Fighting Conviction by Greer Rivers

Chapter Ten

Ellie kept up pace as she followed Dev past the BlackStone’s shooting range viewing gallery and into the indoor firing range. It’d been only two weeks since he began training her, but already she was getting more confident with her fighting and self-defense skills.

They’d even moved on to weapons training, hence the reason they were entering the nearly empty, cavernous room. Along one side was a window for people to view shooters without having to put on ear protection or watch out for flying casings. On the other side were six spaces, with walls separating each shooter. Each stall ensured every shooter had enough room to focus on their own training, without having to worry about a casing flying at them from someone else’s gun.

They’d only been there one other time, but Ellie was pretty good at hitting a target thanks to shooting with her brother. Too bad when it came to Dev, her aim was crap.

Who knew two hour training sessions with Dev three times a week would bring out the flirt in her? Unfortunately for her, apparently Dev still didn’t know.

She’d tried everything Sasha had taught her: jokes, innuendos, flirtatious giggling that made her feel like a complete bimbo. She’d attempted to touch him more, let her hands linger, and even taken to wearing only a sports bra and small loose shorts, hoping showing more skin would do the trick. No reaction.

Nope. Nada. Nothing.

Keeping her mind out of the gutter was nearly impossible and it hadn’t helped he was often shirtless whenever they were training. Was he deliberately ignoring her, or was she that awful at coming on to a guy? Then again, pursuing her brother’s friend was a bad idea in the first place. Maybe Dev just had the good sense not to encourage her.

Despite the fact she constantly embarrassed herself in the face of his unyielding disinterest, she still looked forward to their lessons. Maybe it was the exercise, or maybe it was knowing she was doing something about her helplessness, but training with Dev gave her a sense of confidence and freedom nothing else could.

Learning how to hold a gun or a knife was freaking empowering. She was taking her life into her own hands and just the idea she could be safer on her own merit made her feel like anything was possible.

Plus, she could forget her exhaustion, school, survivors, and even about her past. It felt good to just be Ellie again. Be in the moment and not worry about anyone else.

Dev’s deep voice brought her out of her musings. “Get a nine mil from the wall and grab your holster.” He pointed to the wall of weapons before indicating the stall directly in front of them.

Ellie followed his direction and grabbed her favorite Glock. Dev had bought it for her, saying she needed one she was comfortable with. Once she was old enough to get her concealed weapons permit, he was going to let her keep it as her own. She turned to her favorite stall and took a deep breath before entering, wishing, for what felt like the hundredth time, the walls around her didn’t automatically feel like they were closing in.

He turned to the other wall where a stack of posters and other supplies were kept. When he reached across the table, Ellie watched taut muscles roll his tattooed wings as they curved to accommodate the stretch.

She’d been striking, blocking, and kicking him for two weeks. Not normally very sexy. But she couldn’t get her mind off of what it would feel like to be able to caress the smooth marble of his back. How powerful would she feel if she left her mark on such a strong surface? Her skin flushed at the thought, and she almost didn’t catch him speaking.

“Which target do you want to do today?”

“Hmm. The devil.”

A small, sinful smile twitched at the corner of his lips and she crossed her arms in case her nipples were pebbling in the cold.

Yeah… the cold.

“Again, Ellie? I’m gonna get a complex if you keep trying to kill my namesake.”

“Well, maybe I’ve got some pent-up aggression toward you.” Or something else. When he shook his head with a dry laugh, Ellie didn’t hold back the giggles bubbling from her chest. Teasing Dev was one of her favorite hobbies.

“Alright, let’s get serious.” He slipped a sheet from the pile and brought the poster of a black-horned figure with him to the stall.

Ellie sobered as her heart started to beat in her ears. She tried not to think of how much smaller the closet-sized space felt after he joined her inside. But then her only other thing to focus on was how Dev’s skin radiated heat, warming her down to her lower belly where it twisted with desire. So yeah, that wasn’t helping either.

She busied herself with her magnetic leather holster, snapping the magnets together on to either side of the elastic waistband in her leggings. Most normal holsters weren’t made for Ellie’s favorite apparel, so it’d made her all warm and fuzzy inside when Dev got it custom made for her.

“Hey, what is your real name?” It was a feeble attempt to keep thinking about anything else besides the fact the metal wall kept touching her skin because there wasn’t much room. She had to get past the initial onset of panic first, then she’d be fine. “I feel like I should already know by now, but—”

“You do know it. It’s Ray.” Dev grunted and drew the clothesline pulley, bringing the clip at the end of the track forward.

