Daddy’s Terrified Little Girl by Scott Wylder

CHAPTER SEVEN

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cora

 

I can't believe how wonderful my life is now. Garrett is the most wonderful man. Hell, he is the most wonderful person I have ever met. I didn't realize that it was even possible for me to be as happy as I am. Not only am I happy, but I'm not scared the way I used to be. Even when nothing in particular was happening in my life before, I was frightened.

I always knew that I was not smart like other people. I always knew that I could do great when things were not very challenging but always grew terrified of failing the moment things got a little tougher.

It's almost like I'm a different person altogether. I've been working so hard in my architecture classes, and my papers have received great grades. For the first time in my life, I'm doing something difficult and not feeling like disaster is right around the corner.

I owe it all to Garrett. I owe it all to my Daddy. I sit in my hotel room and I shoot him a quick text filled with a bunch of heart and kiss emojis. I feel like I've got it all. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world. I work for somebody who is wonderful as well. I have an entirely new lifestyle that fulfills me in ways I didn't even know existed.

Life is beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

I get a text on my phone and it doesn't scare me. I'm not worried about what it will say. Sure enough, it is from Garrett. I love you, beautiful little girl. God it's wonderful not to be scared, and God it is wonderful to once again see there's no reason to be scared in the first place. Was it really so long ago that I thought I was destined to be mediocre?

Mediocre? That doesn't even begin to express the truth. I didn't think I was destined to be mediocre. I thought I was destined to be a failure. I thought I was, without question, a girl who could never do what she ought to do or be what she ought to be. I thought my dreams were not available to me and I thought that I would end up unhappy and never know why.

Well now I know why.

I would have ended up unhappy because I never tried. I would have been unhappy because the moment something got difficult, I was too afraid of failure to stick with it. I am not that girl anymore. Garrett has shown me that I am someone different altogether.

I don't know exactly when the change occurred. Garrett and I have been together for just under five months, and these five months have been the best months of my whole life. I don't think I ever understood before just how frightened I was. Now, I feel free and happy and I don't wait for the other shoe to drop. I have Garrett to thank for all of that.

My phone chimes again and once again I'm not afraid. I whisper, “I love you, Daddy,” as I check the notification. It isn't a text this time, it's an email. I click to it with a smile but my smile fades immediately. It's my midterm results. I am in four classes. Three of them do not have midterms but one does.

B minus.

I just stare at the email for a minute. I don't understand. I studied harder for that test than anything I have ever studied for, and I thought I aced it. How in the world did I get a B minus? I actually thought the test was easy! Evidently, I am all screwed up with what I think I know.

I feel everything start closing in on me only it is worse now than ever before. I don’t just get to switch to another AA degree and fight back the wonder if I’ll ever amount to anything. This is real life, not school anymore. I’ll never be an architect. I’m just not cut out to be anything other than a stupid maid in a hotel. Hey, maybe if I work really hard, I could end up being a concierge someday.

Damn it, this sucks.

My phone rings and my heart stops for a second.

Just like it used to.

Damn it, just like it used to.

I’m terrified to look. I do, because not knowing who’s calling me is even scarier that who it might be. It’s Garrett and this is the first time he calls me that I don’t feel absolutely wonderful about it. I swallow hard and answer as cheerfully as I can. “Daddy!” I say. God, it feels like there’s no doubt at all about how guilty I sound.

“Hey there, sugar pumpkin,” he says. “I wanted to see how your tests went. Got the results yet?”

“I got an A!” I say. I feel like the most horrible person on Earth for lying to him. “And I only had one test.”

“I knew you could do it, princess,” he says. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, Daddy,” I say. God, I’m right on the brink of tears. “I have to finish the homework now.”

“Okay, little girl.” He hangs up and I just collapse on my bed. He knew I could do it. That’s what he gets for believing in a loser. For believing in a useless stupid loser. He deserves better than me. God, anyone deserves better than me.

There’s some girl out there who can make him happy, some girl who isn’t just a failure at everything she ever tries to do, some girl he can be really proud of. There is someone he’ll congratulate because of the truth and not because of a lie.

He deserves that.

He deserves better than me.

I type out another series of text.

I lied to you.

I’m going to quit school after I send this.

I didn’t get an A.

I’m no good at anything at all.

We’re breaking up.

I turn my phone off and start crying like crazy. How in the world do I always fail at everything? Now I get to add being someone lovable to the list. Nothing in my life works and I never manage to keep things together. Now, I don’t have Garrett and I’ll never have anyone like him ever again, even by some miracle somebody stupid enough to want me comes along?

It all seems so cruel. I finally felt like things were going the way I wanted them to go. I finally felt like there was a real chance of happiness for me.

Wrong.

All wrong.

I’m never going to be happy or amount to anything at all. I’m just… I just can’t accomplish anything worth accomplishing.

I crawl under the blankets, put a pillow over my head and cry myself to sleep.