Wilde by Abby Brooks

Chapter Thirty-One

Amy

“Leo moved to LA.” I look across the table at Dad, who’s reading the news on his phone while blowing steam off a mug of coffee.

Slowly, his eyes meet mine. “Did you guys ever get things worked out?”

I shake my head, rubbing a finger over the ellipsis on my wrist. Some things end before they’re finished… “The only reason I know he’s gone is I drove by his studio and saw a sign in the door.”

He’d shown up on Collin West’s Instagram feed, too. The two of them at a party, arms thrown around each other like the best of buds. Not like I’d been stalking him or anything.

“I’m sorry, Ames. I really am. I wanted that to work out for you.”

“I thought you couldn’t stand the guy.”

“If I’d had my choice, I would have picked anyone else for you because, well, I didn’t want you to end up like this, but it sure woulda been nice if it worked out. Too many kids growing up with parents that can’t stand each other nowadays.”

I place a hand on my tummy and take a deep breath. “There are so many things I would have done differently.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Definitely. If I hadn’t dropped out of school to find myself or whatever, I wouldn’t have met Leo. I was on a good path before…everything. So what if my life was a little boring? At least I had a future.”

“Hmm.” Dad sips his coffee, his face unreadable. “And Avery?”

I narrow my eyes. “Probably still woulda been with him too. Not that that’s a good thing.”

“Ames…” He places his mug on the table and leans in. “Does that really sound like the life you want?”

“I mean no…but it’s better than this. Right? Pregnant. Alone. No job. No friends.”

“The way things were before all this looked good on paper, sure, but you weren’t happy. You can’t build a life outta paper.” Dad grins. “At least now you have a chance at a life that makes you smile. You were never gonna be happy as an accountant. You’re too…alive…to live with numbers all day.” He holds up a hand. “And I know I’m the one who pushed you in that direction and believe me, I regret it. I’m just glad you were able to fix my mistake before things got too far out of control.”

“I’m not sure I’d call what I’ve been doing fixing a mistake.” I huff a laugh. “Things are looking pretty bleak.”

“But that’s because you’re still in the middle of it. Have you ever done a deep clean that didn’t look worse than when you started at some point in the middle? But, you just keep going. Keep cleaning. Everything eventually finds its place. You’re currently sitting in the middle of a disassembled life. All the parts and pieces are in piles around you, waiting for you to decide where they belong. Once you’ve chosen what to keep, what to throw away, and what you still need to find, then you’re gonna be so happy with the outcome.”

I smile. “You’re pretty amazing, you know that?”

“Damn straight I am.”

I stand, stopping by his chair to wrap him in a hug before heading upstairs to my room. We’d managed to cram the designer baby furniture in the small space by putting my desk in the garage until I was ready to move out, which meant the only place I have to sit is my bed.

With a sigh, I plop on the comforter and grab my laptop to start a list of all the things I should’ve been doing from day one.

Step one: Stop thinking about Leo.

Step two: Definitely stop crying over him every time you’re alone.

Step three: Find a job—even if it’s not ideal. Check Plinky’s?

Step four: Look for an apartment.

Step five: Look into daycare so I’m prepared when Little Bit arrives.

Step six: Consider going back to school part time. Graphic design?

Step seven: Find my purpose.

How did me getting my life in order come down to such basic items? How did I, Amy Sinclair, end up in a situation where providing basic necessities for myself needed prioritized?

I close my laptop and shake my head.

Maybe’s Dad’s right. Maybe I would have been righteously unhappy if I’d stayed in school and married Avery. Maybe there’s a real chance for me to grow and mature and become the kind of woman my mom would have been proud of. The thought sets off a flurry of other thoughts, skating and skittering away from each other one right after the other. This whole time, I thought finding my purpose meant finding the right career. The right title. I thought it was all about the stuff surrounding my life, but I was so wrong.

My purpose is connection. Family. I thought I’d found it with Leo, but maybe he was just the teacher. The lesson.

My purpose is my dad downstairs and this baby in my belly. It’s in making the lives of the people around me a little brighter, day, by day, by day.

Dad’s right. I’d be miserable as an accountant, and I’d be miserable as Avery’s wife.

I stand and run a hand along the crib, remembering the day Leo bought it for us. My heart clenches as I see the quirk to his grin, that sexy smile that caught everyone’s attention. There’s such an amazing man buried underneath all that…

…what?

Selfishness?

Childishness?

Impulsiveness?

“Hurt,” I whisper. “There’s a great man hiding under all that hurt.”

My lower lip trembles as I close my eyes, one hand coming to my stomach while the other clutches the rail of the crib. I wanted to be the one to erase his pain so he didn’t have to hide behind it anymore. The last thing I wanted was for us to end up like this.

A tear slips down my cheek and I shake my head.

“This is where you are, Amy. Doesn’t matter what you wanted to happen. This is what happened.” I wipe my eyes. “Time to make the best of it.”