In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs
ZORA
Grey,Cruz, River and I are all in the kitchen, laughing at Grey’s attempt to cook, when Dom walks in. We all stop laughing, each of our smiles falling when we see him, sobering the carefree air that was just in the room.
It’s the first time I’ve seen him in almost a week. He looks like he hasn’t slept in just as long with a thick layer of facial hair covering most of his face, his hair a mess and his eyes looking tired and red-rimmed. His face is lined with stress, and tension is radiating off of him in waves.
I want to go to him. To comfort him, to calm whatever demons are plaguing him, but I don’t. There’s still this big chunk of me that’s mad at him, furious even. I should have fear there too, but I don’t. Only anger.
His tired eyes find mine. “It’s been a week.” He’s looking at me, but I know he’s saying it to everyone. “Swan said he’d be back, that he’d contact me. He hasn’t. Not a word in a week.”
“When’s the last time you slept?” Grey asks him.
Dom waves off his concern. “I’m fine.” He runs a hand over his face. “We need to make a move.”
River stands up straight at that. “What if that’s what he’s waiting for? Is that really safe right now?”
“I’ve gone over every angle, everything we know, all the information we have. I’ve combed through it over and over again. I think it’s now or never,” Dom says, but he says it like it’s the last resort rather than a solid plan. Maybe it’s because he’s tired, but it doesn’t give me much hope for whatever he’s suggesting.
He rubs at his face again. “I need some fucking coffee.” Cruz moves to the coffee machine, turning it on to make a cup for him while he sits at the table. “We all need to talk and come clean with everything. If there’s anything anyone is holding back, now’s the time to get it out in the open.”
“I’m going to need something stronger than coffee for this,” Greyson mumbles but sits down anyway.
River and I join them at the table. No one is making eye contact, causing me to feel nervous. Cruz sets a cup down in front of Dom and one in front of me with a wink as he sits next to me. I smile at him, appreciating his kindness.
I wrap my hands around the warm mug and let its heat comfort me in the unease of the moment.
“Zora, is there any way that Slater sought you out to use you from the beginning?” Dom asks, jumping right in.
I let out a breath, making a weird raspberry sound between my lips. “I mean, maybe, I guess.” I stop to think about it. “He never mentioned anything “Swan” until the last time he found me. Before that, it was all about running his own drug crew.” I lift a shoulder in indifference. “I really don’t think so.”
“What did he want from Swan? Do you know specifically?” He peppers me with more questions.
“He told me to come in here, gain your trust, find out as much information as I could about all of you and Swan. That was it. I was nothing more than a pawn,” I answer, looking at him dead on. I want him to see my truth. I didn’t know anything; I still don’t.
“How’d Slater find out about Remi?”
I stiffen at his use of my son’s name. “I don’t know,” I whisper. “I tried everything I could to keep him hidden from him. Not because I knew he was connected to you or Swan—I had no idea any of you even existed until I got here—but because I knew that he’d put his claws into Remi the second he knew. He’d be another reason for Slater to keep me and use me, not to mention how he’d use Remi when he got older. My son deserves more than that. He deserves to grow up in the light instead of the dark.”
My answer must be enough. At least for now. He nods and then turns his attention to the others. “Now’s the time boys. Lay it all out.”
“Where are all of your fathers?” I ask out loud the question that’s been swirling around inside my mind all week. “I get that Dom’s father is the head, but what about your fathers? Aren’t they Swans too?”
Grey clears his throat before speaking up first. “My father lives in Europe to run things in that part of the world. Cruz’s father runs things in South America, and River’s father is in Asia.” My eyes widen with every new—not country but fucking continent he says. He smirks, and it’s probably from the surprised look on my face. “Yeah, Zo-Zo. This is a worldwide organization that has its talons in every facet of this world. Although, it’s all led from here.”
“Holy fuck.”
Cruz chuckles next to me. “You can say that again.”
“And your mothers?”
“Dead,” Dom answers flatly. But the look in River’s eyes tells me that it hurts, the wounds still feeling fresh from loss.
