Interview for a Wife by Ruth Ann Nordin
Chapter Twelve
“Iwas thinking,” Marsha said that evening during dinner, “Amber’s old enough to go to school.”
Deanne glanced at the girl who was sitting beside her. The girl was busy eating the chicken on her plate. The comment didn’t make her look up. Deanne glanced at Marsha and saw that she had directed the comment to Bill, which was good since Deanne didn’t know when children were old enough to go to school.
Bill swallowed what he was eating and studied the girl. “What are the ages of the children who are at the schoolhouse?”
“Some start at six, but I heard an eight-year-old just started this year. Amber’s a smart girl, and I think she gets bored staying here with me all day.”
“I’m not bored,” Amber said, looking as if she was afraid that being bored would get her in trouble.
Marsha and Henry laughed while Bill smiled in amusement. Deanne supposed it was funny that the girl was worried, but Deanne wondered if school was something necessary for children so they didn’t get bored. It didn’t seem to her that Amber got bored. Amber spent a lot of time watching over her brother or playing with her dolls when she wasn’t helping Deanne or Marsha in the kitchen.
Deanne reasoned that she didn’t notice the boredom since she was at the store with Bill most of the time. Now that she thought about it, she had been bored in Omaha. An apartment was small. There was only so much a woman could do before she ran out of work to keep her occupied. Perhaps it was like that for children.
“No one is upset with you, Amber,” Marsha assured the girl. “It’s just that your time would be better spent learning how to read and do math than being here all day.”
Amber’s eyebrows furrowed. It took Deanne a moment to realize the girl was trying to decide whether she believed Marsha or not. Deanne felt the corner of her lip curl up. It was cute. She didn’t know why it’d never occurred to her that children weren’t all the different from adults. Yes, they were younger and they had much to learn, but they experienced the same emotions adults did.
“You like books,” Marsha told Amber. “Imagine if you could read them by yourself instead of waiting for me to read them to you.”
Amber’s face relaxed, and Deanne could tell that Marsha’s strategy worked. Amber had decided Marsha had a good point. That was interesting. So children, at least those Amber’s age, could reason through the benefits of learning how to do something. An adult didn’t necessarily have to tell them to do something. An adult could point out why something was in their best interest.
“I’d like to read books,” Amber said. “When do I start school?”
Marsha’s gaze went to Bill, and Deanne found herself looking to Bill as well.
“When do children start school?” Bill asked.
“They start in September,” Marsha replied.
“But that’s a long time from now,” Amber said. “I want to start reading now.”
“Oh, well, you won’t learn to read right away,” Marsha replied. “Even when you start school, it’ll take time to learn.”
Amber sighed in disappointment.
Deanne couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. The girl had gotten excited about learning to read. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t know learning to do that would take time. If Deanne knew the right words to say, she’d say them, but the only thing she felt qualified to do was offer a simple gesture, so she rubbed the girl’s back.
“I can start teaching you a little bit now,” Marsha told the girl. “That way, you’ll know something when you start school.”
Bill’s gaze went to his daughter. “The time will go fast. You’ll be starting school sooner than you think. September isn’t that far away. On some days, I can’t believe you’re already seven.”
“That’s the way it goes,” Henry spoke up. “The older you get, the faster time goes. I remember when I was a kid. I thought time went so slow. I didn’t think I’d ever grow up. And look at me now. I’m getting gray hair.”
“Oh, you’ve got plenty of time left,” Marsha assured him as she gave him a playful swat on his arm. “I’m as old as you, and I’m plenty young.”
He gave her a wink. “You haven’t aged a day since we married.”
Deanne watched the exchange in interest. She had come to understand that they had a good marriage. It was probably similar to the kind of marriage Bill had enjoyed with his first wife. For all she knew, they had inspired Bill to be the kind of husband he was. She thought back to her parents, and while they never argued in front of her, she didn’t recall any sweet gestures like the ones she was seeing between Henry and Marsha.
With her parents, the arrangement had seemed to be more like a necessary arrangement. She hadn’t thought about it until now, but there had been no warmth in her house while she was growing up. Her marriage to Terry hadn’t been much different. She was tempted to glance at Bill, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. After what Bill had said to her earlier that day, she had a reason to think this marriage might be more like the kind Henry and Marsha shared. But she was almost afraid to get her hopes up too much in case she ended up disappointed. She learned long ago it was best to avoid expecting too much. There was a lot of pain to be had in disappointment.
