Grumpalicious by Mia Faye

Chapter 32

CAYDEN

I waited at the studio for Genni to show up for her interview and she hadn’t arrived. I was getting really nervous as it wasn’t like her to miss appointments even if she was upset or under the weather. I had hoped to talk with her before the interview but when I returned to her apartment the makeup artist said Genni left and hadn’t come back. I told the artist she could leave. I texted Genni several times begging for answers and she told me nothing other than assuring me she wasn’t on the next plane back to Texas.

Minutes before the interview was scheduled to start she walked into the studio looking refreshed and invigorated. I had no idea what had happened to her between the time she was a crying mess in my bedroom to when a self-assured super star walked through the studio doors.

“Sorry I’m late, it’s been a busy morning.”

Her interview was as stunning as she was, and so I knew for a fact something was very wrong. When she concluded the interview, I took her by the arm, gently.

“We need to talk.”

I hated the look of fear that flashed across her face, but it quickly melted into a plastic grin which was even worse. Her defenses were up. When we got into the car on the drive home late that afternoon she was quiet, but not somber or morose.

“If I asked you what you’ve been doing all day, would you tell me?” I began.

She turned and looked at me. “I’m keeping our baby.”

“Yes, that’s what I wanted to discuss with you.”

“I also met your mother this morning.”

A bomb exploded in my heart, but instead of being angry, I became still.

“She’s beautiful and loves you. She’s been through so much but has survived. And Peyton is on her way, she’ll stay with me in the apartment until I can find another place.”

Everything was moving at lightning speed.

“What do you mean? Find another place? Genni, nothing has changed, we’re still doing this I promise. I just...I need a minute. Please.” I felt completely powerless and lost, something I had only felt as a young kid.

“I also went to your father’s office,” she said in a tone I could hardly hear.

“Wow,” I was in complete and total shock. “You have had a busy day.” I couldn’t drum up more to say to her.

The driver neared the brownstone.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

“I thought maybe the embryo could be transferred to a surrogate?” I knew the minute I said it how ridiculous I sounded.

She opened the door and got out of the car, then turned to me standing on the curb outside of the house.

“I’m going back to my apartment and work on some songs. No one is touching my baby.” She turned to leave me, and I couldn’t have her doing that again. I didn’t want to spend one single moment more without her.

“Please don’t walk away from me again. I’m not telling you what to do, I’m just trying to help find solutions that might work for both of us.”

“I’m sorry you’re not happy about our child, Cayden,” she turned to me to say. “I wish this moment was one that filled your heart with love and hope. I can’t change you, but I also can’t let you hurt me like you have so many other women. I went to your mother to try and understand you better so that I could discover why you’ve left so many emotionally wounded women in your wake. What I found was a wealthy, self-made professional who still loves you and thinks about you every day. I couldn’t say so much for your beast of a father,” she scoffed. “Perhaps you get your way with women from him.” Her face remained still and calm, but her words cut.

“What are you doing, Genevieve? This is... This is my life. You shouldn’t be meddling.” I wasn’t as angry as I sounded, just in shock.

“I did what I thought I had to do. I’ll see you tomorrow.” After that, she walked up the steps.

“Please don’t run away from me.” I took a step toward her. “We can work this all out, just talk to me.”

She took a deep breath and I understood how hard this all was for her. “We can talk in my apartment.”

She continued up the steps to her apartment and opened the door. I followed and then stood behind her and waited, unsure exactly how I planned to proceed. She put her purse down and took off her coat, hanging it on the coat hook near the door and sat at a chair near the window, picked up her guitar, and started plucking away. I couldn’t lie, the music was really relaxing and did help me focus more on just the two of us.

“I talked to the doctor. He does have a few ideas for us if you’re willing to hear them.” I took the seat across from her as she continued to play.

“Yes,” she said, but didn’t take her fingers off of the strings. She looked out wistfully at the street below.

“Well,” I swallowed the dry skin that was choking my throat closed. “There’s a procedure,” I cleared my throat trying to get my bearings. “It doesn’t hurt the baby and if we do it soon enough, there shouldn’t be too much risk.”

She didn’t stop strumming but did look up at me, “Too much?”

