“I’ll be fine. I promise. The nightmares are mostly gone. I’m not numb anymore about what happened. Remembering has been hard, but it’s helped me.” The words came out like a speech she’d rehearsed.

“And you’re sure you’re okay with Sebastian being here?”

She slammed her car door and shoved more garbage into a McDonald’s bag. “Yeah, it’s fine. Honestly. You said it was until the end of the year, right? It’s March, so it’s not that long.”

I nodded. I hadn’t told her we were moving in together the next year. He came out of the townhouse and down the small pathway. Watching him walk toward me made my heart too big for my chest. The confidence oozing out of him spoke to me on a deeper level.

He caught me staring and grinned. Once he reached me, he looped an arm around my waist and tipped his head at Annika. “You got everything?”

She sighed and peered into the car. “Yep.” Stepping past us, she headed up the path to the townhouse.

I watched her retreating figure for a moment with anxiety bubbling in my stomach, and Sebastian squeezed my hip.

“I’m not sure about this,” he said.

“Me either.” I took his hand and followed Annika.

Once we were inside, she disappeared into her room without a word. Sebastian grabbed his keys off the side table and gave me a quick kiss.

“I’m gonna go out. Go to the gym. Give you two some space.”

“Thank you.” I dragged him to me for a second goodbye kiss before he could disappear out the door.

“I got a bad feeling about this.” He jerked his head in the direction of Annika’s room. “She doesn’t seem okay.”

I sighed. “She’s not. But it’s not my place to tell her she can’t be here.”

“I get that. I just… I don’t know.” He squeezed my hand, leaned in for another kiss, and then closed the door behind him.

When I turned around, Annika was in the entry to the hallway with her bag slung over her shoulder. “I have to be on campus. I’m meeting with an academic advisor to look over my courses to figure out how I stay on track to graduate.”

“Before you go.” I pointed to the pepper spray and Taser on the side table. “Can I show you how these work? Maybe you should take one with you?”

Annika stared at me in silence and then dropped her bag. “He’s not going to come after me. He’d be dumb to do that.”

I picked up both items, letting their weight settle in the palm of my hand. “If there’s one thing I can say about Johnny, his only concern is him. If he thinks he can convince you to change your statement...”

“Show me.” She stepped forward.

I took her through what my dad had shown me and then let her get the feel for both herself. “Which one do you want to take with you?”

“Taser,” she said. “If he approaches me, I’ll get immense satisfaction in watching him writhe on the floor.”

“You can do that?” I didn’t make eye contact.

“Yeah.” She shoved the Taser in the front pocket of her bag. “You weren’t there. You don’t understand.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She snorted. “All I’ve done is talk about it.” Shaking her head, she put her bag on her shoulder. “You know what discussing it has taught me?”

I stared at her, not saying anything.

“None of what happened was my fault. Whenever I remember any of the episodes of abuse—any of them—I can’t figure out what I did wrong that other people wouldn’t have done.” She shrugs. “There’s only so much talking you can do when the answer is stupidly simple. I had too much faith in someone. That was my problem. I was too trusting, convinced he wasn’t the person he was showing me.”

“I wish—” But I wasn’t sure how to finish.

“Me too. So many things.” Annika gave me a small smile. “But I don’t want this event to ruin me. I said that to Clay the other night when we were talking. What happened with Johnny can’t set the tone for the rest of my life.”

“I’m glad,” I said. “I’m glad you’re figuring this out.”

“You know what was different that night? You know what I’ve realized made his rage worse?”

I shook my head.

“I fought back. He didn’t understand I was just starting. I’m going to keep fighting, forever.” Tears pooled in her dark eyes, and she turned away from me.

I hugged her from behind. “I love you, Annika, and I’m proud of you. You’ll get there.”

She squeezed my hands and sniffed before releasing me. “I’ll be home later. I have the Taser.”

“Hopefully you don’t need it.” I walked with her to the door.

“Thanks.” She gave me a half hug before heading out. She walked down the path to her car in the parking lot, and then I closed the door, flipping the lock.

After consulting the clock on the wall, I realized I had a while before Sebastian returned. He’d been spending hours in the gym as off-season conditioning for football. I grabbed my laptop out of my bag and set it up at the kitchen table, my back to the front door.

Unable to resist, I searched for any recent articles on Johnny’s arrest. The headlines bothered me. Almost every single one led with “Star Football Player” or “Quarterback Prodigy” and then followed with his crimes. I’d never understand why his ability to throw a football trumped his incapacity to be a decent human being.

When the front door rattled, I checked the time. Annika had been gone an hour, and Sebastian would be at the gym for at least two hours. Frowning, I twisted toward the entrance. Annika’s meeting was quick.

The door popped open, and when I saw who was there, I stood so quickly my chair clattered to the ground. “You shouldn’t be here.”

In the doorway, with the spare key in his hand, was Johnny. “I’m looking for Annika.”

Panic gripped my chest. How did we forget about the spare key outside? So stupid. The pepper spray sat on the side table, closer to him than to me.

Oh, God.

“Most people knock, call ahead, or, when they’re accused of raping and beating someone, don’t show up at all.” The words tumbled out of my mouth. Being calm and quiet was a skill I hadn’t mastered.

He closed the door behind him. “I want to talk to her. Where is she? I heard she was coming back today.”

“Why would you need to talk to her?” My brain searched for a way to grab the pepper spray or run to my phone in my room. Why had I left it so far away?

“Her memory of that night is… Well, it’s wrong. She can’t torpedo my life like this.”

“She’s not the one doing that.” I slid a pen off the table beside me. How hard would I have to stab him for it to be useful?

“You’re right about that.” Johnny came closer. “I don’t blame Annika. I blame you. If you hadn’t kept pushing, she’d have been fine with our arrangement.”

“The one where you did whatever you wanted to her or with others and she took it without complaint?” I gripped the pen harder.

He grinned, his dimple on full display. His face had been on the front of countless newspapers. Touted to be a first-round draft pick, strong GPA, a wealthy family, and looks to kill—his arrest baffled people. He was candy for the tabloids.

“Our relationship worked fine. Your snide comments, and Sebastian giving in to your irrational demands were the problem. I mean, why?” He examined me. “It’s not your personality or your appearance. So, you must be awfully skilled in other areas.”

Bile rose in my throat. “You’ll never find out.” I stared him down.

Casually, he swiped the pepper spray off the side table and moved forward. “Is that so?”

He wouldn’t touch me without a hell of a fight on his hands. My grip on the pen was so tight my sweat would cause it to slip when I needed it the most. I forced myself to relax and focus, pretend like this was a kickboxing match. I could do this. I scanned our townhouse layout, trying to figure out where to go, what to do.

“Your dad give you this?” Johnny waggled it in his hand. “Where is he now? Or Sebastian? Or Clay? Or Troy?” He smirked. “It’s just you and me, Nattie.”