Where You Can Find Me by Fiona Cole

11

As we left the bar,I made sure to make eye contact with Jameson, letting him know that I knew what he had done, and I would be back to rip him a new one. But all that slipped from my mind as Jack grabbed my hand in the truck, and we drove back to my place. Our hands rested on my thigh, and his thumb stroked against my leg, making me wish his hand would move higher. A smirk danced across his mouth every time I inched our hands closer to my core. When we pulled into the driveway, I turned and looked at him as he shut the truck off. We sat in the quiet, enjoying the tension as I bit my lip. I knew I wanted him to come in, but I struggled to get the words out, knowing that when I did, there would be no turning back.

“I’m not ready for tonight to be over.” The words barely came out as a whisper, but the flare of heat in Jack’s eyes let me know I might as well have screamed them in the silence of the truck cab. “Do you want to come in for a drink?” We both knew it to be a hollow excuse for him to come inside with me.

“Sure. I would love to.”

He walked me to my door, and I tried to keep my cool while I unlocked it, but my hands were wrought with nerves, and the key shook in the lock anyway. I opened the door and flicked on the light. The room was separated into two sections on each side of the entrance. It used to be two separate rooms divided by a narrow hallway, but after the renovations, it became a wide, open room with dark, hardwood floors. On the right sat my television, coffee table, and sectional couch. The left held a fireplace on the far wall with two overstuffed sitting chairs placed on the edge of a large area rug. I had a large eight-by-eight-foot bookshelf on the opposite wall and a wine bar set up on the wall with the front door. It was one of my favorite areas of the house, a place where I could relax and read by a fire in the winter. Straight across from us was a doorway that led to the stairs to the second floor and the kitchen a little bit after that. If you walked in further, you would find the dining room on the right, off of the kitchen, with French glass doors that led to the backyard and patio. The upstairs held a long hallway that led to three bedrooms: mine, an office, and a guest bedroom.

I loved my house. I had worked hard on it, and I knew it didn’t really matter, but I wanted him to like it, too. “You can take a seat. Can I get you a drink?” I motioned over toward the sectional while I moved to the wine bar.

“Do you have any whiskey?” I nodded yes. He sat down, still looking around. “Your home is beautiful, Luella.”

I could hear the honesty in his voice, and it made me smile. I poured a glass of wine and a couple fingers of whiskey for him, moving to sit beside him on the couch. I didn’t want to keep beating around the bush, so I sat close enough for our legs to brush. “Thank you. I’ve worked hard to make it what it is.”

He took his glass and raised it for a toast. “To a great night out with a beautiful woman and to doing things right this time.” He said the last part with a wink.

“Thank you. I can drink to that.” We clinked glasses, and each took a drink.

“So your brother…” He left it hanging with a small laugh.

“Ugh! Don’t remind me. He is such a cliche big brother and can be really embarrassing.” I rolled my eyes and threw my hand in the air in frustration.

Jack grabbed it and held it tight in his, sending warmth all through my body. “It wasn’t that bad. He loves you and is protective. I am the same way with my sister. I choose to believe she secretly loves it. Deep, deep … deep down.” His voice rumbled with restrained laughter. His eyes shined with a warmth when he mentioned his sister. It made me want to know about someone who could bring that look to his face.

“So tell me about this sister of yours. You seem to care about her a lot. And if you’re anything like my brother, then maybe we will need to band together against big brothers in the future.”

We both paused at the future comment but let it slide. “Ah, my sister. Juliana. As I mentioned, she is younger and just graduated college. Oh, and you’ll love this. She majored in science.”

A dramatic gasp left my lips as I held my hand to my chest. “Be still my heart. I love her already.”

“I figured you would. She recently decided she wanted to go get her Masters, so she can teach at a college and still do research.”

“Seriously, I might leave you and go be with your sister. We could sit around and discuss the wonders found in a lab.” His laugh warmed me even more than the wine was.

