Badge by K.L. Savage

 

“Holy shit, that’s a damn alligator!” I scream and clamber up onto the kitchen table, holding Faith in one arm and Jay in the other. Doc has allowed him to leave the basement during the day now, as long as someone is always watching him. “There’s a fucking alligator! Badge! Dad! Tongue!” I shout for someone to come get Happy from lying on the kitchen floor.

He is in his damn emotional support vest, which tells me Tongue has taken him from his sanctuary. I don’t know why that sanctuary exists when Happy isn’t even in there half the time. Tongue always carries him, and now Happy is getting so big, Tongue has to wrap him around his shoulders, or just put him on a leash.

A leash!

Who has ever seen an alligator on a damn leash? No one, because they aren’t meant to be on motherfucking cloth leashes that they can tear into with their teeth. And oh my god, he is staring at me like he’s going to eat me.

He is. Happy is going to snap and he is going to eat me and the children.

All of the men come rushing into the kitchen and Skirt’s kilt flips up as he comes to a stop. I see his hairy ass and I look away, wondering why the man never wears any underwear.

“What’s all the fussing about, Angel?” Badge asks without any worry in his tone. I could have been freaking alligator food and no one is worried?

Badge takes Jay from me and holds the baby in his arms. Jay is so small, even his socks are too big for his feet. For some reason, I feel as though he isn’t safe unless he is in my arms, and I know that is irrational.

But you know what else is irrational?

Emotional support fucking alligator chillin’ in the kitchen as if it is a normal freaking Thursday.

I point to Happy. “He is going to eat me,” I whine. “And Faith is just a juicy little meat bag I bet he is waiting to tear his teeth into.”

“You just called my daughter a meat bag,” Badge scoffs, taking her from me too. “I’m going to go put the kids down for a nap. I think you and Happy need to get acquainted. Happy wouldn’t hurt a fly,” he says, as Tongue throws him a whole skinned chicken.

I hear the bones crunch and I narrow my eyes at Badge.

“He wouldn’t hurt any of us. Happy is a swamp kitty. I’d hardly call him an alligator.” Badge vanishes down the hall, leaving me to stand on the kitchen table along with all the guys laughing at me and pointing their phones.

“The best swamp kitty that ever kittied, yes you are. Such a handsome boy.” Tongue scratches Happy’s chin and Happy’s jaws open.

An insane person would say that it’s a smile.

“Look, he’s smiling,” Porter reads my mind and pats Happy’s back.

That’s my point. Right there.

“Where is Smiley? I like that little bairn. He’s a bit feistier than Happy. It’s like a part of the swamp is in him still.”

“Skirt, that does not make me feel better.” I don’t know why I’m so scared right now. I’ve always tried to keep my distance, but I haven’t seen Happy in a while and he has gotten big.

“He ain’t going to hurt you, Hope. I promise,” Dad says, offering me his hand to help me down. “The one person he doesn’t really like is Reaper and sometimes Knives. When he was little, he liked to nibble on Slingshot, but that’s only ‘cause he smelled like tacos.”

“Happy!” Maizey screams as she runs through the doors and jumps on the alligator’s back, hugging him tightly. I reel in horror, but no one is doing anything. Maizey gives him a big kiss on top of his head and Happy lifts his head—and I swear, wags his tail.

Tyrant, Chaos, and Yeti bark and run through the kitchen next. I point in horror as the dogs lie next to Happy. Chaos even goes as far as to put his fluffy head on his tail and Happy doesn’t move to do anything.

He’s waiting.

“Come on, sweetheart. He’s harmless.”

“As Ebola,” I mumble under my breath and hop off the table.

Happy’s reptilian eyes blink as they stare at me, and he stays very still. I gulp as Dad stretches my hand toward his face and I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my breath, waiting for Happy to bite it off. But when I touch him, he almost… nuzzles against me. His hard dry scales are rough against my palm.

“See? He ain’t so bad,” Dad states, dragging my hand along the top of his head. Happy makes a hissing sound and I try to yank my hand away, but Dad stops me. “He likes you.”

“What man wouldn’t? Happy isn’t dumb,” Badge jokes, and Tongue lifts his hand for a high-five.

Dad takes a deep breath, so he doesn’t say anything to Badge.

“Thank you,” I whisper. “For accepting him for me.”

“It’s difficult,” he gulps, continuing to stroke my hand along Happy’s skull. “But as long as you’re happy, I’ll try to be too.”

