Black Wedding by Emma Luna
I’m woken by the strangest sensation. It’s like I am not really in my body. Instead, I’m watching from above. Like my brain is awake but my body isn’t. The beeping from a nearby machine feels as though it is ricocheting through my brain. Each beep causes me a new boost of pain.
My whole body feels stiff, as though I have been in the same position for far too long. I try to move, but I can’t. I feel like I am completely numb all over. This is such a surreal experience, but I am ready for it to be over. I want to...no, I need to wake up.
I try to force my eyelids open, or even just move a tiny little bit of my body, anything to know that I am still alive because right now, I’m not all that sure.
As I do a mental checklist of all the parts of my body, making sure to try them all, I am distracted by a voice. His voice.
“Morning, Princess. So it’s another day; I don’t even know what to talk to you about. The nurses say that I should talk to you the same as I do at home because they don’t know if you really can hear me. Fuck, I hope you can hear me. I hope my voice is waking you up and that you come back to me. I miss you so fucking much. I miss your laugh, you telling me to pick my clothes up when I leave them lying around, your touch…fuck, I miss how soft you are. Please, you have to wake up. I don’t know if I can live my life without you.” His voice feels so far away, but I can feel the pain and the heartbreak that echoes with every word.
I want him to know I am trying. I want to get back to our life...for him. I never knew that anything was missing in my life until I met Liam. It’s like there was a hole in my heart that I didn’t know anything about. But when I met him, I suddenly felt full. Like Liam completed me. I can’t believe I never got the chance to tell him I love him. I hear him say it all the time now. If only he’d told me while I was actually awake.
Time seems to continue like this for far too long. There are times when I can hear Liam. His voice soothes me like a child listening to a lullaby. That smell that is all Liam envelopes all around me and I can’t get enough. No matter how much breathing hurts, it’s worth it to inhale his intoxicating scent. There are times when I hear the voices of the people who mean the most to me, but I am so tired that I can’t focus on what they are saying. My heart swells just at the knowledge they have shown up for me, and I am desperate to get back to them.
I don’t know how long this routine continues, but each time I feel like I get a little closer to letting him know I am here. Every time I fail, every time they leave not knowing I can hear them, I become consumed with the idea that it won’t be long until Liam realises I’m a lost cause. I become convinced that it’s only a matter of time until he leaves me. Except that day never comes. If anything, I hear more discussion from others telling Liam that it isn’t healthy for him to remain in this room for too long. Still, he doesn’t leave. His hand never unlaces with mine.
After my last set of visitors for the day, Mia, Kellan, and Hallie, Liam sets in to tell me all about the gossip that I have missed. He lays on the bed with me, our hands clasped together, and for the first time in a long time, I feel warm. I would say it’s his body heat, but he has laid next to me every day since we first got here. The nurses have stopped telling him not to do it now, knowing which battles to pick.
Liam’s voice fills the room and it’s that soothing drawl I have come to depend upon. “I bet you are as shocked as me to see those two even being in the same room as each other after that shitshow of an interview. But weirdly, Kellan needed someone to look after Hallie while he helped me locate you, and he didn’t even blink. She was the person he called. I am sure they still argue, and Mia looks at Kellan with such frustration at times it’s laughable. I know if you were here, you would be telling me all about their sexual chemistry and how they might be good together, and I would give you a lecture that you do not meddle in our friends’ lives. Particularly their love lives. Hallie seems to really like her too. You know what that little demon is like. She is very picky with who she shows affection towards, but she seems to go to Mia with great ease. I’m just glad Kellan has help with Hallie while we are at work. There’s a really big fucking part of me that doesn’t want him to fuck her. He needs a nanny more than anything else. He has a tendency to just barge right in and not think about the consequences. I wish you were awake, baby. You need to see this and be involved in this. I really want to be able to tell you not to meddle right now.”
A power I haven’t felt in a long time overcomes my body, and with every ounce of strength I have, I squeeze Liam’s hand. His breath is in my ear, causing a shiver to run down my spine as he talks. “Princess...Bree. Did you do that? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand again if you can hear me.”
I do as I am asked, squeezing his hand as hard as I can, and then I feel him. He roughly presses his lips to mine. It’s a desperate but short kiss that causes my heart to race. I mean literally. The beeping from the heart machine becomes louder as the room fills with proof of how much Liam’s touch affects me.