“She’s a good kid. You would like her. And yes, she puts up with me. More so now than when she was in high school. I made all the boys scared of touching my baby sister when I pulled my rifle out to clean. Man, she hated me when I came home for visits.”

I couldn’t help it, my lips curled up at his humor. It didn’t make it better that I became weak and senseless when he held my hand. The lazy circles he drew with his thumb were not helping either. I looked down, trying to hide my smile. “You’re a funny man, Jack.”

“Thank you.” After a small pause, he continued, “You’re an exquisite woman, Luella.”

I looked up, meeting his eyes. His lids were heavy as he waited for my response to his comment. He delivered it in such a deep sexy voice that I felt it in the pit of my stomach. We sat there just staring at each other, trying to decipher what the next move should have been. Jack leaned over to set his glass on the table and took mine to do the same.

He lifted his hand to my cheek and brushed his thumb along my cheekbone. “Your eyes have to be the most beautiful and diverse green I’ve ever seen. Did you know they change colors?” I shook my head, unable to speak for fear of breaking the moment. “They are mostly this brilliant green, but when you get turned on, they change to this deep mossy green. Yet, somehow they never dull. They still remain bright. That doesn’t make sense, right? A bright mossy green. I don’t think anything could dull the brightness.” He paused, his words whispering over my skin. “They’re beautiful.”

My lips parted. I couldn’t do anything but sit there, frozen. Soaking up the words he spoke to me. No one had ever talked to me like that before, and my brain fumbled to keep up. My heart raced, pounding so hard, I was sure he could see my chest shake with the beat.

He moved his thumb down to my lips, brushing back and forth. “And these lips. You wore red lipstick the first night I laid eyes on you. I can’t even pretend that I didn’t have the dirtiest thoughts racing through my head when I saw these full lips, stained bright red made to attract my attention. Made to make me imagine them on my lips.” His voice lowered. “On me.”

My pulse picked up. I wanted nothing more than to know what his dirty thoughts were. I wanted nothing more than to do everything he ever thought about me with him. When his thumb did another pass across, I slipped my tongue out just enough to brush against him. He pushed his thumb in just a little, and I took the initiative to lean forward and suck it into my mouth. I rolled my tongue around him, hoping to spike his interest.

He pulled his thumb out with a pop and crashed his lips onto mine. He pushed his tongue into my mouth, and without question, I opened for him. I didn’t want slow and steady; I didn’t need the buildup. I needed him. Now.

Our tongues brushed against each other’s, the mixed flavors of whiskey and wine making me drunk on desire, yearning for more. He wrapped his arms around my back, and I moved to straddle his lap. As much as I wanted more, I rocked myself on his lap, feeling content with his hands roaming up and down my back, only pausing to squeeze the cheeks of my ass and pull me tighter to him; I was content with making out with him for an endless amount of time.

I had messed around with guys before and had an infrequent dating life, but I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt this rush, this desire, this need coursing through me. And in the moments leading up to this, I knew it was more. More than a random hook-up in a club bathroom. More than me just seeing where this went. At some point, it stopped being “go with the flow,” and I began pushing it in a direction that made it more permanent.

I knew it when I felt my breath catch every time he smiled at me. I knew it when goose bumps broke out across my body with each touch he gave me. I knew it when I looked for his messages every night before I went to bed and every morning first thing after waking up. I knew there was more between us. And hearing him claim more between us to my brother pushed me a step closer to accepting it.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Jack said deeply. I could feel the vibrations of his words against my breasts, making my nipples pebble. He pulled back and placed his hands on each side of my face, making me look at him. “I couldn’t be happier for each event that led me here to you. Although it was far from perfect in theory, it was perfect for you and me. I regret nothing.” His eyes were a deep blue, darkening with desire and sincerity. I felt, in that moment, I could have cried with the overwhelming feeling his words were bringing out in me. “I hope like hell that you know this isn’t a “see where it goes” thing anymore. I know where this is going from here on out. I’ve known for a while, but I need you to know, too. I need you to know that our paths are together. We’re together.”

