The Lies That Shatter by A.V. Asher

Chapter Thirty-Eight

The next morning, Mercedes woke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and knew things were different. Noah didn’t drink coffee, so she was the one who made it in the morning.

The divine scent and the unfamiliar bedroom reminded her she wasn’t with Noah anymore.

Shit.

She was with Alec. How in the hell was she going to get through this? She could stay in her room all day. If she did, she wouldn’t have to speak to him.

But the coffee was too big a draw.

It was quiet in the house as she stepped from her room. The view from the living room in daylight was breathtaking. The Pacific stretched out beyond the tall pine trees. A soft breeze filtered through the air.

Alec wasn’t in the kitchen, so she poured herself a cup and added her cream. Outside, a splash of water caught her attention, and she carried her coffee out onto the deck. Her gaze followed the gentle swish of water and instantly her core clenched.

Holy hell.

Alec was swimming.

How could someone look so damn good? He moved gracefully, the strength of his arms gliding him through the water.

Sipping her coffee, she walked down to the pool. She sat on the edge, her feet cooled by the water.

Alec’s eyes caught hers and he swam to her. When he rose up, he rubbed his hand through his thick hair. Water cascaded down his chest, following along his muscles. Even with the bruises and cuts, he was stunning.

He grasped the edge of the pool on either side of her, drops rolling from his body onto her knees.

“You should come in, it’s lovely.”

That would be a mistake. “I would, but I don’t have a suit.”

Alec’s lips turned up mischievously. “You don’t need one, darling. It’s nothing I’ve not seen before.”

Jesus, he needed to stop looking at her like that.

Mercedes tilted her head, holding in a smile. “Are you flirting with me, Alec?”

“Shamelessly,” he said with a grin.

A flutter of butterflies took hold in her stomach, shooting right down into her core. She should tell him to stop. This was hard enough without having to combat his charm.

But damn if she didn’t love this side of him. Playful, sweet, and even a little goofy. He could make her forget how hard everything had collapsed around them.

Alec swam to the stairs and pulled himself out. Mercedes shivered and had to look at the water while he toweled himself off.

“I have a little work to do. Then I was thinking we might go into town and pick up a few things. Do you feel up to that?”

Mercedes nodded. “I’ll take a little rest in the shade while you work. It’s so nice out.”

“Aye, it is.” Rivulets of water coursed down his neck and onto his perfect collarbone. The temptation to lick it off him was way too damn strong. Mercedes gulped her coffee, praying her raging libido would knock it off.

“. . . try to sleep some more,” Alec was saying. “I’ll be a couple of hours.”

“Oh, mm-hmm.” A flush was creeping up her cheeks. She had no idea what he was talking about. Hopefully, he hadn’t asked her to do anything important.

Jesus, Sadie. Get it together.

Alec flashed her a brilliant smile before he headed back into the house. Mercedes watched him walk away, the back side looking just as good as the front.

She sighed and flopped onto one of the shaded lounge chairs. Alec was dangerous in more ways than one. If she was going to get through this, she was going to have to do a better job of knocking down her feelings for this man.

* * *

After Alec finishedup his work for the day, they drove to the little beachside village. Mercedes found a couple of adorable bathing suits and a pullover for the pool.

Their last stop was at a little grocer. Mercedes picked out all she needed to make chicken with a creamy white wine sauce. When she added it to Alec’s basket, he stared at it for a moment. Then said, “You know that chicken’s raw, right?”

Mercedes scoffed. “Yes, I’m going to make the only chicken dish I’m comfortable making. Noah thought it was delicious.”

“Did you kill all of Noah’s taste buds when you poisoned him, or just a few?”

She adored that sparkle in his eyes. “Bite your tongue, McKinley,” Mercedes shot back. “I’ll have you know I’ve had lots of time on my hands, so I took quite a few culinary lessons.”

Alec chuckled. “You? Learned to cook?”

“I did. Only a few of the lessons stuck, though.” She took a second bottle of white wine off the shelf and put it in the basket, this one a higher quality.