Things become crazy after that. Liam keeps hold of my hand, but the room fills with doctors and nurses. They do numerous tests on me to determine that I am really here, and Liam didn’t imagine things. I do all the tasks the doctors ask of me, and listen to the older, more gravelly voice of who I have come to learn is Dr. Mariton, the man who operated on me when I first came here. He gives me hope that it won’t be long until I am awake properly.
I have no idea how much time passes, everything moves so quickly. It’s hard to keep track of how often I come and go, in and out of consciousness, and I can’t exactly look at a watch. I know that I spend more time asleep than I do awake, no matter how hard I push.
Finally I’m able, even if it’s only for a few seconds, to open my eyes. As I look around I realise it’s most likely nighttime as the nurses are all a lot quieter, and Liam is lying beside me, with me curled up in his arms. It’s an act he has perfected now to ensure he doesn’t catch any wire or tubing, and I can still sleep curled up on his chest. But now I don’t want to sleep, I want to see Liam. Sadly my body doesn’t agree and I fall back to sleep.
My eyelids flutter open, again, and they feel so heavy as I work hard to keep them open this time. The small hospital room is mostly in darkness, lit up slightly by the light from the corridor seeping in through the gap where the door is open. Initially, the artificial light from the corridor is bright enough to hurt my overly-sensitive eyes. But, gradually they adjust. I take in the bleak hospital room and see some of Liam’s things draped over the chair in the corner. The table in front of me has been decorated with pictures of my family and friends. There’s Liam and me from our funfair date, a couple of Kellan and Mia, alongside ones from the engagement party with Liam and his family.
My breath catches when I see the most prominent photo in a frame in the middle of all the others. The picture has obviously been edited, but it’s so beautiful. The image is of Liam standing at the bottom of the aisle, waiting for me to walk down to meet him. The room is decorated beautifully, and all our closest people are sitting looking on. Liam looks a little apprehensive, but it has been made to look like he is looking at me entering the room. The photographer must have taken a picture of what my dress looked like from behind, the train trailing behind, the beautiful open back visible through the veil. That image of me had been placed in the corner of the picture. It genuinely looks like I’m walking down the aisle to meet him.
My eyes fill with tears as I remember what was torn from us. That beautiful day was ruined, and I could have been taken from Liam for good. Anger rises within me as I remember who is responsible, and I will make them pay.
Trying to blink away the pain, I quickly realise that my mouth is still dry no matter how many times I rub my lips together. That cotton wool feeling becomes overwhelming. I notice a glass of water on the table, and I lift my arm to reach for it, trying my hardest not to disrupt Liam. He looks so peaceful when he is sleeping, and the bags under his eyes tell me he hasn’t been doing a whole host of that. I should have known he would be in tune with the slightest movement my body makes.
As soon as he feels my arm start to move, he freezes. He feels like a hard rock lying underneath me. He doesn’t say or do anything, just waits. I open my mouth to say something, but it’s too dry. So instead, I turn my head just slightly so he can see my face as I try hard to give him a smile. My face must be bruised or swollen because it’s painful, but as soon as his smile lights up his face, I know it was worth it.
He shuffles us slightly so I can look at him easier. I make sure the grip I have on him doesn’t falter. He is never leaving my side again.
“Fuck, Princess. Are you really awake? I feel like I’m dreaming,” his raspy voice is like music to my ear. The hand not clasped tightly with mine comes up and lightly strokes my face, pushing my hair behind my ears. I don’t even want to think about how much of a mess I look. The way Liam looks at me like I’m a rare artefact he didn’t believe existed, but now he has it in his hands, he stares at me with the same awe.
“I’m...here. W-water…” I force out, my voice sounding scratchy and hoarse.
Instantly, Liam reaches forward, bringing the water glass forward and placing the straw in my mouth. I take in a big gulp, and a flash enters my mind. It’s like I see parts of a movie, like a trailer of what happened to me, but I don’t want to remember it all. I remember enough though. My brain sadly doesn’t seem to give a shit, and the memory of Vinnie giving me water only for me to vomit it back up after gulping too hard floods my brain. It’s like my body can remember it more than I can as my stomach rolls and nausea overcomes me. I take just a few small sips of the water, just enough to wet my mouth.
