Cruel Surrender by Terri Anne Browning

Ciana

I was throwingeverything into my cases, not even bothering to fold anything when my phone got a text.

Milo: Pilot said that takeoff will have to wait until morning. He explained the reason, but I’m still confused by all of the technical BS. If you really want to leave so badly, we can take a helicopter to the bigger island and catch a commercial flight. Just you and me. I’ll make Ralph stay behind and accompany the pilot.

Of course there was an issue. It seemed like just my luck after what had already happened with Sheena. I gritted my teeth and sent him a quick reply.

Me: First thing tomorrow, then.

Milo: Let me know if you change your mind. If not, I’ll see you bright and early in the morning.

I told him goodnight, even though it was still only the middle of the afternoon, and dropped my phone onto the nightstand. My knees felt like they were finally giving out on me, and I fell on my ass on the edge of the bed, burying my face in my hands. I felt like I was being pulled in every direction. My mind and my heart were so confused, and it seemed like I was wading through a thick fog all of a sudden.

My heart told me that Torin loved me, that he wouldn’t hurt me like Sheena was suggesting. I’d seen it in his eyes, damn it. My brain wanted to believe my heart, but I had those pictures to consider, that wedding announcement, and the pure evil glee in Sheena’s eyes.

Had I really been so naïve that I’d allowed a guy to play me so easily? Had I been blind to Torin’s real self and fallen for my enemy?

I sat there, replaying every moment between the two of us over and over again, trying to pick apart and reanalyze every touch, smile, and promise he’d ever made me. Maybe I was losing my mind, but I couldn’t remember a single time when he hadn’t seemed sincere.

But then I had a flash of the first time I saw him.

“It isn’t any of your business where I go or with whom I spend my time… If you aren’t bleeding or close to death, don’t fucking call me again during the next few weeks, Cori.”

He’d been talking to Cori, but he’d been all growly with her. Annoyed because his ex wouldn’t leave him alone? You didn’t talk to someone you cared about the way he’d spoken to her that night. Sheena definitely had to have been talking out of her ass.

When I stood, it was to realize that more time had passed than I realized. My muscles were stiff, and the sun had set. Needing some fresh air, I walked out onto the balcony, hoping to clear my mind. But the smell of the tropical air did nothing to dissipate the fog.

Without thinking about it, I crossed to the balcony next door and entered Torin’s room. As soon as I walked in, I knew I wasn’t alone, but I didn’t hear the shower running at first. Heart lifting, I rushed into the bathroom, needing to see him, have him confirm that Sheena was just trying to cause trouble. He wouldn’t let me down. He wouldn’t…

The bathroom was full of steam, so it took a second for me to realize what I was seeing. Torin stood in front of the sink, toothbrush in hand, his hair wet and slicked back from his face. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, but I barely took in any of those details.

It was the tattoo on his back that caught me off guard. I froze, my gaze raking across it as nausea rolled around in my stomach, unable to breathe in utter shock of what I was seeing as a memory played through my head.

“Memorize it, Ciana,” Ryan commanded, his voice bordering on urgent as he pointed at the photo he’d shoved in front of me. Nova sat beside me, her gaze intent on every word out of my cousin’s mouth. “Learn the family crest. Know every detail about it. The O’Brion family all have it somewhere on their body. If you ever see someone with it, you have to tell me.”

I looked down at the picture of the gray shield with two fighting lions, a fisted, armored hand holding a lizard, and beneath the shield, the red banner with the words “We Are the Conquerors” in Latin written in gold. The lions represented deathless courage, the lizard in the fisted hand domination over the enemy. And the motto…there was no reason to decipher it when it spoke volumes all its own. The O’Brion family conquered all who got in their way. It was why they were so powerful in Ireland.

I began to sway, knowing then and there that everything Sheena had said earlier was true. Torin really was Bain O’Farrell, head of the O’Farrell family—but more importantly, head of the O’Brion family. According to Ryan, Cormac O’Brion had turned over everything before his death, not trusting the family businesses or the power that came with them in the hands of anyone with the last name O’Brion, least of all his own mother.