He hung the poster and cranked the pulley, flying the poster to an abrupt stop nine feet away, or the ‘length of the average self-defense encounter,’ according to Dev.

“Ray? That’s actually your name?” His reply took her mind off the narrowing walls completely, and she couldn’t help the incredulous tone in her voice. “I thought that was part of your nickname, ‘Devil Ray’ Vos. You don’t look like a ‘Ray.’”

He shrugged and chuckled. “Nope, it’s my name. That’s why I like the shortened nickname.”

“Huh.” Ellie analyzed his red hair and beard, six-foot-four muscular physique, and harsh jaw line, trying her best not to get sidetracked. “Yeah, Devil suits you much better.”

“I think so too.” He laughed and faced the shooting range again. “Check to make sure there aren’t any bullets in the gun before we practice form.”

Ellie turned her attention to his instruction and pressed the button to pop out the magazine before laying the cartridge on the metal table in front of her. She slid back the rack and double-checked the chamber before holstering the empty pistol.

“Clear.”

“Good. We’ll do some stance work before our target practice so no earplugs yet. Even though we’ve only done hand-to-hand combat for thirty minutes so far today, I can tell by your posture you’re already tired, but you shouldn’t be after all the training we’ve been doing the past couple of weeks… Are you getting enough sleep?”

“Um, yeah—” Ellie turned around and eyed him. “I wouldn’t be this tired if I didn’t have to do the same move a thousand times in a row. If you’d told me ‘just one more’, one more time I would’ve stomped your big toe.”

Dev raised his eyebrows and crossed his corded forearms over his rock-hard chest as he smirked. “You should’ve done that. It’s a pretty effective move, especially if you’re wearing heels.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Ellie gave him a pointed look and brushed back an invisible piece of hair. It was second-nature still, even though her hair didn’t bother her anymore now that she wore bobby pins all the time.

“We’ll have to work on your stamina. But now’s the time we need to train you to push through that fatigue. Fights aren’t like the movies. They’re fu-reaking exhausting and muscle memory can save your life.”

She tilted her head at him. “Why do you do that?”

He paused to consider her question. “Do what?”

“You don’t curse in front of me. Unless something bad happens and it slips out…” She watched as his face grew a healthy shade of pink. “You know you can curse in front of me, right? I’m a fu-reaking adult, in case you hadn’t noticed.” She winked at him, enjoying the way his light skin reddened more by each word.

“Oh, I’ve noticed,” he grumbled and Ellie felt a flush burn her own cheeks. “But, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Unsure what to say to the first comment, Ellie lifted her shoulder and decided to breeze past it. “Well, Jason does it. Jules does it. Heck, literally everyone around me curses like a sailor. I don’t like to because Aunt Rachel would’ve tanned my hide growing up if she’d heard me swear. Even now, curse words taste soapy in my mouth.” She stuck her tongue out for emphasis. “But that doesn’t mean you should censor yourself around me. I can handle whatever you’ve got, Devil Vos.”

The impact of her words hit her as soon as they left her lips. Even though she knew she was blushing from her cheeks down, she held her head high, challenging him.

Dev’s eyes widened before a dark chuckle rumbled out of him and went straight to her pussy. “I guess, I’ll have to do my worst, then, angel.”

His gaze traveled down to her lips, lingering there, and she squeezed her legs together to keep from dampening her panties. The space between her and Dev was a magnetic field, and she gave in to the need to lean into him. His head lowered toward hers and she bit her lip, heart pounding in her chest at their closeness.

“Dev… I—”

Dev lurched back and faced forward like he’d snapped himself out of the moment. Ellie mimicked his movements and rubbed the ache in her chest, feeling like she’d suffered another bout of emotional whiplash. She opened her mouth and closed it, fighting with herself on whether she should say anything, but Dev cleared his throat and picked up the pistol.

“We’ll run through some speed exercises. It only takes a second for a pro to take his gun out of his holster. You need to be ready with your own draw should you have to. But remember—”

“I know, I know. Run or hide before I fight.”

He nodded once and squeezed her shoulder. “Yep, you got it. Now let’s go, I’ll stop you when I want you to pause and check out your own body posture. That way you can figure out where you need to fix your grip on the gun to make sure you can reach it quickly and hit the target accurately.”

He stood behind her with his hands on his hips. “Stance.”

She immediately pulled the 9mm from the holster and went into a shooting stance he’d drilled into her.

“Good. I like what I see. Oh, wait.” His hand came into her field of vision and she jerked her head back before his thumb pulled her bottom lip from between her teeth. “Can’t do that, baby, you’ll bite your pretty lip off.”