“Liam...I—” I don’t even know what I want to say to him or how to word it. How do I tell him that I don’t remember much of what happened, but I know my father and Jimmy played some part. I want to know how much they betrayed me, but there’s still a part of me too terrified to find out everything. Flashes of pain, beatings, and degradation flash in my mind, and I can feel myself becoming overwhelmed. My heart races and the accompanying beeping from the machine letting everyone know that I am freaking the fuck out does nothing to help the situation.
Liam gently strokes my face, and whispers shushing noises to me as he lightly kisses my forehead. The feel of his lips on my skin and his touch sweeping over my body is enough for me to calm my breathing. I try to take a big deep breath, only to wince in pain as I cannot breathe deeply. I try to move my hand to my side, needing to know what’s causing the sharp pain I feel near my ribs. It feels like it’s preventing my lungs from expanding fully.
Liam grabs hold of my hand before I can get to the source of the pain. “No, Bree. Stay still, please, Princess. I have called for the nurse to come in. You have tubes in your body. The one you were just trying to reach for is because your lung collapsed after a piece of fractured rib pierced it. The tube is preventing the build-up of air. Your lung will feel a bit sore for a while, but honestly, this is helping you. So please don’t touch it.” His voice is deep and pleading, but of course, I listen to him and let him guide my hand to rest on his chest instead.
“What happened to me, Liam? I don’t remember it all,” I whisper, and his face pales. His eyes are as wide as saucers. I’m not sure he knows what to tell me.
“Bree, I…” Luckily Liam is cut off when a young, blonde nurse enters the room. She smiles the biggest smile at Liam, taking in his beautiful exposed chest.
“Liam, what have I told you about sitting on the bed. You don’t want to get me in trouble, do you?” she giggles. Then she, honest to God, flips her hair back like you see girls do in terrible rom coms when they are trying to get a guy’s attention.
As she progresses closer to us, she thrusts her impressive sized chest out, enhancing it further. Her nurse’s uniform already looks a tad too small. I don’t say that in a bitchy fat-shaming way. Simply that she has obviously chosen to wear a uniform that is a size too small to show off her fantastic figure. Nurses’ dresses don’t tend to be flattering, but she has added a belt and a good bra, so her curves look great. Fuck, I may be a little jealous, but I have no need to be.
The entire time I am lying here, I stare daggers at Nurse Big Tits, getting angry at her for looking so amazing and flirting with my man, particularly when I look like shit and can’t compete. I needn’t have worried because Liam’s eyes never leave me. I don’t think he is even aware she is a girl, let alone how hot she looks. He gently slides out of bed, but I keep our hands clasped together, ensuring he doesn’t go too far.
The next couple of hours pass by in a blur. They give me medication to help with the pain, and I doze in and out of sleep for a while, but generally, they are happy I am out of the woods. But that is just physically. Mentally is a whole other story. The flashes of memories are driving me crazy, and I can feel the fear overtaking my body. I think not knowing what really happened is worse than what I am imagining.
It takes a couple of days for me to fully come around from all the medication. When I am beginning to feel more like myself, and with Liam’s help, I begin to get up and move around. That’s when they make the decision to take out all of my tubes. I am pleased because this is the first step in my journey to getting home.
Almost two weeks after the incident happened, the nurses are finally happy with my progress. The doctors think I should be able to go home the next day if I can manage without extra painkillers overnight. They think I can’t handle the pain, which is why I have been asking for additional overnight. They think I am using them for pain, I am not. Instead, I am using them to help me get to sleep. I can’t close my eyes without seeing the flashes, let alone the pain I feel when my brain releases new information. Nighttime is always the worst because I have no idea what is real and what’s a dream. That’s why I have been trying to get help with sleep, but tonight I am determined to be able to go home. No matter how many nightmare’s I get, I will be going without tonight. This is the last night Liam and I spend away from our own bed.
Liam has known for a while that there is something wrong. I accidentally wake him up in the middle of the night, he finds me sobbing and shaking, but he doesn’t ask me about it. Instead, he holds me and whispers reassuring words into my ear. He tells me to talk to him whenever I am ready, which makes me love him even more. I don’t deserve this beautiful man. So, I need to be honest with him.
The darkness of the room acts as a protector for me, and with my head resting on his chest, I know I can avoid eye contact. “Liam...I need to know what happened. My brain is creating all sorts of scenarios. I need to know what’s real,” I whisper, but I know he can hear me.