The conversation turned to what Henry had done at work that day. Relieved since it gave Deanne something else to think about, she concentrated on what Henry was saying as she continued her meal.
***
That evening as Deanne was tucking the children into bed, Bill sat in the wheelchair by the dresser. He had removed everything but his pants. That was as much as he could do on his own. As on other nights, he had to wait until Deanne was in the room so she could help him into the bed.
Apparently, Vernon had already drifted off to sleep since Amber was the only one he heard talking to Deanne, and from what little he gathered since he couldn’t make out everything Amber was saying, the girl was curious about what school was like. So that was why Amber was unusually chatty this evening.
He supposed it was natural for her to want to find out everything about school tonight. What child wouldn’t want to know exactly what to expect? The more the girl knew, the less apprehensive she would be.
It wasn’t just children who had a difficult time sleeping when confronted with something new. If he was honest with himself, he felt as restless as his daughter did. Except, it was for different reasons.
He had put aside the part of him given to romantic desires and passions on the day of his accident. Yes, Jennifer had died, and he hadn’t touched another woman, but the option to remarry and share the more intimate side of things had been there. But when the doctor told him he would never walk again, he figured things like romance and passion were over forever.
Today, however, Deanne gave him hope that, despite his injuries, he might be able to resurrect that part of his life. For the first time in a very long time, he didn’t only feel like half a man. He felt whole again. Being with her had completed him in a way he hadn’t expected it to when he married her.
He supposed that shouldn’t scare him. He’d been married before. It wasn’t like he didn’t know how this worked. But he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had an erection, and until today, he hadn’t had any desire to have one. He wasn’t even sure he could have one now.
He heard footsteps coming down the hall. He waited to make sure they were heading in the direction of his bedroom before he wheeled himself over to the bed. While he might not be able to get into, or out of, the bed by himself, he wanted to do everything he could to make things easier on Deanne. Maybe since her first husband had been an overbearing and demanding person, she didn’t mind doing the less-than-ideal tasks for him, but he saw no reason to add to the tasks he was asking her to do.
She opened the door to their room and gave him an apologetic smile. “Amber didn’t want to go to sleep. I had no idea when your aunt mentioned school to her, she’d get so excited about it. She wanted to know what schooling was like for me.” She shut the door behind her and pulled down the blanket and sheet on his side of the bed. “I’ll help you in.”
“I didn’t mind waiting,” he assured her as he put one arm around her shoulders and set his free hand on the mattress. “I could tell she was wide awake when you took her and Vernon to their bedroom.”
“While I appreciate you being a patient man, the hour is getting late. The children get to sleep in longer than you do.”
“You get up early, too.”
“I don’t require much sleep to feel alert through the day.”
She pushed him toward the bed, and he shifted so that he was able to relieve her of the bulk of his weight before he got too heavy for her. Once he was sitting on the bed, she helped him out of his pants. Then she brought the sheet and blanket up to his waist. As he did on other nights, he put on the nightshirt.
Usually, he got settled onto his back as soon as he was in the bed, but tonight, he decided to watch her.
“How much do you want the window open?” she asked as she went over to it.
He shrugged. “Maybe a couple of inches. The breeze is coming in pretty good.”
She nodded and lowered it.
“What was school like for you?” he asked.
“Alright. I can’t remember anything special about it. I spent a lot of time reading.”
“Really? I would have thought you worked on arithmetic all the time since you’re good at it.”
She gave him an amused smile. “I loved arithmetic, but the teacher never thought I’d do anything with it. He did, however, think I was going to spend a lot of time reading bedtime stories to my future children. I’m sure he’d be shocked to find out I’m helping you run the general store.”
“Yes, well, I’m sure he didn’t think you’d marry someone confined to a wheelchair. You’ve done a lot to help me with the store. You did a good job organizing the store today. It looks much better now.”
She beamed at him, and he was struck by how much her first husband had taken her for granted. He didn’t really want to know the details of her first marriage. The glimpse she’d given him had been enough. He would rather focus on her and the future they had.
