Where You Can Find Me by Fiona Cole

7

I didn’t hearfrom Jack on Saturday.

I tried not to think about it too much, but my brain was filled with paranoia after the conversation between him and Shane. It was one thing to hear about murderers on the news and something completely different to be in the middle of the conversation about it. All the creaks in my old house made getting to sleep harder than usual as my mind conjured up a list of possible reasons I was hearing them. I ran from my car to my house with my keys ready, so I didn’t have to stand on my front porch long, becoming an easy victim. Knowing I was overthinking all of it didn’t ease my mind. And not hearing from Jack made it worse. All I wanted was a simple phone call.

I tried to brush it off and not worry about it as Sunday wore on, but I failed miserably. Especially when Jameson called me out for repeatedly checking my phone during family lunch. Evie just looked at me with an eyebrow raised. I felt my cheeks heat because she knew I was keeping something from her. Saying something about work, I tried to brush it off. Jameson shrugged and continued pestering me about my life, being the typical big brother he’d always been.

I knew I could have just as easily called or texted Jack and been the bigger person. I could have been a modern woman and not sat around, pining away for a phone call from a man. But sometimes, a girl needs to feel wanted, pursued. So instead, night had fallen while I lay in bed clinging to my phone like some love-obsessed tween wondering if maybe he was just not that into me. I ran through all of our interactions, trying to decide if maybe I missed a clue. If maybe I embellished a truth to make it more pleasing to me.

My mind raced and ran in circles—one thought, one memory, right after the next. We had only spent a small amount of time together, but already I had enough thoughts to occupy my hamster-on-a-wheel thought process. Eventually, I felt my thoughts begin to fade and scatter as I grew exhausted, the hamster wheel breaking apart as I slipped away into sleep.

Buzz. Buzz.

I jerked awake. My whole body clenching tight in a fight or flight reaction. My fingers wrapped around the buzzing phone in a death grip. My heart beat hard in my chest as I tried to calm my ragged breathing and relax now that I knew I wasn’t going to be murdered.

“Jesus Christ,” I whispered to myself with my hand over my chest. The other hand held the offensive phone. I looked down, seeing that I had a new text message.

Jack MacCabe.

My calming heart rate shot back up again faster and harder than just a minute before. Just a text message had my hands trembling as I wiped away the sweat immediately forming on my palms. I swiped the screen three times before successfully opening the damn thing.

Jack MacCabe: I haven’t forgotten about you. I never could. So stop overanalyzing why you haven’t heard from me.

My eyes widened at his accurate guess of my thoughts. Turning my head back and forth, I leaned over to peek out the window by my bed to be sure he wasn’t watching me. That would have been creepy, but a girl had to be sure.

Me: Why would you say that?

Jack MacCabe: Because you’re a scientist, right? That’s what you do every day: analyze everything until your brain bleeds. Right?

A smile spread across my face so wide my cheeks hurt. I bit my bottom lip and squeezed my eyes tight, letting the happiness spread through my chest. Something as small as him taking a moment to think about what I’d told him, making me feel like he knew me, completely turned me to mush. Taking a deep breath, I relaxed into the conversation. His sarcasm made me smile, and I decided to play. Why not? It was after midnight, and all was forgiven by day. In the dark, I could make decisions that I could forget and pretend didn’t exist by morning.

Me: Brain bleed; it’s definitely a hazard of being a scientist.

Jack MacCabe: I’m really sorry. I don’t know what the rules are, but I didn’t want to make you think I wasn’t going to call you… Even though you didn’t call me …

Me:I didn’t call you. Sometimes a girl likes to feel like she’s worth the effort. But don’t be deceived; I am still a strong, independent woman. Hear me roar! Rawr!!! ;)

Jack MacCabe:Luella… You are more than worth the effort.

Another smile spread across my face stretching my cheeks even more.

Jack MacCabe: And I would love to hear you … “rawr” again.

I didn’t know what to say. I stared at my phone, trying to formulate a thousand different responses. Should I say something sexy back? Should I make another joke? I would have taken either of these as long as I didn’t sound like a complete idiot because somehow, over text message, I could still manage to sound like a fool. Which eventually led to word vomit, and wasn’t that something that you were only supposed to do when you were face to face with someone?

Jack MacCabe:Sorry. No pressure, Luella. I probably shouldn’t have made that comment.

Me: No. The comment doesn’t bother me at all. It actually makes me a little hot and bothered, not *bothered.* But no matter how hot and bothered I get, I would like to take time to get to know each other. I don’t want to come off as a floozy.

Jack MacCabe: 1. I would never think you were a “floozy.” Haha. 2. We can take all the time in the world. Like I said, you’re worth the effort. 3. You can’t say you are hot and bothered because that gets me hot and bothered …. and that makes things hard for me.

Me: o.0 …. hard for you? Hahahahaha!!!

Jack MacCabe: … You know what I mean.

Jack MacCabe: I can see this is going to be a struggle. Haha.

Me: I grew up with two older brothers; you have to forgive my perverted sense of humor.

Jack MacCabe: I have a feeling it will be a love/hate relationship with your sense of humor. But I am just fine with that.

Me: Good.

Jack MacCabe: Well, I know it is late. Past midnight. I hope I didn’t wake you, but I wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you. I have been working and trying to clear my schedule to help out Shane. I *am* sorry.

Me: No worries. All is forgiven. Maybe I will reach out to you next time. ;)

Jack MacCabe: Sometimes, a guy likes to feel like he is worth the effort. Haha!

Me: That you definitely are.

Jack MacCabe: Ok … let’s plan to see each other … maybe lunch? Do scientists eat lunch?

Me: Ha. Ha. Very funny! Yes, I eat.

Jack MacCabe:Good, then lunch it is. We’ll sort it out then. Goodnight, sweet Luella.

Me: Goodnight, sexy Jack … ;)

I fell back on the bed with my arms outstretched and a smile on my face. I breathed in as deep as I could and let it all out, feeling the weight of happiness settle deep in my bones. I closed my eyes, trying to feel every ounce of it. After one last deep breath, I laid my phone on the nightstand and curled up on my right side. This time when I fell asleep, there was no hamster wheel of crazy thoughts. Just a euphoric cloud of happiness I drifted away on.