“Right, not too much if we do it now or in the next few weeks, I guess. See, you carrying the baby to term would really be challenging at this time. However, I understand you will be having this baby no matter what and I respect that decision. I know that if I love you, I won’t even bother to ask you to consider ending the pregnancy, however, there is the idea of surrogacy. We could have someone else carry the baby and all we’d have to do is transfer the embryo…” my voice died away with my words as she strummed her guitar.

She didn’t say anything, just started to sing.

I remember your warm embrace, the look upon your face and I knew forever you’d be my protector, my grace and I called you Daddy and you’d smile at me and I was your princess, and I owned the skies and you were my castle. No one ever prepares you for the day your daddy dies and still I say, you were and will always be, all I ever needed, my strong and loving father, the kind and caring soul, who watches over me...and my baby.

Tears welled in her eyes and my heart gripped.

Some fathers are like you, loving and some live longer too, but then others aren’t so lucky, they have fathers who turn away or aren’t there, fathers who don’t care, those babies, all they do is stare, watching the door, waiting to see, will their father come home, does my father love me?

Daddy, one day in heaven I will find you and I’ll see your face again, feel your embrace again and we’ll be free and Daddy one day you’ll look upon me and see your eyes in my baby and you’ll see the beauty that I see, one day, Daddy.

But those who have walked away and left their children fending, feeling hopeless and not enough, those dads are hurting their children who are waiting and praying that one day...one beautiful day they’ll be worthy, pretty enough, rich enough, strong enough to be loved but that wasn’t me, and that won’t be my baby...not this baby.

Baby, baby, baby, with your beautiful eyes, you’ll be the princess of the skies, or the prince of the sea, baby baby baby, all the good that is in this world all the hopes and the dreams that can come true will for you, baby, baby, baby, you have me, baby, baby, baby...you’ll be fine, I’ll tell you stories and we’ll pretend you don’t know that it isn’t true, that there isn’t a father in the world who doesn’t love you.

The tears silently slid down her cheeks as she looked at me. “Thank you for talking to the doctor. It sounds like something one might do if they had to, but I’m healthy. I can carry this child. Peyton is coming tomorrow morning; we’ll work things out. If you want me to move out I will. Just give me a few days to find a new place to live.” She said all that with a serene face as if it was something she’d had some time to consider and had made up her mind.

“I don’t want you to move out. This isn’t the end. That song...how long have you been writing it?”

“For a while…”

“It’s about your dad?” I knew exactly what it was about, but I couldn’t face it. “And the father who leaves...is me?”

I hated the words coming out of my mouth.

“Your father wouldn’t even see me. He didn’t care.” Her voice was still and quiet. “I know why you are the way you are with Alex and you’re trying...it’s a start. The song isn’t about you, it’s about your father and mine. I sort of lost my parents too, but in a different way. My mom moved on after my father’s death and my dad was everything to me. Maybe that’s why my mom couldn’t bear loving me for who I was and who I wanted to be. The song is about our fathers...and their children.”

I couldn’t have loved her more. She had such strength and serenity, I would follow her lead.

“If you want some space tonight I will let you have it and time with your friend tomorrow, but please don’t leave. We aren’t done. Just give me a minute to figure this all out, that’s all I’m asking is for.”

“Take what you need, Cayden.” She smiled at me and it was the first real smile I’d seen since she threw up in my bathroom that morning.

“Thank you.” And so, I left her there with her beautiful song.

I closed the door behind me and listened for a little while longer as she strengthened the chords and played with the timing. Her artistry shone through every note.

As I entered my apartment, Genni was all I could think of. Her song touched me. On impulse, I called Sarah and asked if Alex was free. It was late, but we were all being crazy and impulsive. She told me that he was willing to see me again, which I could hardly believe. On the way to his house, I had my driver stop by a sporting goods store and I bought a basketball. I had noticed there was a court in his apartment complex, and I thought we’d shoot some hoops before the sun went down. I used to love doing that as a kid. Playing basketball kept me from getting into worse trouble than I’d already gotten myself into.

I loved the look on Alex’s face when I showed up holding the ball. “I thought you and I might hit the courts.”

“I’m not very good,” he confessed.

“I’m worse,” I laughed.

“Can you stay for dinner?” Sarah asked. “I was just about to put a roast in.” I loved the kind look on her face, it reminded me of better days between us.

“I would love that.” And as much as I was missing Genni, I was exactly where I needed to be...with my son.