After Jennifer’s death, he’d spent plenty of time in the past. The days after his accident had given him even more time to relive those days he’d had with her. The day he realized that dwelling on everything he’d lost was causing him to neglect his children, he made the decision to go on with his life. Jennifer was gone. There was nothing he could do to bring her back. But he was still alive, and he, despite being bound to a wheelchair, had a responsibility to be the father his children deserved.
He went through the motions at first. He read the books Jennifer had saved from her childhood so a part of her would be passed on to them. He watched them play and helped them with the simpler tasks one could do from a wheelchair. He listened to Amber ramble on about everything she and Vernon had done during the day while he was at work.
It took a while for the emotions to catch up to his actions, but one day as Amber was running after Vernon so he’d put on his shoes, he burst out laughing. She’d had the same look of disbelief that Jennifer had when she was overwhelmed. It was so funny to see that expression on a child’s face. That was the first time he felt happy since Jennifer’s death. And, from there, more moments came until he woke up one morning with a feeling of gratitude that he was still alive, and from there, he decided he was going to look at things to be thankful for instead of thinking of the things he didn’t have.
He was blessed to have two children who were in good health and happy. He was blessed to have Uncle Henry and Aunt Marsha who did so much to help him. He was blessed to have people like Archie who had given him assistance when he’d needed it at the store. He was blessed to have customers who made the longer parts of the day pass by faster when they came in to talk. And he was blessed to have Deanne. He couldn’t have asked for a better wife after Jennifer died.
He brought his attention back to Deanne and watched as she finished braiding her hair. She kept it up during the day. The style was attractive. It wasn’t a tight bun like he’d seen some women wear. She allowed some strands to fall to her shoulders. He found it curious that even when she braided her hair, those same strands weren’t pulled back. The effect was pleasing to look at, for it gave her a softer look.
She started to unbutton her shirtwaist, and he felt his skin warm with anticipation. While they had been sharing this room for a couple of weeks, he had been in the habit of closing his eyes as soon as he got into bed. Usually, he drifted off to sleep by the time she came to bed, but there had been one or two nights when he was still awake. On those nights, he had simply kept his eyes closed so she would assume he was asleep. Doing so had avoided any potentially uncomfortable situations.
Then, in the morning, she was always dressed and ready for the day by the time he woke up. So there hadn’t been a time when he’d caught her without any clothing on, and he supposed if he had, it wouldn’t have been shocking. Neither one of them were virgins. They’d been married before. They were well aware of how someone of the opposite sex looked without clothes on.
A part of him missed being able to look at a woman who wasn’t wearing anything. Even on nights when nothing happened, it had been nice to see Jennifer. It would be nice to see Deanne as well.
And who knew? Perhaps seeing Deanne might stir something within him that had died long ago.
She had her back turned to him, so there wasn’t much to see as she removed her clothes. He had the perfect view of her backside, however. That, in itself, was lovely. He’d always thought the way a woman’s body curved at the waist and at the hips was attractive. Even with clothes on, the female form appealed to him. It was much more so when the clothes were off. And Deanne had a very nice shape to her.
The mirror was in front of her. Given the angle she was standing, he only got a glimpse of one of her breasts. In a way, it was far more intriguing since he couldn’t see the whole thing.
He waited for a sign that old desires could be revived, but he wasn’t even getting slightly erect. Disappointed, he settled onto his back and let out a long sigh. Well, he had told her there would be nothing going on between them in bed. At least he hadn’t given her any false expectations.
He closed his eyes. He heard her shuffling around and figured she was putting on her nightgown. Soon after, the light from the kerosene lamp went out and she got into the bed next to him. The bed wasn’t that big, so they couldn’t help but touch at some point. He was in the habit of sleeping on his back, and she tended to roll up on her side, facing away from him. So that tended to leave his arm pressed against her back unless he folded his arms over his chest.
On this night, he opted to let his arm remain settled down at his side. If nothing else, it was nice to have the physical contact with her. He could at least enjoy doing simple things like touching her back. Or her hand. Just because he couldn’t make love to her, it didn’t mean he had to forget everything that was enjoyable in a marriage.
Feeling better, he relaxed and let himself drift off to sleep.