Badge by K.L. Savage

 

Badge is kind of like an ogre. He’s got a lot of layers. He’s grumpy and mean sometimes, but he never really means it. I also think that every time someone gets a little too close, he figures out a way to add another layer. He’s in protective mode. But that still isn’t an excuse for the fact that he is a grumpy asshole. And he is so crass.

I’m used to horrible language. I grew up with it. Patricia wasn’t a great mother, she was terrible. She did the exact same thing to me that she did to my dad, Bullseye. Faith’s father, Killian and I were used for other people’s benefit. Recorded for the benefit of sick, twisted men—but I loved him.

I loved him the way I knew how. It’s so hard being without him when he was all I knew. I didn’t want to raise Faith alone, but I saw my chance to live, to survive, to get out, and I had to take it. Killian made me. He killed Patricia so I could leave, but I lost him in the process.

I’ve grieved and it still hurts, but I have to stay strong for Faith. I don’t want Dad to see me sad either. He’s been through too much to think I’m not okay. He may be the best dad and grandpa in the world, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss having a partner, a lover, someone to hold me when things get hard.

Badge comes to mind, but I don’t know why. He isn’t exactly pleasant, even if he is amazing with children. He says he doesn’t like them, but that’s kind of hard to believe when I witness him around them. It doesn’t help that he makes my ovaries explode, which is the absolute last thing I want considering I just had a baby, but damn, he is one good-looking man.

He’s tall, broad, and mature, much older than me. His hair has grown out since I’ve been here, and he has a head full of brown luscious strands. I can’t believe that they don’t have a bit of salt through them. He is muscular too, which makes sense since someone said he used to be a cop. But something happened, and Reaper made him choose the club or the force.

I don’t agree with that, but I hope Badge finds something that makes him a little less grouchy to be around.

A scratch sounds at the door and I know who it is before I even open it.

Yeti.

He loves the babies, and he makes his rounds every morning. The dogs seem to take turns with who they spend the night with too. Yeti, Tyrant, and Chaos all like to protect us which I think is really cute. I gather Faith in my arms and head to the door, opening it wide.

Yeti flies through, his nose against the ground and his tail wagging.

“She’s okay,” I tell him like I do every morning. I squat and place her at his level, she’s still sound asleep. I don’t know what Badge did, but he worked magic last night. I haven’t slept that well since Faith was born and I know she hasn’t either.

His cold nose presses against her cheek and her eyes flutter open. She makes a high−pitched noise and Yeti responds by licking her cheek before running out and checking on Hendrix, Sarah and Reaper’s little girl.

I gather the sling and place it around my shoulder, then gently place Faith inside and head to the kitchen to have a cup of coffee. I wasn’t drinking coffee before since I was breastfeeding, but if I’m not producing enough then, it might be time to start the caffeine back. I don’t want to stop breastfeeding.

The thought has tears stinging my eyes.

I don’t feel like a good mom if I can’t give what my baby needs. I’m supposed to be able to. It’s natural. Why can’t I produce what she needs now?

“Ugh, I’m a fucking whale.”

I turn around to see Mary pull out a chair and squat in order to sit. Her stomach is very round and big. The poor girl is tiny and must be so uncomfortable.

“You’re beautiful. Don’t say that about yourself,” I tsk at her.

She rubs her hands over her rotund belly, slightly reminding me of Santa, and lets out a breath. “Why is he taking so long? He’s a week late.”

“He isn’t a week late, Hellraiser. He is right on schedule.” Knives comes into the kitchen, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t say that if you were walking around with a fucking watermelon in you. He’s late, damn it!” Mary tries to get up out of the chair to walk away because she’s angry, but she can’t. “Help me,” she whines.

With a big smile on his face, Knives takes her hands and lifts her up. Mary has her hands on her lower back and shoves him away to wobble down the hall.

“Why are you smiling? She’s mad at you.”

“It’s kinda cute that she can’t get up without me. I love it.”

Mary yells something back at him—I can’t quite make it out, but it sure is angry.

Knives follows behind her and I hear him yell, “Aw, come on, Hellraiser. You know I think you’re so damn beautiful. I love you.”

After a few seconds of silence, I hear a giggle and I shake my head, smiling around the rim of my coffee mug. I stare down at Faith, who is smiling up at me. “They are crazy, aren’t they?” I coo at her and tickle under her chin. I look down the dark hallway and wonder if Badge is still here. I owe him a lot after what he did last night. Maybe I can take him to brunch or… not. He’d probably say no.

Maybe I’ll buy him a beer. Men like beer, right?

