In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

ZORA

I’m buzzingwith a high as Greyson kisses me. It feels like he’s making love to my mouth, the same mouth he just fucked hard. I’ve never experienced something like this. The care that these boys give after they take and torture my body in delicious ways.

“Hey,” Cruz calls from the door. We stop kissing, turning to look at him, and I immediately miss the feel of Greyson’s lips on mine. “Dom’s calling a meeting.” His eyes shift from Grey’s to mine. “He wants you there too.”

Greyson utters a muttered, “Cockblocker.”

Cruz must hear though. “I waited until you finished, bro. You should be thanking me. Dom told me to get you two ten minutes ago,” he tells us through a chuckle as he closes the door, sealing us outside again.

Feeling my cheeks heat from being caught sucking Greyson off only hours after being fucked by Cruz and River, I tuck my face into Greyson’s chest, making him rumble with laughter.

“No need to be embarrassed, Zo-Zo,” Grey tells me, kissing the top of my head. His finger goes under my chin, tilting my head up to look at him. “You never need to feel embarrassed with us, you understand?”

He asks but doesn’t wait for an answer. He leaves one more soft kiss on my lips before taking my hand and pulling me behind him into the living room where the rest of the guys are already waiting for us.

When they all turn to look at us walking in, I feel my face flame again. They each wear a different form of amusement on their faces. Well, not Domonic. He looks pissed. But when doesn’t he look pissed?

Greyson pulls me into his lap when he sits down. I don’t fight it because I’ve learned that it’s a lost cause. And also, I kind of like sitting in all their laps.

“You good?” Dom asks Greyson with a cocked brow.

“So fucking good. Zo-Zo sucks like a champ,” Grey answers.

Whipping around to look at him, I smack his chest. “Greyson!”

With a smirk, he tells me, “Talent like that is rare, babe. You should be proud of your skills.”

“Oh my gosh,” I mutter, covering my face with my hands.

He gently pulls them away and kisses my nose. “What did I tell you? You don’t need to be embarrassed.” Biting and worrying my bottom lip with my teeth, I nod. Then he smiles wickedly. “Besides, it’s only fair I got to fuck that pretty mouth first since I haven’t gotten into the sweet little snatch I keep hearing about.” Pulling my lip from my teeth, he kisses me again, sucking my lip into his mouth and making me moan with protest when he pulls away too soon.

I start to object, to break it to him that he isn’t the first of them, but I hear someone huff in frustration behind me. One can only rightly assume it’s Domonic. Knowing I’m probably pushing my luck right now, I turn back to face forward.

But my eyes begin to roll when Greyson pulls my legs on either side of his hips so I’m sitting in a reverse cowgirl position and tugs my hips back. I feel his cock, hard and ready under me, and bite back another moan when he slides me over him, hitting my worked-up bundle of nerves.

“For fuck’s sake, Grey, you just got off. Can you please stop molesting her for fifteen damned minutes?” Domonic asks, annoyed. “Do I need to separate you two like you’re fucking children?”

I pull my legs back out in front of me and slide to the floor to sit between his legs, leaning back against the couch. I see Dom’s lips twitch, wanting to give me a little grin of appreciation, and I realize I’ve missed his secret smiles for me.

But I’m not the only one who sees it because Cruz yells, “Holy shit! Did you guys see that? Baby girl almost got Dom to smile,” he hoots with a curled fist over his mouth.

“Our girl has to be some kind of witch to make that shit happen,” Grey adds. Tilting my head back to look at him, I give a scrunched-up, mean face. He just laughs, leaning forward to peck my lips again.

“Yuck it up, assholes,” Domonic says, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest, looking annoyed. When his eyes meet mine, I give him a shy smile of my own, keeping his secret safe with me.

River, who’s stayed quiet up until now, breaks through the laughter. “What’s going on, Dom? Why the meeting?”

Domonic dips his head in contemplation for a beat before he speaks up and looks directly at me. “Do you know where Shadows lives?”

I swallow nervously. This was one of the things they instilled in me if I was ever asked.

Here I sit on the precipice of which side I want to fall on. I’m starting to care for these boys more and more, but I still have Remi to think about. And Remi is all that matters.

“No,” I lie.

Dom lifts an accusatory brow at me. “That so?” He doesn’t believe my lie.

“Uh-huh.” I swallow again over the dry lump in my throat.

He stares at me so long I start to fidget from under his scrutinous gaze. “Has he reached out to you since you’ve been here?” I shake my head. “Have you to him?” Another shake. “I want you to.”

My eyes widen at the same time I feel Greyson stiffen and River protest. “What? Are you crazy?”

“He’ll know that she’s flipping on him if she doesn’t give him anything,” Dom starts. “I think it’s time for a test, and that test is going to come in the form of the bonfire.”

Greyson mutters a fuck under his breath. So, I ask, “W-what kind of test?”

Domonic leans forward with his arms on his knees, eyes piercing me. “I want you to tell him. Tell him that you’re earning our trust. That we’re having the annual bonfire on Saturday.”

“Why will he care about a bonfire?” I ask, still confused with how this is a test of any kind.

“Because not only do we open up the compound to other guests”—he pauses and licks his lips—“but Swan will also be there.”

“I don’t like this Dom,” Cruz speaks up for the first time. “It’s always a security headache anyway, but adding the possibility that Shadows or his goons show up too is going to be a nightmare.”

“We need to draw him out. And if he wants Swan as bad as I think he does, then he’ll come looking for him,” Domonic explains. Then, his eyes shift back to me. “Or her.”