A small smile touched my lips, realizing his thoughts were so in tune with mine. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to process the depth of emotions rushing through me. Dropping my head, I nodded and quickly peered up at him, hoping he could see the joy his words brought to me. They left me speechless, so I decided to show him what his words were doing to me.

My eyes remained locked on his as I leaned forward to kiss the corner of his mouth, only closing at the last second. I lightly brushed my lips up his cheek with soft kisses leading to his ear. I nibbled his ear and flicked my tongue to soothe the bite. I whispered, “Make love to me, Jack. Take me upstairs and show me.”

With a deep groan, he stood from the couch with me in his arms and made his way to the stairs. He stopped before reaching the entryway leading to the stairs and pressed me against the wall crashing his lips onto mine. A sound rumbled in his chest, vibrating against mine. I needed my thick sweater off so I could be a layer closer to him. I struggled to get my arms free of the oversized top when Jack stopped kissing me just long enough to pull it over my head.

Before leaning in to kiss me, he looked down, eyeing my black lace and satin bra. It was mostly see-through and barely covering anything. He rolled his eyes heavenward and leaned in to bury his face in my neck while returning to his pursuit up the stairs. As he walked, I rubbed every part of myself I could against him. My body burned and throbbed, and I needed relief. With one less layer between us, I brushed my breasts back and forth, causing a moan to escape my lips. Once we made it to the top of the stairs, I directed Jack into the bedroom.

Jack moved down to my chest and began sucking on the top of my breasts. I knew I would have a mark, and I didn’t care. I loved the idea of being marked by him, of carrying a reminder of him with me. He pushed the door open, and I reached out to flick the switch for the lamp by my bed that provided just enough light to see each other without ruining the mood. Jack slowly lowered my feet to the floor while I made sure to drag myself down him. I felt his arousal against my stomach, and it pushed me further to know he was just as excited as me.

I reached out to slowly lift his shirt over his head, my eyes following its ascent, scanning each piece of flesh as I revealed it. He had beautiful abs and a sexy as sin chest attached to muscular arms. For a second, self-doubt crept in, making me wonder if I was good enough to have this. To be with him. I lifted my eyes to his and saw all the confirmation I needed. His eyes mirrored the same desire I felt for him. I saw the same heat and the same want.

I reached my hands out to run them along his chest, but before I could, he grabbed me by the wrists halting my progress. “Take your clothes off. Go lie on the bed.” His deep, demanding voice washed over me, urging me to obey.

As much as I wanted to be affronted and tell him to take my clothes off for me, I wasn’t. Instead, I felt a rush of heat drop down my abdomen and settle in my groin. I ran my tongue along my bottom lip, biting it. I took a step back, and without taking my eyes off of his, reached behind and unclasped my bra, letting it fall from my arms to the ground. His eyes dropped to my chest, and his nostrils flared with a deep breath. Good.

I felt that familiar surge of power return from so long ago.

I slipped my boots off as I hooked my thumbs into my pants, dropping my eyes from his as I lowered them to the ground. The powerful swell of emotions hit a low point as I struggled to remain sexy while pulling off liquid leggings, but I managed. Standing up in front of him in only my black lace panties, I pushed my shoulders back, trying to appear more confident than I actually was. He told me to get naked and lie on the bed, but I didn’t want to be a complete pushover. I wanted to see what he would do when I shoved back a little. With a lift of my eyebrow, I turned toward the bed and climbed up on all fours. I gently rolled over and leaned back on my elbows, one leg stretched out while the other was bent, my foot resting on the bed. I lifted my lips into a small smile. “You want me naked.” I paused for effect. “Then come make me.”

