Alec by Margaret McHeyzer

 

 

 

The moment I pull up in front of Alec’s house and turn my car off, my phone starts ringing. I look at the number confused. My stomach contracts and I feel like I’m about to be sick. Is this the phone call I’ve been waiting for? “Hello?”

“Sis, have you changed the lock on the door?”

I clutch at my chest and let out a sigh of relief. “No, why?”

“Shit, my keys aren’t fitting the lock.” I hear the sound of the keys jingling in the background.

“Are you sure they’re you’re keys?” I ask the obvious.

There’s a moment of silence, before Jordan yells in frustration. “Fuck, these ain’t mine.”

“Do you know where your keys might be?” I’m hoping that he didn’t have our address on those keys, because if someone he’s been hanging out with finds them, then I’m in a world of trouble.

“Yeah, I think so. Anyway, why aren’t you home? I need you to come home right now,” his voice is tense and urgent.

“Why? What’s wrong? What do you need?” I’m completely prepared to go home and take Jordan straight to hospital to get him into a local rehab center until I can come up with the remainder of the money to get him into the one in Kentucky.

“I need some money.” I close my eyes and lean my head against the glass. “I’m hungry.”

I was really hoping he was going to say he wants out of his lifestyle and he needs help. But instead, he wants me to give him money. “Sorry, Jordan, but I won’t be home for a while.”

“Where the fuck are you, Serena? You whoring around somewhere?”

I purse my lips together, trying to hide the pain. Tears cling to my cheeks. I know this is the drugs talking and not my brother, but his words still hurt. “I’m working.”

“I’ll come to the restaurant then. I need money.”

“I’m not at the restaurant, Jordan.”

“You fucking slut, you’re out having a good time, while you leave me starving and with no way to get inside the house. God, I fucking hate you.” I hear him slam something. “Fuck you!” he hangs up, leaving me in a state of torment.

I drop the phone onto my lap, and rub the tension from the crown of my head. I was looking forward to going to dinner with Alec, but now, Jordan’s completely ruined the small glimmer of happiness I was trying to hold on to. I should go home and try to smooth it over with Jordan.

A huge part of me wants to slap myself across the face and yell, ‘Wake up, he only wants money for drugs.’ But there’s still that tiny part of me that needs to make sure he’s okay. Because if I don’t look after him when he can’t look after himself, then who will? If not me, then who?

I’m conflicted about going home or staying here. But in reality, even if I do go home, and Jordan is still there, I’m not doing him any favors by giving him money to go feed his addiction. At least this way, by working, I can save and get him the help he desperately requires.

I know I’m stuck in my own head, and I need to get out of it before I fall into the rabbit hole of desperation. I lift my phone again, and find a quick five-minute guided meditation. Five minutes is better than no minutes.

Closing my eyes, I listen to the sound of my own breath, pushing any other thought out. Meditation is the only thing I have time to do for myself. And whenever I finish, I’m always calmer. When the meditation is complete, I open my eyes and find I’m ready to keep going with the rest of my evening. Including my non-date date with Alec.

I reach for my handbag and pull on it, only for the strap to break and the bag to fall onto the driver’s seat. Thankfully, it’s zipped up so nothing falls out of it. “It’s okay, I need a new handbag anyway,” I say to myself. Nothing is going to break my now peaceful mindset. I will not implode. I will not implode.

With my handbag wedged under my arm, and my phone and keys in the other hand, I walk up to Alec’s Mom’s house. Knocking on the door, I can hear the clacking of the crutches as Alec comes to open the front door. When he does, his face brightens as he smiles. “Hello,” he says as he steps to the side to let me in. “Are you okay?” He quickly closes the door behind me and follows me to the back of the house.

“Yeah, why?” I ask as I turn to watch him slowly make his way toward me.

“You look like you’ve been crying, come here.” He engulfs me in a massive hug. Holding me close to his body. I try to pull away, but he tightens his arms around me, and I’m surprised to find myself lifting my arms and wrapping them around him. “Is it Jordan?”

