Cruel Surrender by Terri Anne Browning

Ciana

Ryan was waitingfor me at the airport when the jet landed. As soon as I was on the ground, I ran and hugged him. The moment his arms wrapped around me, it took everything in me not to burst into tears.

Normally, I would have told him everything that was going on in my life, but this time, I couldn’t. Not if I wanted to protect him. Just because my heart was nothing but powdered dust lying in the center of my chest didn’t mean I was going to let Sheena hurt him too.

On the ride home, I told him the bare minimum about my vacation. The beauty of the island, how good the food was, the shopping I’d done. I embellished a lot of it, not feeling quite as enchanted with that island as I’d once been. After having my heart broken, I was remembering everything through different eyes, and it wasn’t nearly as pretty as I’d first thought.

Ryan was all smiles the entire time, and I knew that I was doing the right thing keeping Sheena and Bain to myself.

That didn’t stop Milo from telling him and my parents about Ralph, however. And when I got up for my first day back to work, Milo had a new partner. They drove me to work, and while the new guy—Gino, who had worked my sister’s detail for a while in the past—stayed on the first floor with the building’s security guards, Milo had his own room in the New Hope office on the third floor. My boss, Alan, had assured my parents when I’d first started working for him that having my guards around wouldn’t ever be an issue, and he’d always been accommodating.

Milo kept the door to his “office” open and periodically checked on me and the front lobby to make sure there were no threats, while his partner would keep his eyes glued to the security camera monitors downstairs. A camera was at every entrance and emergency exit in the building, as well as in the stairwells and on the elevators. As long as Gino stayed vigilant, he wouldn’t get any surprises.

By ten thirty, I was exhausted, but I hadn’t gotten a full night’s sleep in days, so I wasn’t worried about it. Yawning, I picked up the next patient file waiting on me and opened the door to the lobby. Once the new mommy-to-be was in the exam room waiting for Darcy, I walked behind the nurses station and flopped inelegantly into one of the rolly chairs.

“I didn’t take that much blood, did I?” Darcy joked as she tucked her phone into one of the pockets of her dark-blue scrubs.

“Nah,” I said with a small smile. “I think I need a vacation from my vacation, though.”

“That’s why I take a few days for a staycation instead of spending the whole time away,” she said with a shake of her dark head. “Or at least, I used to. Now all I can afford is a staycation.”

I grimaced. When Darcy divorced her cheating ex, he left her with so much debt that she’d almost lost her apartment. For nearly a year, she’d had to take extra shifts in the ER just to keep a roof over her head. But for the past few months, she’d seemed more relaxed. I was glad my friend’s stress levels were going down. I’d tried to give her some money to help her out, and when she turned it down, offered it as a loan, but she’d been adamant she wanted to reach financial stability all on her own. Kind of a fuck-you to her ex.

“I’m going to order lunch soon so it will arrive on time,” Joyce, the tiny little woman who ran the office for Alan, said as she stuck her head out of her office. “Let me know what you two kids want.”

My stomach rumbled, but not in hunger. “I brought a salad.”

“Is that all?” Joyce tsked. “I’ll order you some grilled chicken to go with it.”

“Yeah,” I muttered, giving her a tight smile. “Thanks.”

When I turned around, it was to find Darcy giving me a searching look, and I quickly put a brighter smile on my face. “You should get into Exam 4 before our newest mommy-to-be freezes her coochie off. She was a mixture of excitement and nerves. I think she has about a thousand questions for you.”

The rest of the day dragged by, and I had to fight to keep my eyes open until I got home. On the ride home, Milo kept shooting me concerned glances over his shoulder while Gino drove. Sleep had eluded me since finding out that the man I loved wasn’t who I thought he was. When I did manage to close my eyes, I was haunted by how naïve and utterly stupid I’d been in trusting Torin…Bain.

As soon as Gino pulled up in front of the house, I jumped out of the SUV before Milo could even get out to open my door. Rushing inside, I passed Vito and Bennie as I practically sprinted upstairs.

“What’s the rush?” Bennie called after me. “Someone light your ass on fire?”

“Just need a shower,” I told him as I kept going. “It was one of those messy kinds of days at the office.”

“Gross,” I heard Vito grumble, and his twin snickered.

In my room, I started stripping as soon as the door closed behind me. Tearing off the bandage in the crook of my arm, I tossed it in the trash and stepped into the stall the second the water got warm enough. Only when the water was cascading over me did I give myself permission to cry. Showering was the only time I allowed the tears to fall. All day long they built until the pressure was too much for me to withstand.

I just stood there, letting the water hide my pain, thankful the walls were so thick that no one could hear my sobs as I fell apart all over again.

When I was all cried out—for the moment—and my head was throbbing, I finally turned off the water and toweled off. By the time I was in my pajamas and my hair was no longer dripping, I could barely lift my head. But no sooner had I climbed under the covers than the memories of every moment I’d shared with Bain flashed through my head, as if my brain hit rewind and played it all in slow motion.

My eyes snapped open, trying to stop the replay, but that did nothing.

Groaning, I sat up in bed and grabbed my phone, hoping to distract myself. As I texted Nova, my lashes fell closed and I slowly drifted off.

