Runaways by Nicole Dykes
I’m numb. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but after the adrenaline faded, it’s like I can barely move. I can’t speak. My body hurts everywhere. I stare at my body in the mirror of the bathroom after my shower.
I took one last night too, but it was quick. Today, I scrubbed everywhere. I look at the bruises on my body. My face is a train wreck, but I don’t cry. I don’t feel anything.
I quickly dress in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, pulling Lawson’s hoodie over my head and leaving my hair wet and down before finding him in the kitchen. He’s in his boxers, looking through the pantry. When he sees me come in, he walks to the coffee pot, quietly pouring some into a mug. He moves to me, kissing me on the forehead and handing the mug to me. “The coffee’s good.”
I smile and take it from him but don’t drink any yet. “Have you heard from Nash?”
He shakes his head and pulls a box of Pop Tarts from the pantry. “No.”
He uses the toaster to make us both breakfast, and we sit in silence, drinking our coffee while I pick at the pastry.
He’s not looking me in the eyes but past me, out the window. “Do you want to talk about it?”
No. Never.
But this is Lawson, and I know he’s drowning in the depths of last night’s hell, the same way I am. “He didn’t rape me.”
I know he wants to know. His eyes finally meet mine. I don’t see relief in them. “But he tried.”
I try not to think about Colin’s body on mine and the way he held me down. This time, I look away. “Yes.”
“You fought hard.”
I turn back to him. “Would you expect anything less?”
“Anything you did wouldn’t be less. No one deserves that shit. No one deserves to be held down and hurt.”
I wipe at my tears, wincing when my hand brushes over the bruise on my cheek. “I hate him, Lawson. It’s like he thought I wanted it.”
“He’s a sick fuck.” He takes a drink of his coffee. “I should have killed him.”
“No. You shouldn’t have.” My voice is firm because he’s not a killer. I don’t want him to be a killer. I don’t want his life to be a mess because of me.
We continue our day in silence, not saying anything to each other. He checks his phone constantly for an update from Nash.
When the sun just starts to set, that’s when Nash shows up. He comes inside the house, locking the door behind him, and we all sit in the living room. “So?” Lawson interrogates.
“Nothing.”
Lawson looks as confused as I feel. “What do you mean nothing?”
Nash stays focused on his brother. “I mean nothing. There’s no talk about it anywhere in town. It wasn’t on the news. There’s nothing about it, Law. Nothing at all.”
I turn to Nash. “How is that possible?”
It’s Lawson who answers, though, his face expressionless. “He wants to handle this on his own.”
Nash gives a quick nod, scratching the scruff on his face. “That’s what I think too. Otherwise, there would have been something. It would be all over town and the news.”
That’s not possible. I know it wasn’t an empty threat. Colin really is friends with so many cops. So many powerful people. “So, he didn’t tell his cop friends?” I ask, completely confused because I thought there would definitely be a full-on hunt for Lawson and me in progress by now.
Nash’s eyes meet mine, and I see the unease there. “I think he’s keeping that in his back pocket. But for now, he wants to find you himself.”
I wonder what he told my mother. What she knows. He has to have a black eye from Lawson’s fist. But it wouldn’t surprise me at all if she believed whatever he told her. In fact, I’m positive she has.
“So, what does that mean?” I ask, numbness taking over.
“It means you aren’t going back,” Lawson says firmly, but he’s looking at Nash.
The veins in Nash’s neck grow taut with tension. I turn to Lawson. “But you could.”
Lawson’s furious eyes pin me in the next second. “No.”
I have to try. If there’s a way for him to bounce back after this, I want him to. “You could though. If the cops aren’t looking for you, Lawson. You could go back to your life.”
“I’m not going back there without you, and there’s no way you’re going back. There is no life here for me. You think Colin isn’t going to go through with his threats? If I’m there and you’re not, he’ll get his friends to take me down.”
I don’t really think he would. I think he would threaten him and try to find me. But with me gone, I don’t think he would care about Lawson. He was a means to an end for Colin. “You should at least try.”
“No.” I open my mouth to argue with him, but he repeats it louder this time. “No.”