Alec’s gaze was on her.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing, it’s just . . .” Alec’s words were suddenly rough. “You haven’t called me ‘McKinley’ in a while.” The storm in his eyes told her more than his words. “I rather missed it.”

The weight of his pain hit her square in the chest. Thinking he’d never hear her voice or see her face again must have been agonizing.

They returned to the house and put away their groceries. While Mercedes prepped dinner, Alec perched on a barstool, watching with an amused smile on his lips. She wondered if he was watching her to make sure she cooked the chicken properly, or if he just wanted to watch her. Perhaps it was a little of both.

Thankfully, she’d done a great job and Alec was forced to admit he was pleasantly surprised.

Mercedes picked up her wineglass. “Don’t seem so shocked. I told you I took classes.”

Alec grinned. “Aye, but I was worried about how well they worked.” His teasing expression softened. “It was delicious. Thank you.”

Mercedes’s cheeks warmed under his appreciative gaze.

He stood and picked up both their plates. Mercedes made to clear the table with him, but he shooed her away. “Dinner dishes are mine. You sit down and enjoy your wine.”

Mercedes took up the spot on the barstool and watched him clean up the kitchen. It wasn’t just the way he moved that held her attention, it was that he was comfortable like this.

This was it. This was part of the life they’d lost.

A simple act of eating a meal and cleaning up was just so normal. And they’d never been allowed normal.

Later that evening, they walked to the beach. A set of stairs led them down the small sea cliff.

As they walked, Mercedes had a hard time remembering not to reach for Alec’s hand. It was so easy to forget he didn’t belong to her.

Alec was quiet, and he seemed to take it all in. One of the many things she loved about him was this ability to be in silence, not feeling the need to talk unnecessarily.

“Do you mind if we sit for a minute?” Mercedes asked, wanting to take in the ocean breeze on her face.

She wrapped her arms around her knees, breathed in the briny air tinged with the scent of seaweed and fish.

Alec broke the silence between them. “Who were you?”

Mercedes didn’t have to ask what he meant. If the roles were reversed, she would want to know where he’d been. And now that she had declined to go back into WITSEC, she didn’t see a reason to keep it from him.

“My name was Holly, but you knew that. I had blonde hair, and I drove a sedan. After I had healed from my injury, I volunteered part time at the library. Noah was my husband, Mateo. He worked from home as a ‘financial adviser’. We went to community picnics and church every Sunday.”

“You went to church?” Alec had a wide grin on his face.

Mercedes laughed. “Yeah, my first time was interesting. I thought they would all figure out real quick that I’d never attended services in my life. They were all really sweet though.”

“Doesn’t sound so bad.”

Her smile faded. “It was exhausting, actually. And lonely.” Mercedes found the hem of her sundress and tapped out the waves in her mind. “And I . . . I missed you terribly. I was afraid I was starting to forget you.”

Alec winced and looked down at the sand.

“Not forgetting how I felt about you,” she said, hoping to reassure him. “But the exact color of your eyes, your hair or the way your scent would linger on me. Sometimes, I thought you were slipping away.” Mercedes looked away. She was confessing too much but couldn’t stop. “Except for your voice. The way my weird brain works would never allow me to forget your voice. The exact way you rolled your Rs. How you said my name. I can’t ever forget it.”

Alec’s brow was furrowed. She was exposing him to a pain she hadn’t meant to give him.

Damn it.

“We should head back to the house.”

They made their way up the stairs in silence. Mercedes reflected on all Alec had endured while she went to cooking classes and church potlucks.

Once they were back in the house, Alec poured the last of the wine into their glasses. “Are you disappointed about the job?”

Mercedes shrugged. “A little. I was more excited about the lobbying work, which might still be around when this is over. But the harder part was the whiplash that occurred over the last week. I went from thinking I was moving to London with you, to living in New York with Ezra, who I’m now talking to again. Didn’t see that coming. Now, I’m here with you. It’s been a bit weird.”

