In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

ZORA

I wakeup with the realization of everything that happened yesterday really sinking in for the first time. I’m angry. Furious.

After I kiss a still-sleeping River on the cheek, I sneak out to go to the source of my anger.

Opening his bedroom door, I stare at a sleeping Domonic. At first, I see this man with a hard exterior who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, not just for him but for everyone around him as well. Looking at him while he peacefully sleeps, I can see deeper into the soft, caring side of him, beyond the hard shell.

But his peaceful sleep comes to an end when I crawl onto the bed next to him and slap him across the face.

Sitting up quickly with a curse, his hand moves for his gun—something I should have thought about before assaulting him in his sleep—then he pauses when he sees me.

“The fuck, Zora?” he mumbles, rubbing at his pinked-up cheek. He scoots back to relax in a half-sitting position now that he knows his assailant is me.

“You fucking lied to me,” I accuse.

Dropping his hand from his face, he gives me a discontented look. “I did not lie to you.”

“Omission is still a fucking lie, Dom.” Dropping my eyes to my lap, I add, “I told you everything. I gave you a truth I haven’t told anyone before. I trusted you.”

“You can still trust me.”

My eyes shift to his, and I tilt my head a bit. “Can I?”

“I fucking killed for you yesterday. You really think you can’t trust me?”

“You kept a pretty big fucking detail from me.”

He watches me a moment before his hard features soften. “I didn’t keep it from you to hold power over you. I kept it from you to protect you. The less you know, the better when it comes to Swan.”

His phone rings at that moment, breaking our back and forth.

“Answer it,” I tell him, still annoyed with him and this entire fucked-up situation.

Picking it up, he looks at it and then back to me. “It’s Doc,” he tells me before answering. “Doc, you have it?” His eyes go back to mine. “She’s right here. Let me put you on speaker.” Tapping on the screen, he holds his cell out between us. “Go ahead, Doc.”

“Good morning, Miss Zora,” the old man greets. “I have the results from the paternity test. Would you like me to tell you over the phone or send them by email?”

My mouth goes dry and I look at Dom for direction, but he keeps a blank expression on his face. “You can tell me now.”

“Do you want me to give you privacy?” Dom asks, surprising me that he’d let me hear it without him.

I shake my head. “No,” I rasp. “Stay.”

“Go ahead, Doc,” he tells the trusted family doctor. Domonic’s eyes never waiver from mine. My hand reaches for his, and he lets me hold on to him while I wait to hear the most terrifying news I’ll ever receive.

“There is a 99.89% match to—”

“Wait!” I yell, stopping him. I take in a deep, stuttered breath, rolling my shoulders back. “Okay, I’m ready now.”

“Slater Chadwick,” Doc says his name, not drawing it out.

I feel like everything around me slows down. My eyes close, blinking open as tears spill down my face. When I open them, Dom is still looking at me. I latch on to his gaze so I don’t crumble.

“Thanks, Doc. I’ll call you back later,” he says, hanging up and tossing the phone down on the bed.

Tugging on me, he pulls me closer to him, cupping my face between his big hands. His brow rests on mine, and if I wasn’t having an out-of-body experience, I might have missed the grin that turns up on his lips.

“I’m an uncle.”

A laugh bubbles out of me. I hadn’t even thought of that. With all the other terrifying realities from this result, that wasn’t one that crossed my mind.

“I guess so.”

Pulling back so I can look at him better, his grin is still there. “I can’t wait to meet him.” My eyes widen in panic. He quickly adds, “When you’re ready, angel girl. There isn’t any rush or push. You make that call, okay?”

Biting my lip, I nod my head. “He’ll love all of you.” My smile goes big thinking about that. “Probably more than me.”

“No way. No way anyone could love all of us degenerates more than you.”

There’s a moment of weighted silence that’s heavy around us. The unsaid threats of the world outside of this room wanting to infiltrate the air.

“What about Swan?”

“He thinks Kale is Remi’s father. Let’s keep it that way as long as possible.” I open my mouth to say more, but he puts a finger to my lips to stop me. “Remi is safe. And he’ll stay safe. Let’s tell the boys, then enjoy this day. Tomorrow we’ll work out a plan to take out Swan and bring Remi home.”

* * *

After a much-neededshower and a late breakfast, Dom tells the boys that we have things to discuss. So much for enjoying the day.

He starts by telling everyone, me included, that we did well yesterday. That we all reacted the way we should have, despite my refusal to leave them to fight without me.

Then, he looks at me, and I know it’s my turn to share. Nervously, I play with my hair, not meeting any of their eyes as I tell them we got back the paternity results this morning and that Slater is Remi’s father, not Kale as I let on yesterday.

Grey punches Dom in the shoulder, calling him Unky Dom-Dom.