Nash takes a deep breath. “So what’s the plan?”
“We run. Because he’ll eventually kill her if she goes back, not to mention other shit.”
Nash meets my eyes, and I look away. He should hate me. I’ve ruined Lawson’s life. But instead, he says, “Okay. I’ll take you guys to the bus station in the morning. But you can’t call me. You have to completely disappear. They’ll be watching me closely with both of you gone.”
I want to argue. I want to say that they need to go back to their home and let me go, but that won’t happen if Lawson has a say. So instead, I stay quiet. Lawson, however, agrees to it.
Nash stays the night with the plan to leave early in the morning, but I wait until Lawson is fast asleep and the darkness has taken over the room before I kiss his temple and sweep my hand through his thick hair. I take a moment to breathe him in and memorize his beautiful face.
“I love you,” I whisper into his ear, but he doesn’t move, finally sleeping soundly.
I grab my bag and make my way down the hall to where Nash is staying. I push the door open slowly, hoping I don’t see anything he wouldn’t want me too. But I can see he’s in bed. He sits straight up when I walk into the room. “What are you doing in here?”
His voice is low, but I don’t think it’s gravelly from sleep. I’m pretty sure he was wide awake. “I need you to take me to the bus station now.”
He moves to the edge of the bed, throwing his legs over the mattress. “What are you talking about?”
“You know.” I try to fight my tears. I need to convince him quickly before Lawson hears me. “We both know this is the right way.”
“No.” He shakes his head, getting out of bed, and I look away so he can tug on a pair of jeans over what I think were briefs, but it’s dark in the room. “He’ll kill me.”
“He’ll forgive you.”
“No.” He pulls a shirt on and moves to stand in front of me. “He won’t. He’s stubborn.”
I lift my chin. “So am I.”
“Yeah, I know. But he loves you.”
The ache in my chest grows. “Look, Nash,” I plead with him. “I’ve made up my mind. And I know . . .” I take a deep breath. “I know you don’t hate me or even dislike me. You just want your brother to be okay. We have that in common.”
“I don’t think he’ll be okay without you.”
I fight back my tears, not wanting Nash to see me cry. He already thinks I’m weak. “He’ll get over it. He won’t be okay with me. Colin will destroy him. If he goes back now without me, maybe Colin will leave him alone.”
“You really think Da Silva won’t try to get information from him?”
I know he will at first, but I try not to think about that. “I think Lawson has you, and he’s tough. When Colin realizes he doesn’t know anything, he’ll move on.”
“To hunt you down.”
I swallow the disgusting taste of bile rising in my throat, pushing it away. “This isn’t about me.”
He looks toward the clock on the nightstand. “I don’t hate you. I don’t want you hurt.”
That brings a slight smile to my lips. “Just do this. Please. The nearest bus station is an hour away. You can be back before he wakes up.”
His troubled eyes meet mine. “And then, he’ll hate me forever.”
“You’ve always only done what was best for him. He knows that deep down. He’ll forgive you. He has to.”
He scoffs, takes a deep breath but then nods. “What about you?”
“I’ll be okay. I have a couple of thousand dollars in cash. I’ll be okay.”
“You know that’s nothing, right? Out there.”
I shrug, trying to play it so much cooler than I feel. “I’ll get a job.”
He doesn’t believe me. I know he doesn’t. But in the end, he gives in and drives me to the bus station. He waits until I purchase a ticket to Oklahoma City, which is a four-hour trip that doesn’t board for a few hours.
“You want me to stay with you?”
I shake my head. “No. Go back to him.”
“Rae . . .” He looks tired and full of frustration—more pain I’ve caused. “I don’t think I should do this. You’re a kid too.”
“I’m not. I haven’t been a kid for a long time.”
I haven’t felt like one anyway.
“You’ve been through so much.”
“Just take care of him.”
He surprises me and pulls me into a quick hug. “Take care of yourself. Please.”
“I will.” I wipe at my tears when he releases me and lift the hood over my head, hoping it hides my broken face.
He leaves, and I sit on the bench in the small bus station.
Knowing, without a doubt, that the only one to ever truly love me is close to soon hating me.