He growled deep in his chest and stalked toward me, dropping his pants along the way. Grabbing my ankle, he dragged me to the edge of the bed and pushed his hips between my legs, leaning over to look me in the eyes. “You make me so hard when you’re sassy like that.” He wrapped his hands around the sides of my underwear. “I will happily take these from you.” With a sharp tug, he ripped them off and tossed them aside.

Jack leaned down and pressed his lips to the base of my neck. “Now that I have you, how I want you.” He left it at that while he made his way to my breasts, leaving a trail of kisses along the way until he finally came to my nipple. “I haven’t stopped thinking about how sweet these cotton candy nipples taste or how responsive they are.” He flicked his tongue across my hardened nipple, causing a gasp to escape my lips while I arched my back chasing his retreating tongue. He leaned down and latched onto my tip, and began sucking, flicking, and biting.

The hand resting on my knee began sliding up my thigh until his fingers brushed against my lips. He slipped his finger against me and skimmed my clit before pushing two fingers deep into me. “So wet. So ready for me.”

“Always.” I gasped. “I’m always ready for you.” I didn’t care if I sounded desperate. I was desperate. He drove me further and further to fever pitch, and I didn’t care anymore how I sounded or if I appeared confident. His fingers pushed in and out of me and curled up with each shove in. He switched from gentle caresses to rough plunges deep into me. His thumb relentlessly circled my clit driving me closer and closer to the edge but never delivering enough direct pressure to push me over.

I growled in frustration deep in my chest while he answered with a chuckle. “Do you want to come, baby?”

“Yes. Please.” I breathlessly gave my answers, my body moving restlessly on the bed. One hand wrapped around his head that still played with my nipples while the other grasped at sheets, searching for something to ground me in the storm he caused within me.

“I love it when you beg. I love it when I know that you are mine.” He began moving his fingers harder, adding a third stretching me. His thumb now rubbed directly across my clit, back and forth. “Because you are. You’re mine.” I couldn’t respond with words. I just nodded my head, whimpering affirmative noises. “Good girl. Now come all over my hand, baby.” A heat permeated my cheeks, and I could feel the walls of my pussy finally begin to throb as I started to fall over the edge, squeezing his fingers tight. His words pushing me closer. “Come for me so I can make love to you.”

And I did. I felt like every muscle in my body tightened, and my back arched off the bed as I held my breath, cherishing the waves that swallowed me whole. As the first one crashed, a moan tore from my throat. I was lost at sea, unable to control myself. Goose bumps spread over my body. My hand dug into the sheets as I tried to catch my breath again. Then, just as I started to come back up for air, I heard the crinkle of a condom being opened as Jack flipped me over to my stomach. He lifted my hips and shoved himself inside me.

“Oh, fuck,” I moaned again.

He squeezed my hips with a bruising grip as he pushed all the way in. I could feel his balls resting against my clit as he stopped there while we both caught our breath. He dragged his hands from my hips up to my shoulders and pulled me upright, onto my knees. My head rested on his shoulder while my back arched away from his chest, trying to keep him as deep as I could.

“You know you’re mine.” Jack pulled out and thrust back in, causing my tits to bounce from the force of it. He moved a hand down my stomach until it reached my pussy. “You know this cunt is mine.” His hand moved up to roughly pinch my nipple. I gasped as the pain pulsated through me, turning to a deep pleasure. “You know these tits are mine.” He started to play with both my nipples. My breaths came fast and short. My core squeezed him tighter, trying to get any type of friction. His hand moved up and wrapped around my neck. “Say it, Luella.” He bit my ear. “Tell me you’re mine.”

“Yes,” I breathed out. It was all I was capable of.

“Good girl.”

Those were the last words spoken as he began powering in and out of me. Each thrust caused my breasts to bounce and whimpers to escape my mouth. They started off slow but soon picked up pace as we both raced toward an unseen finish. He grunted with each quick thrust. He never stopped pushing in as far as I let him, as though he thought the deeper he was, the more he could claim of me. But it was too late because I was already his.