No wonder Torin never wanted me to see his back. My heart had ached for him, thinking he had scars he wasn’t ready to share with me. But the truth was, he’d hidden that part of himself because he’d known I would realize immediately who he was—or at least who he worked for.

A whimper left me before I could call it back. Torin—no, Bain—turned, toothbrush still in his mouth. A smile started to lift his lips, but then he saw my face and remembered that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. All the color drained from his face.

“Ciana,” he groaned, tossing the toothbrush into the sink and taking a step toward me. “I can explain.”

“There’s no need,” I choked out, instinctively taking a step back. I wrapped my arms around myself protectively, but it was too late. There was nothing more to be protected from. He’d already taken it all from me. My heart, my trust, the joy I’d once had at just being in the same room with him. All of it was gone, crushed into dust so effortlessly in Sheena O’Brion’s hand. “Sheena already told me everything.”

“She was here?” he demanded, his jaw turning to stone. When I didn’t answer, he grabbed my arms, jerking me toward him. There was desperation on his face, in the way he held on to me as if he were afraid I would slip through his fingers if he didn’t hold me tightly enough. “Tell me, mo chroí. Was she here? Did she do something to harm you in any way?”

A pathetically weak laugh escaped me. “All she did was tell the truth. I-I almost didn’t believe her. I argued with myself over it all day, convinced she was only tossing out one lie after another about you. But it was all true. You’re Bain.”

Something darkened in his eyes, but his lashes lowered before I could decipher it. “Yes,” he confirmed, and stupidly, my heart broke all over again. “I am Bain.”

“Oh God.” The world began to spin out of control. What the fuck had I done?

“But that doesn’t change anything.” He tightened his hold on me, digging his fingers into my arms just below my elbows as if he were clutching at the last string that held his life together. “I’m still the man who loves you. We’re meant to be together, Ciana. I’ve always known that.” His gaze met mine, and I saw the plea in their hazel depths. “From the first moment I saw you, I knew you were mine.”

The certainty in his voice was hard to dismiss, but it only left me with more questions. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I tried to put strength into my voice. “When was the first time you saw me?”

“Months ago,” he admitted, and the world actually blurred around the edges. Holy fuck. “I saw a picture of you, with Ryan. I was intrigued, so I started following you.”

“Oh God,” I whispered, fighting against the dizziness. “You stalked me?”

He shrugged. “Yes. But I got to know you. I discovered the real you, and I fell hard. You wanted to know why I donated so much to that children’s wing your sister told you about? It was for you. I saw you take the children those toys, and you stayed and played with them, made them feel important. For a few hours, they all forgot about the fight going on within their poor, helpless little bodies. They were happy and could pretend to be normal kids, even for a short amount of time. Because of you. I knew I loved you that day, Ciana.”

“You loved me then?” I asked in disbelief. Somehow, that made all of this so much worse. That kind of love was incomprehensible to me. Was it even love? “You loved me, but you still agreed to do Sheena’s bidding? To seduce me, make me fall for you, and then what?” He didn’t speak, and that only pissed me off more. “Tell me, damn it!”

“Yes, fine. That was her plan, but I was never going to follow through with it. I let her think I was being compliant so she wouldn’t interfere. I wanted you to love me as I love you.” An anguished sound left him that pulled at my heart, but I quickly threw up a wall, blocking the sound from touching me. “Love me as the real me. Then I would have told you the truth, about everything.”

“And just when were you going to do that?” I scoffed in disbelief. “On the plane to Ireland? Would you have told me I was about to meet Sheena-fucking-O’Brion moments before the fact, or would you have waited until I was face-to-face with her?”

“I was going to tell you tonight,” he said with conviction, his eyes pleading with me to believe him. But it was far too late for that now. My trust in him was gone. I didn’t believe a single word out of his mouth. “I was going to explain everything. Sheena, my real name, all of it.”

I jerked out of his hold, remembering the pictures—that fucking wedding announcement. “What about Cori?” I asked quietly, hating myself for still feeling jealous. “When were you going to tell me about her?”