Alec’s smile faded, and he set his glass down. “Are you disappointed you’re not with Ezra?”

Mercedes froze, her pulse thundering at the hurt in his tone. She didn’t know how to answer him.

In a way, being in New York with Ezra would be easier. At least with Ezra, she was in control.

Alec was an entirely different story.

But if she had to choose, she knew where her heart lay.

“Damn.” Alec must have sensed her thoughts, and he rasped out. “You don’t have to ans—”

“No,” Mercedes cut him off. “I’d rather be here with you.”

Alec exhaled deeply, bracing his hands on the kitchen counter. “I was never a jealous man until I met you, but sometimes it feels like I’m losing my mind.” Then he turned back to her. “When you left with him the other night, I thought I might go mad.” When she opened her mouth to speak, he cut her off. “I don’t know what happened between you and Ezra, and I’m not sure I want to know. I have all sorts of horrific images in my head, and they haunt me, until I can’t sleep or think straight.”

Mercedes twisted the towel in her hand.

“But I was thinking, if you had a sliver of the same feelings about me and Kristin, then I should tell you about us.”

Oh, hell no.

The images of Alec and Kristin in bed took hold again, and she wanted no part in this particular conversation.

Mercedes shook her head. “Alec . . . You don’t need to . . .”

“I never slept with her.”

Her eyes went wide, and her mouth dropped. “What?”

“I never slept with her,” Alec repeated. Mercedes’s heart was in her throat. “That’s why she didn’t know about my scars.” He shrugged. “She never saw them.”

Disbelief must have been all over her face, because he added, “Even on this trip, Kristin had her own room, but I was sleeping on your sister’s couch.”

“Why?” was all she could manage.

“She wanted more, but I couldn’t give it to her.” Alec’s brows were creased together. The wall he kept up had crumbled. “Turns out, you’re not that easy to get over.”

Relief spilled into her veins. All the mental images she’d wept over were nothing more than ugly thoughts and not reality. He hadn’t let another love him while she cried alone.

“Alec . . .” She stepped toward him.

He ran his hands through his hair. “Anyway, I figured, if that bothered you, I would put your mind at ease.”

Before she could think it through, she crossed the kitchen, jerked him to her by his waistband, and kissed him.

Alec’s surprise intake of air turned to a moan as he wrapped his arms around her, clutching her dress in his hands. He cupped her chin, tilting her mouth against his.

Desire tore through her, creating a throb between her thighs. She wanted that sweet release only he could give her.

“I need you,” she murmured into his mouth. “Come to my bed tonight?”

“Just tonight?” Alec drew away, his eyes heavy with longing. “Like Scotland?”

That first night they’d made love was magic, everything she needed tonight to be. “Yes.”

Regret crossed his face, and he shook his head. “That’s not going to be enough this time.”

“What?”

“Sadie, I’ve been burned pretty hard too, and I have my own heart to protect. If I have you tonight, I won’t be able to let you go in the morning.”

Her breath caught. “What if this is all I have to give?”

“You have so much more to give.” Alec kissed her again, his lips teasing hers. Then he ended it and he brushed her hair from her face.

“I want it all back. All of it. The future we’d planned and the life we were supposed to have. If you need time, I’ll give you all you need. But tomorrow, I’m not going to pretend I don’t love you.” Alec stepped back, reluctance on his face. “’Night, Sadie.” He turned and walked toward his room.

“Alec,” Mercedes called, the ache in her throat growing more painful.

He stopped and met her gaze, the vulnerability in his expression cutting her deep.

“I didn’t sleep with Ezra. He came to my room. We talked, and we kissed,” she said. Alec’s eyes darted to the ground as he took this in. “But I’ve slept alone since Scotland. You aren’t that easy to get over either.”

Alec’s defenses were down, and the rawness of his pain reverberated off him. He gave her a tight nod to acknowledge what she said. Then he left, the ache he’d seared in her growing with the sound of his footsteps down the hall.