I wrap my arms around Dad’s neck and give him a tight hug. I lean back when I feel a heavy weight on my feet and my eyes round when I look down and see Happy curled up like a cat around my legs.

“Aw, look at him. He’s so comfy. I hate to bother him, but he’s coming with me to the bookstore. Happy? You want to see Mommy?” Tongue asks him and Happy lifts his head and begins to drag his body along the ground, his tail sliding along my calves. “I want to see her too.” Tongue reaches down and clips the hot pink leash to Happy’s harness.

Nails click along the floor and after my hysterics, I kind of miss the mellow swamp kitty now that Tongue walks out the door.

I wipe my sweaty palms against my pants. “I guess that wasn’t so bad.”

“Ye were scared shitless.”

“You owe me five bucks!” Maizey points to Skirt.

“Damn it. Shit.”

“Fifteen!” Maizey shouts, clapping her hands and Porter slaps his knees as he laughs.

“Here is twenty, wee yin. I might as well pre-pay like everyone else. This is robbery,” Skirt grumbles, handing her a twenty-dollar bill.

“This is life, Uncle Skirt.” Maizey shrugs her shoulders and sniffs the cash. “And sometimes it isn’t fair for some, but it is fair for others. Like me,” she chirps with a toothless grin.

Everyone in the kitchen erupts in laughter as she skips down the hall. Skirt is staring at her with a slack jaw. “She’s been cuttin’ aboot too long with Reaper and Sarah. Damn hustler, that one.”

“I heard that!” Maizey shouts from her room.

“Robbery, I tell ye,” he hisses low to keep his voice down. “Robbery.”

“Aw, it’s okay, babe,” Dawn kisses his cheek. “It just means she’s going to do just fine in life if she can make fools out of you badass bikers. We can only hope Joey learns from her.”

Skirt picks up their daughter and her bright red hair is a mess since it’s just now growing in. “Aye, I suppose I wouldn’t mind that.”

Badge’s cellphone rings and he disappears into my room to take the call.

“Hey, Dad. Do you think that cabin can be ready soon? I know there are some empty and available. I think I want me and Badge to move into one.”

“Isn’t it kind of soon to be moving in with him? No way, Hope. You barely know the man.”

I lift my brows and cross my arms.

“Don’t look at me like that, you know I’m right.”

“Are you? How long did you or anyone else in this house go before moving in together?”

“That’s not the point. No one here is my daughter. I just got you, Hope. I feel like Badge has come in and has taken you from me—and yeah, I realize how that sounds.” He taps his finger against the table, and I soften my gaze as I look at him. He doesn’t seem like such a dangerous man right now. He just seems like… a dad. Not a biker. Just a guy who wants to spend time with his daughter.

“Dad—”

“—We’re boltin’,” Skirt announces and everyone in the kitchen follows him out, leaving me and Dad alone.

“You’ve only been here a few months.” The chair scrapes across the floor as he sits down.

I take the seat next to him and take his hands in mine and he holds on tight, as if I’m about to drift away.

“I didn’t even know you existed. The pain I felt when I lost you and your mom… it took me a long time to get over that. I never got to spend one day of her pregnancy with her, you know. I just knew she was pregnant. And when Patricia told me neither of you made it, a part of me died that day. And then you show up, looking just like her, surviving the same thing I did, and all I want to do is protect you. I’m selfish. I know you’re grown, but I feel like I finally have my time, you know?” He lifts his watery gaze to mine. He isn’t crying, but the whites of his eyes are red. “That’s why I have a problem with Badge. It isn’t anything you are doing, or he is doing—granted, I think he’s too old for you.”

I smile when he laughs.

“I have you back. To me, it’s like you came back from the dead and I have you now. This is my chance to take care of you and be there for you and protect you. All those things I never got to do and then Badge swoops in,” he grumbles, sounding jealous. “And now I don’t feel needed. Faith doesn’t need me, she has him. You don’t need me, you have him. I’m just sad. I feel like I’m losing you all over again.”

“Dad.” It breaks my heart that he feels that way. I scoot the chair closer to him and sniffle. “I will always need you. Always. I didn’t ever think I’d see you or meet you. Do you know how happy I am to be here with you? You were the dream for me. I knew if I found you, I’d be okay. Badge is in my life, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop needing you. I’ll always need you. You’re my dad. There will never be a time in my life where I won’t need you, where I won’t love you, and where I won’t miss you. And Faith needs her grandpa. She loves you too. You know how fussy she gets when she doesn’t see you for a few days.”