My body instantly melts, and I start crying again. The tears pour out of me and I’m sobbing into Alec’s chest. He keeps holding me, refusing to let go, even just a little. “He called me,” I say between the cries of Jordan’s hurtful words. “He called me a whore.”

“Aww, sweetheart.” He kisses the top of my head while tenderly rubbing his hands up and down my back. “I admire just how strong you are.”

“I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, Alec. I’m trying so hard to move forward, but then something happens and I’m thrust back into a pile of shit.”

“I know it’s hard right now, but think of the end result. Jordan being clean.”

I step back and wipe my eyes and cheeks with the back of my hand. I look around searching for a box of tissues. When I see them, I head over and take two out. When I glance over to Alec, his dark brown eyes are staring intently at me. “I’m sorry, I should’ve asked.”

The left side of his lips pull up into a sexy smirk. “No, I like how comfortable you are with me.” He hobbles over to the table, pulls out a chair, and sits. “Let me help you help your brother,” he says.

“You offered the same thing only a week ago, and I refused it then,” I say as I head into the kitchen and open the cupboard beneath the sink to find the trash. “I can’t take your money, Alec.”

“What if it’s a loan? I’ll charge you interest and everything.”

I chuckle softly. I really want to take his money and get my brother the help he needs, but I’m torn about accepting this massive helping hand from someone I’m starting to have feelings for. “I’m struggling,” I openly admit as I scratch at a microscopic piece of fluff on the table. I just don’t want to look at him while we’re discussing this. Because if I do, I know I’m going to burst into tears again.

“Why?”

“Because I’ll feel like I have to work even harder to pay it back to you. I don’t ever want you looking at me like I’m taking advantage of you.”

“How can you be taking advantage if I’m shoving this money in your face? Look.” He leans over, grabs the chair I’m sitting on by the seat, and pulls me toward him. Opening his legs, he pulls me so close, that both of my legs are inside his spread ones. He cups my face between his large, warm palms, and stares straight into my eyes. “You not paying this money back hasn’t even crossed my mind. I see how hard you’re working for the sake of your family. And I understand what it means to have a close family. And when one falls down, we all step up, hold our hands out, and offer help. It’s what families do. It’s what my family does, and it’s what your family does.” He leans in and places a lingering kiss to my forehead.

God, this feels so nice. I can’t remember the last time someone wanted to help me. Or when someone even held me. I feel so pathetic. I burst into tears again. There’s a tightening in my chest, and I notice my leg bouncing. “I can’t do this, Alec,” I say as I break away from his embrace, stand and start pacing.

Alec watches me walk back and forth while wringing my hands together over and over again. “Serena...”

I shake my head at him, and point my finger. “My life is spinning out of control, and I don’t want you to be part of it.”

“But I do.”

No, he can’t have a functional relationship with me. “I’m not normal,” I say as I try to push him away with everything in me. “My happy family died the moment my parents died in that fucking car crash,” I squeeze the words out of my core. “They died, and they took my family with them.” Alec stands with difficulty, and tries to hobble over to me. But I back away from him. “I can’t even get this right, Alec. I came here for a job, and now I’m falling for someone who is...” I shake my head and avert my gaze, staring at nothing.

“You’re too hard on yourself, Serena. You can’t do this on your own.”

“I’ve been doing this on my own from the moment they died.”

“Please, let me help.” He leans against the counter, genuinely concerned for me.

My shoulders slump as I lower my gaze to stare at the floor. “I’m tired, Alec. I’m tired of fighting and not being heard.”

Alec doesn’t give me another moment of solitude. He embraces me, holding me hard against his body. “Sweetheart, I’m listening.”

“I can’t bring you down with me, Alec.”

“Family is always there to help each other.”

I look up at into his sinful dark eyes, and shake my head. “I’m not your family.”