“Come on, Luella. Come with me, baby.” He grunted his words out. I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. “Make me come. Use that tight little cunt and squeeze me tight.” He reached down and slapped my pussy, sliding his fingers between my lips to pinch my clit.

And I started coming. I came so hard I began to blackout from not breathing. The ringing in my ears drowned out the moans coming from Jack behind me. He held himself still as he spilled everything inside me. My body began to relax, and I curled myself back into his chest, feeling his heart beating hard against my back; his breaths gasped in my ear. He slowly eased out, and we both moaned.

I lay down, and he removed the condom to throw it in the bathroom trash. He came back to bed and curled up behind me. I rearranged myself closer to him while he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tight. My breathing finally evened out while he began to gently nuzzle my neck and ear. It felt more affectionate than erotic. A feeling of contentment slid over me, and I squeezed the arm wrapped tightly around me.

“I meant what I said, Lu. You’re mine. You can put whatever label on it that you want, but I’m done pretending we are anything less than each other’s. No one else’s.” He ended with a small kiss right under my ear.

I let the words sink into me and tried to grasp how they made me feel. But the contentment remained firmly in place. I was okay with only being his. I was better than okay; I was good. Turning in his arms and resting on my back, I looked up at him, trying to show him how he made me feel. I inhaled as deep as my lungs would allow and slowly exhaled, before saying, “Okay.”

I lifted my head to place a soft kiss on his lips. When my head hit the pillow, I failed miserably at hiding the joyous smile that spread across my lips. A smile so big I thought my cheeks would cramp. I covered my face, a little embarrassed by my lack of control. I wanted to be cool and collected, but I hadn’t felt this way with anyone in a long, long time. I had dated other people, but on a superficial level, and with Jack, it went so much deeper.

Pulling my hands away from my face, he asked, “Why are you being so shy? Your smile is beautiful. I love that I can make you smile this big. You should smile this big all the time.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve smiled this big. It’s been a while since I’ve let myself be this close to someone.” At my confession, I saw the questions cross his face. My smile slipped a little, remembering seeing him and my brother talking. Remembering the pity I briefly saw in his eyes before he masked it. I didn’t know what Jameson had told him, but he shouldn’t have. It was my place to tell Jack in a time and in a way that I preferred, that I controlled. But since those secrets were already hinted at, my time was now. Looking away with a wry smile, I started. “You know, anyone associated with the military would have been the last person I thought I would ever be with.”

He squinted his eyes in confusion and asked, “Hey now, what’s wrong with a military man?”

Dropping my words to a whisper, I said, “They … uh … bring up bad memories for me.”

“I’m sorry, Luella. I had no idea. Well, actually, that’s a lie. Now that I think about it, I guess I did notice you tense up every time I mentioned a story of my time in the Army. I’m so sorry. I should have paid more attention and stopped.”

I quickly rushed to correct him, shaking my head. “No. No, I don’t want you to think that at all. I want to hear your stories. They are a part of you, and I want to know every part of you. I’m sorry I tensed up. It’s something I struggle with. I’ve struggled with some not-so-great decisions.” I paused, unsure of how to continue or how much to tell. I didn’t want him to think any less of me or the struggles I had been through. My breathing started coming a little faster as a small amount of panic settled in. What if he did think less of me?

“Hey, Lu.” He brushed my hair back from my face and tilted my chin up to look at him. “It’s okay. We all make not-so-great decisions.” He pressed his lips softly to mine. He pulled back and looked straight in my eyes. “Look, I know you saw your brother talking to me, and what he said doesn’t change anything. I know how brothers can be. Hell, I am one. He only asked me about your drinking lately and asked me to keep an eye on it. And … Shit. I can see you’re getting pissed.” I clamped my jaw tight and felt my nostrils flaring, trying to take deep breaths to calm my anger. “I’m doing this all wrong.” Jack dropped his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m ruining the whole damn night.” He lifted his head, and I could see his regret. “I’m sorry, Lu.”

