Becoming by Jourdyn Kelly

“I REFUSE TOwork with that… that woman again!”

This was the sentiment of almost everyone Rebecca had spoken to since beginning her work with Samantha Pryce more than two months ago. Her answer was always the same.

“Then work with me. Look, Ronnie, I know Ms. Pryce can be difficult…”

“Difficult? She constantly complains about our markups and she’s abusive to my employees. I will not tolerate that.”

“Which is completely understandable. I know it’s not an excuse, but Samantha is under a lot of pressure with this relaunch. And we couldn’t do it without you. You’re the best liquor distributor in the county.”

Apparently, Rebecca wasn’t above groveling a little to stay on track and on budget. Ronnie wasn’t the best, but Samantha had already depleted most of their options before Rebecca even came on board. If they lost Ronnie, the club and its relaunch were going to fail.

“You pay 20% more markup and I’ll think about it.”

Rebecca closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “You know I can’t do that,” she said calmly. “We keep the current pricing and I guarantee that you and your employees deal with only me as long as I’m here.”

It wasn’t much of a deal, but it was all she had to bargain with. Samantha had given her autonomy and authority, but even in her brief time working with Samantha, Rebecca knew that there were limits. She also knew that Ronnie couldn’t afford to lose their business any more than they could afford to lose his.

“Fine, Rebecca,” Ronnie answered after a pause. “But I won’t be so generous the next time.”

“Understood. Thank you.” She hung up the phone and sat back in her chair with a sigh. It seemed all she had been doing since agreeing to work for Samantha was putting out fires. How the woman stayed in business this long was a mystery. Personally, Rebecca found her to be charismatic, witty, and intelligent. Professionally, she was abrasive, arrogant, and callous.

There was a learning curve working with someone so mercurial. It was a whirlwind of information to take in. Luckily, Rebecca was a fast learner. The most sensitive subject was money. She quickly found that out when examining the books and making suggestions to stop frivolous spending. It seemed an easy decision for Rebecca. The club was swimming in the red, but even minor changes could only help. However, Samantha was repeatedly offended by Rebecca’s advice and would continue spending as though the money was pouring in. Contrarily, when it came to the things they actually needed—like a liquor distributor and licenses—Samantha couldn’t be bothered.

Thinking of licenses caused another sigh to escape from Rebecca’s lips. She checked her watch, noting that she had a mere twenty minutes before the person she needed to speak with left for the day. Nothing like a bit of stress to keep her on her toes. With that in mind, she picked up the phone.

“Mr. Schumer, it’s Rebecca Cuinn calling for Samantha Pryce,” she said when a man answered the phone.

“Miss Cuinn, I’m heading out in a few minutes. So, unless you’re calling to tell me you’ve come up with the past-due fees, there’s nothing more to discuss.”

Rebecca pinched the bridge of her nose. Remain calm.“Mr. Schumer, we’re set to open in less than three months and you’re threatening to revoke our zoning permit. This club has been selling alcohol in this area for over five years. You can’t just pull the rug out from under us.”

“I can, and I will. Blame your boss.”

Oh, Rebecca did blame Samantha. But that wouldn’t help her out of this situation. “Surely, we can find some way to settle this. I know that you and Ms. Pryce had found compromises before.” Those compromises consisted of unlimited time in the private rooms of the club in exchange for extensions on liquor license fees. After doing her homework, she discovered that good old Mr. Schumer had a wife that would be none-too-pleased to learn of that arrangement.

“Are you trying to blackmail me, Miss Cuinn?”

“Of course not. I’m merely trying to find a solution that works for everyone.”

“I cannot in good conscience keep this up, Miss Cuinn. Ms. Pryce has exhausted all of her extensions and owes in excess of $30,000 in fees and penalties.”

Extensions of which you approved of and penalties you ignored for some kicks of your own, Rebecca thought with disgust.

“I understand that, Mr. Schumer. However, I have to assume that if you hadn’t been so lenient before, she wouldn’t be in this position. Were your arrangements approved by your superiors?” Or your wife?

“You’re just as bad as her,” he spat back.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. But, since we’re trying to find a resolution before the relaunch, here’s what I’m proposing. We will pay half of the back fees and penalties. In return, you will make the necessary adjustments to show that we are caught up and in good standing. I will then request a new representative. After that, we move on with a fresh start.”

“What makes you think I’ll agree to this and not just block you?”

“Video surveillance,” Rebecca answered simply. Hell, she didn’t actually know if the private rooms had video. It didn’t matter if it was true if he believed it. Obviously, blackmail was another skill she had to learn quickly.