Only to jerk awake an hour later. Heart pounding, I sat upright in bed, cold sweat dripping off my body. The only thing I remembered from the dream was Sheena’s cackling laugh.

Bile rose into the back of my throat. With a whine, I made a run for the bathroom, but I was too late. I made it to the door before I emptied the small amount of food I’d consumed earlier in the day onto the tiled floor. Sobbing, I dropped to my knees and let my body take over. My stomach heaved until there was nothing left, and I just curled up into a ball right there.

It was a long while before I gathered the strength to clean myself and then the bathroom floor. I was weak by the time I was done and slowly made my way back to bed after changing my clothes. A glance at the clock told me it was barely nine o’clock at night.

With shaking fingers, I texted Darcy to let her know I thought I had a stomach bug and that I wouldn’t be at work the next day. She didn’t text me back, but I didn’t think much about it.

The rest of the night was miserable, and I spent most of it curled into a ball beside the toilet. Eventually, I fell into a restless sleep on the bathroom floor, a towel folded under my head as a makeshift pillow.

Chilled fingers touching my brow woke me. Blinking, I realized that the sun was up. Mama and Darcy were both crouched over me. My friend and colleague gave me a grim smile. “I didn’t get your message until this morning, but I thought I would come check on you before heading to work.” She held up a small bag. “I brought some meds to help with the nausea.”

“Ciana.” Mama’s voice was thick with concern. “You look like hell. You should have woken me. We could have gone to the ER last night.”

“It’s okay,” I assured her in a raspy voice. After all the vomiting I’d done throughout the night, my throat was on fire. “I’m feeling a little better now. It’s just a bug.” I took the washcloth she offered with a small smile in appreciation. “Really, Mama. I’m fine. You should go. I don’t want you to catch this.”

“Don’t worry about me,” she grumbled. “Come on. Let us help you to bed.”

Once I was in bed, Darcy asked my mom if she would grab me a few bottles of water. If I couldn’t keep the water down, she was going to have to take me to the emergency room for IV fluids.

The door had barely closed behind her when Darcy sat on the edge of my bed. My lashes felt like they had weights tied to each one, making it an effort to keep my lids open. “Ciana.” Darcy took my hand and gave it a firm squeeze.

Something in her lowered voice caught my attention. Forcing my eyes to stay open, I looked at her. “What?”

She licked her lips, as if she were nervous. “I don’t think you have a stomach bug,” she whispered. “I got your blood work back.”

My heart literally stopped. “And?”

Sighing, she pulled out her phone and opened the New Hope patient app. My lab results were up on the screen. Hands shaking, I took the phone from her and scanned the document. If there had been anything left in my stomach, it would have been all over my bed immediately.

“H-how is this possible?” I whisper-shouted. “I-I’m on the shot. You…you just administered one not a week before my vacation!”

Darcy pressed her lips into a hard line. “I don’t know what happened. How often are you sexually active?”

“I’ve had sex with a total of two people in my entire life,” I admitted. “A friend’s brother in high school, and then…” I clenched my eyes closed. “I hooked up with someone while on vacation.”

“Well, you’ve been on the shot for a few years. If you haven’t been sexually active during that time, it could be that this form of birth control wasn’t effective for you all along.” She shrugged. “I can’t say for sure. But obviously, something went wrong or you wouldn’t be pregnant.”

The world began to spin out of control around me, and I clenched my eyes shut. “Oh God. What am I going to do?”

I didn’t know what to feel or think. A baby…who shared DNA with Bain O’Farrell. My family would flip out. Ryan would go ballistic. No! I couldn’t think about any of that. If I thought about who helped me make this baby—and how everyone I loved would react—I would lose it.

One step at a time.

“Do you not want the baby?” Darcy asked in a quiet voice.

I gasped, my hands covering my belly as if to cover the baby’s ears. “That’s not what I meant. My parents are going to flip out. You know how overprotective they are. And it’s not like I’m ever going to see this baby’s father again.”

“Oh,” she muttered, seeming relieved. “Well, first things first. Once you feel better, let’s do your prenatal exam. We can get you an ultrasound as well. Make sure everything is growing as it should in there and get you an official due date. Then we can take things from there.” She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. “You don’t have to say anything right away. You could probably keep your pregnancy a secret for a good three or four months if you really want to.”

“Yeah.” I tried to nod, but I didn’t have any strength left to do even that. “Um, Darcy, thanks for stopping by. But I really think I need some time to absorb this right now.”

She gave me a grim smile. “I completely understand. I’m going to leave these meds right here. If you start feeling worse, just give me a call and we can get you in for fluids.”

“Thanks,” I choked out and watched her walk to the door.

Mama came in no sooner than my friend left. “Here is the water, sweetheart.” She set two bottles on my nightstand. “Can I get you anything else?”

“No. I think I’m good now,” I lied.

“Ciana, you’re so pale,” she observed. “I have never seen you so ill before. You were always the one who gave me the least cause to worry when it came to your health.”

“It’s just a bug. Give me another twenty-four hours, and I’ll be back to normal.” But I couldn’t help wondering if I was telling the truth.

If this was morning sickness, how long would it last? I knew it was different for every woman, so it wasn’t like I had a set of rules or a timetable I could follow. All I could do was take this one day at a time and figure it out as I went.