Apathy by L.K. Reid

Skylar

Eighteen years old.

Eighteen years old and not a day wiser. If I were, maybe I wouldn’t have fallen for a guy when my life was a mess.

Six thousand five hundred and seventy days, and I wished I wasn’t here anymore. I wished I lived a different life, with a different family, in a different town, with different circumstances.

But wishes were one thing and reality was completely different, and no matter how much I wished that things were different, I couldn’t change who I was.

But I could still run from what was happening, if even just for a minute, for a second, for a teeny-tiny moment, I could run from my reality.

It was my birthday, and the only thing I wanted to do was to drown in my despair. But I couldn’t disappoint Lauren or the rest of our friends. The Halloween bonfire was an annual thing, sometimes happening at Infernum, sometimes deeper in the forest, and this year it was on the riverbank, close to Lauren’s parents’ cottage.

I honestly didn’t want to be surrounded by people tonight, but I knew it was better than getting high on my own.

Dylan also wasn’t here. He promised he would be home for my birthday, but all I got was a text message this morning, telling me that he wouldn’t be able to make it.

No birthday wishes, no apologies because I actually needed him here, nothing.

I wanted to be angry at him, but since I broke my own heart and ran away from Ash, I couldn’t bring myself to care about anything at all. Not the major party Lauren was throwing, not the deranged killer who was still out there, not Kane who was behaving like a lunatic, nothing. I couldn’t care about anything.

It felt as if somebody punched me in my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t sleep last night, and I looked more like a zombie than a girl who was celebrating her birthday.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Lauren didn’t comment on my appearance or lack of makeup when she picked me up. Instead, she hugged me and led me to her car, and I was thankful for that. Putting makeup on was the least of my concerns right now.

“Tonight is going to be epic.” Lauren grinned, her voice mixing with the song.

“What is the name of this song?” I asked, instead of commenting about the bonfire and my lack of enthusiasm.

She looked at me, then at the console and picked up her phone, giving it to me. “I have no idea. Danny added it the other day, and I kinda like the voice of the singer.”

“There are two of them,” I murmured.

“What?”

“There are two singers.”

I felt her eyes on me as I scrolled through her phone until I found the full playlist Danny made for her.

“Enemies with Benefits” by Blind Channel. I scowled at the name.

“What’s wrong with you lately?” Lauren asked and when I looked at her, she was already looking toward the road.

“You mean, except getting attacked and all this weird shit happening around town?” I scoffed. “Nothing really, everything is just peachy.”

“See. That there. You would never respond like that before.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Lauren. Maybe having a near-death experience made me realize that I shouldn’t be keeping my mouth shut when people say something I don’t like.”

“That wasn’t a near-death experience.” She frowned.

“And how the fuck would you know?”

Ever since we found Megan’s body, Lauren had turned into someone I didn’t know. Or maybe that’s how it worked in life. People you once called your friends would always start turning into acquaintances. Or maybe I was just too tired, too angry, too much of everything to care about trivial shit like parties, school, and other things she obviously wanted to talk about.

“You know what,” I started. “Forget I said anything. In a few months, none of this will matter either way.”

“What do you mean?” she asked as she turned toward the old gravelly road leading to the cottage.

I placed her phone in the holder and turned toward the window. “There’s only a few months left of school, and after that…” I trailed off.

“After that, what?” Her voice had a tone I didn’t like.

“You know what.” I turned toward her. “We’ll be leaving.”

Something passed over her face—something close to sorrow, close to pain. Something I didn’t notice before. But before I could ask her about it, she schooled her features and smiled.

“Yeah, we will be leaving.”

If it was disbelief lacing her voice, I didn’t ask, because I didn’t want to know right now. The only thing keeping me sane at the moment was the prospect of me leaving and never seeing this town ever again.

We rode in silence after that, the music filling the empty space and the miles separating Lauren and me. I had no idea how we got here, but something had changed between the two of us. We were friends since kindergarten. Our parents were friends, but somewhere after the start of this semester, we became distant, and while it bothered me in the beginning, I was starting to get used to it now.

The lights from the cottage started getting visible in the distance, but what pulled my attention was the bonfire not too far away from it.

“Holy shit,” I exclaimed as we came closer.

They really outdid themselves this year. The bonfire must have been at least nine feet high, and the silhouettes of people gathered around it were noticeable as Lauren parked closer to the fire than the house.

