Where You Can Find Me by Fiona Cole

13

Later that day,I found myself sitting on my couch with Evie. The fire warmed us as we drank our wine and let the TV drone on in the background.

“I haven’t seen you in for-ev-er.” She dragged out like the kid from The Sandlot. “I can only imagine it’s because of the new man in your life. You’ve been a tight-lipped bitch about him, too. Is it because you’re in love with him and are already planning to run away and have his babies?” She drained her wine glass with a theatrical eye roll, not at all impressed with that theory. “Or is it because he is hung like a micro-machine, and you’re ashamed to admit it?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her highly concerned look. Her eyes pleaded with me to agree with the in love option. “God, Evie. I missed you these past few weeks.” Her eyebrows rose, waiting for a response. “It’s neither of those. I’m not in love with him, and he is not hung like a micro-machine.”

“Oh, thank god!” She heaved a big sigh and laid her hand over her chest as she continued to speak with total sincerity. “I was worried. I think a micro-machine penis would be the worst. I’m not sure we could be friends. I would never be able to meet him without laughing. It would be horrible. I would have to give you gifts like a magnifying glass and those weird finger condoms. Christmas would be a mess.”

We both laughed for a bit as we continued on about the horrors of a small dick. As our laughter settled, Evie’s eyes turned serious. “I know I’ve been busy, and we haven’t had time to talk a whole lot, but I’m here now, and I have been denied information long enough. I’m assuming he is someone serious because you are so quiet about him. Usually, you’re more open about your adventures with guys, and I can only assume you feel different for Jack because you are acting different.”

She was right. She tried to grill me after seeing me at our family dinner so long ago when I’d been obsessively checking my phone, but I remained evasive. I gave her his name and that we were hanging out. I told her I would let her know when it became more but that I didn’t really want to talk about it. I never told her about when we had sex in the bathroom. I felt embarrassed at first, then I just became possessive of our time together and didn’t want to share. Mostly, I still felt a little embarrassed, even though I knew Evie would give me a high five and cheer on my adventures.

“So I’ve let you stew, but you have this happy look about you, and I need to know now. I have time to listen, and I don’t have any more patience. Spill it, chica.”

I finished the last of my wine and set it on the coffee table before turning to face her. “There isn’t much to say.” I looked down at my fiddling thumbs and chanced a peek to see her giving me a “don’t lie to me” look. Eyebrow raised and all. “Ugh! Fine!” I heaved a big cleansing sigh. I didn’t understand my hesitance to talk about him. Evie was my best friend, and she knew everything about me. Why couldn’t I just blurt it out?

“Are you serious right now?” Evie’s voice was almost a shout, and she threw her hands up with a laugh. I leaned back with wide eyes, wondering what the hell was going on. She leveled a serious look at me even though the smile still remained on her lips. She had a little bit of incredulity in her eyes too. “Jesus Christ.” She dragged it out slowly as if making a discovery. “You fucking like him.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Of course. I like him, Evie. I’m dating him, aren’t I?”

“No.” She shook her head with a shit-eating grin on her face. Breathing out a small chuckle, she dropped her bomb. “No. I changed my mind. You don’t just like him. You fucking love him.”

“What?” My eyebrows drew together as a panicked smile spread my lips. My eyes rolled twice as hard as before. But this, this was the reason I didn’t want to talk about it with Evie. She forced her honesty on me, and I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want her assessment.

“Don’t ‘what?’ me. This is the reason you’ve been so quiet. Because I would see that dreamy ass look in your eyes and know that it was more. And I would call you on that shit, and you would be forced to deal with it.” She rolled her eyes and murmured, “God forbid.”

“That’s not it at all, Evie.” I held strong to my denial.

She leaned forward to grab the bottle of wine and refilled our glasses. “Of course, that’s what it is. And you like him. More than like him. Maybe I am off base on the love thing, but you do feel differently about him than any others. I can tell because you usually tell me their dick size by now and how they used it. But with Jack, you’re different; you’re private. When you care about someone, you keep them close.” She took a sip of her wine. “Shit, maybe you don’t want to jinx it or whatever lame ass excuse you’ve come up with.” She used the hand holding the wine glass and pointed her finger at me, raising her eyebrows, giving me that don’t give me shit look again. “Either way, it’s more, and if you don’t love him, then you are well on your way to loving him.”

