Cruel Surrender by Terri Anne Browning

Ciana

Lickinga smear of strawberry jam off my thumb, I found another name I liked in the huge book of baby names that had arrived the day before when I’d casually mentioned I was struggling with what to name the girls. It was a pretty name, one that had caught my attention as I’d skimmed the page, but as I tried it out, I realized it wasn’t the name I wanted for one of my daughters.

“Ugh,” I huffed in frustration, tossing the book aside just as the bedroom door opened.

Bain walked in carrying a tray loaded with food and drinks and a few other items. Seeing me sitting up in bed, the lunch tray he’d brought to me earlier still beside me but now empty, he smiled. “You enjoyed the toast?”

“It was delicious. Thank you.” I licked my lips, trying to get every last trace of the strawberry jam from earlier as I could. The last few weeks, I’d been on a strawberry kick. Fresh strawberries, strawberry cake, strawberry Pop-Tarts, strawberry ice cream. If it had freaking strawberries, then I wanted to eat it. I even dreamed of the damned things when I slept.

“I brought you a dish of fresh strawberries with whipped cream,” he tempted as he crossed the room and set the new tray at the foot of the bed. Picking up the one that had held my toast and strawberry milk, he placed it on the floor by the door before coming back to climb into bed beside me.

The past few weeks, he’d spent more time in this room, and in bed with me, than anywhere else in the house. If I was awake, he wasn’t far from me, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, it was hard to hide that I liked having all of his time and attention. I told myself I was just making the best of the situation. Now that Ryan hated me, and I’d let him think I’d picked this life over the rest of my family, Bain and the babies were all I had.

Lifting the dish of berries, he picked up a fork and fed me one covered in the fresh whipped cream the cook made for me every morning. Moaning, I leaned back against the pillows, my taste buds in heaven as I licked a dollop of cream off the corner of my mouth.

“Fuck,” he groaned, taking a pillow from behind him to cover his lap. “Have mercy on me, mo chroí. Those noises you make are enough to break a man.”

I hid my smirk by picking up the thick book of baby names once again. “Help me pick names for the girls.”

“I told you I will be happy with whatever you decide,” he said, feeding me another berry.

I shot him a glare. “I’m asking you to help me name our children, Bain O’Farrell.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a laugh, before quickly getting a serious expression on his handsome face. He’d shaved the day before, and I missed the beard he’d had going on, but he was the kind of man who pulled off either look deliciously. “You don’t want to name them after family members?”

“Maybe middle names,” I said with a half shrug. “But I want them to have something that is only theirs.”

“Well, you already said Buttercup was out,” he said, taking a berry for himself.

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know if I should be happy you watched The Princess Bride with me every night this week, or worried that now you are obsessed with Buttercup. We need to find a show to binge to get your attention off her.”

“I like Buttercup. She reminds me of you. All sassy and feisty. I really liked when she pushed Westley down the mountain before she realized who he was.”

“There are times I want to push you down a mountain,” I muttered, waving the book at him. “Stop deflecting and assist me in finding the perfect names for our girls, please.”

“I have never named anything in my life,” he grumbled. “I don’t want to fuck it up.”

“Me either,” I assured him. “Maybe if we do it together, we can figure it out without scarring our kids with stupid names.”

He set down the bowl of fruit and plucked the book from my hand. “There are like a billion names in this book, my beauty. Where do we even begin?”

I scooted across the bed until I was leaning against him. He lifted his arm and wrapped it around me, kissing the top of my head as he read over the names on the first page. “Well, I know a set of triplets. Maverick, Mila, and Monroe. Mila has two sets of twins, and she kept all of her kids with the same first initial as well. She went with‘I.’ Ian, Isaac, Israel, and Ireland. Her husband is a twin, and all of his siblings have an ‘L’ initial. Lucy, Lyric, Luca.”

“I’m fond of the letter ‘C,’” he murmured thoughtfully.

“I bet you are.”

He frowned at the ice in my tone. “What’s wrong?”

“How many women have you slept with whose name starts with a ‘C’?” I hissed up at him.

Bain pressed his lips into a hard line. “If I say I can’t remember, will that lose me points?”

A growl left my throat, surprising us both.

He blew out a heavy exhale. “I’ve only ever loved you, Ciana.”

I leaned away from him. “Let’s use the letter ‘B,’” I suggested slyly. “I once slept with a guy named Brendon. I really like ‘B’ names.”

His own growl sounded feral. “What’s his last name? I’ll kill the motherfucker,” he snarled. “And we’re not using ‘B’ names.”

My own jealousy forgotten, I snickered as I cuddled back against him. “I’m just messing with you. I don’t even know anyone named Brendon.”