“That’s fucking huge.”

“Right?” She smiled her first real smile of the entire evening, and I hoped that tonight would go without unnecessary drama.

Mostly, I hoped he wasn’t here.

She shut down the ignition of the car, and I slowly exited, shuddering from the icy evening air surrounding us. Winworth was already cold at the end of October, but going further into the mountains or near the river during this time of the year felt like you were walking down the streets of the town in the middle of February.

“It’s so fucking cold,” I cried, wrapping my arms around me. “Why are we doing this again?” I asked as Lauren opened the trunk of the car, pulling out the two plastic bags I haven’t seen before. “What’s that?”

“More booze, of course.” She smiled. “And to answer your question,” she placed the plastic bags on the floor, “it’s your birthday, and it’s Halloween.”

No shit, Sherlock.

“Besides, we already had bonfires at every other place in town, but we never thought about having it next to the river.”

And I wondered fucking why. The lights on the cottage and the blazing fire should’ve been enough to illuminate the night, but it was as if the shadows hiding in these woods were defying light, clawing, crawling, coming closer and closer, whispering through the icy wind playing with my hair, luring me into their nest.

I was with Lauren, but I felt all alone, reliving the day we found Megan. Reliving that night the monster marred my skin, leaving his permanent mark on me. And their cold hands touched my shoulders, their claws piercing through the thick coat I wore. The crows sang, the forest watched, and the air I was inhaling became painful in my chest, my lungs seizing with each new breath I took.

I knew my mind was playing tricks on me, but there were eyes in this forest, watching my every move. Maybe it was him, waiting to snatch me away from my friends, to take me into his depraved world.

“Skylar!” I jumped as hands landed on my shoulders, swallowing the scream threatening to erupt from my chest. “What are you looking at?”

I turned around, calming myself down when Danny’s blue eyes connected with mine. I soon realized that Lauren wasn’t anywhere to be seen, while I stood at the edge of the forest. If I took another step, I would’ve been completely engulfed into the darkness surrounding the area.

Thankful for the distraction, I wrapped my arms around Danny’s middle, soaking in the warmth he emanated.

“I’ve missed you too, dude.” He laughed and wrapped his hands around me. “But what are you doing here? Lauren said you were still at the car, but I went there and, well—”

“I was thinking, I guess. I don’t know.” I moved away from him. “So much has happened in the last couple of months, and to think that I’m turning eighteen…” I trailed off. “I don’t know, Danny.” I shrugged and looked at him. “I just feel kinda lost, I guess.”

And this was why I loved Danny more than Rowan. Instead of bullshitting me and trying to tell me that everything was going to be okay, he just hugged me tighter, as if he could truly understand what I meant.

As if he could understand that all my choices were taken away from me, and this suffocating feeling wouldn’t go away. I was drowning in my own misery, and nobody said a thing. No one even noticed.

It was so easy slipping into a dark abyss, but once you were there, you suddenly realized that this wasn’t what you wanted. That you didn’t want your heart to die. That you wanted to fight. You wanted to live.

You didn’t want life to pass next to you while you stood in the same place, unable to move, because you locked yourself up.

I constantly spoke about leaving Winworth after graduation, but if I was being entirely too honest with myself, I could’ve left months ago. I could’ve found a place to call my own, without leviathans flying over my head.

I could’ve left Winworth, but something held me here. Something couldn’t let me go, and maybe it was destiny, or maybe it was a fucked-up game life was playing with me, but whatever it was it had to let me go.

“You’re going to be okay, Sky. You’ll see.” He pulled away from me and hugged me around the shoulders, slowly pulling me with him as he started walking toward the bonfire, toward the voices and the music in the night. “I promise. This darkness can’t last forever.”

This darkness can’t last forever, echoed in my head as we approached the rest of the guys. And even when we stopped next to Lauren who already had a drink in her hand, Danny didn’t remove his hand from around my shoulders.

“Happy fucking birthday, Sky!” Rowan shouted, bringing the attention of the rest of the people gathered around the bonfire to us. He hurriedly closed the distance between us, and the next thing I knew, I was airborne, held tight in his arms as he started turning me around, singing the “Happy Birthday” song to me.

Others joined, the clapping of their hands echoing around us, even while the scenery became blurry and my mind fuzzy.

I heard Lauren’s shouts and Beatrice’s melodic laughter, and for the first time in weeks, I felt happy.