“No, not yet. But you will be, in time.”

What’s he talking about? “Stop talking in riddles, Alec. I can’t deal with it. I’ve got too much going on and deciphering riddles is the last thing I want to do.”

“You’ll be mine soon, Serena. Which means, you’re my family. And if you’re my family, so is Jordan.”

“These last few years have felt more like I’m falling further and further into a bottomless pit. Taking care of Jordan, and trying to save him from himself has sucked the life out of me. I’m not even sure if there’s anything left to give you.”

He lowers his head, his mouth scraping over my lips. There’s a tingling in my chest and crazy, off-the-charts fluttering in my stomach. My mouth becomes parched as I desperately try to hold onto some form of distance. “Let me help you,” he whispers against my mouth, his warm breath mingling with my own.

“I don’t need saving.” But damn it, I need to close this distance between us. I need this connection.

“No, you don’t.” He crashes his lips firmly to mine, shredding any insecurities I have about us. Alec expertly dominates this heated kiss. He’s taken control, demanding I allow him to lead. Right now, all I want is to fall and let him catch me.

Our kiss is intoxicating, and sensual, without it being over the top or frantic. There’s a carnal desperation to it, with our hands wandering, and our breath mingling. This is nothing like the first time we kissed. This is more.

Pulling away from Alec, I search his eyes, looking for some kind of signal from him. Was this nothing more to him than a fleeting kiss? Because to me, it was a beginning. “I love your lips,” he says and swipes his thumb over them. “I love knowing I was the one who caused this perfect redness.” He keeps grazing his thumb over my bottom lip, but stops when he grasps my chin, and moves my face up to look into his irresistible dark eyes. “You take my breath away, Serena.”

I wrap my arms around him, and hold him so damn tight I’m afraid to let go. “Alec, please do me one favor.”

“Anything for you.”

“I can’t survive losing you too, so please, don’t let me fall for you.”

He takes in a sharp breath. “There’s no chance of that, sweetheart.”

I could stay here forever, but I know I have a job to do. Taking a large gulp, I use all my willpower to break away from Alec’s protective arms. “Right. On the bed,” I order.

“Yes, ma’am,” he happily replies. The mood is already shifting from all-encompassing heavy, to light and flirty. “Now, just a warning, but I haven’t been with anyone for a while, so the first time might be over a bit quicker than I’d like it to be.”

I laugh too loudly. “We’re not having sex.”

“What?!” Alec yells as he stops limping, and turns to look at me.

“Sorry, you’ve paid for a physiotherapy session, and I have to provide it.”

“Oh come on.” He throws his hands up in frustration. “Can’t we skip that part and get to the good stuff?”

“The good stuff huh?” I stick my finger in my mouth wetting the tip, then run it over my lips.

His eyes widen and his mouth falls open as he watches me teasing him. “The good stuff. Like that.” He points to my finger.

“I tell you what?”

“What?” he eagerly asks.

“Get on the damn bed, and let me do my job.” I place my hands on my hips as I wait.

He clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes. “You’re no fun.”

“Shut up. I have a job to do.”

“Fine, but I’m doing it under protest.”

“Duly noted, and already forgotten. Stop your sulking, and let me get to work because you promised me dinner, and now I’m hungry.”

“Fine!”

“Fine!” I retort in the same sarcastic tone. I can’t help but laugh though. He’s made my night so much better. And we haven’t even gotten to dinner yet.

“I know I said we’d go out for dinner, but I’ve ordered pizza,” Alec says.

“I was just thinking how I didn’t really feel like going anywhere. I wish I had a bathtub though, so when I go home I could take a long, hot bubble bath. But, that’s okay, maybe the next place will have one.”

“You haven’t found anywhere yet?” Using the crutches, Alec walks over and sits on the sofa. He pats the space beside him. “Actually, sit there, and give me your feet.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to massage them.”