His brows pulled together in obvious confusion. “Cori? She has nothing to do with any of this.”

“Sheena told me everything, Bain.” I spat out his name, the taste of it vile on my tongue. “Including you marrying Cori O’Brion in May.”

“I am not marrying Cori,” he exploded, reaching for me again. I quickly stepped out of his reach, making him flinch. As if I were the one to hurt him. If I weren’t in such disbelief—so much fucking pain—I might have laughed at the audacity of it. “I swear to you, Ciana, I am not marrying her.”

A thought suddenly hit me, but it pissed me off more than the possibility actually hurt. Why did I even care so much? “Did she go with you to see the families while you were gone?”

“Of course not,” he snapped. “I didn’t even see her when I was there. She means nothing to me other than being an adopted member of the O’Brion family.”

“Sheena showed me pictures of you with her. You looked like you two knew each other intimately.”

He grimaced. “She was my mistress, but that was over before you and I ever met.”

“We only met two weeks ago!”

“Months before this,” he amended, his tone trying to calm me—appease me. “After I saw you for the first time, I ended our arrangement.”

“Then why is she planning your fucking wedding?” I yelled. Realizing I was getting too emotional over this bullshit, I pressed my lips together and inhaled slowly through my nose.

He blew out a frustrated sigh, combing his fingers through his wet hair. “Sheena got it into her head that it would be the perfect way to take back control of the family. She thinks Cori can steer me however the old woman commands. And I’ve allowed them to maintain that assumption so that I could keep a closer eye on them both. But I won’t marry Cori.”

It was insane, but part of me wanted to believe him. Even though I knew—fucking knew—that I couldn’t trust a single word out of his mouth, I ached to believe him.

The dizziness was only getting worse. Squeezing the bridge of my nose, I closed my eyes and tried to gather myself. My head was one big throb. Migraines weren’t something I’d ever been affected by, unlike my sister, but this was pretty damn close to the debilitation of one. The world spinning out of control, my stomach tossing all over the place, bile rising into my esophagus, the throbbing pressure that made it seem as if my eyes were about to pop out of my skull.

I felt myself sway.

“Ciana!” He caught me before I could fall, lifting me into his arms and placing me on the bed. I was too busy trying not to vomit to fight him. “It’s okay, mo chroí. I’ve got you.”

When my head hit the pillow, everything in my mind seemed to calm down a tiny bit. Slowly, I opened my eyes just as he appeared over me with a damp washcloth. Folding it, he placed it on my forehead before sitting on the edge of the bed and grasping my hand.

“How are you feeling now?” His voice was barely above a whisper. There was genuine distress and concern on his handsome face, which promptly caused me to burst into tears.

Nothing made sense anymore. Not how I felt about him. Not his feelings for me. It was all a tornado of chaos. Sheena. Cori.Ryan. Oh God, Ryan! Everything was swirling around inside me, making it impossible to comprehend what I was feeling other than the total, incapacitating heartbreak that Torin—no, I had to remind myself yet again, Bain—had inflicted on me.

His groan was full of misery, his fingers trembling as he stroked my hair back from my face. “Don’t cry,” he pleaded in a ravaged voice. “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll do whatever you want me to if it will prove to you that I love you. Tell me what you need, mo chroí. I will make it happen.”

He made it sound so easy. As if a few words or actions could make everything he’d destroyed all better. There was nothing he could say or do to make me trust him again. The line between right and wrong didn’t exist for him. Otherwise, none of this would have happened to begin with.

All of it just made me cry harder, until I couldn’t breathe I was sobbing so hard. Every inch of my body seemed to hurt from the force of my breakdown. How could anyone live through this kind of pain and come out the other side the same?

And the worst part of all?

I knew this was exactly what Sheena had wanted all along. To break me.

My heart.

My spirit.

My soul.

She’d shattered it all.

But as I lay there, with Bain begging me not to cry, I vowed that I would be the only one they broke. I wouldn’t take this home with me. My brokenness would stay on the island. I wouldn’t let what I was going through touch Ryan.

If nothing else, I would protect him.