The gentle brush of his finger and the low murmur of his voice sent a shocking quiver straight to her sex and her panties dampened with need. It was the second time he’d touched her like that, but good God did it make her swoon each time.

Before training, her crush on Devil had been easy to manage. She rarely saw him outside of Sasha Saves. But now that they were around each other all the time, one-on-one, she didn’t know what to do with him.

Should she come clean and get all her feelings out on the table? How would he react? Could he feel the same way? She was still too nervous to find out. It was better to find comfort in the dream and keep her dignity than confess her feelings and lose both.

He stepped behind her, the heat from his hard chest seeped through his thin tank top and warmed her bare back. He manipulated her body into what she assumed was a more natural position, setting her nerves on fire and making her skin tingle. Despite her aching muscles, she tensed at his touch.

“Try to relax where you can.”

As he leaned away, cool air flowed between them, a quick reprieve on her burning skin. His strong hands kneaded her shoulders, but it had the opposite effect of loosening her up. When he ran his fingertips along her arms to guide her on how to aim the gun correctly, wrapping her in his strong embrace, her self-restraint went up in smoke. A moan escaped her, and every one of her muscles froze in embarrassment as she silently pleaded with the universe that Dev hadn’t heard it.

But all hope was lost when she realized the hard body covering hers was still as a statue. The air in the room stilled, so thick with her desire Ellie felt like her lungs were fighting against a wall to inhale. Dev’s chest rose and fell in deep breaths behind her, as if he was struggling against the weight of his need, too.

She wasn’t sure what he felt, and her stomach twisted at the thought she might act on a wrong assumption.

“I’m sorry, El—” He dropped his arms to release her, but in a snap decision, Ellie snatched one of his hands in hers and with the other, gently laid the gun down on the metal.

“Don’t.” She wasn’t entirely sure what she was begging for. All she wanted was to go back to the moment before she’d screwed everything up and mewled like a cat in heat. If she hadn’t stopped him just then, he would’ve rejected her. The thought leadened her stomach and she blinked back the sting in her eyes. His apology for making her need him was too much to bear.

Eyes blurry with tears, she stared hard at the shadowed devil on the paper target nine feet in front of her, too afraid to look at the one flush against her and face the look of pity that was likely there.

Dev swallowed roughly against the crown of her head. Letting go of his hand, Ellie picked up the gun before raising both arms to aim.

“Relax?” she asked, licking her lips while concentrating hard on the paper figure in front of her.

He nodded against the side of her head. “It’s normal, uh, to be tense during a fight, especially when you’re about to shoot someone. And I can tell from your shoulders how tired you are. They’re overcompensating by remaining tight. You have to loosen that tension…”

I have to loosen the tension? No freaking kidding.

“…But if your posture is relaxed—” His hard chest encompassed her entire body as he molded around her. “—and comfortable…”

God he felt so good. Since that first training day, he’d gone back to avoiding touching her as much as possible.

His rough calluses stroked up her arms until he gently raised them to see the target in her sights. Shivers followed the trail of his warm hands. “Keeping your emotions in check will make it easier for you to aim true.” His fingertips continued their pursuit up her arm and glided down her sides, leaving goose bumps as heat moved on to settle on her hips. “Or escape. You never know what kind of danger you could be facing.”

His low whisper against her ear was finally too much and she turned halfway to search his face.

“What if… what if I don’t want to escape?”

Dev leaned his forehead against the side of hers and closed his eyes. She was at an awkward angle, but when he squeezed her hips to pull her butt tight against his hard length, she didn’t dare move. Air escaped her lungs and he opened his eyes again. She swallowed in his cinnamon scent and their breaths flowed in tandem.

He stared down at her before dipping to whisper in her ear. His lips brushed the shell and her clit throbbed with each word from his deep voice.

“That would be dangerous, Ellie.”

She laid the gun down on the small table in front of her and ground her hips into his hardness. Her damp panties clung to her center and Dev’s curse covered up her moan. Pulses through her core were almost painful as it clenched at nothing, begging to be filled.

“What if I want your type of danger, Dev…” She desperately hoped those were the right words to convince him to relieve the ache between her thighs.

“Ellie, stop.” But his grip never loosened. “You don’t know what you’re saying—”

“You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel safe,” she whispered, pleading for him to hear the truth in her voice. He’d been her savior when she needed him. And good God, did she need her demon with broken wings right then.

“I’m the type of man who needs control.” He shook his head and tightened his lips. “But with you? I don’t know if I can keep it.”

