In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

ZORA

“Where you going, Zo?” His gruff voice stills my movements as I try to get away from him.

“I have to piss,” I sass against my better judgment. “Or is that not allowed?”

Chuckling, he sits up. “Just making sure you aren’t trying to run.”

“I’m very aware of what happens to those who try to run from you,” I mutter on my way to the bathroom, still naked from earlier. He never gave me back my clothes that he made me take off. He rarely ever let me wear anything when I was with him before. I don’t know why I let myself hope this time would be different.

“You know I’m not your enemy here, glow worm,” he yells through the closed door.

My eyes pinch closed hearing him call me that. I fucking hate it when he calls me that. Steeling myself for what awaits me on the other side of the door, I flush and wash my hands. Opening the door, I glare at him. “Then let me go, Slater.”

His face falls and hardens. “No.”

“You might not be my enemy, but you aren’t trying to help me here.”

“Come on, Zora. Am I really that bad to be with?” he asks lightly.

“Things have changed.” I admit my truth to him, looking at my feet and crossing my arms over my chest to conceal my breasts. “I’m not a kid who needs you to protect her anymore. I just want to live my life on my own.”

“I’m very aware that you aren’t a kid anymore, Zora.” His eyes trail up and down my body, making the bile rise in my throat.

Swallowing it down, I ask, “Then why keep me here like this? Why use me?”

“Because you’re the only one I can trust.” His answer shocks me. “Why didn’t you tell me your mom had another kid?”

“You were locked up.” I shrug, not wanting to tell him more than I have to about Remi. “I was back with Mom.”

“I would have watched over him.”

I sigh because that’s exactly what I didn’t want to happen. “That’s the problem. I didn’t want you to.”

His face pulls like I slapped him. “Why the fuck not?”

“Because I don’t want to owe you for anything more than I already do. I’ve been working toward being able to adopt him so that he’s out from under her and away from the system. I don’t want him growing up the way we did. You have to understand that,” I plead with him. I want him to let me go, but I know that’s just a pipe dream.

Clenching his jaw, he nods. “Well, he’s under my watch now, whether you like it or not.” He stands, stalking over to me and crowding me until my back hits the wall behind me. My eyes stay on his, refusing to let myself appear weak or scared in front of him. “And, Zora? If you fuck me over, I will make sure that not only can you not adopt him, but you’ll never see him again.” He runs a finger down my arm and gives me that sinister grin. “Remember who owns you. Understood?” he whispers into my ear.

My fucking body turns against me. My nipples harden from his closeness and his breath on my neck. I’ve been so conditioned to respond to him and only him for so many years. I don’t know how to turn it off. I wish I could.

He chuckles when he feels my erect nipples brush against his chest. “I’m going to make sure you remember everything, Zora. Whether you want to or not.” He licks up the side of my face. My hands fist at my sides, nails digging into my palms to keep from showing him how repulsed I am by him.

“I hate you,” I whisper, admitting it anyway.

“You wish you did.” He kisses the tear that falls from my closed eyes. “Even your tears are mine. The faster you accept it, the better it’ll be.”

Opening my eyes, they lock with his, crossing slightly from how close we’re standing. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

His smile grows again. Gripping my ass cheek in his hand, he pulls me against him. “I knew you missed me.”

I don’t knowwhere I belong.

I’ve never had a home. At least not a place I would ever call my home. Sure, my mom has lived in the same shitty trailer for as long as I can remember, but it always felt more like somewhere I’d visit between foster homes than my home.

In the morbid fairytale I used to tell myself when I was younger, I thought I’d live with Slater and live happily ever after.

Then, I realized how sick and sadistic he was. How vile and wrong everything was that he did to me and those around him.

He wanted me as his property to show off and nothing more. I was a prize he won after playing me like the naïve little girl I used to be.

I’m not her anymore. Not by a long shot. And I sure as hell will never live with him voluntarily a day of my life.

Closing my eyes, I stand under the hot spray of the shower as I keep letting my mind think about it all.

Then there are these boys. This place. Their home, the compound, that they brought me to.

I guess in a way I volunteered to be here, but I didn’t know what I was getting into or where I was going. Is this my home now? Could it be?

Reaching across my sternum, I rub my tense shoulder as the water continues to rain down on me, titling my head to the side to let the pounding of it beat on my tired muscles.

River and Domonic both told me I was one of them now.

Am I? Do I want to be?

Dropping my hand and my head, the shower hits the back of my neck.