I’ve been making my own money since I’ve been at the clubhouse. Not that I can do much, considering I spent my entire life locked in a house, but Dad has helped me. I work from home for Kings’ Club, Tool and Juliette’s business. I help with organizing their receipts and paperwork. It’s not much, but I’ve learned a lot. It feels great that someone would give me a chance since I don’t have any experience.

I’m so glad I found this place and found my dad. It’s been life-changing.

“Why is my little girl crying?”

Speaking of the Devil.

Bullseye walks in with Ruby by his side, followed by Dawn and Skirt.

It doesn’t take much to realize what all of them were doing. They have an agreement and a room all for themselves.

“Hey.” Dad lifts my chin with his finger, and I’m left looking into his eyes. “Talk to me.”

“I’m okay. They are happy tears. I’m happy. And I’m so glad I found you.”

“Oh, me too, Hope. Me too.” He gathers me in a hug, careful to leave space between us so he doesn’t squish Faith. He pulls away and takes the sling with him, drapes it around his shoulder and officially steals my baby. “How is my favorite granddaughter? How is my girl?”

“Shite, Bullseye. Every time ye say granddaughter, I get a shock to my system. You aren’t old enough to be a grandpa,” Skirt’s Scottish accent trickles through as he leans back in the chair. “Think there’s any pie?”

“Sarah always makes you your pie.” Dawn rolls her eyes and starts walking to the fridge. “But I’ll check.”

“Aw, yer me best girl, Dawn.”

“Oh, I know,” she chuckles.

“Did she sleep okay? Did you? You seem a little tired. I can watch her today if you want,” Dad offers, peering down at Faith with hearts in his eyes.

I missed out on growing up with the best dad in the world.

“Well, kind of. She was really fussy and it woke up Badge—”

Dad’s eyes harden. “Did he give you trouble because of her? Why don’t you come live with me and Ruby in the cabin? There’s plenty of room and you know I’d love to have you there.”

“Dad, I love the offer. Thank you, but it’s important for everyone to have their own space. I wouldn’t mind a cabin next to you though,” I add, dropping a hint. “And no, Badge actually helped out a lot.”

“Badge?” Skirt laughs. “We’re talking about the same guy who grumbles and hates everything, right?”

“He doesn’t hate everything.” I feel defensive for some reason.

“He doesn’t like kids. He actually called them vermin at one point.” Skirt quirks a red brow at me and strokes his fingers through his beard.

“That’s a lie and we all know it. You’ve seen how he is with Maizey. And last night he managed to get Faith to stop crying, burped her, changed her, and figured out that I wasn’t patting her back hard enough.”

“Ye sure she didn’t get the shit scared out of her?”

“I’m sure. He was great with her.” I don’t want to add more. I want to stow away all the information I can. It’s hard to believe the Badge I saw last night is the same Badge who everyone says hates kids, hates life, hates everything. I don’t think so. I think he hides his sweet soul.

And I want to know why.

“Anyway, I was hoping to go do a little shopping today and I wanted to go get my hair done. I need a day where I feel like a girl again,” I chuckle.

“Oh, that sounds wonderful,” Dawn agrees. “Mind if I tag along?”

“Me too,” Ruby adds.

“Might as well ask all the girls, sweetheart. It’s been a while since everyone went out. It doesn’t say much for us guys,” Dad cringes. “We could do better.”

Oh. I mean, it sounds great. I’d love to hang out with people, but at the same time, I really wanted time to myself, alone. But I can’t say no to them or I’ll feel bad. I’m not used to girl time or having people who want to hang out with me, so maybe it’s something I just need to get used to.

“Yeah, that sounds great, guys.”

“Oh, maybe we can go to The Hall of Lust,” Dawn says with excitement.

“The hell ye are,” Skirt grumbles.

“What’s The Hall of Lust?” I raise a wary eyebrow.

“You aren’t going there,” Dad agrees with Skirt. “Hell no. None of you are going.”

“Why not? You go,” Ruby tosses at him, a playful, knowing smile on her face.

I glance between them as they stare each other down. “Okay, what am I missing?”

“Nothing.” Dad rocks Faith, narrowing his eyes at Ruby.

“It’s a secret, exclusive club for people with certain… tastes,” explains Dawn. “You go, sit in a room, pick what you want the performer to do sexually, and you sit back and relax.”

“Oh,” I say a bit breathlessly. Yeah, that does sound really great.

“The answer is no. Nope. You aren’t allowed to go, and no way is Mateo Moretti getting his dirty hands on you. He’d probably try to recruit you to work there, and over my dead body is that happening.”