But then as if the shadows felt my happiness, they brought it down, bringing back the memories of the one person I didn’t want to talk about tonight.

He wasn’t here.

Even though all my friends sang and laughed, cheered and celebrated, my mind kept going back to Ash. To the stricken look on his face when I told him that our relationship wasn’t working for me anymore.

My mind went back to just minutes before that, when he told me he loved me, when everything seemed perfect and the world around us didn’t matter.

It went back to those nights spent in my room, when he held me in silence, drowning out the noise in my head. And those dark, filthy shadows, they gripped my chest, clawing at my heart, until the tears gathered in my eyes.

I placed my hands on Rowan’s shoulders, willing him to stop, but he couldn’t hear my cries.

None of them could.

“Ro!” Danny shouted. As Rowan slowed down, the world around me started spinning. “Put her down.”

Wetness coated my cheeks, while my stomach churned from all the turning and the lack of food.

“Shit,” Rowan exclaimed as he finally put me to my feet. “Are you okay?”

I stumbled away from him and placed one hand on my face, hiding myself from them. And then it came all at once.

When we found Zane.

Megan’s lifeless eyes.

The first time my father tarnished my soul.

The midnight blue of Ash’s eyes.

The golden mask in the night.

The pain ricocheting through my body as he carved that symbol on my arm.

It all rushed in, like an avalanche, a volcanic eruption, all colors and feelings. My tears and the poisonous Winworth rain. My pain and their ugly words. My heart shattered in a million tiny pieces while the entire town watched.

The picture of a perfect family that was anything but perfect.

Our mom’s constant absence and the vicious words my father spewed at me.

I started shaking my head, taking a step backward, while they all threatened to erupt, to escape from my body. All these things I was keeping inside. All these depraved little secrets I couldn’t say out loud.

The poetry of my life, the fucking misery. The unholy invisible hands wrapping around my throat, choking me, suffocating me, forbidding me from saying all these things I wanted to say.

And I just wanted to forget.

The music, the voices, and the laughter, all woven into one; they all echoed around me until I realized—I was the one laughing. My body shook from the force, and I finally opened my eyes, seeing the worried faces—first of Rowan and Danny, then Lauren, and finally Beatrice and Hailey.

A glass shattered somewhere on my right side, and I walked to them, placing one hand on Danny’s shoulder.

“I’m good.” But the expression on his face was one of disbelief, as if he expected me to break right in front of his eyes.

Maybe I was breaking. Maybe the shadows came to me at last. Maybe the sanity I was holding on to was slipping through my fingers.

Maybe I didn’t care anymore.

I walked around the two brothers and bent down, retrieving the glass bottle of vodka from the ground. I uncapped it and lifted it in the air, smiling at all my friends.

“Happy fucking birthday to me!”

* * *

Alive.

I finally fucking felt alive.

It must have been hours since we arrived, and after that first bottle of vodka, the second one came, then the third one, and somewhere along the way Lauren told me to open my mouth.

“Wider, Sky.” She snickered as she placed a pill on my tongue.

We danced, and we laughed while the fire flickered around us, enveloping us in its warmth.

I couldn’t feel the shadows anymore. Their eyes didn’t bother me anymore. Their claws couldn’t touch me.

I was here, but I wasn’t here.

As I looked at my friends huddled together, my cheeks hurt from the wide grin I sported, happy that we were finally together. Lauren was leaning against Danny, her cheeks flushed from all the dancing and the warmth, from the alcohol and drugs as well, but she looked happy.

Happier than ever.

Hailey was perched on top of Rowan’s lap, his hands on her hips, his face hidden behind her hair, while she talked to Beatrice, the only one standing.

Kane wasn’t here, but in my fuzzy brain I figured that it was better this way. He’d been getting distant, almost as if he was both angry and sad, and I didn’t know why. Perhaps I could’ve been a better friend, but somewhere between growing up with him, then sleeping with him, then trying to get rid of him, we grew apart, and I had a feeling that no matter what I did now, we would never go back to being what we once were.

Best friends.

Ridding myself from thoughts about Kane, I stood up and shook the debris from my pants. My knees felt wobbly, like Jell-O after sitting down for so long, but my bladder’s protests were louder than the little bit of discomfort I felt in the moment.

“Where are you going?” It was Lauren that asked, moving away from Danny and slowly sitting up.

