Runaways by Nicole Dykes
“You’re jittery.”
“Is that a word?” I turn to look at Tammy, who’s standing next to me at her locker.
“Yes. And you are.” She grabs my hand. “I know this morning sucked.”
It did. God, did it suck. Lawson has detention because of me. It’s on his school record. Because of me. Because I can’t keep my hands off him. Every touch from him erases all the crap in my life, and I selfishly seek it out every chance I get.
“I can’t help it, Tammy. Do you think he’s mad at me?”
She laughs, but it isn’t cruel. She just squeezes my hand and shakes her head. “He’s mad at Da Silva. And maybe the world. But not you, Rae. Never you.”
“He should be mad at me.” I curse the tears starting to leak from my eyes. “If . . .”
She hugs me to her. “If what, Rae? If he wouldn’t have fallen in love with you, he wouldn’t be in detention right now?”
I nod, letting her hug me. “Yes.”
She pulls me back enough to look into my eyes. “Honey, I knew him before you came into the picture. And yeah, he’s a good guy, but he was a hellion. You cleaned up his act.”
“He was fourteen.”
“And on his way to juvie. Trust me. He loved fucking shit up before you got here. He didn’t care about getting in trouble. He didn’t care about scholarships and school. You did that, Rae. You made him want things for himself and for you.”
I wipe at a tear and lean back into the hug. She laughs and pats my back, letting me have a small amount of comfort. “What are you two still doing here?”
No. God, I hate his voice.
Tammy answers him, “Just waiting for a friend.”
I wipe my face and stand next to her side, staring down my evil stepfather. “Is that a problem?”
“You know it is. He’ll be in detention for an hour. School is over. Go home.”
“We’re students, Principal Da Silva.” Tammy bats her eyelashes at him, playing dumb. “Is it really bad for us to be on school property?”
He looks her over in a way that makes me want to puke, but then his lip curls. “After hours. Yes. Go. Home. Or you’ll be the next one in detention.”
He never threatens me with that. No, he’ll just punish me later.
“Come on, Tammy.” I hook my arm in hers. “Let’s go.”
She glares at Colin, but we leave. I feel disgusted, knowing his eyes are on us as we walk outside. He usually stays here late. Why? I don’t know. I don’t want to know, nor do I care.
We walk a few feet outside the front door and sit on a bench, still waiting for Law. “I don’t think he’s ever going to leave me alone.”
Tammy rests her head on my shoulder. “One more year, right? I mean, we have half a year left of our junior year. And then, senior year will be a breeze.” She lifts her head and looks at me, trying to smile. “Then it will be you and Law in a different town, living in sin and going to school. It will be beautiful.”
I laugh at her optimism, but I envy it too. “And you and Tanner?”
She shrugs, laying her head back down on my shoulder. “I doubt there will be a me and Tanner for too long, but maybe.”
“Look, this is the fantasy, right? If you want Tanner, then you two will be there too. In the apartment next to ours.”
I feel her smiling. “I think he’s going to have a problem keeping his dick in his pants.”
“You think he’s cheating?”
I feel her shoulder shrug against mine. “We aren’t all Law and Rae.” She looks up at me and half-heartedly grins. “But it’s okay.”
“It’s really not. You deserve better than that.”
She nods, not arguing, but not really saying anything more about it. “What are you guys going to do?”
There’s more melancholy in her voice now, and it feels dangerously more realistic. “I don’t know. If Colin sees us together, he’ll torture Lawson more. I can’t have him losing his scholarship, Tammy.”
“I agree.” I look at her, surprised, and she sighs. “He needs that scholarship. He has to get out of this town.”
I feel sick, thinking about any possibility of his scholarship being ruined. He loves art. He’s a beautiful, talented painter. He should have everything he wants. “Maybe I should just run away.”
“That’s not funny.” She sits up straight, and so do I, turning to face her.
“Tammy . . . I’m ruining his life.”
“That’s not an option, Rae. You can’t leave.”
I think about Colin’s hands on me. His eyes. And the words that come from his despicable mouth. He’s going to hurt me. And I don’t think I can endure it for a year and a half. “I don’t know if I have any other option.”
“Are you being serious?”
“I can’t let him rape me.” I look away, feeling disgusted and ashamed.
“I’ll cut his dick off if he tries.”
That elicits a small chuckle from me, which in turn makes her laugh, but we both know it isn’t funny. “He’s getting bolder.”
She hugs me to her. “Why haven’t you told me that?”
“You know that.” Tammy knows things without me having to tell her. She’s a lot like Law that way.
“I know.” She sounds as defeated as I feel. “But you can’t run away. We need you, Rae. We’ll figure something out.”
I bite my bottom lip, trying not to cry as I force myself to speak the words, “If I have to . . . leave, I mean . . .”
“You won’t.”
I sigh. “If I have to, will you promise to take care of Lawson. Please?”
Her mouth begins to open to say something, but she stops. I can see the tears in her eyes. “If you leave him, there will be no taking care of Lawson. He will tear the world apart to get to you.”
I know she’s right.
“I don’t know what to do.”
We don’t say anything because really, there’s nothing to say.
I’m afraid that soon, I won’t really have a choice. And I don’t know if I can leave Lawson behind.