I want to trust them. I’m just not sure if I can.

Or should.

After River told me things about them, I know with more certainty than I did before that what he said was true.

I’m not leaving here unless I’m dead.

He might have promised me that he’d help me leave if I wanted to, but I’m not a fool. I know he can’t promise me that. I won’t tell Dom or the others what he shared with me; I’ll keep it all hidden for him. But I’m not going to let myself believe it fully either.

These boys haven’t done much to make me think they’re lying about anything they tell me, but trust still has to be earned. I guess the biggest test in trust for all of us will come after the bonfire.

* * *

After my shower,I braided my hair and pulled on soft cozy sweats before making my way downstairs. The smell of popcorn made my mouth water before I was even in the living room.

Greyson sees me first, a big grin splitting his gorgeous face. “You’re just in time, Zo-Zo. We’re about to start a movie.”

Reaching into the bowl on his lap, I grab a handful of popcorn, shoving it into my mouth. He looks at me like I just kicked him in the balls, making me laugh. “Get your own popcorn, thief!” he yells at me, bending his body over the bowl to keep me from reaching for more.

“You’re such a fucking baby,” Domonic tells him, throwing a piece of his popcorn at Greyson. But I bend my knees, catching it in my mouth instead. “Thanks,” I say with a wink, watching Dom bite back a smile that wants to show.

“I’m making you some now, baby girl,” Cruz calls from the kitchen.

I make a move to reach for more from Grey’s bowl, but he smacks my hand away. “At least someone here is thinking of me,” I sass to him, walking toward the kitchen.

“Ugh,” River groans. “Angel, why do you always have to pit us against each other every time you’re in the room?”

I spin around to face the three of them laid out on the couches. “I do not pit you against each other. Grey just doesn’t know how to share.”

He lifts a shoulder in indifference to my accusations. “We’ll revisit that after we’ve all actually shared you, princess.” My mouth falls open at his crass suggestion. “Better close that mouth before I stick something in it,” he adds with a smirk before sucking his finger into his mouth.

My eyes narrow on him, but I don’t reply to his rude comment, even if it did start to turn me on a little bit thinking about having his cock in my mouth again. Turning back toward the kitchen, I take one step when Greyson calls out, “Grab me a beer, will you, Zo?”

I pause once again. Dropping my chin to my chest, my hands go to my hips as I spin around to nail him with my glare. “Do I need to remind you what happened last time you asked me to get you a beer?”

I watch his Adam’s apple bob and him lick his lips before he adds, “Please?”

Rolling my eyes, I walk away, this time not stopping until I actually reach the kitchen. Cruz lifts a brow at me with a smirk when he sees me open the fridge and pull out beers for everyone. I just shake my head.

Cruz follows me back into the living room. I hand each of the boys a bottle and then fall back on one of the couches. Cruz holds my bowl of popcorn in front of him, and now I'm the one lifting a brow at him in question.

Leaning forward, he places the bowl in my lap, but not before his other hand lands on the back of the couch next to my head, his face inches away from mine. “Don’t ever stop giving him shit like that. It makes me hard seeing you sass that fucker.” And then his lips land on mine.

I open for him the second I feel his tongue seeking entrance. I realize then that I haven’t kissed Cruz since the day I was in his bed.

Each of these boys kisses with expert skill, knowing exactly what they’re doing. But when Cruz kisses me, it’s like he reaches into my soul and licks the flames that surround the demons I keep buried.

He pulls away too soon and I hear myself whimper, making River chuckle. Holding out my hand to the side where he’s sitting, I flip him off.

Cruz stands up, adjusts himself right in front of my face, and then sits down next to me. “That was mean.” I tell him, popping a handful of popcorn into my mouth.

“That was hot,” Domonic says, surprising me. I look over at him with a shy grin.

“You should have seen when they were fuc—” River starts, but I stop him there.

“We aren’t doing this again!” I yell, making them laugh. Well, all but Dom because, well, he doesn’t laugh. Ever.

River leans forward to look at me from the other side of Cruz. “It’s okay, angel. We all know what it’s like to kiss Cruz. Don’t be embarrassed to want more.” He winks at me and then sits back, lifting the remote to press play.

Ignoring the eyes I feel on me, I focus on the TV as Austin Powers lights up the screen. Before long, we’re all laughing, chomping on popcorn and draining our beers.

We spend the rest of the day all together getting tipsy, watching movies and gorging ourselves on pizza and junk food.

I think it’s the best day of my life.