In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

DOMONIC

I let her go.

As much as I want to follow after her and pull her back to me, I don’t. I want to wrap her in my arms and let her warm my cold heart, melting away the walls of ice I’ve built around it.

I felt like I was thawing—she was warming me up to her when I had her in my bed. I’d never felt like that with anyone before—except for maybe one person…

Not caring if he’s sleeping or not, I open the door to his bedroom. The darkest shadows of black fill the room, and he’s asleep. Quietly, I close the door behind me and pad my way to the large king-size bed. Steps I’ve taken numerous times in the dark, it’s like a maze I’ve memorized to get to the end.

Slipping my sweats down my legs, I crawl up onto the high-rise bed. It’s soft and cushions my long-ago damaged knees. Pulling the fluffy blankets back, I slide under and into his side. His warmth. Hoping that it will give me what I’m seeking and needing right now.

“Hey,” his sleep-hazed voice says softly.

“Shhh…go back to sleep.” Like two magnetic puzzle pieces, we instantly slide into place. Arms and legs wrapped and tangled with the other, my head on his chest, ear to his beating heart.

“You want to talk about it?” Greyson asks, his fingers in my hair, making my eyes close and my body begin to relax.

“No. I just needed to feel you tonight. That okay?”

“I like feeling needed by you,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. Turning my head, I bite onto his chest. “Ouch! That hurt, fucker,” he yells through a laugh but doesn’t pull away from me.

Of all the boys, Grey knows me best. He knows more of my secrets than Cruz or River. He’s met my demons, and I’ve met his. We have a trust and understanding with each other that neither of us has with the other two.

They have their own bond though. Each of us would lay down our lives to save any of the others, but at the end of the day, it’s River and Cruz, me and Greyson who pair off and are closest.

Grey’s hand dips into my boxers, gliding down my half-hard cock. A few passes with his expert hand and I’m fully erect.

Gripping his hand to stop, I growl. “Stop. I didn’t come in here for that. Not tonight.”

His hand that was in my hair tightens in his fist as he pulls my head back. “Why do you keep cockblocking me tonight?” he asks before biting my lip, his teeth scraping against the flesh as he pulls away.

“I didn’t rush you before. You got to fuck her mouth, and by the roar I heard, my lion got off good.” I smile in the dark, grabbing his hard dick.

“Fuck. You.” He pants as I slowly stroke him—the opposite of what he likes.

I bite his chin. “Not tonight. Tonight, we sleep.” I kiss the same spot I just nipped with a soft open-mouth kiss.

“Fucking cockblocker and tease,” he muses, but he doesn’t push. He knows I just need his warmth and his arms around me tonight. I need him to calm the demons raging inside me.

ZORA

“How long you been up?”River asks from the doorway of his office. He looks exhausted with sleep-messy hair and rubbing his eyes with a yawn.

I grin over at him, putting my book down on my lap. “I couldn’t sleep. What time is it?”

“Six,” he says, walking over to the couch where I’m sitting. Taking the book I was reading, he lifts the blanket I have over me and lies down under it. With his head on my lap, he reads about Atticus explaining the sins of killing mockingbirds. He stays silent, eyes on the words of the page.

“Seemed fitting to read To Kill a Mockingbird with what’s about to happen,” I admit after too much silence.

“I hate violence.”

“What?” I ask, my brows pinching together.

He lets out a deep sigh. “It’s true. My life was decided for me before I was even born. I never had a say. I still don’t. Most of it I don’t mind so much, but the violence, the killing, I hate it.”

“You didn’t choose to live here?”

He shakes his head, and my fingers instantly go into his silky brown locks, pushing them out of his eyes that remind me of marbles. Greens and browns swirled together with flecks of gold.

“Then how… Why are you here still?”

His eyes shift to look up at me, locking onto mine. “We don’t have a choice. If one leaves, they’ll kill all the rest. There is no leaving, no moving on, no life outside of the compound and this,” he spews, sounding angrier and angrier the more he reveals. “Each of our fathers put us here. Some because they wanted to and others because they, like us, didn’t have a choice. Because this isn’t something that started with us. This is something that started generations ago, evolving into the greatness it is today.”

He stops talking and my heart beats so loudly, I hear it behind my ears. “What is it? What is this, River?”

“Have you really not put it together yet, angel?” he asks softly, almost sounding like a sinister clown with his growing smile. “We’re the Black Swans. We’re the ones who rule the night. Outside the walls of this compound, everything, every place you step is our playground. Drugs, sex, people, politics are all at our fingertips to manipulate any way we want—and sometimes need. We are part of The Organization, the next generation being groomed to take over for our fathers.”

“I don’t understand. He said he wanted the swan, like THE Swan. If you are all swans, then what? Who does Shadows want?”

