Virgin Romance by Penny Wylder

15

My phone is in my hand the minute I leave the gym, calling Kara. It goes to straight to voicemail. I call again, same thing. It doesn’t even sound like she’s screening the calls, the phone is just off. I practically sprint back to our dorm, making it across campus in half the time. I burst into the room, startling another of my suite mates. “Kara?”

“She’s not here,” Ellen says. “Haven’t seen her at all.”

“Shit.” I change out of my uniform as fast as I can, grab my bag and head out again. Where could she possibly be? This is exactly what I was afraid of, that she’d get the wrong idea, that I wouldn’t get to explain, that now she thinks that I’ve betrayed her. Or maybe she thinks something even worse. I don’t know. She’s not in the dining hall, and she’s not in the little lounge in the science building where she likes to study. I haven’t seen her anywhere across campus. I check the gym again, just in case she circled back to avoid me. No luck. Her phone is still going straight to voicemail, though I leave one more message. “Kara. Please call me. I can explain everything. Just give me the chance.”

My anger at Marian and my determination to find Kara suddenly vanish, and I’m left with just overwhelming sadness. No one’s here in the gym, so I just sit down against the wall and let the tears come. Maybe Carter was right. Maybe I should have just told her while we were naked in the shower. It would have been better than finding out from fucking Marian.

The tears flow, and I cry until I can’t even breathe normally. I’m starting to hiccup. Kara and I don’t ever fight. Not really. Small arguments that are resolved after a couple of hours. Nothing like this. This feels bigger, and I don’t know if we’ll come back from it. I don’t know if I’ve wrecked it for good.

I feel someone sit down next to me and I lean over onto Carter’s shoulder. My tears soak through his shirt, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Instead, he takes my hand, thumb rubbing circles on my palm. He doesn’t ask but I tell him what happened anyway. It all comes spilling out quickly. It doesn’t take long—he already knows most of it.

When I’ve finished hiccupping through the last of it, Carter reaches around me, cradling me in his arms. “It’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t know that.”

“No,” he says lightly, “but I’ve been told I’ve got very good intuition.”

I want to believe him, but I can’t. Not yet. Not when Kara is somewhere with a broken heart thinking her best friend is a traitor and a liar.

“Come on,” he says, getting up and pulling me with him. “I know what’s going to make you feel better.”

“If it’s sex, now’s not the time.”

He laughs, and it fills up the gym. “It’s not sex. That comes later.”

“Okay.”

Together we walk out of the gym and Carter holds my hand. He really doesn’t care what people think about the two of us. His confidence gives me confidence, and I slowly relax into it, like it could be normal. I’m not really paying attention to where we’re going until we’re already there. “The library?” I ask.

“You said when you were young that the library was your favorite place. Your best memories. I know it’s not the same library, but I thought maybe just being in one would make you happy.”

It’s unbearably sweet, him remembering that. It’s exactly what I needed, not even being at the library but just someone else looking after me. Being there for me. I feel tears rising again and I don’t want to cry anymore, so I just hug him instead. “Thank you.”

“I also think I saw Kara go this direction when she left the gym,” he says softly into my hair. He pulls back. “I’ll wait here, read a newspaper. You let me know when you’re ready to leave.”

I shake my head. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any better, he does. I tug on his shirt so he leans down to kiss me. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“I won’t.” His voice is so sure, I have the sudden feeling he’s not just talking about today, and I keep glancing back at him as I head into the stacks of the library.

Kara and I always hung out in the children’s section of our library. We don’t have a children’s section since it’s a college library, but I think I know where she’d go. There’s a place on the second floor with reading nooks that look out over the campus. She’s always loved cozy spaces.

I know I’m right when I’m walking along the row and hear the telltale sounds of post-cry sniffing. Considering it’s what I was just doing, I’m familiar with the sound. Each alcove has a couch and cushions, and sure enough, Kara is tucked into the corner of one, knees up to her chest. She’s still in her cheer uniform and her face is blotchy from crying. She doesn’t look at me as I slip into the alcove, settling down on the other side of the couch.

“Haven’t seen you in a library in a long time,” I say.

“Yeah.”

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I know that Kara will speak when she’s ready. She needed to be alone but she’s not afraid of confrontation.

“I don’t understand,” she says, her voice sounding teary. “Why would you do that?”

“I’m sorry.” I bring my own knees up, mimicking her posture. “I never meant to hurt you. I was going to tell you, but I’d barely seen you. I wanted to tell you when you were comfortable and would have time to process. Not rushing off to class or practice or something else.”

Kara sniffs again. “Tell me what happened then.”

“We met at that party. The one before school.”

“I saw you dancing with someone. Was it him?” she asks.

“Yeah. I went upstairs to look for you and then we ended up making out. I heard you come looking for me, so I left.”

She straightens up a little bit, and I see her interest rise. She’s beginning to forget her sadness in favor of gossip. Always a good sign. “So you didn’t sleep with him that night?”

“No. But I thought about him. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. And I didn’t know he was the coach. I didn’t even know he was supposed to be assistant coach.”

Kara groans a sound of recognition. “So when he came out at tryouts you were surprised. I saw your face. I thought you were just stunned by how hot he was.”

“No, I just couldn’t believe that the guy I’d made out with was suddenly there and he was the coach! I just…and then when he asked me out, I couldn’t say no. I wanted it, still want it. So I said yes.”

“And you slept with him last night.” Her voice is quiet again.

I don’t say anything, just nod.

“Do you love him?”

The question makes my stomach drop. Love? This soon? That’s impossible. Yet something in my gut twists at saying no. “It’s really soon for me to say that…”

“But?”

The smile won’t stay off my face. “But I think I definitely could.”

Kara launches off her side of the couch and wraps me in a hug. “I’m sorry. I know I went on and on about the pact. I just wanted us to stay safe and be happy. And since we don’t really talk about books anymore, it was one of the things we still had together. I think I was afraid of what might happen if we didn’t have the pact anymore.”

“You thought we’d stop being friends if one of us had sex?”

“When you put it that way it sounds really dumb,” she laughs. “Though I’m glad you met him before. I thought that you went out with him after meeting him at tryouts. I was worried he was using you.”

I blush. “Well, yeah, it did look that way.”

She shoves back to her side of the couch. “How did Marian even know?”

“She somehow saw us together when he dropped me off at the dorm last night. And today, she realized we were connected.” I think I can leave out the part about us fucking in the shower. Some things are too much too soon, even for best friends.

“What a bitch.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

We both crack up laughing, and that’s when I know everything’s going to be okay.

“So,” Kara leers at me dramatically, “how was it?”

The blush that blooms on my face is so bright that she starts laughing immediately. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“That good, huh?”

“He’s actually waiting downstairs. He saw you heading in this direction when you left the gym.”

She smiles. “And you want to go?”

“Will you hate me if I do?”

“I could never hate you,” she leans over and hugs me again. “But if I’m going to fully forgive you, I need dates with all of Carter’s hot friends. And we’re having pizza and binge night tomorrow. No exceptions.”

My laugh is way too loud for the library. “Deal.”