Badge by K.L. Savage

 

Ihaven’t gotten my hair done in so long. The last person to touch it was Patricia and I’m ready for something new. I want to keep the length, maybe brighten the color, and cut off the dead ends, but I’m nervous.

“It’s okay,” Dawn whispers, taking my hand in hers as I try to figure out what I want.

It isn’t a big deal. It’s just hair.

But this hair was chosen for me for other people’s pleasure. I’m ready to get rid of it, but I don’t know who I am without it.

“I know,” I reply. “You guys don’t have to wait for me before we get our nails done.”

“We want to be here.” Ruby flips through a magazine and lifts her eyes from the page. “You know, your roots are a little darker. I think you should change it up completely. A new look for your new life.”

I bite on my bottom lip and the first thing that comes to mind is Badge. I shouldn’t care if he likes it, but I want him to.

Like a fool.

I don’t even need to be interested in a man, but I can’t help the pull I feel towards him. He is a hard man to deny when he refuses to share anything about himself.

He’s a mystery; I can’t help but be curious.

“Yeah, I think you guys are right. I keep the length, right? I like it long.”

“Keep the length,” Ruby and Dawn blurt in unison. “I love my short hair, but I know it isn’t for everyone,” Ruby adds.

“Sorry for the wait.” A woman dressed in black stands to the side with a smile on her face. She has gorgeous long red hair braided over her shoulder. She’s tall, slim, and graceful with every gesture she makes with her hands.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t make an appointment. I’m lucky you could even work me in,” I tell her, not wanting her to feel bad when I am the one who made the mistake.

Maybe I shouldn’t do this.

“Shall we? And we can discuss what you’re looking to do.”

Dawn gives me and motivating shove and I stand, swallowing my nerves as I follow the red-headed lady to the chair. I peer at Dawn and Ruby over my shoulder, and they shoo me on with bright smiles.

I sit down slowly, the black leather cold under my touch, cooling my legs through my jeans. The graceful hairdresser fluffs out the silver cape and wraps it around me, clipping it at the base of my neck.

“You have such pretty eyes,” she comments, running her fingers through my hair. “Oh, gosh. I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Analise.”

Of course her name is Analise. It sounds so exotic and perfect.

Jeez, I sound bitter.

“I’m Hope.” I try to give her a smile in the mirror.

“You’re nervous, but you’ve done things with your hair before, yes?” she asks, pulling the strands to the side to examine it.

“I have, but…” I don’t want to get into my gory details. Last thing I need is to pour my heart to a woman I don’t know. “The person who did my hair wasn’t a professional. I wasn’t allowed to go to the salon.”

Her eyes sparkle yet frown at the same time. I can tell she wants to ask questions, but she refrains. “So what are we looking to do today? A trim? A color?”

“Keep the length. Maybe just take care of the ends. And I’d like the color to match my roots.”

“A dark blonde. I think it will look great. Let’s do this,” she says with a smile. “You’re going to look amazing.”

Dawn and Ruby give me a pair of enthusiastic thumbs-up as Analise leaves me alone to go mix the color in the back of the store. I’m left staring at my reflection. The woman next to me looks like she could get HBO with all the foil she has in her hair. She flips through a magazine as she processes. On the other side of me, a man is getting a hot shave, a straight razor against his throat.

Yikes.

I look out the window of the shop and notice a familiar truck roll by.

Badge.

I push myself to get up, but Analise is back with two bowls filled with dye.

“Ready?”

I nod but glance out the window in hopes of seeing Badge. Maybe he will come inside and see us. I don’t think he even knows we are here. Oh, what am I thinking? He doesn’t want anything to do with me. He doesn’t even like me.

“So do you have a boyfriend?” Analise tries to start a conversation while she paints my hair.

“No. I mean, there’s one guy, but I don’t really know what to make of him. I wouldn’t even call us friends, but I think he is different than what people say.”

“Mmm,” she shakes her head. “Wouldn’t hearing it from multiple people validate him?”

“Not if he doesn’t let people see him.”

“And do you think he lets you see him?” she asks, not rude or anything, just overly curious.

“I don’t think he means to,” I say, thinking about last night when he helped me with Faith.

“Well, let’s show him what he is missing.” She wiggles her brows, and we fall into a comfortable silence.

I don’t know how much time has passed, but the dye is wetting my forehead and my hair looks black.

Oh my god, please don’t let it be that dark.

“Alright, let’s wash.” Analise guides me to the shampoo bowl.

The chair leans back and I rest my head into the large bowl made of purple stained glass. It’s fashionable and different.

A scalp massage paired with peppermint suds and warm water nearly drifts me off to sleep. God, that feels amazing. She wraps my hair in a towel and my heart slams against my chest as we head back to her station.

“Ready for the reveal?” she questions, her hands on top of the towel, ready to unravel it.

No. God. No. I regret everything. I shouldn’t have come here. I can’t turn back time. I can cut it off. No! I can… I can… I can bleach it again.

I don’t want to bleach it again because it reminds me of Patricia.

I’m fucked.

Without me saying anything, she takes the towel off and I squeeze my eyes shut so I don’t have to look into the mirror.

“You’re going to love it. Look,” she urges, taking a brush to it to get the tangles out.

It’s just hair. That’s all.

I peek one eye open, gasp, and then the other. It isn’t black. The dye made it look darker than it really is. It’s a dirty blonde with a tint of ash. My eyes pop against the warmer tone and I lift my hand and touch it to see if it’s real.

“Oh my god. I love it.” I grin wide until my cheeks hurt. “I love it so much.”

“Let’s get you cut and dried, pretty.”

A few snips, spritzes, and layers later, she blow-dries my hair and yanks the cape off me. My hair still falls down my back and I run my fingers through the fresh waves. The strands are so soft and silky, and I don’t think my eyes have ever looked so bright.