We stared at each other for a minute before I grabbed my glass of wine with jerky movements and drained it in one gulp. I set my glass on the table and continued leaning forward, elbows on my knees. Softly, I began to speak the truth. “I’m falling in love, and I’m terrified it will destroy me.”

Evie leaned closer to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. “It wouldn’t be love if it didn’t.”

I turned my head and saw the understanding on her face. We both smiled, and I sat back on the couch to get comfy to spill all the details to my friend. I still left out some parts, but I shared the majority of the last month, including last night, and that I shared my secrets. I think her eyeballs almost popped out of her head when I told her he used to be military. She laughed about how much of an ass-kicking Jameson was going to get for hinting to Jack about my past. She gave me her best puppy dog eyes when I wouldn’t give her details on the sex other than that it was hot as hell.

We sat there catching up on the past month until something on the news caught my eye. The newscaster began talking about the murders that had been occurring more frequently. This must have been what the phone call was about that took Jack away this morning.

“Another body was found last night in an abandoned factory near West Sixth Street. The victim has been identified as Isaac Belvue, a thirty-eight-year-old man who was last seen leaving Pulse Nightclub last Saturday night. Friends and co-workers reported him missing when they hadn’t heard from him by Tuesday. His sister said she stopped by his apartment, and it hadn’t been touched all week.

“It has now been confirmed by a source with the police that these murders are related. People have begun to suspect that these murders were connected based on similarities between the cases and their close proximities. The victims were only identified by dental records due to the state of their bodies.”

“It’s just horrifying that these things are happening.” Evie’s face showed both shock and disgust as she watched the news program unfold. She turned to me with pleading eyes. “Promise me you are being safe and not walking to your car alone at night when you get off work late.”

“Of course not. Jack insisted that I have one of the security guards walk me to my car if I get off and it’s dark. He actually wants me to have them walk me to my car every time I get off work,” I informed her with an eye roll. I continued to watch the TV as they switched to a reporter at the scene of the crime.

The outside of the building had busted out windows and faded brick, much like most of the older factories in Cincinnati. Caution tape blocked off the broken up concrete parking lot where the police swarmed the premises. I could see Detective Daniels talking to a younger cop. The camera panned back, and I clearly saw Jack standing stiffly with his eyebrows drawn low over his eyes and a scowl marring his face as he stared down the younger cop next to the detective. The younger cop, just a couple inches shorter than Jack but lacking in the same muscle, turned to face him and smirked, almost taunting Jack. Jack’s eyes widened as he drew in a deep breath and looked as though he was barely containing his rage. Another man, not in uniform, stepped up beside Jack and placed his hand on Jack’s shoulder, and leaned in to whisper in his ear. The camera moved back to the reporter describing the scene.

Evie must have seen the look on my face because she placed a hand on my shoulder, and with a little shake, asked, “Hey, girl, you okay? You look like you’re really bothered by this. Why don’t we just turn it off?”

She reached for the remote, but I placed a hand on her arm to stop her. I wanted to keep watching just in case I saw Jack again. Who was the guy that leaned in? It seemed to have calmed him down some. I didn’t get to see his face, but something about his profile seemed familiar. Maybe it was Jack’s partner, Grayson, who he always talked about. Either way, I felt my heartbeat kick up with the thought of Jack being on the news around the murder scene.

I knew the thoughts that rushed through my head tipped toward extreme, but I had learned that sometimes the most extreme possibilities that you never thought could happen to you were possible. I didn’t want the world to be swept out from under my feet, so sometimes, I gave in to the irrational, extreme possibilities. I had just begun opening up to Jack; I wasn’t ready to lose him. Just this morning, he told me not to worry because no one knew he worked the case. And yet now, on the news, he appeared for anyone to see. I tried to let the thoughts pass, assuring myself of the improbability of anything bad happening, but at the same time, a small number of them had taken root in my mind and wouldn’t let go.