This is how I’ll die. I never thought I’d live a long life. I hoped I’d live longer than twenty years. My biggest regret won’t be that I died young. No, it’ll be that I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t protect Remi and give him the life he deserves.

“That’s bullshit!” River yells at Domonic again on my behalf.

“Do you think I like this? You think I want to put her in harm’s way? All of you in the direct path of destruction?” Dom pauses and shakes his head. “It has to end. At some point, all this shit has to end. And if we have to use her as a pawn to end it sooner, then so be it.”

I don’t realize I’m crying until I see a tear fall onto my pants, the drip landing on my leg and making that spot turn a shade darker than the rest of the cotton around it. Staring at the dot, I feel like it’s me. I’m the anomaly that stands out amongst everything around me. Bringing nothing but harm to everyone I encounter.

“Okay,” I quietly whisper. Looking up, I meet River’s hurt before I look at Domonic’s gratefulness. “Tell me what you need me to do.”

River stands abruptly, leaving the room in an angry huff. Cruz gives me a sad smile before going after him. Covering my face, I cry harder into my hands. When this is all over, I’ll stop hurting those I care about. I have to.

Greyson, still sitting behind me, runs his fingers soothingly through my hair. He rubs my shoulders, attempting to calm my tension. “We’ve got you, Zora,” he whispers in my ear.

Those words are enough to make me stop crying. I’m not broken, and it’s time I stop acting like I am. Looking straight at Dom, I harden. “No, I’ve got you.”

Domonic gives me that small grin, not holding back this time. “That’s it, baby. You’re understanding now.”

After I goto my room, I come back down with the phone that River gave me. Tapping in the phone number that they told me to use, I send a text. And in those letters, I type out my death sentence.

His reply is instant. I knew I could trust my girl. See you soon, glow worm.

Bile rises in my throat. With tears filling my eyes, I look up at Domonic. “When I die, find Remi. Promise me you’ll find him and keep him safe. You’ll give him the kind of life he deserves.”

“No one is dying.” He stares at me, and when a tear trails down my cheek, he follows its path with his eyes. “And if they do, it’s Shadows,” he adds in a cold whisper, making a chill run up my spine as he walks away.

* * *

I can’t sleep.Fearing I’ll wake River with my incessant tossing and turning, I finally give in and get out of bed. Quietly, I tiptoe down to the kitchen to make some tea.

It’s eerily quiet down in the main area of the compound with all the boys tucked into their beds. A soft glow illuminates the kitchen from the hood light that was left on like a nightlight. The thought makes me smile, thinking about these tough guys needing a nightlight.

I stop cold in my tracks when I see a figure sitting at the large, round table. Elbows resting on the dark oak with his head bent, his shoulders look tense with his hands in his hair.

My attempt to leave quietly before he notices me fails when I turn too quickly and stub my toe on the corner of the wall. His head snaps up when he hears my scuffle with the drywall.

“You alright?” Domonic asks, a grin threatening to pull on his lips when he sees me holding my foot up and hopping on the other.

Tears well in my eyes from the pain throbbing in my toe. “Yep,” I quip. “I came down to make some tea, but I can leave if you want to be alone.”

“Can’t sleep?” he asks, getting up and heading to the stove where the kettle sits. I watch him fill it with water and turn on the burner.

“Nope. You?” He shakes his head, pulling down a couple of mugs while I go to the pantry for the tea bags.

We both stay silent while we wait for the water to boil, avoiding looking at one another. The whistle fills the quiet minutes later. Dom fills the mugs with hot water. I squirt a healthy amount of sticky-sweet honey into mine. I look up at him then, in question of whether he wants some too. He nods, dropping a spoon into each mug. “Thanks,” he mumbles, taking his mug to the table.

I follow, sitting across from him. The tinning sound of his spoon circling inside his drink fills the kitchen, grating on my nerves with each pass around.

“Do you trust me?” I blurt. He looks up at me, his brow pinched together from my question. “You did, then you didn’t. I’m just wondering if you trust me again or not.”

“Can I trust you?” he counters.

It’s a fair question. Still hurts that he’s questioning me after all the truths I’ve given him though.

Lifting my cup, I blow on the hot liquid before taking a sip. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve been honest with you. I’ve told you everything I know.”

He stares at me for a long minute. “How do I know that wasn’t part of the plan to gain my—our trust?” I stay silent, thinking about how to answer in a way that he’ll believe me. He beats me to it. “I know Shadows. I’ve known him for a long, exhausting time. I know he can’t be trusted. And if you were part of his plan, then I don’t know how to trust you. Not completely anyway.”

“I hate him,” I tell him through barred teeth. “I’d like nothing more than to see the life drain from his eyes,” I go on. “I don’t trust him. But I know him too. I know what he’s capable of, what makes him tick, and most importantly, what makes him weak.” Dom stares at me, listening intently to every word I say. “I would rather die than be taken back with him.” I pause, licking my lips. “But I will do whatever I have to do to get Remi out of his hold.”

Sniffing back my emotions, I take another sip of my tea, not chancing a look at the fierce man who leads these boys with iron running in his veins.

Walking to the counter, I put my still-full mug in the sink. I’m almost halfway across the living room when I hear him call my name. Stopping, I turn to look back at him.

“I’m going to do everything in my power to keep you here and safe.”

“And Remi?”

He nods. “We’ll do the same. You’re ours now, and if he’s yours, then he’s ours too.”

Giving him a sad grin, I nod, turning to head back to River’s wing. But I know I still won’t be able to sleep. Slipping into his office, I flick on a lamp and slide down onto the leather couch. Pulling a blanket around me, I tuck my feet under me and open the book I was reading, needing to let my mind wander to places that are simpler and happier than here.