What? No guy has ever massaged my feet before. Like, ever. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. But I want to. Please.” He looks at the space, then back to me. “Pizza will be here in about half an hour. For now, let me take care of you.” Aww, I think the ice around my heart is beginning to melt. I sit, take my shoes off and lift my legs. “Lay back,” he says. “And close your eyes.”

“You’re not going to do something kinky with my feet are you? Wait, do you have a foot fetish? ’Cause I’m not into feet.”

Alec starts laughing. “If you’re worried that I’m going to suck on your toes, don’t be. Because I’m not into feet either, unless they’re yours.”

“So you are going to suck on my toes?” I lean up on my elbows to watch, because that’s some freaky-assed shit right there. Especially considering I’ve had shoes on all day. “Toe jam a delicacy for you?”

“You did not just say that?” He laughs even harder. “Please, trust me, no foot fetish at all. Now, lie down, will you? Let me help you relax.” He lets out a loud, long sigh. “You make me work for it, don’t you?”

It’s my turn to laugh now. “As opposed to what?” Hang on, do I really want to know? “Wait.” I hold my hand up stopping him. “I really don’t want to know.” He uses his thumb to really get into the balls of my feet, and I swear to God, my eyes roll into the back of my head. “Holy shit.” I hear something pop, then I feel something cold on my foot. Opening my eyes, I look to see what he’s doing. “Where did you get that from?” I ask when I see the lotion.

“Something you’ll learn about me, I’m always prepared.”

“You know what?” I lay back again, and close my eyes, just feeling all the pressure being massaged out of my feet. “I don’t even want to know why you have that lotion, or when you use it.”

Alec laughs even louder. “Ah, Serena, you are one funny woman. I freaking love it.”

“Less talking, more massaging.” The more he does, the more my body relaxes. Shit, I could get used to this.

“So, I have something for you?”

“Is it a lifetime of foot massages? Because, you could do this for me every night of the week.”

“No, it’s not. It’s something else,” there’s a slight harshness to his voice.

And this worries me, because if he gives me money, I’m not entirely sure what I’ll do. I don’t want to take it, but if it means getting my brother the help he needs, then I might defy all my scruples and take it. But at the same time, I don’t want to be put in this position with Alec. We’re not there yet. We’re not a couple with a joint account. Or joint anything at all. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to take it,” I finally say.

“It’s not money,” his reply instantly soothes me. “But I did buy you something.”

With the amazing touch of his massage, I’m tempted not to open my eyes, to hell with it. “Do you have to stop doing what you’re doing to give it to me?”

“At some stage.”

I wave my hand around. “Then I don’t want it.”

He laughs. “How about I give it to you when the pizza gets here?”

“You know, I’m only about five minutes away from falling asleep on the sofa. And what would Elise think? Actually, where is your mom?”

“I think she’s gone out with Vi and Richard. She said something about seeing a movie and going out for dinner somewhere. I don’t know.”

“Who are Vi and Richard?”

“Pen’s parents,” Alec replies. “Anyway, I’ll wait to give you your present when the pizza arrives.”

“Well, thank you. I already love it.”

“You have no idea what it is. You could hate it.”

Opening my eyes, I crane my neck and find a cushion behind me. I grab it, and slide it under my head. Watching Alec massage my feet is strangely exhilarating for me. “I’m going to be honest with you, Alec. No man has ever done this for me.”

“It makes me happy that I’m the first man to care for you. Because you’ll never want anyone else if I treat you the way you should be treated.”

“You know why I know I’ll love whatever you bought me?” He shakes his head. “I haven’t received a gift in years. The last time someone gave me something was the Christmas before my parents died. And ever since then I’m...” I slowly shrug.

“Well, it’s time we change that. I like doing things for you, Serena. And knowing I’m doing things that you’ve never had, like this.” He glances down at my super moisturized feet. “Makes me want to do more for you.”

“What happened to the Alec who was arrogant and self-centered?”