“It’s the perfect color on you,” Analise says. “That guy is going to trip over himself.”

I snort thinking about Badge tripping. It isn’t likely. He’s too composed for that, too locked away to ever let his emotions show.

“I didn’t do this for him. I did it for me,” I whisper, staring at the happiness tinting my cheeks.

“Holy Hottie! Look at you!” Dawn gasps as she walks through the front door, Ruby behind her. Dawn has a Coke in each hand and Ruby has an ice cream cone. “I love it. You look amazing! That color brings out your eyes.”

“Bullseye is going to flip when he sees you looking like a model,” Ruby smirks. “I’ll be sure to have my phone ready.”

I flip my hair over my shoulder and head to the cashier. “I do look good, don’t I?”

“Hell yeah. Work it, girl. Oh, we should go by the casino, you know, just so you can strut your stuff.”

I pay the lady and make sure I leave a tip. I still have a good amount of money left, but I don’t want to spend it all. “I don’t know. I don’t gamble, guys.” I tuck the cash into my purse and give Analise a smile. “Thank you so much. I hope you have a good day. I’ll definitely be back.”

“You look gorgeous. I hope to see you soon, my dear.” She gives me a gentle, swaying wave.

“Oh, this is for you,” Dawn says, handing me a cold glass bottle of Coke.

“Thank you.” I hum as I take a sip, the bubbles tickling my throat. I dig out my cell phone and send a quick text to see how Faith is doing, then tuck it back in my purse. “Can we hit some of the shops along the street? I want to get Dad something as a thank-you.”

“Aw, sure. He will love that and then after can we eat? I’m famished.”

“Ruby, you haven’t even done anything.”

“I’ve sat here,” she protests, aghast that I’d ask such a thing. “And I need food.”

I chuckle as I push the door open, the bell jingle signaling our exit. The day was bright when we first came to the salon and now it’s overcast with a cool breeze. It feels great. It’s a relief compared to how hot it usually is.

“Hey, isn’t that Badge’s truck?” Dawn points down the street at a black Ford with a large Ruthless Kings sticker on the back.

My heart thumps as I look around, wondering if he can see me or if I can get a glimpse of him. I straighten my back and lift my chin. I don’t need him to see me. I need to stop acting like a girl with a crush and start acting like a woman.

A woman. That’s probably what he wants, not some eighteen-year-old girl with a baby. Badge is older, mature, and I doubt he wants anything to do with someone like me.

“What’s wrong?” Ruby asks as we head into a small little boutique filled with clothes and random items like books, jewelry, candles, and such.

“Nothing.” I plaster on a fake smile when it hits me that I’ve never really been good enough for anyone. Patricia hated me and used me and although I loved Killian, did I love him because I was meant to or because I was forced to?

I’ve never experienced any want or need outside of the emotions that I was abused into feeling.

Now I’m free. I can feel anything I want, whenever I want, no questions asked—but all I have are questions.

“Hey, Faith is in good hands. Bullseye loves her so much.”

“I miss her. I haven’t been away from her this long before,” I explain. It’s the truth, but I trust Dad with Faith more than I trust anyone else with her.

Except Badge.

The way he was with her… I swear it was like he had a kid himself, but he doesn’t. Maybe he has brothers and sisters and he had to help raise them.

“Oh, look at this. This would look amazing on you.” Ruby holds up a gorgeous pink nightgown and holds it up to my body. It has lace around the neckline and hem, classy but still not showing too much. I rub my fingers against the material and sigh when it slips through my fingers. I don’t think I’ve ever owned anything so beautiful. “There’s a matching robe,” she singsongs.

“Guys, this is so nice, but who would I even wear it for?” I run my hands down the front, not wanting to part with it just yet.

“Who says you need to wear it for anyone but you? You’re the only person that matters. If you like it, if it makes you feel beautiful and sexy, then you wear it. You don’t have to please anyone anymore, Hope. The only person you have to worry about is you and that precious little baby of yours.”

“You know, what? You’re right. I’m going to get it.”

“That a girl!” Ruby cheers.

I drape the nightgown over my arm and continue through the store, picking up a candle that I like because it smells like frosted sugar cookies. I pass a necklace tray and step back when I notice a thick leather band. I rub my fingers over it and the band is braided with a metal clasp in the back. There’s a silver pendant of a bear hanging from the middle.

“That’s from the local Native American tribe,” the sales lady says as she walks around the table, her colorful long skirt flowing as she walks with a straight spine and a smile on her face. Her long silver hair flows past her waist. She’s wearing big turquoise earrings and a necklace with blocky gems to match. She picks up the necklace and hums. “They say the grizzly bear is sacred to many Native American tribes.”

“Really? Why?” I ask.

“The grizzly means protection, courage, and strength. Some tribes believed that bears held magical powers because they always kept fighting, even when they were wounded. Some believed they brought luck, and some thought that wearing parts of the bear, like the pelt, or a claw hanging from a necklace—” she places her hand on her chest as if one is hanging there, but it isn’t, “—would bring health. So many different reasons. Some call them stories, some call them rituals, but they are ancient traditions,” she says, hanging the necklace gently on the rack. “And some still believe in their power. Does this necklace call to you?” she asks.

Such an odd question.

“Not for me, but for someone I know,” I say.

“Is he a bear?”

I nod. “I think he’s been fighting for a long time,” I whisper, rubbing my finger over the engraved snarling bear face that appears to be hand-carved.

“I think if something calls to you, it’s best you answer.”

I snag the necklace. He’s going to think it’s lame, but it’s the only thing I can think of to repay him for what he did for me last night. And it reminds me of him. He kind of is a grumpy bear, so it fits.

If something calls to me, I have to answer, right?

But what if that something is Badge?