“Toilet,” I mumbled. Or at least that’s what I hoped I’d said.

My teeth felt numb from all the alcohol we consumed, the tingling sensation in my fingers slowly spreading throughout my body, reaching the center.

I turned around and started walking toward the forest. I didn’t feel cold anymore. I didn’t feel anything anymore.

No pain.

No pressure.

The trees seemed darker tonight, the full moon shining bright above us, but the light couldn’t reach the ground of the thick forest.

Leaves and dirt groaned underneath my boots, mixing with the noises from the bonfire following me all the way inside.

“Wait for me!” Lauren’s voice traveled to me, making me turn around.

Her ginger hair bounced around her shoulders as she stepped around the large rock in between the two trees. I couldn’t see her eyes, but I could feel her energy matching mine. As soon as she reached where I stood, we started walking together, going deeper into the woods, further away from the crowd.

“I missed this.” I was the first one to break the silence between us. “I missed us.” I looked at her.

She looked down at the ground, as if contemplating her next words. “I did too. It’s been too long, and it feels as if all of us just… drifted apart.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I didn’t think it would happen this fast.”

“Mmhmm,” Lauren mumbled. “I think this is okay.” She suddenly stopped. “I’ll just go around the tree and you can go there.” She pointed toward the larger tree not too far away from us.

Without waiting for my confirmation, she took a step back and started walking toward the tree behind us, while I started heading to the one further away. An owl hooted as soon as I stopped beneath the tree, announcing its presence.

“Shush.” I snickered, unbuttoning my pants, and crouching down to pee.

I could still hear the faint sound of music, and the rustling of leaves as the wind whooshed between the trees. I pulled my pants up and walked back to where we separated. The feeling I never wanted to feel again crawled all over my neck, and even in my drunken state, I knew it wasn’t because fucking unicorns were observing me.

“Lauren!” I called out, but no answer came.

“Lauren?” I walked toward the tree where she went, but when I looked around, she wasn’t there.

I jumped as the owl hooted again, my heart racing a thousand miles per second.

“Skylar…” My name all of a sudden came to me on the wings of the wind howling through the forest. The hair at the nape of my neck stood up, my eyes widening, my hands shaking. “Skylar,” echoed again around me. A cacophony of sounds, of female laughter, and a shriek breaking through the night made me sprint in the opposite direction.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, I chanted in my head, running through the forest, evading the trees in my path. I had no idea if I was on the right path. I had no idea if anyone would hear me if I called out for them.

But most of all, I had no idea if I was imagining it.

Laughter came from behind me, a sinister feminine laughter, and I ran faster and faster, sweat beading on my upper lip even under the cold October night.

“Skylar!” a singsong voice called out again, cackling, taunting, coming closer.

And that was when I saw them.

Three figures standing next to each other, cloaked in red robes, their faces hidden behind white masks. Expressionless, cold, eerie, otherworldly.

I turned left, but three more were there, already waiting for me.

“No, no, no.”

I swiveled around, coming face-to-face with one of the masks.

They were surrounding me and whichever side I turned, they were there. Red robes and white masks. The two in front of me tilted their heads, coming closer and closer, creating a circle around me with the other hooded figures.

“Let me go!” I tried pushing through the wall they created, but their hands stopped me, pushing me back to the ground. “Please,” I cried.

“Sanguinem Sacrificium.” They started chanting in unison. “Sanctum Sacrificium.”

“Just… Please!” I pushed myself backward until my back hit the legs of one of them. I tilted my head and looked up, twelve white masks looking down at me.

“Sanguinem Sacrificium. Sanctum Sacrificium,” they continued, uncaring of my cries, disregarding my pleading. “Two will become one. One will become many.”

“Get the fuck away from me!” I started pushing myself up, but the one standing behind me pushed me back to the ground.

“The Union is about to start.”

“What Unio—” I tried asking, when something pierced my neck from the right side. “Ouch.” I shook them off of me and pressed against the place where they pierced me. I looked to the side, only to see the needle held by one of them, lifeless eyes staring back at me.

“W-what did you do?” I slurred. “What is this-s?”

I moved my hand back, checking for blood, but there was none.

As my eyes started closing, my mind slowly shutting down, I realized they had drugged me.

The darkness welcomed me into its warm embrace, and the last thing I saw before closing my eyes was Lauren’s face in front of me, holding the mask in front of her chest.