“He’s still here.” He smiles broadly. “But I realized something.”

“What’s that?”

“You said something that made me really think hard about who I am. You said you bet I had never complimented a woman past her body, and you were right. Dean’s always been a bit of a loner, and never really interested in anything superficial. And Rhett has always had so many women who’ve adored him, and I’m sure he’s had a revolving door of meaningless relationships. But me, I’ve always wanted the perfect arm candy, but would get frustrated when the arm candy never challenged me in any way. And I thought it was them, but as it turns out, it’s not. It’s me. I was small-minded, and superficial.”

I’m not entirely sure where he’s going with this, and it’s not comforting to know, I’m not arm candy. “Are you telling me arm candy is perfection? Because I’m not changing, I love my body, Alec. And I refuse to lose weight so someone can feel better about themselves. I love my size twelve curves.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, and not one of those women I’ve ever been with could hold a candle to you. I love how you keep me accountable and push back, and you don’t let me get away with anything. But I love your smart mouth, and can’t wait until it’s wrapped around my cock. Your tits are fucking beautiful and I’m salivating at the thought of having them in my mouth. My God. I never in a million years thought I’d find myself crazy for someone who doesn’t fit my mold. And let me tell you, I can’t wait until we’re together.”

I pull my legs back, and sit up, staring at Alec. “I’m sure what you said was meant to sound endearing, but there were a lot of backhanded compliments in that verbal diarrhea.”

Alec throws his head back, laughing. “See, like that.” And right now, I can’t help but love how he’s such a male. I launch myself at him, straddling his legs and kissing his face. His hands are on my hips, tugging and pulling at my t-shirt. He tries to take it off, but I stop him.

“I’m not having sex with you now, Alec. I’m not ready for that.”

“I just want to cop a feel,” he honestly says.

“You’re such a boy.”

“You’ve got big boobs, Serena. And I love boobs. Love boobs so much,” he emphasizes.

“No boob action for you.” I grind against him feeling his erection through his sweatpants.

“Oh man, you’re killing me, woman, you’re killing me.” He throws his head back, and places his arms over the back of the sofa, just letting me grind against him. “But keep going, and don’t stop.”

There’s a knock on the door, so I throw my leg off of Alec, grab my purse from my bag and walk out to get the pizza. “What a gentleman, making me pay,” I tease Alec.

“I can’t exactly get up and follow you.”

I laugh too loud as I open the door, give the driver the money and take the pizza back to where Alec is sitting with a huge hard-on. “Seems something crawled into your sweatpants. Are you okay?”

“You’re a damn smart-ass, aren’t you?”

I open the box and take out a slice, eating it while Alec stays on the sofa watching me. “Want some?” I tease.

“I’ve just discovered something.”

“What?”

“I love watching you eat.” I smile broadly. “But, I’m hungry, so bring it over here.” I take the pizza box over to the sofa, and place it between us. Alec opens the lid, takes a piece, folds it and inhales it.

“Jesus, do you chew at all?”

“Pizza is life, Serena. You’ll have to learn such facts for when you move in with me.”

His reply catches me off guard. “I’m moving in with you, now am I?”

“Not yet. But soon.”

“You’re such a cocky bastard.” I laugh at him.

“I think you called me arrogant. I prefer arrogant, thanks.” How does one reply to someone who’s so overtly confident? They don’t. “Now, for this present I bought for you.” He quickly shoves the pizza in his mouth, then stands, reaches for the crutches and heads in the opposite direction than his room. “I’m going to need a hand,” he calls.

Jumping to my feet, I head through the galley kitchen. “Where are you?”

“Marco!” he calls making me smile.

“Polo!”

“Marco!” I find him in another bedroom on the opposite side of the house. It feels weird being in here, because I instantly know this is Elise’s room. I stand at the door, not wanting to enter, because it feels like I’m invading her privacy. “Now, I can’t carry it.” He looks at a fairly large light yellow gift box on the king bed.