“Well, I mean, extra cash…” I say under my breath, teasing him just to get him riled up.

“Don’t even think about it,” Dad grumbles.

“I’m kidding. I’m kidding. I am going to go get my hair and nails done. Away from The Hall of Lust.”

“Swear?”

“Dad, I swear.” I stand on my tiptoes and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m going to go shower to get ready. Who all is coming?”

“I don’t know. I’ll ask around and see who is available,” Ruby says, bending down to kiss Faith on the cheek before skipping out and heading out of the kitchen and into the main room.

“Anyone know where Badge is?” I ask as I head to my door, pausing as I stand in front of it.

“He left early this morn’. Probably won’t be back for a while. Dinnae ken where he skedaddled,” Skirt explains, then bolts to his feet when he hears the cry of baby Joey.

“Why are you asking about Badge?” Dad asks, curious, his tone a bit bitter.

“Because, I wanted to get him a thank you present for helping me last night while I was out. But since he isn’t here, I won’t worry about it.”

Dad just grunts in response. I roll my eyes at his antics before going into my room and shutting the door. I take a deep breath and take a look around, appreciating the clean room with a queen-size bed and a crib off to the side. The walls are bare and there are no pictures, but I don’t have anything to make this place my own.

One day I will.

Well, there is the album of pictures I keep of Faith, but I’ve only just started that. I guess it’s time I get one of those cameras that can print out a picture. I think they’re called Polaroid? I can make a collage across the wall. I have a little money saved up. I can’t see why I can’t splurge.

I only have money because my dad won’t let me buy anything. I guarantee he is going to give me cash before I walk out of here, but I feel guilty. I don’t want him to think I can’t take care of myself. I want to make him proud.

And I feel like I have such a long way to go.

I get undressed, head to the restroom, and flip on the shower. I throw my hair into a bun while it warms because I know that when I get it cut and colored, they will wash it there anyway.

I squeeze a thick dollop of strawberries and cream body wash onto the baby-blue loofah and wash myself. I get lost in the thoughts of Badge while I scrub my legs. I’ve always noticed him. I have thought for a while now there is more to him than what meets the eye and last night proved as much.

What makes that broken heart tick?

Isn’t that always the case with people who are assholes? They always have something horrible happen to them and they cut themselves off from the world?

I hope that isn’t the case. Something bad enough to change someone forever has to hurt to the point of agony.

I understand and can relate, but the difference between me and Badge is that I don’t want to push people away.

I like people. I like being around them now that I have the chance.

Once I’m finished in the shower, I grab the clean fluffy towel and dry off.

The floor is slick from the steam sticking to it. I throw on a pair of jeans, a bra, and a light pink off-the-shoulder shirt. Deodorant, perfume, and a swish of gloss, and I’m ready. Snagging my purse, I slip on my black flats and head out the door, deciding to wait for everyone in the living room.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Dad is sitting on the couch with Faith, all three dogs sitting at his feet. “Oh, I have something for you.” He digs into his back pocket and gets his wallet out. “How much is it for a girls’ day? Is five hundred enough?” He pulls out five one-hundred-dollar bills and my eyes nearly cross.

“Dad,” I sigh as I sit next to him, taking his hand in mine. “You don’t have to give me money every time I need something. I appreciate it, but I have my own money now. I can do a few things.”

He places the money in my hand anyway. “I know, but I missed out on getting to take care of you when you needed it most. I know you don’t ask for this money, but it makes me feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Please, take it. For me.”

“It’s a lot of money. I don’t need all of it.”

“Yes, you do. Plus, I want you to save your money. I’ve had all my life to save and now I can take care of you. If you feel bad, just get me something sweet,” he whispers the last few words. “It can be our little secret.”

“Dad…” I warn. He’s been better about managing his diabetes ever since Faith and I showed up, but I still worry about him.

“My sugar is fine, and I eat fu—” he covers Faith’s ears. “I eat fucking healthy, okay? I swear to God, I don’t need another carrot. I need cake. A big fucking cake.”

I giggle and tuck my money into the purse. “Fine, but if you get in trouble, you tell Ruby you got it yourself.”

He beams wide. I break into a laugh and lean my head against his shoulder. “You got yourself a deal, sweetheart,” he chuckles.

I have a feeling I just got myself in a pickle because Ruby will confront me, but I don’t care. I’ll put all the blame squarely on Dad. He’s a big boy, he can take it.

Being here is everything I was missing. So if being here makes me happy, what will it take for a man like Badge to feel anything other than misery?