SEAL’s Redemption by Leslie North
12
“You won’t believe what—” Logan said as he walked back into Hope’s place an hour later only to stop short at the sight of Hope asleep on the sofa and her friend Ben scowling at him. “Uh, hello.”
“Hello, my ass,” Ben growled, getting up carefully so as not to wake Hope, then he walked over and all but dragged Logan down the hall. He wasn’t as big or muscular as Logan, but he was determined as hell, Logan had to give the guy that. They stopped near the end of the hall, out of earshot of the living room before Ben rounded on him again, gaze angry and posture tense. “Don’t you dare hurt her again, understand? Hopey was a mess after you guys broke up. Completely shattered. So, unless you’ve suddenly transformed into the kind of man who deserves her and won’t ever hurt her again, you just need to stop.”
Taken aback, Logan let his defensiveness get the better of him. “Stop what? There’s nothing going on between us.” Of course, that wasn’t entirely true, but he wasn’t about to tell Ben that. Especially not knowing what Hope might’ve said to him. “And even if there was, since when is it any of your business? Hope and I are both adults. Besides, she broke up with me, not the other way around.”
Ben narrowed his dark gaze, his lips compressed white. “I don’t give a shit if she painted your flagpole and whistled Dixie. You weren’t the one who had to help pick up the pieces of her life. That was me. I sat with her during those long, cold nights, holding her as she cried herself to sleep. You nearly broke her, Logan. I won’t ever let you do that to her again. You might think you’re so tough, Mr. SEAL, but let me tell you something.” He poked a finger into Logan’s chest. “If you were a real man, you’d want to make sure she never gets hurt again. Real men prevent pain instead of causing it.”
Logan opened his mouth to respond, but never got the chance because a soft, sleepy voice said from the other end of the hall, “What’s going on down here? Are you guys fighting again?”
Both men looked at Hope, shamefaced.
“What? No,” Logan said, stepping back from Ben and releasing his pent-up breath. Much as he hated to admit it, the other guy had gotten to him. “Ben was just telling me something important.”
“Damn straight I was,” Ben said, head high as he walked past Logan, giving him a warning look. “And don’t you forget it either.” He walked past Hope, giving her a kiss on the cheek as he went. “I need to get this stuff packed up and get home to Connor. He’s making dinner tonight.”
Hope gave Logan a curious stare then turned back to her friend, her hair a bit rumpled from her nap. “I’ll help you.”
Something in Logan’s chest squeezed hard and before he knew what he was doing, he was hurrying out to the living room to start picking up boxes and carting them outside. “No. You sit and relax, Hope. I’ll help Ben.”
The two of them managed to get Ben’s Prius packed without so much as a word to each other, until finally, Logan couldn’t stand it anymore, and he caught the other guy by the arm in the driveway. “Hey, listen. I know you don’t have a very high opinion of me and probably for good reason, but thank you for being there for Hope. It’s not my intention to hurt her again, and I promise I’ll do my very best to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
Ben watched him closely for a second and said, “I hope your best is good enough. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to say goodbye to Hope.”
Logan puttered around in the yard while the two said their goodbyes, Ben’s words looping through his head on endless repeat. He’d known Hope had been upset when things had ended between them, but he’d never imagined things had been as difficult for her as Ben had described. The thought of Hope, suffering like that because of what he’d done made him want to rip his own heart out and stomp on it.
When Ben finally left, Logan wandered back into the house, focusing on what he’d found out at the address Hope had sent him to and not the weird sense of guilt bubbling inside him. “Uh, I found out some stuff at that address.”
“Really?” Hope looked over her shoulder at him from where she was making a snack in the kitchen. “What?”
“Well, it turns out that C. Parsons is actually Clarissa Jones.”
She stopped and faced him, mouth gaping. “You’re kidding.”
“Nope.” He walked over to lean a hip against the edge of the counter. There was a crease in her cheek from the pillow she’d been asleep on, and he had the crazy urge to trace it with his finger. Instead, he fisted his hands and crossed his arms. Touching her now wouldn’t help anything. “After I saw her come out of the house, I went to the library and looked up some old newspaper articles about her wedding to Desmond. Her maiden name was Parsons.”