She tried to turn around completely but he wrapped her in his embrace. One hand spread the width of her stomach, the other in the middle of her breasts. He bit her ear and she cried out in a mix of pleasure and pain.

“But if you want me to lose control, know this—” He ground his cock against her, pinning her hips to the metal ledge in front of her. “There will be no one to save you.”

“I don’t want to be saved from you.” She used a defense maneuver he taught her to whip around in his hold. Their chests heaved against each other and she met his deep forest green eyes.

“After a night with me, angel, I’m not sure you’ll have a choice.”

Dev’s lips crashed into hers and he shoved her up onto the small table. His kiss set fire to her need, flooding her body with heat down to her core. When his tongue teased the seam of her mouth, her own lips parted on a gasp and he thrust inside. One hand cupped her butt and the other delved into her hair, pulling her ponytail from its tie.

Ellie held tight to his bare shoulders. They were hot and sweaty from working out, even after being in the cold room, but she didn’t care. It only made his cinnamon scent stronger and she could’ve sworn she was getting intoxicated from it.

He turned her head slightly, finding a better angle for their kiss. His tongue took lead in the dance with hers and the rhythm pounded through their bodies.

Dev lifted one of her legs and raised it around his hip. She was on the very tip of the small ledge and he ground his shaft into her core, with only the thin fabric of their workout clothes between them. When he hit just the right spot, Ellie shuddered. He grinned against her lips and repeated the motion, forcing Ellie to moan into his mouth.

“Fuck, Ellie. I need to be inside you.”

The words sent a frisson of anxious excitement down her spine and her hands began to tremble on his shoulders. On instinct, she bit his bottom lip as it brushed against hers. He groaned into her mouth and ripped away before traveling down her jawline. Open-mouthed kisses to the base of her neck turned into small bites that made her jump farther against his shaft.

He scooped her raised leg over his forearm, lifting her butt from the metal table ledge. The angle made it impossible for her to stand on her own, forcing her to lie back on the cold steel.

The really cold steel.

A shiver wracked through her until his other hand stroked up her bare stomach. Fingers grazing the bottom of her bra made her squirm before they pulled down the zipper in the front. She yelped when her unzipped bra popped open, exposing her.

A breath took too much of her concentration to inhale, taking her out of the moment. She reached her hands to the side but felt hard, cold wall against her fingertips. She was completely caged in.

Her panties and loose shorts were pushed to the side. Cold air burned her entrance, drawing Ellie’s attention to the fact she was completely vulnerable in front of a man for the first time.

Not the first time.

The threat of a memory caught in Ellie’s brain. She shook her head, desperate to flee from the fog in her mind, only to be surrounded.

Please. Not now. I want this.

There’s an aura to the worst flashbacks. They roll in like the trembling breath just before a confession, promising to reveal a moment the subconscious tried to shelter you from. Every time, the memory tasted like a lie as it came to the forefront of her mind, making it almost impossible to believe that something so horrible had happened in her life. Even faced with the truth, most of the time she still questioned if she’d even lived through it at all.

I am safe. I am in control. I am here in this moment.

Ellie had refused to delve deeper into her memories of what had happened to her, hoping that healing the surface would be enough. But over time, she’d come to realize the undercurrent of her past was always there, swirling around, biding its time before it could drag her under the surface.

“Ellie?”

I want this. I want this. I want this.

Her name was a muffled plea, barely registering in her mind. Tingles that had felt so good before, sparked along her skin like electric shocks, making her jump against strong arms. Her breathing, once bated with anticipation, increased to forced rasps and she clawed at whatever was binding her chest, trying to free her lungs to get air inside. Trying to see past the man on top of her, Ellie could tell the walls were stretching to tower over them in the small space. Snapping her legs closed, Ellie kicked at the man holding her, even as a part of her deep down wanted to tug him close to stay in the moment.

I want this.

I want… this.

I… want… this.

I… I… don’t…

I don’t want this.

She succumbed to the fog and everything around her flashed white.

The sound of ripping fabric invaded Ellie’s eardrums. Hands grabbed at her chest, tearing into the dress Sasha had painstakingly made for the party. Her body jolted as her back hit the cold floor.

Sweaty fingers painfully groped down her breasts and torso before pushing aside the only cloth she had left to protect her.

NO.

She screamed in silence.

Dirty fingers. Scratching. Digging. Pressure. She burned until she was empty again.

On fire, inside and out.

“Ellie!”

She shook on the floor, attacking the monster in front of her. It couldn’t happen again.

Not again. Not again. Nononono.