“The one who lives in the light of day and rules us all. The Swan is the one who everyone in The Organization works for. We live and breathe and die for him. A birthright for all of us.”

He just gave me so much information, and I don’t even know what to do with it all. I want to ask so many more questions, but I don’t know if I should. He’s probably already told me more than he’s supposed to, and I don’t want him to get into trouble.

“Shadows wanted to be one of us. But he never could. It wasn’t his birthright,” he says, answering the question I wanted to ask before I could form the words.

I let out a slow breath. River sits up, cupping my face in his hands. “You’re one of us now, angel. We won’t let anything happen to you.” He kisses me on the forehead and I close my eyes, praying that that’s true. It has to be, right? Domonic told me the same thing last night.

“I still don’t understand why Shadows thought I’d be able to take you all down and make you weak,” I say after he lies back down and I continue to play with his hair.

“Because he knows how we operate.”

“River?”

“Yes?”

“You wouldn’t let me go even if I wanted to leave, would you?”

Turning from his side to his back, he looks up at me again with those same hypnotizing eyes. But this time I see them harden and turn cold, sending a shiver up through my body, instilling a slight fear of him for the first time.

His hand reaches up to cup my cheek. It’s warm and soft and the opposite of how his eyes feel on me right now. “No, angel. The only way anyone leaves here with our secrets is dead.”

Bile rises in my throat as it feels like it’s closing off my airways. Shoving River off of me, I stand and scratch at my chest, needing to breathe but unable to.

“Zora, calm down. Breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. It’s going to be alright.”

“Like fuck it is! You literally just told me that I’ll never leave here unless I’m dead. And last I heard, I’m not the first girl you’ve had here. So, it leaves me thinking that the odds aren’t exactly in my favor here.” My hand is on my chest and I’m hunched over, still trying to breathe. I sit back down on the couch and drop my head between my knees as I continue to wheeze.

River drops to his knees in front of me. “Are we really that bad?” he asks in a soft whisper.

Lifting my head, tears sting my eyes as sadness falls over my face and onto his. “I’m scared.”

“I know you are.” He takes my hands in his, giving me a weak smile. “We haven’t killed a girl in a long time though.”

“Oh my gosh, River! That doesn’t make me feel better!” I yell, pulling my hands from his and leaning back on the couch, needing space from him.

He takes in a loud, audible breath. “Look, I know it’s all weird and scary and probably creepy as fuck and confusing. But we won’t hurt you.”

“How do I know that? How can I believe that?”

He gives me a lopsided grin, his hand reaching out to touch my face, but he pulls it back, thinking better of it. “You don’t see it, do you?” He licks his lips before going on, his eyes sparking back to life. “You’ve managed to make all of us fall for you, Zora. You’re the one we’ve been waiting for.”

I swallow nervously, trying to make sense of everything I’ve learned tonight. There’s still so much I don’t understand. He looks both sad and happy all at the same time as he watches me.

On his knees in front of me.

“You’ve been waiting…for me.” I say it like a statement but, there are so many questions behind my words.

“We’re not allowed to date, in the traditional sense. We’ve all tried to bring girls in, but they either can’t handle us or we can’t handle them.” He huffs out a light laugh. “You’re so different, angel. Shadows might have tried to plant you here to get to us, to make us all rabid and turn us against each other. Instead, he’s managed to bring you. The last piece of our puzzle. You’re the Yahtzee, angel.” My lips twitch, wanting to smile at his joke.

“We’re all falling for you, and I don’t just mean your pussy, angel. I mean you. Your big heart, smart mind, quick wit, and incredible strength.” My cheeks heat at his compliments. I’ve never had such sweet things said to me before. “You’re one of us now. If you want to be.” I grin down at him, biting my lip. “And if not, Dom will kill you.” I shove his shoulder, making him laugh. I shove him again, but this time he grabs my arm and brings me down with him as he falls back on his ass with me straddling his lap.

Pushing my hair out of my face, he turns serious again. “Don’t be scared. I promise we’ll take care of you.” He pauses and looks nervous. “And if you don’t want to stay, I promise I’ll help you leave. I brought you here without you having a say, and if you want out, I’ll make it happen. But, Zora”—he pauses, resting his brow to mine—“you can’t tell anyone else that, okay?”

I nod, feeling his own nerves and fear encroaching. “Okay. I won’t tell the others.” At my answer, he lets out a breath. Pressing my lips to his, I inhale all he’s releasing.

I know that in this moment, River didn’t just give me answers. He gave me a secret. His secret, and I’ll keep it buried and safe with mine.

“Zora?” His warm breath continues to fan across my skin as he kisses up my neck, stopping at my ear. “Can I keep you?”

I bite back the huge grin wanting to spread wide as he asks that coveted question every girl dreams of hearing. He’s my Casper, my ghost—my demon—with a heart.