His breath hitches. “I have been waiting for you to ask. Do you remember who organised your kidnapping?” he asks, his hand stroking down my arm with a featherlight touch that he knows relaxes me instantly.
“I remember that my father and Jimmy were involved. They were setting up Vinnie...fuck. What happened to Vinnie? He helped me. Is he okay?” How had I forgotten about the scared young lad who got in over his head? He fucking saved my life. How can I remember all the bad shit that happened but not the good?
“Relax, Princess. He is fine. We let everyone believe that he died in the rescue. He’s got a new identity, and I have sent him to school with Ryleigh. Kid needs the chance to finish his education and become whoever he wants to be. I owe him for everything he did for you, and I promised I would take care of him.” The brightest smile crosses my lips as he speaks. I definitely picked a good man here.
“What about my father and Jimmy? I know you shot that asshole, Luther. Did he die?” I ask. My brain remembers him taking a shot between the eyes, but I don’t know how much is reality and how much is wishful thinking.
“He did die. A death too quick and good for him, if you ask me. I’m sorry I took that death away from you. As for your father and Jimmy, they’re still alive. Your father organised the whole thing. He wants the entire estate. He planned on taking Ireland from your Gramps and then forcing you to hand over London. He’s power-mad. Jimmy left you a video message, explaining his motives. You can watch it whenever you are ready. Your grandfather has them both secured in his house, waiting for when you are ready to pass judgement. When you feel up to it, you will get the London Family business signed over to you. As far as Vernon’s men are concerned, most saw what you went through and how you still came out strong, and they are rethinking their views on women. Most have come to pledge their allegiance, but I have Kellan vetting them first. I am so sorry, Princess. You had to get the shit kicked out of you so that people would see how fucking strong you are.” His statement is powerful, and it makes me feel about seven feet tall. Liam has this incredible ability to not only say the right things but to give me a confidence boost that I didn’t know I needed.
“My instinct is to put a bullet in both their brains,” I spit and Liam chuckles, causing my head to vibrate. With the added confidence he gave me, I sat up and turned to face him. His face is illuminated by the corridor lights and he looks more like Liam now. The messy beginnings of a beard have been replaced by the subtle splatterings of stubble that I am used to. The bags around his sunken eyes have also gone. They now look as bright and warm as they have always been.
“I will pass you the gun, Princess. It’s the least they deserve. But they are still your family. Nobody will think less of you if you decide to punish them in another way,” Liam adds with a smile. He acknowledges the tiny part of me that I tried to keep hidden. The little girl who has been let down by the two men who meant the most to her. How do I kill the people who helped raise me? But, do they really deserve to live?
I push that out of my mind but carry on the conversation, needing desperately to fill in more blanks. I know what I need to ask, but I’m terrified of finding out the answer. I take in a few deep breaths. The slight twinge I get from breathing in too deeply is just a regular occurrence now. I live for the pain, as it distracts me from the mental pain.
“Did he rape me?” I rush out, the words all mumbling together into one sentence, but I know Liam heard because he freezes. His hand that was stroking lazy circles around my thigh stopped its soothing motion. A rush of air releases from his mouth along with what sounds like a groan. Fuck, I don’t think I am going to like this answer. Flashes of Luther standing between my legs with his cock hanging out have been crippling my memory and driving my nightmares for the last two weeks. I need to know.
“No, not fully. I think he did use his fingers, and if I could break each and everyone that touched you, I would. I’m so sorry, Bree. You had some small tears from the force and scratches from his nails but no sign of full penetration. Something Vinnie confirmed. He said he will tell you anything you want to know,” Liam says so gently, but his words break me.
Tears flood my eyes, and no matter how much I try, I can’t keep them from falling. Liam tries to pull me into his arms without any trace of hesitation, but I pull away as the sobs overcome me. My whole body vibrates with pain as I cry for everything that happened.
“Don’t pull away from me, Princess. I am here. Let me be here for you,” Liam states, his face caring and steadfast. I struggle to believe that he doesn’t see me differently after what I have just been through.
“How are you not repulsed that someone else touched me?” I sob, holding my face in my hands as I desperately try to hide him from seeing my darkness.