I look at the box, then I look to Alec. “Is that for me?” I point to the box.

“Yep. But I can’t carry it. So, you have to.” I look at the box again, and shake my head. I don’t reach for it. Whatever he’s bought is too much. I can’t accept such a large present. It’s not even my birthday yet. “You look like you’re having a silent meltdown. What’s wrong?”

“Whatever is in that box is too much, Alec. I thought you may have bought me some hand lotion, or a perfume, but that box is much too large for it to be either of those things.”

“Maybe it’s a box, in a box, in a box. But you won’t know until you open it. But, if it’ll make you feel better, you can open it when you get home.”

Alec’s proudly standing near the box, eagerly waiting for me to take it and open it. I lift the box and find it’s not as heavy as I thought it was going to be. “Out in the living room?” I ask.

“Sure thing.”

I take it out to the living room, and set it on the coffee table. “You remembered,” I say as I look at the glossy box.

“Yellow is your favorite color.” He sits beside me, and lays the crutches on the floor. The pizza box lid has now been closed, and is waiting for us to return to it.

Lifting the lid of the yellow box, yellow tissue paper hides the contents. I unwrap the tissue paper, and I can’t help but smile. There’s a candle, a teddy bear, peanut M&M’s, a Swarovski pouch, hand lotion, Post-It notes, pens, scarf, bubble bath, picture frame, lip balm, a mug that says ‘good morning sunshine,’ Juicy Fruit gum, and a double-handled Ted Baker tote bag. But the thing that brings tears to my eyes is everything is yellow, except the Swarovski pouch. When I lift the pouch, I open it and slide out a pretty round, yellow pendant on a long gold chain.

“I didn’t know your birthstone, but I saw this and thought you’d like it.”

“Everything’s yellow,” I say as I smile broadly at the beautiful, thoughtful gifts. “And you wouldn’t have known, but my hand bag broke tonight on the way in. Everything is so...” I’m lost for words.

“You like it, right?” Alec asks. He’s misinterpreting my silence.

“No,” I reply, watching his face fall. “I absolutely love this. Thank you so much.” I place the lid on everything, turn and throw my arms around him, nearly squishing him with my enthusiasm. “No one has ever been so kind. Thank you.”

Alec turns his head, finding my lips with his. He laces his fingers through my hair, keeping my head exactly where he wants it. I let go and accept his kiss and his incredibly considerate present.

“Oh, well, I wasn’t expecting this,” I hear Elise say.

Startled, I pull away from Alec and lower my gaze to my lap. “I’m sorry,” I reply as I feel heat settle on my face.

“It’s about damned time,” Elise replies. “Don’t mind me, I’m going to go to my room. Seeing my son getting it on with his girlfriend isn’t exactly what I consider prime viewing.”

“Oh, I’m not his girlfriend,” I say as I point to Alec.

“Yes, you are,” Alec replies.

“What?” I turn to look at him as I notice Elise slip out of the room. I wait until she’s fully gone, then turn to Alec. “I’m not your girlfriend.”

“Yeah, you are,” he repeats. Shaking my head, I open and close my mouth several times, intending to say something, but nothing comes out. “Here’s the thing, Serena.”

“What?”

“You’re my girlfriend.” I’m still shaking my head, unable to actually verbalize how ridiculous this is. “We’re right for each other, so there’s no use in fighting it.”

I bring my legs up to sit cross-legged on the sofa. “This is happening too fast.” I point between him and me. “I always thought once I got Jordan into treatment, that I’d be on my own. I never expected you.”

“’Cause I’m a hot fireman?” he asks with a cocky smirk. “In all seriousness, I never expected you either. But now that I’ve found you, I’m not letting go.”

Goosebumps prickle over my skin as my heart rate intensifies. I never thought I’d be in this situation. Basking in his words, I can’t help but reach out with a trembling hand to hold Alec’s. “Thank you.”