River looks like he’s going to throw up. I guess after he was forced to watch me fuck Slater, that would do it. It’s something we still haven’t talked about, but I know we need to at some point.

Cruz stays surprisingly quiet, but when he speaks up, he asks, “Why didn’t you tell us he was your kid instead of your brother?” The hurt in my lie is written all over his face.

“I’d only told Dom just the day before. I was planning on telling you all, but then things took a turn.” I huff a laugh, but when no one joins me, I sober up. “I’ve never told anyone before. It was my secret and the best way I could think of to help keep him safe, away from Slater. That was always the goal, to keep him off his radar and as far from his reach as possible. Kale told me that Slater knew. That was what led Kale to let me go. He knew how things were going to end for him.”

Everyone stays quiet for a long few minutes.

Then, I ask the only question I need a definite answer to. “Are you going to train him to be like you? Locked up here and used as a soldier to do whatever dirty work you want done. Because if you are—”

“No,” Domonic says firmly.

“We’ve been trying to shut The Organization down long before you showed up, angel,” River says. “It’s part of why we took the money I found and hid it.”

“We have to be smart about how we take out Swan, but make no mistake. That motherfucker is going to die,” Dom adds.

“Make sure it hurts,” I tell him.

This time, he smiles. Freely and without caution. “There’s no other way, baby.”

“Well,” Grey starts, clapping his hands together. “This is a cute, wholesome talk, but I’m dying to see how this Twilight Saga ends.”

Cruz throws a pillow at him, making me laugh, but it was exactly what we needed to cut the tension in the room.

We, of course, turn on the last movie, bowls of popcorn and beers in hand—because who cares if it’s not even noon yet on a Wednesday.

DOMONIC

As soon aseveryone started to get into the movie, I snuck out. Back in my office to try to make some sort of sense of everything. It’s been one clusterfuck after another, and if one more of the boys gets hurt, I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.

Leaning back in my chair, I take a long pull from my bottle of beer. As much as I try to push away my memories from the past and lock them up, boxed away and taped up tight, they still come out to taunt and torment me.

I tossed and turned most of the night as each one came to me in dreams and nightmares. Thoughts of when my twin brother had been my best friend instead of my enemy. When we used to hold hands and help each other through the loneliness of our lives.

“Slater, you have to learn to tie your own shoes. Swan said that soon I have to go live somewhere else,” I tell my little brother. He might only be three minutes younger than me, but I still take care of him like he’s younger because he’s smaller than me.

“Why can’t I come with you?” Slater asks for the millionth time.

I lift a shoulder as I loop his laces and pull tight, just like our mother showed me before she had to leave too.

“I didn’t make the rules, Slate. You know we just have to do what he says.”

“Will I go where Mommy is?” he asks like I have all the answers.

He didn’t.Because Swan had killed our mother. Just like every other Swan of The Organization had.

Because, you see, once the women give birth to the name-carrying, first-born sons of The Organization and raise them to the ripe old age of five, they are no longer needed. They no longer have value to The Organization or the Swans.

The day after our fifth birthday, Swan took me to live at the compound while my little brother was tossed into foster care to sit until he may or may not have been of use to our father. You know, because if something happened to me, he had a spare in waiting.

I was in the compound for over a year by myself before River joined me. I was so bitter and angry that I had to live an even more lonely life without my brother that I pushed River away every chance I got. I hated him. I resented him.

A year after River, Greyson and Cruz moved in. Cruz saw me for what I was, a mean and cruel boy who didn’t have the capability to let anyone in.

Grey didn’t give up on me so easily though. He pushed me every chance he got. Trying to make me smile or laugh no matter how much I fought it.

All four of our fathers, the Swan and his fellow black swans, held the first bonfire for our generation when I was twelve. I was told to find the prettiest girl I could and bring her to them. I did as I was told, always wanting to be the best I could be for them.

Little did I know exactly what I was doing. That was the night I was forced to lose my virginity—become a man. One of them. Worse than that, it happened while they all watched to be sure I did.

It was that night that I finally gave into the kindness and friendship Greyson was offering. He found me quietly crying in my bed when he came to check on me after our fathers—the Swans—had left. He didn’t say a word, didn’t ask if I was okay—because he knew I wasn’t. Instead, he just climbed into my bed with me and held me.

He offered me—the kid who did nothing kind to him or the others—a way to feel cared for and safe that night and so many others that followed in this nightmare life we were all forced into.

The reason being that our fathers bear the last names of the founding families: Chadwick, (River) Vos, (Greyson) Abbot, and (Cruz) Morgan. My father is The Swan—the leader—because he procreated first.

The only reason he wants Zora’s son to be of our bloodline is to keep his name—me—as the leader of The Organization until the next generation. Something I have never wanted to carry on.

Something that the boys and I have been planning on ending.