Family Affair by Elle M Thomas

Chapter 13

 

Declan

 

From my office window, I have a perfect view of the car park. I watch Anita walk to her car and even from here, I can see that she looks uncomfortable. No, it’s not that. She seems upset, worried, and sad. Yes, sad.

I ball my hands into fists at my side, knowing that I’ve done nothing wrong, I don’t think. Yet I know her sadness is somehow down to me. I told her we’d talk later and then avoided going anywhere near the kitchen, avoided going anywhere near her. I tell myself that was because of Nigel. That I didn’t want him to pick up on the fact that there is something between us and I didn’t want that to cause issues between Anita and her dad. I’m not even convinced by my own reasoning. The truth is that I am shit scared by her and by us if the feelings I have simmering under the surface of my being are anything to go by. Feelings I don’t like or want, but they’re not listening to me because even now I can feel them intensifying and festering. I should have listened to Mase when he told me not to get involved, not that he said that, not really. But once I knew who she was, I should have moved on and allowed her to do the same. She is a nice girl, a good girl and she is looking for something real and of permanence, both things I can’t give and don’t want, do I?

I watch her car until it is the tiniest dot on the landscape, my hand roughly pushing through my hair and then force myself away from the window and grab my phone, intent on sending her a message of some sort. After probably the tenth attempt to compose something light, witty, and non-inflammatory I’m relieved to receive a text from Mase, until I open it.

 

<Any idea why my wife has just called me and bailed on a romantic dinner for 2 in favour of a girly get together with her sister? Please tell me that you fucking her sister isn’t fucking with my life already?>

 

I laugh at his agitation and the fact that his romantic dinner has been put on ice, but my laughter is short lived because I have no clue why Cupcake wants to meet with Liv. My ego is overinflated at the best of times, but it has no bearing in the conclusion that Anita’s plans with my sister-in-law are somehow connected to us, to me. Briefly, I wonder if I could get someone to cover for me tonight, allowing me to meet with Mase and by meet with Mase, I mean gate crash the girls’ meeting.

“No,” I tell myself as I dismiss the idea of not working and reply to my brother.

 

<No clue why your wife doesn’t want a romantic dinner with you…maybe she’s bored of you already. Maybe she married the wrong brother>

 

I know I’m playing with fire by winding Mase up with the inference that Liv is bored of him but also that there might have ever been a Liv and me, a Liv and anyone who isn’t Mase. The truth is that I am provoking him deliberately, if only to take my mind off Anita and whatever is on her mind. I don’t have to wait long to see how successful my provocation in poking the bear has been.

 

<Fuck you Dec! My wife has cancelled plans for one reason only, Anita, and for me that means you. If Olivia isn’t free tonight then I’ll have to make do with you. I’ll see you later and you can tell me what the fuck is going on and how you plan to stop fucking with my life>

 

“Shit!” That’s all I need, Mase, a pissed off Mase coming over later, but it looks as though that is exactly what I’m getting.

It seems that my fucking is fucking with both of our lives but more than anything it is fucking with my head because I am clueless as to what I should and shouldn’t do anymore.