Alec presses a kiss to the top of my hand. “You’re my girlfriend.”

I give him a curt nod. “I’m your girlfriend.”

“Great, so we’ve got that sorted then?” Elise asks as she walks through to the kitchen. “Don’t mind me, I was totally eavesdropping on the other side of the kitchen. I wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page.”

This family is something else.

“I can’t wait to move back home.” Alec’s grip on my hand tightens.

“Oh, yeah. Now that you two are officially a couple I don’t want to hear what you’re both going to get up to,” Elise teases while she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.

Can my face be any redder? “Um, I think I’m going to go home. I’ve got a big day tomorrow, and I definitely need my sleep.” I lean over and give Alec a chaste kiss on the lips before standing and looking around for my bag.

“It’s in the bedroom,” Alec says as if he can read my mind. I smile, head into the bedroom and grab my bag with the broken strap then walk out to the living room where Alec is already standing and ready to walk me out. “Here, give me your bag, and you can take the box.”

“It’s okay, I can balance it on the box.”

“Give me the bag,” he says again. I do, and he tucks it under his arm, while awkwardly trying to use the crutches too.

“Good night, Elise.”

“Night, darlin,’” she calls as she tucks her legs up under her butt, turning the TV on.

I maneuver around Alec so I can get to my car quickly then I can double back and get my bag. But by the time I’ve placed the box on the back seat, Alec is already at the car. “You’re getting much better with these.” I indicate to the crutches.

“And thankfully I’ll be off them soon. I have this pretty hot physiotherapist who’s looking after me.”

“Really? Is he any good? Should I use him too?”

“Hey!” He grabs me around the hips and draws me toward him. “I like you, Serena.”

“Good. You should.”

He kisses my nose, then my forehead. “A lot,” he mumbles against my skin.

“I’ve gotta go. I have to be up early tomorrow. Some of us don’t have the luxury of sitting around doing nothing all day.”

He smacks me on the butt. “Cheeky.” Oh, I like that, a lot.

“I’ve gotta go,” I say again. But damn it, it’s difficult to leave him.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I finally let go, and get into my car. I really don’t want to leave, I want to stay with Alec, and just be with him. The more time I spend with him, the more I like him.

Pulling away from the house, I’m tempted to turn back and spend the night with him. It’s not like I have anything but a cold house to return to. A cold house, in a shit area, with a brother who’d sell me if it means he could get his hands on more drugs.

It will be okay. I’m going to get Jordan help. This is why I work my ass off, for my family.

The drive home is quick, and easy at this time of the night. As I pull into the street, there’s another huge party happening, and the two guys who live in the house, are sitting on an old sofa out in the front yard. Both have got women sitting on their laps drinking cans of beer. The two guys see my car, and their eyes follow me as I pull into my driveway, get out of my car, and take the box up to the front door.

They’ve never done anything to me, but the way they watch me is just weird. It’s not like I create any problems for them, or call the police, or do anything. So, why are they so interested in me every time they’re out the front of their house?

I switch on the hall light and lock the front door. “Jordan?” I call, even though I know he’s not here. “Jordan?” I’m met with silence. He’s not here. I head to my bedroom, and unlock it before placing the box on my bed. I head over to Jordan’s room, just in case he’s asleep. But he hasn’t been here. His bed is made the way I left it and his clothes are folded the way I left them.

I decide that because I’ve got such a busy day tomorrow, I better take a quick shower now so I can get out of bed, get ready, and leave for work in the morning. Taking my clothes into the bathroom, I strip and bring the water up to temperature before stepping in. Closing my eyes, I feel the heat of the water pounding down on my back. Jordan consumes my thoughts, I hope he’s okay. “Wherever you are, Jordan, I hope you’re safe.”

All I can say, is I can’t wait until Jordan breaks the controlling chains of drugs. Maybe then I can move on and start my life with Alec.

Please, let Jordan be alive. And let Alec be real.

Please.