“Brianna, look at me,” he states loudly, and I am shocked to hear him call me by my full name. I look up and see there is no pity in his eyes, only sadness. “I could never view you differently. No matter how many scars you have, physical or mental, they are your war wounds, and I am so fucking proud of you. You survived. That’s something a lot of people wouldn’t be able to do.”
His fingers lace through mine as I finally allow him to take my hands. The certainty on his face tells me he is very fucking serious. “I have a lot of scars,” I add, and his resulting chuckle makes me smile.
“Bree, there is something I haven’t told you about what happened. I wanted to make sure you were strong enough to hear it first. I’m sorry for keeping this from you, but please know I had your best intention at heart.” He looks so sombre, and I am starting to freak out, so I tell him to get on with it. “You were pregnant at the time of the attack. Just a few weeks along, but sadly the baby was too small to survive what your body went through. That sick fucker will burn in hell for taking something so precious from us, I promise you that.”
With each word he speaks, the pit in my stomach gets larger. My heart is racing, and I feel like I can’t catch my breath. The panic is overwhelming. I have suffered so much pain, but nothing can compare to the pain of hearing what he just told me. The tears fall freely, and I cry. Sobs wrack my body once more as Liam pulls me closer. I don’t need to see his tears to know they are there. I can feel the wetness leak onto my cheek. We both lost so much.
I’m not sure how long we just hold each other, but the tears dry up with time. Now that I know everything, I can compartmentalise it all. I know what issues I need to deal with and what I can put to bed here and now. I don’t think I will ever get over having a baby taken from me, that’s a pain I never want to experience again. But even as the loss begins to consume me, I know that with Liam by my side, we will get through this. Not to forget, but to learn to live again.
That’s when I remember the vow I made while I was unconscious. The one promise I made that I fully intend to keep. Pulling my head off his chest, I lean close to Liam, our faces so close I can feel his breath. “I wanted to tell you this on our wedding day, but better late than never. I love you, Liam Doughty. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so fortunate that I will be your wife, and when we do decide to have a baby, I know how much it will be loved. You will be an amazing father. I love you,” I say and mean every word.
“Fuck, I have waited forever to say those words to you. I love you too, Bree. I can’t wait until we are ready to have a little flame-haired mini-princess who looks just like her beautiful mother. I can’t wait to marry you, Bree. This time, we will make it down the aisle,” he jokes, and I can’t help but laugh. The irony is that we never wanted a real wedding. Who knew that a marriage of convenience that stemmed from a kidnapping could become the real deal?
“You did tell me. I heard you tell me it every day. Those were the words that helped me fight every day to get back to you,” I explain, and without missing a beat, Liam pulls me in for a searing kiss. This is so much more than the chaste kisses he has been giving me since I woke up. This is desperate and heady, and my arms cling to him, desperate for more. I open my mouth, giving him the access his tongue demands, and I let him take what he wants. Ignoring the bruising and the pain, I pull him even closer, desperately craving his touch.
Just as things are about to go a whole lot further, the distant sound of a hospital call bell reminds us of exactly where we are, and I start to laugh. I feel like naughty school girl, doing something she knows she shouldn’t be, but fuck does it feel so right. I can’t wait to be discharged home. It’s time for me and Liam to start our lives together.
The text from Gramps yesterday confirmed that as soon as I’m out of the hospital and well enough, the running of London is mine. I have already been announced as leader. My Gramps is sending his young prodigy Kian O’Shay over from Cork to help me and Liam learn the business. He has been training under my Gramps for a while. He is loyal enough to want to help rather than take the lead. From what I have heard, he could be a good right-hand man, if I can trust him. Kellan is running a thorough check for me. I want all the information before I meet him.
I know I need to deal with my dad and Jimmy, and they will be dealt with when the time is right. But for now, I plan on going home and being with Liam. We have another wedding to plan. This time, there will be no announcements, and no big frills. Just me and Liam, and our closest family. I want to start my life with him, and I am done waiting.
I am ready to stand tall, to show all the people who don’t think I am capable that I can fucking rule. Liam will stand by my side as we declare our love to the world, then once we are married, he will stand by my side in business too. I thought I just needed him to get what I wanted and be given the power, which is still valid. I definitely could rule without him, but I don’t want to. He makes me stronger, better. If I was forced to be reckoned with before, then together we are unstoppable.