My anger softened a little. “Don’t be sorry. Please. It’s not your fault. I’m pissed at Jameson for opening his stupid mouth. I’m not mad at you at all. Just … embarrassed.”

“Don’t be embarrassed. Like I said, you’re mine. All of you. The good and the bad. The secrets you’ve shared and the ones you still hold close. I accept all of it. Like I hope you accept mine. I’m a mess just trying to hold it together to impress a beautiful woman. I hope when things start getting messy, we stand by each other. Okay?” He moved his head down, trying to catch my eyes.

I nodded my head and decided to go for it. The panic that lurked in the shadows had me in its grasp now. I could feel myself taking deep breaths, trying to control it. I could feel the stinging behind my eyes as I prepared to admit my biggest weaknesses and saddest moments.

“The reason Jameson asked you about how much I was drinking is because I had a serious drinking problem for about a year when I was twenty-one.” I quickly shifted my eyes to his to see his reaction but only saw curiosity and no judgment.

“Is it something you still struggle with?”

I shook my head. “No. It was more circumstantial than a craving.” I paused, trying to gather myself. I stared straight up at the ceiling and could feel the pain wash over me the same as the day it happened. I could feel the almost numb acceptance and excruciating heartache of the truth as it settled deep in my heart. Time does not heal all wounds. But time does allow for the acceptance of the wound and the ability to learn to cope with it. Time doesn’t heal a lost limb, but you do learn how to function without it. It took me a long time and a lot of alcohol to accept it.

My voice barely a whisper, I confessed my wound. “My brother, Asher, died in Afghanistan when I was twenty-one.” I could feel Jack tense next to me, but I didn’t have the ability to turn and look at him. I just stared at the ceiling and kept talking.

“He was my Irish twin. We were born less than a year apart, and he was my best damn friend.” I could feel my tears slipping down the sides of my face into my ears, but I could do nothing to stop the storm of pain, only breathe through it and try and control the size of it. “Jameson was so much older than us, and even though he and Asher bonded together through sports, Asher and I shared a bond as well. We may as well have been actual twins. That’s the kind of bond we had. When our parents died, Jameson became an island and stepped in as the parental figure. So Asher and I clung to each other tighter. When I enrolled in college, he kept putting it off, saying he wasn’t sure where he wanted to go until one day, he told me he signed up for the Army. I panicked at the idea of him leaving me, but he just hugged me and told me that no matter where he went, he would always be with me. He joined up to be in the Special Forces and died on his first trip overseas when an IED blew up his Humvee.”

I knew I sounded hollow when I retold the story, but it was the only way I knew how to get it out. “I’ll never, ever forget when they came to the door.” My breath caught, remembering the feeling that slipped over my body, seeing two men in uniform on the other side.

It’s your biggest fear. And you think you know how it would feel during those times your mind wanders to the worst-case scenario. But nothing could have ever prepared me for the sheer force of pain that settled over me without any words having to be spoken. I remember closing the door after empty words were exchanged and just laid on the floor in our entryway in the fetal position as sounds of a wounded animal came tearing from my chest. I laid there until Jameson came home, hitting me with the door when he opened it.

They say time heals all wounds, but nothing feels healed as I remember those moments.

I could feel my body shuddering through the tears as Jack tried to calm me. His arms wrapped tight around me as he rocked me and brushed his hand through my hair. “Shh, baby. I know. I know. I’m so sorry, baby.” He repeated those words over and over again as I tried to control the storm. My chest bounced with each short intake of air. After a few more moments of falling apart, I finally started taking deep breaths that shook my chest as I exhaled, slowly calming down again. “Shh, baby. You don’t have to tell me anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.”

With one last cleansing breath, I let his strength seep inside me, and I used it to continue. “No, it’s okay. I really don’t want to do this again. I started, and I want to finish it.”