“All of them?”
“Yep,” Dom adds flippantly. “Once we reached the old age of five, we were moved here to the compound. That’s when our mothers were no longer needed because we began to be grown men.” He scoffs.
My hand covers my mouth as tears sting my eyes. “Remi,” I look at Dom. “He’s almost five.”
He nods his head. “That’s why we need to end this. To end Swan. We might have lied to him, but he’ll find out that my brother fathered him, and then he’ll not only take Remi from you, but he’ll kill you, Zora.”
“Why is all of this happening? Why was I put here in the first place if Swan didn’t even know about him before? I don’t understand,” I cry.
“Because my fucking brother was a jealous asshole,” Dom tells me, gritting his jaw. “My father didn’t want to dispose of him until he knew for sure he didn’t need a backup son. Slater went into the foster system while I came here. He tried to gain our father’s love and respect and need for him for years. That’s why he started his little street gang and attempted to make the name for himself that he did… Shadows. Because that’s where he lived. In my shadow. Or at least that’s how he saw it.” He runs his thumb over his bottom lip as he pauses a moment. “Only us in this room and Swan knew who he really was and his connection to The Organization. But he was starting to make more bold moves against us, and he was proving to be more problematic for my father than he was of use to him. That’s where the rivalry came from. That’s why they were both trying to kill each other. A little boy who was never loved enough and a father who expected too much.”
“Then the money went missing, and I was already here,” I say, putting it all together. “It gave Swan a reason to need Slater. To use him just as he was using me.”
“Unfortunately. And Remi became a bonus for both of them,” he adds, twisting my gut.
“We have to get him,” I plead.
Cruz puts a hand on my thigh, giving it a soft squeeze in reassurance. “We will, baby girl. But for now, he’s safe.”
I turn to look at him. “You know where he is?”
He gives me a sad smile. “I do. We all do. But it’s safer if you don’t.” I lean into him, turning my face against his shoulder, and cry. “You have to trust us, Zo,” he says, pressing a kiss to my head.
“Angel, you have to know that none of us want to hurt you or Remi. Everything we’re doing is to keep you both safe,” River adds, rubbing a hand up and down my back from the other side of me. I sit up to look at him, to see the pleading and sincerity in his green-blue eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, leaning his brow against mine. The apology and regret that he brought me here are sitting there heavy on his chest and beating so loud I can feel it in my soul as it seeks his.
Pressing my lips to his, I taste his truth and love. “I don’t blame you, River.”
“You should, angel. I told you before I was the demon that would destroy you. I was right.”
“No.” I shake my head, putting my hand on the side of his face. “You were the first to love me. Truly love me. Nothing can take that away.”
“Fuck, I don’t deserve you,” he says, leaning forward to kiss me again.
“None of us do,” Grey snickers. “But we’re a bunch of greedy fucks who want you anyway.”
River and I both smile into our kiss before breaking apart. I look over to Grey to see him wag his brows up and down at me, making me laugh.
I stop laughing when I look back to Domonic. He still looks pained. “What aren’t you saying?” I ask him.
“We need to draw him out. Get Swan here.”
“You want to use me as a pawn again,” I reply, not as a question because I already know the answer.
He nods before going on. “I want to tell him the truth about Remi.”
“No!” I shout, standing up so fast that the chair behind me crashes to the floor.
Dom holds up a hand when the boys all start to protest with me. “We keep Remi where he is. Swan will come for Zora first because he already knows where she is. When he comes for her is when we take him out.”
“You make it sound so simple,” I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest.
“It’s not. But it’ll work. He’s bound by tradition and run by power. If there’s anything I know for certain, it’s that.”
Looking to the boys for their thoughts and concerns, I see them all mulling it over. One by one, they all agree that it’s probably the best way to get him here and out from whatever rock he’s hiding under.
Domonic goes on to tell us that he’ll have Doc send a report to Swan of the paternity results, along with his birthday. Next week, on Remi’s fifth birthday, he’ll come for me.