“Wow.” She put the butter knife she held in the sink then picked up her PB&J and walked past him to sit at the table. “That could be a major discovery. I mean, it’s probably not enough to convince the police that she’s behind the threat to me, given how much Desmond donates to their department, but maybe it might be enough to get them to look into her on the down-low and see if she has some connection to the Diana Lauren case that she doesn’t want anyone to find.”
“Maybe.” He took the chair across from her, noticing the dot of strawberry jelly at the corner of her mouth and wanting to lick it off—but he stopped himself. Shit. He needed to get a hold of himself, but all he could think about was all the stuff Ben had told him. He wished his memories of the breakup were better, but, honestly, he’d been drunk as a skunk that night. He’d met up with some friends at a bar and gotten wasted, as usual back then. The plan had been to leave the bar in time to head to the wedding, but the more he’d had to drink, the less he’d remembered his obligations, and he’d ended up staying at the bar with his friends. He hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten until Hope had finally tracked him down. He knew they’d fought, badly, though he couldn’t remember exactly what they’d said to each other. Of course, he also remembered that he'd been deep in his own shit that night. Way too deep. He hadn’t been paying the best attention either. He knew he’d screwed up a lot, but then she also forgave him a lot. That fight hadn’t felt any different from the ones that had come before it. He’d figured they’d fight, then he’d apologize, then she’d put on a brave face and say it was fine because that’s what Hope did back then. She’d tell him she loved him, and they’d patch things over for the time being as they always did.
But then everything had gone off the rails, and she’d broken up with him.
That part he did remember clearly. And he needed to find out why she’d finally walked away.
As she ate her sandwich, he said, “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” She wiped her mouth with a napkin then offered him some of her pretzels. He declined. “Ask away.”
“Why did you break up with me?”
Hope stilled, watching him with wide eyes for a moment. “Uh, wow. Okay. Just in case this is leading somewhere, we are not getting back together.”
“Understood,” he said, sneaking a pretzel after all. “So, why?”
“Why do you want to know?” she asked, frowning. “What’s done is done. It’s in the past. Why rehash it now?”
He sat back and sighed. “Not because I want to try to get you back. Don’t worry. I just…” He shrugged, thinking of his conversation with Jeremy that morning. “I think I need to understand so I can really, finally let what we had go. That way I can actually be of use to you and the baby as a support system without all that extra baggage. I need to know why it ended so I can understand that it was the right call for both of us.”
She took another bite of her sandwich, chewing slowly and swallowing before answering. “Well, you know that our last fight was the night of Cindy’s wedding.”
“Cindy?” He scrunched his nose. God, had he actually forgotten her name? Man, he really did suck as a boyfriend. “Your friend Cindy. Right.”
“Yes.” She pushed her empty plate aside then crossed her arms, meeting his gaze. “You stood me up, in case you don’t recall. Anyway, I sat there at the reception, watching the newlyweds take their first dance, and I realized that I could never imagine myself doing that with you anymore. In the beginning, I could. You were the person I wanted to be with. Even though being a SEAL meant that you couldn’t be around much, I still thought it would all be worth it—that we’d find a way to make it work. But then Doyle got injured and everything changed. Up until then, you’d always been work hard, play hard, but this was different. After Doyle’s accident, your drinking wasn’t for fun anymore. You were angry all the time. With yourself, with the world. At home, at work. Always angry. And no matter how many times I tried to talk to you about it, you shut me out. And sure, I was upset you ghosted on Cindy’s wedding after promising you’d meet me there, but that wasn’t the reason I broke it off with you. It was just the final straw. It finally made me realize that you’d turned into someone I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with. The hard times, the difficult times, weren’t worth it anymore. I was done.”
Logan sat there for a while, just taking that in. There’d always been some small part of him inside that hoped maybe there had been a misunderstanding, or something he could easily fix, so that they could maybe have a future one day. But now he realized that it wasn’t one thing at all. It was a history of behavior that made her not want to be with him, and there was nothing he could do about that. Finally, he exhaled then looked up at her. “Thank you for telling me that.”
Hope got up and took her plate to the sink then walked over and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re welcome. And thank you for all the work you’ve done to heal yourself. I think you’ll make a great dad, in whatever way you want that to happen.”
He sat at the table for a long time after she went to bed, thinking about his life choices and wishing with all his heart he hadn’t acted like such an asshole and could’ve been the man she deserved.