Jack nodded his head and kept his arms wrapped tight around me. “Anyways, as you can imagine, I struggled through the loss, and I started drinking. A lot. I drank all the time, and for the most part, I was still able to function fine. On the weekends, I had less to keep me busy, so I drank more. I would go to parties and try to forget. I had a lot of random, stupid sex.” I shook my head, remembering my stupidity. “I was missing my other half, and I needed to feel something positive again, and I tried to find it with sex. Problem was that I was so drunk all the time I didn’t remember a lot of it. About nine months into my endeavor, I got pregnant. I didn’t know. I didn’t know until I had a miscarriage. That just set off another string of events, and I began drinking more. I was in school for a lot of this time, but in the beginning, I think everyone just thought I was acting off because I was mourning. Then summer came, and no one really noticed. Jameson didn’t make me work, and he was dealing with his own loss at the same time. He didn’t know what to do with me. In my second semester of the following year, I made a mistake in my research lab, and I had a professor take me aside and tell me he knew I was coming into lab drunk, and if I didn’t get my shit together, then I would be removed, which would cause me to lose my scholarship.

“Even that wasn’t enough. Everything after that happened within the span of a week. The spiral downhill starts out wide and slow, but in the end, the circles get smaller and faster and out of control. That’s about what happened to me. I got into a huge fight with Jameson. He said he wouldn’t stand by and watch the only family he had left destroy herself, and if I didn’t clean myself up, he was leaving me behind. At that point, I didn’t fucking care. I was in a bottomless pit of despair, and his rage toward me pushed me lower. Later that week, I got so drunk, I got alcohol poisoning. I almost choked on my own vomit if not for someone there to turn me over. I don’t know who it was, but they took me to the hospital. When I came to, I woke to Jameson crying at my bedside. When he saw I was awake, he began sobbing and begging me to stop.”

I gave a small, humorless laugh, remembering seeing my giant brother cry. “Jameson has never cried. At least not in front of me. I had never seen him cry when either of our parents died or when Asher died. So to see him sitting there sobbing, begging me to not kill myself, was the reality check I needed. It was so simple, and I think it was a combination of everything finally bottoming out, and him showing me how much he needed me there made me realize I was wasting away pointlessly. It made me realize how ashamed Asher would be of me.” I took a deep cleansing, breath. “After that, I got it together. I started focusing on the things I had left and made me feel happy. I loved science, and I didn’t want to waste my degree and all my research. I loved Jameson and didn’t ever want to watch him fall apart again. I started seeing a therapist and going to AA meetings. I even started working out. I became the crazy girl who does CrossFit. Nothing is quite as therapeutic as throwing some heavy weights around.”

I could feel Jack chuckle at my confession. “I stopped drinking for a while but realized that I no longer had a problem with alcohol, so I carefully started drinking again a few years ago. Jameson, of course, still worries, but I never drink that much anymore. I have a lot more control over myself now.” I took another breath and finally turned to look at him. “So yeah, that’s my story.”

I didn’t see any pity, thank goodness. I only saw sadness and understanding for everything I had been through. He pulled me closer, giving me a hug, making sure I was okay—more for him than for me. Either way, it made me feel good. Hugs were great, but Jack’s were exceptional. He pulled back and placed a hand on my cheek, brushing the tear tracks from my face with his thumb. “You are an extraordinary woman. I don’t know how I got so lucky to find you, but I’m damn glad I did.”

He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips.

Pulling back, he looked in my eyes before leaning in again and held the kiss a little longer.

On the third press of his lips to mine, I pushed my fingers in the thick wavy strands at the back of his skull and held him close. After my confession and emotional loss of control, I needed something to remind me of how happy I was now. I needed Jack to make love to me again. So I slipped my tongue out to lick at his lips. With a moan deep in his throat, he rolled on top of me.

The first time we made love that night, it expressed possession and staked a claim. This time showed tenderness and caring and so much affection, I could feel my heart near bursting. I held it close in the aftermath as he held me close, and we drifted away to sleep.