Evie’s eyebrows scrunched in concern as she looked at me and tried to understand why I had a look of panic on my face. I had to tell her something before she called Jameson and told him I was losing my shit. “That’s Jack. On the TV. Working the murder. He said no one would know, so he wasn’t in any danger, and yet there he is. On live television for anyone, including the murderer, to see.” It all came out in a whispered, rushed sentence while I pointed him out to her.

Evie scooted a little closer and squeezed my shoulder. “Okaaay.” She dragged it out as she tried to understand my reaction. “Lu, there are a lot of people on the TV. It’s not like the murderer is remembering every person on TV right now. I mean, look at all those cops. There has to be at least a bajillion of them walking around. No murderer would try to kill all of them.” Evie shook her head with pursed lips and raised eyebrows as though she was about to impart obvious information. “I mean, that would just be exhausting, and where is the fun in that?” With a smile, she leaned in. “Amiright?”

I couldn’t help but laugh and roll my eyes at her horrifying sense of humor. “Of course, you’re right. You know, you really are horrible. And I’m horrible for laughing at you. I’m going to hell.” I sighed in defeat and let my shoulders fall.

“Don’t worry, chica, I will be there to pick you up with tequila.” She winked at me before we both turned to finish watching the news report. My nerves were a lot calmer now that she called me out on being a basket case.

“Right now, there has been no forthcoming information on who may be behind these murders, though police are speculating it could be gang-related or drug trafficking. There has been no connection established between any of the victims. The police are asking that everyone take precautions to remain safe. Our I-team at News Five will be working around the clock to help keep the people of Cincinnati informed.”

After the news switched to the weatherman, I turned off the television. Some of the worry must have lingered in my eyes because Evie reached over and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. Her hugs felt the best. Better than anyone’s I knew. They gave me strength and got me through the toughest times. “Don’t worry, chica. I’m sure he will be fine. Besides, from what you told me, he is one hot, strong, security badass.” She leaned back and placed her palms on my cheeks, looking me in the eyes, making sure I heard what she was about to say. “Just because you have loved and lost doesn’t mean every time you love, you will lose again. Be the strong, brave woman I know you are.” She leaned in and pecked me on the forehead and then, pulling back, slapped my cheek a little. “Besides, you love the hell out of me, and you will never lose me. I’m like herpes. Never really gone.” She ended her deep speech with a wink and a gun hand gesture, and I laughed at her disgusting analogy.

“You’re lucky you have me to laugh at your crazy comments. But someday, you will find a man just as equally disturbed as you. I’m sure you two will be happy with each other.”

Something crossed her features but left before I could pinpoint it. Her face settled into a look that I know had made many men crumble at her feet and beg for just one night with her. “And until then, if ever, I will test out all the cocks of the land and find my favorites!”

I raised my refilled wine glass and shouted out, “Hear! Hear!”

We clinked our glasses together and drained them in one gulp. After a little more time indulging in girl-talk, Evie let me know she had to get going. The next day was Sunday, and while I could sleep in to my heart’s content, Evie could not. She said that lately, she found her best inspiration in the morning, so she needed her beauty sleep. We said our goodbyes, and I refilled my wine glass before sitting in one of my high-backed armchairs by the fire.

I picked up my latest research paper I had been reading earlier in the day and tried to get into it. The wine all of a sudden hit me, and I began to feel drowsy. As my eyes grew heavier, I set my paper down to rest my eyes for a moment.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, I awoke to the sound of my door being knocked on and my fire just a pile of ash and smoke.

I jerked when the doorbell rang and looked at the clock on the shelf to see it was just past midnight. I had slept for almost three hours. My heart raced with the possibility of who could be at my door. I grabbed my phone and made sure it was on. Hesitantly and quietly, I made my way to the door and looked out the peephole. With a sigh of relief, I opened the door to Jack. But when my gaze made it to his face, the smile forming around my lips faded. He stepped into the light of my entry, illuminating the shadow and swelling around his left eye.