Dad doesn’t say anything, he just nods and pulls me into a tight hug, clearing his throat. I don’t know how long we hug for, but I hold on tight.

“Your mom would be so proud of you. You’ve grown into such a beautiful, smart young woman,” he whispers, rubbing his hand down the back of my head.

“Yeah?” I croak when he brings her up. He never talks about Mom.

He leans away and pushes my hair behind my shoulder. “Yeah, she loved you so much. I wish she could see you.”

“Me too.” I press my hand against his and lean into his touch. “But I’m glad you’re here. I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You never have to find out,” he says, brushing a wayward tear from my cheek. He gulps, seeming unsure of what he wants to say next. “Can you tell me how it was with Patricia? How did you grow up?”

I’d hoped I’d never had to talk about this with him. “Well, I was allowed to go to school, so at least I got an education. I didn’t have laughs or family dinners. When I’d come home from school, I’d get locked in my room and it was time to… work.” Dad knows what ‘work’ means and he snarls, glancing away, disgusted.

He grips the edge of the table. “And when did ‘work’ begin for you? At what age?”

“Dad, we don’t have to talk about this. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here and I’m well. I’m happy. The past doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.”

“No, I won’t tell you,” I say. I don’t want to tell him that as far back as I remember, Patricia put me in front of the camera. My earliest memory was seven years old, but I know it happened before then too. I am not about to tell Dad that. All he will feel is guilt about not being there. He’d blame himself. I’m not going to put that on him. It isn’t his fault. He didn’t know I existed.

“Hope, please—”

“—No. You don’t think I know you’d have saved me if you knew I was alive? I knew you would have been there. You never would have let me live like that, so no, I’m not going to tell you so you can blame yourself more, which is what you’re doing. I’m not going to think about the past. Only the future.”

“I’m sorry, Hope. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

“It isn’t your fault. You have nothing to apologize for. I don’t blame you. Okay? I promise.” I give him a tight hug. “Please, let’s not dwell on it. I never want to think about that part of my life again. I only want to think about the future. Okay?”

He pats my hand. “Okay, sweetheart. Whatever you want.”

I kiss his cheek and place my chin on his shoulder. “How about you, Ruby, and Faith go somewhere for a few days? I don’t mind. I know you and Ruby have been talking about taking a trip to Lake Tahoe. I completely trust you with Faith and I think you need quality time.”

“Really?” The smile on his face seems so hopeful.

“Really.”

“You don’t mind if we go for a weekend? I’ll make sure to call and text you to make sure she’s okay. I’ll send pictures.”

“Dad.” I press my hand on his shoulder and squeeze. “I trust you. Don’t worry so much about me. I want you guys to have fun.”

He jumps out of his chair and swings me around in a tight hold. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he chants. “You have no idea how much this means to me. Oh! I have to call Ruby. I’m going to make reservations for this weekend. That’s okay, right? I really want to take her now.” He nearly bounces with excitement and the happiness on his face makes it impossible to say no to him.

“That sounds great. Just leave me the information of the cabin or wherever you’re staying just in case anything happens to you.”

“I love you so much.” He kisses my cheek and runs out the door, passing and ignoring Badge in the hallway as he heads to his house.

I chuckle and Badge pushes off the wall. “That was nice of you.”

“It isn’t nice. He is family. Her grandpa. He should be allowed to take her when he wants. Plus, he is an amazing dad and grandparent.”

“No need to be defensive, Angel. I agree with you.”

“You agree even, though he kind of hates you right now?” I sink into his embrace and sway when he wraps his arms around me.

“I can live with his hate if it means I have your love.”

I spin around, lacing my fingers together behind his back. I stare into his blue eyes, and he twirls his finger around a strand of my hair. “Do I have your love, Angel?”

“I love you.” I nod, kissing the middle of his chin as I stand on my tiptoes.

He grabs my face and smashes his lips against mine. “I love you too. Damn it, I love you so much.” Badge picks me up by my hips and sits me on the table, tangling his tongue with mine as he deepens the kiss.

I lift the hem of his shirt and tease the skin of his abdomen with my fingers, and he tenses, growling down my throat from the simple touch.

“I need to be inside you. Right fucking now.”