“Doesn’t matter. The Bs are now tainted.”

“But I really like Briana, Brooklyn, and Bianca,” I teased.

“Do you really?” he asked, sounding unsure.

Tossing my head back, I laughed at the crestfallen look on his face. When he realized I was only playing with him, he grabbed the back of my head and pulled me in for a quick, hard kiss. It was over so fast, I didn’t have time to enjoy it. Our first real kiss in forever, and he didn’t give me time to savor it.

“Be good,” he warned when he lifted his head, the heat in his hazel eyes telling me he was starving for more than the little taste he’d stolen. I wanted to beg him for more, but he was trying to be good and not rush things this time around. I had to respect that. We’d jumped into bed so fast the first time that we didn’t have a chance to really get to know each other. Now, we were moving slower, getting to know each other first before we took things in that direction.

That, and Dr. Rose was adamant that we not have sex of any kind after the ultrasound we’d had two weeks ago. She’d also extended her week-long request for me to take things easy indefinitely. Which was why I was still lazing around in bed most of the day. But if I had to spend the rest of this pregnancy lying on my back, I was perfectly fine with that. Anything, as long as the babies were safe and healthy.

“I do like those names, but I don’t think they are the right names for our girls. And we don’t have to pick an initial and stay with it. I want something that fits them, that they won’t groan about when they get older, or get made fun of because it’s hard to pronounce or spell.”

“Luckily for us, we still have a while to go before they arrive. I think this is going to take some time to figure out.”

“But I want to decide as soon as possible,” I whined. “It will be nice to have a name to grumble when one of them kicks me in the bladder and makes me pee a little.”

“Did that happen again?” he asked with concern.

“Maybe,” I muttered, ducking my head to pretend to read a few more names and their meanings. It was beyond embarrassing to admit that I’d literally peed myself earlier that morning when one of the babies had played soccer with my bladder.

“You are definitely a fighter, and I think our babies will be just as fierce as you are. Let’s give them strong names.”

I looked up at him through my lashes, trying to figure out if he was for real or if he was making fun of me. I didn’t feel like a fighter. At times, I felt helpless.

“Yes,” he said, nodding at his own musings. “I like that. Names that are strong, that will embody the warrior princesses we will raise.”

“Do a search on your phone, then,” I advised. “I’m sure it will be easier and definitely quicker than if we look through this entire book.”

Thirty minutes later, after looking through a dozen different baby name sites, we’d finally found the three names I loved.

Bain cleared the bed of all the dishes, and when he came back to me, he lay on his stomach beside me. Pulling up my shirt, which was really just one of his old T-shirts, he kissed my belly, causing goose bumps to pop up along my entire body.

“Hello in there, Kella,” he murmured, kissing where Baby One was. “Elda,” he said with a smile as he kissed the spot where Baby Two always liked to kick. “And sweet Alessia.” Baby three’s foot fluttered against him as he touched his lips to her spot.

Tears stung my eyes, and I quickly blinked them away. When he did thoughtful things like that, it was hard to remember what he’d done to get me there. But I was starting to see just how starved Bain was for love and affection. An actual emotional connection. He hadn’t had that with his mother or Sheena. And while he worshiped his father’s memory, I wondered if his dad had been any better when it came to showing his son how to love and care for others.

Maybe he really did need me as much as he claimed.

With one more kiss just under my navel, which was already starting to push out, he took my left hand. He rubbed his thumb over the backs of my fingers. “When are you going to marry me, mo chroí?”

I froze, caught off guard by his question. I hadn’t thought about actually marrying him. “Um…d-did you have something in mind?”

“I thought since you aren’t supposed to be out of bed for long periods of time, we could get a minister to come here. We could have a small ceremony in the library.”

It was a far cry from how I’d always imagined myself getting married. I’d hoped to have a huge wedding. With a dress that took six people to help me wrangle, Papa walking me down the aisle, Zariah, Nova, and Samara as my bridesmaids. A million flowers. Perhaps some fireworks at the reception to signal it was time to leave for my honeymoon.

But given the circumstances, I knew that was a pipe dream. There was no way I could ever have those things now.

Forcing a smile, I nodded. “Okay.”

His face pulled into a huge grin. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I confirmed, my smile a little less forced at the sight of his happiness. Reminding myself that this was my life now, I pushed down the disappointment and tried to make the best of what I was given. If I couldn’t have my family with me, at least I was marrying the man I loved. Even if I wasn’t one-hundred-percent sure it was the smart thing to allow myself to love him. “I think I even have a white dress in the closet.”

He jumped up with a whoop. “I’m going to go make a few calls, mo chroí.” Bending, he kissed me, hard. “Fuck,” he breathed when he pulled back. “I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”