 

~~~

 

I don’t actually see Mase when he first arrives. By the time I notice him, sitting at the bar, he is about halfway through a bottle of beer. He raises a brow at my smirk for him flying solo, until I remember that the reason he is here with me is because his wife has been summoned to meet with Anita.

I join him at the bar and order more drinks. He opts for a soft drink and explains. “I need to collect my wife and her sister in a while.”

“Where have they gone?” I ask, hoping he’ll tell me. Maybe I can tag along with him and meet the girls and by girls, I mean hook up with Anita.

He ignores my question.

“How’s it going having her around you here?” Mase wears a ridiculously large, smug smile that tells me he knows exactly how it’s going.

“Fuck off,” is my very mature response.

He laughs at me. “You, little brother, are screwed. You are desperate to go and find her, aren’t you? She is under your skin and in your head every second of the day and night. Am I right?”

“Fuck off,” I repeat, and he laughs again, louder.

 

Anita

 

“You’re making a pig’s ear of this, that’s what you’re telling me here?”

I laugh at Liv’s choice of words but can’t deny their accuracy.

“I mean, Dec is fucking it up with you. You’re not alone in this.” She laughs herself now. “What do you want from this?”

I shrug. Refusing to admit what I want.

She shakes her head. “When Mase and I began seeing each other properly we knew that we wanted it to work. He wasn’t looking for serious and I didn’t think I deserved serious, especially not with someone as good as Mase.”

I am shocked at her revelations; Mase has never seemed to be anything but serious where Liv’s concerned, and she is the best person I know so if anyone deserves a good person it is her, but then aren’t her old thoughts regarding Mase the same as mine are in relation to Dec?

“And now?” I don’t know if I want reassurance, guarantees or some kind of epiphany with her answer.

“I’m worthy. He made me realise that, but I believe it now, feel it. My childhood was all kinds of fucked up, of that there’s no doubt. However, Mase made me see that by being resilient to it and then going on to feel in anyway worthless or less than I should was allowing them to win. They can’t win, not ever. And here I am now, happily married and pregnant.”

“I am so glad you met him and that you realise how worthy you are.”

“Me too, and now we just need to get you to see that you are too, don’t we? But does Dec fit into this plan?”

I drop onto her sofa and top up our wine glasses with the non-alcoholic bottle I brought with me. “I’d like Dec to fit into my plans, my future…”

“But?” My sister takes my hand and squeezes it, encouraging me to continue.

“But I don’t know if he wants that. He’s not exactly long-term plans, is he?”

She shrugs. “Give him a chance. I mean, don’t propose, or start talking joint bank accounts or children’s names, but take a little time, enjoy what you have.

The wiggling of her eyebrows makes me laugh.

“Let him show you that either you are worth the effort of being monogamous for.” She rolls her eyes now and we both laugh. “Or let him prove that he isn’t worth the opportunity to love you.”

“When and how did you get so wise?”

“When I decided to risk a one-night stand. When Mase shagged me a dozen different ways.”

“TMI,” comes a call from the now open door.

Dec. He stands with his brother who is grinning broadly at Liv having heard her words.

“Only a dozen different ways? I apologise for my brother’s lack of expertise.” Dec grins across at my sister before moaning as the punch to his arm from Mase lands. “Cupcake,” he says with a half-smile for me. “Want to kiss my ouchy better?”

“Erm, no,” interrupts Liv. “I have a horrible feeling about where the pain of the ouchy is currently settling.”

Dec shrugs as Mase leans down and kisses his wife then notices the wine glasses and our near empty bottle.

“Have you been drinking.” His voice oozes horror and disapproval.

“Yeah, that’s our second bottle,” replies Liv, stretching forward to empty the bottle into our glasses.

“Olivia.” His tone is flat, but his dark stare and stony expression clearly demonstrate that he is not happy and is going to leave her in no doubt about that.

“Mason,” she replies and then seems to take pity on him by showing him the label. “Alcohol free as I am pregnant.”

“Oh, good. Coffee, tea, beer?”

Dec nods for a beer and I opt for coffee. Liv goes to help Mase with drinks, leaving me and Dec alone.

“Cupcake. I missed you today.”

I nod and struggle to contain a broad grin that is beginning to crack my face. He missed me and God knows I missed him. It’s a little ridiculous really that either of us should have missed the other when we were in the same building and yet, we have, both of us.

“I missed you, too. I erm, wasn’t expecting you here.” I look at my watch and see that it’s not even midnight yet.

“No, well, Liv ditched Mase so he came to the club, and it was quiet, and I wanted to see you.” He looks awkward at that admission. “So here I am. I thought I could give you a lift home.”

“Home?” I have no idea if he means my home or his.

“Yeah, to mine or to yours.”

I am panicking because there is no way I can take him back to my parent’s home. It would be awkward enough in daylight hours but at this time it will raise some serious questions and that’s without considering whether he wants to stay over, expects to.

“I will pay good money to see Nigel’s face if you rock up with your toothbrush and pyjamas.” Mase is virtually doubled over with laughter.

Liv smacks his arm once he’s put the drinks down but laughs too.

“You two are so fucking juvenile,” Dec accuses. “I was offering Anita a ride.”

Like that, the two of them are laughing like adolescents at the possible implications of Dec’s ‘ride’. I can’t help but join in with them and then Dec does too.

“I pity your child if this is any indication of your maturity,” he fires as his parting shot.

They ignore him. Mase has already pulled Liv into his lap and is gently stroking her belly with one hand while the other holds her hip.