“No!”

“Angel! Baby, it’s me. It’s Dev. You are safe… in control, you’re here, with me. You’re here. At BlackStone. You’re safe.” Strong arms wrapped around her so tightly she couldn’t fight anymore. “Breathe, angel. Breathe with me. God, please, baby, just breathe.”

Deep inhales and exhales breezed cool air over her forehead and—unable to move anything else—she fell into the pattern. Slowly, too, too slowly, the room came back into focus. She was surrounded in a tiny closet-sized space by warmth and inked black feathers. Dev was clutching her against his chest. The reflection from the large viewing window showed broken wings cocooning a woman with haunted eyes.

“Dev?” she asked, her voice monotone from shock.

“God, Ellie. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking…” Dev broke off into mumbling about innocence and his grip tightened.

“Dev, I-I can’t breathe…” she rasped out.

“Fuck.” His hands shot off her and they both fell backward. The abrupt change from safety and warmth to the hard and cold floor was jarring enough to bring her completely back to her senses.

“Ellie, shit. I’m sorry, angel. I didn’t mean to drop you. You said you couldn’t breathe. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I fucked up. About all of it. I should’ve—goddamnit I wasn’t thinking.”

Ellie’s cheeks heated. She didn’t want Dev to have to think about what she’d been through, or for him to feel like he had to hold himself back.

He reached for her, but Ellie jerked back instinctively. She only knew she couldn’t stand the thought of being touched while her skin was on fire from embarrassment.

She looked up to find Dev’s face had turned a sickly pale. His hands trembled as they raked through his hair. He abruptly stood up and paced away from her mumbling about everything being his fault.

“Dev,” Ellie called meekly. She tried to get up herself until she realized her bra was still unzipped. Her chest was clawed with bloodred scratches and she knew her face looked the same. She clutched the halves of her bra and tried to zip up the front zipper, but her fingers were shaking with adrenaline. She held the fabric together before following Dev’s pacing.

“Dev, stop. Please.” She attempted to pull at his arm but he avoided her touch, instead tearing his hair again. He only stopped to stare at her, wide-eyed and unseeing as he slowly backed away to the door.

“I did this to you. I can’t… I can’t hurt you, Ellie. I just…” He turned around and slammed his fist into the gallery window in front of them. “Fuck.” He turned around, his knuckles bloody as pieces of glass crashed to the ground. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I’m too fucked up for you. I’ll fuck it all up.”

“Please! Dev, it’s okay!”

He whirled around again, every emotion etched in the look of pain on his face. “Don’t you get it? I did this to you! I-I didn’t even notice you were about to have a fucking panic attack. This is what happens when I lose control, when I let my emotions get in the way. Someone gets hurt every fucking time. I can’t let that be you!”

“I had a little episode, alright?” Ellie choked as she tried to catch the breath that was still leaving her lungs too quickly. “I think I need for us to take it slow at first. Or, I don’t know, like talk me through it? I-I’m sorry I freaked out…” He shook his head as she trailed off. All the heat left her body as she realized he’d already decided he was done with her.

“I-I can’t, Ellie. I-I’m s-sorry. I can’t be this guy for you. In my line of work, this need—” He slammed his fist against his chest. “The way I want you is a distraction that’ll fuck everyone else up. Losing control like that—I can’t hurt you and if we keep going that’s what’s going to happen.” His lips tightened. “I’m sorry.” He threw his hands up in surrender before turning to flee out the shooting range door.

Ellie leaned up against the wall of the small stall and tried not to think about the closet-sized space closing in on her like a trick in a funhouse. The viewing window reflected everything she felt in harsh focus. Ellie watched the broken woman in the reflection attempt to hold her pieces together as she slowly slid down to the floor.

Ellie always told Sasha Saves clients seeking help had the power to transform them from victims to survivors. They could take their lives into their own hands and work toward being free from their past.

Survivors took control of their lives and Ellie had always thought she’d done the same. That she could move on from what had happened and have a normal life, one without bodyguards or fear of being kidnapped and sold. That wasn’t too much to ask, right? She’d gone to therapy, worked hard in school, devoted her life to helping others. She’d even tried to flirt with the guy she liked.

Ellie looked at what was left of her in the viewing window. Her past had swallowed her down and like the mirrored glass in front of her, it’d spat her back out in jagged, broken pieces. Their sharp edges cut away any future she would ever have.

For the first time, Ellie admitted to herself the truth that’d been swimming deep in the recesses of her darkest fear.

She was no survivor.

She was a victim.

And victims had no future at all.