“Half,” Mr. Schumer grunted. “By the end of the week.” Click.

“Great. Now to find $15,000 in four days,” Rebecca muttered to herself. It was going to be another long night. That was something Rebecca was getting used to. It wasn’t easy. Not by any stretch of the imagination. She still had classes to attend. She couldn’t let her work here negate everything she’d done in college. Especially with less than a semester left. Yeah, all of her free time was spent here, but it wasn’t so bad. She had her own office, cramped as it was. And it wasn’t like she had a personal life to ruin anyway. This was her life. For now. She opened the side drawer of her small desk and randomly grabbed a take-out menu.

“Rebecca!”

Rebecca banged her head on her desk. “So close yet so far away.” Eating would have to wait. Again. She rose and made her way two doors down to Samantha’s office. Instead of entering, she stood in the doorway. “Yes?”

“Come in here and sit down. There are things I want to discuss.” Samantha absently waved towards the guest chair. “I have some changes that I need you to take to the contractor.”

“Changes?” She can’t be serious. We barely have the money to do what we’re doing now.

Samantha looked up with a proud smile. “A cigar lounge.”

“What?” The older woman pushed a piece of paper towards Rebecca. Yep. She had heard correctly. A cigar lounge. Complete with humidor cabinets and whiskey bar. “Samantha, this is impossible.”

“I don’t want to hear that. Just get it done.”

“Please listen to me. Not only are you asking me to tack on thousands of dollars that we don’t have, this will add at least another month to construction. We simply don’t have the resources.”

“This is what I hired you for, Rebecca. Call the investors and do what you need to do. Hell, fuck them if you have to. I want this room.”

Rebecca was speechless. Groveling she could handle. Blackmail? That was fine, too. But, it would be a frigid day in hell before she offered her body.

“No.”

“Excuse me?” Samantha’s voice turned to ice at Rebecca’s refusal.

“You hired me to help you and that’s exactly what I’ve done. I have jumped through hoop after hoop and nailed the goddamn landing every time. But, you telling me to sell my body for something you don’t need? That’s bullshit! The plans were drawn up, sent to the city, and approved. This isn’t just an investor problem. If you want to piss away your money you can do it without me.”

They stared each other down for what seemed like an eternity. Surprisingly, Samantha was the one to break first. She gave Rebecca a tight smile. “Very well, Miss Cuinn. No changes.”

Rebecca let out a sigh of relief. Well, she wasn’t fired, and she won. This round at least. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I will get this room at some point. You better be that good. And, the next time you decide to speak to me in that manner… well, we will have to think of a good punishment.”

A light knock sounded at the door and Rebecca looked over to see Gigi—scantily clad as always—standing there.

“You may go.”

Samantha had dismissed Rebecca like a child. Unfortunately, Rebecca wasn’t finished. She still needed to talk to Samantha about the money they needed by the end of the week.

“I need to discuss…”

“Unless you want to drop to your knees and suck my clit, you need to get out.”

Rebecca stood abruptly, hating the fact that she tasted that now familiar bitterness of anger and jealousy. It wasn’t the first time she was sent away, ousted by Gigi. It wouldn’t be the last. If only she hadn’t wanted to be the one to drop to her knees.

REBECCA PRESSED Ahand to her stomach as it growled loudly. Once she had gotten back to her office after that disaster with Samantha, she got right to work. It was typical of her to forget to eat, even when she was starving. But, since Samantha would rather have a playdate than discuss business, it was up to Rebecca to figure out the impossible. In the grand scheme of things, fifteen grand should be the easy part. And, it could be, she told herself silently.

She jumped at the sound of a throat clearing and looked up to see Samantha leaning against the doorjamb. It would help matters enormously for Rebecca if she didn’t find the woman sexy and intriguing.

“May I come in?” Rebecca nodded, and Samantha folded her long frame into the uncomfortable guest chair. “I wanted to apologize for earlier.”

Blonde eyebrows shot up in surprise. She had been on the receiving end of Samantha’s bad moods quite a few times. Never once had the woman apologized.

Samantha smirked. “I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was inappropriate and rude.”

“I’m not sure what to say.”

“I think you said it all when you put me in my place,” Samantha answered. She held her hand up when Rebecca opened her mouth. “If you’re thinking of saying sorry, don’t. I deserved it.”

“All right.” Truth was, Rebecca still wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t sorry for what she said, but perhaps she could have been a bit more tactful.

“I would like to make it up to you if you would allow me to.”

“Samantha, there’s no need.”

“I insist,” Samantha interrupted. “How about dinner?”

Rebecca tilted her head. “What would your girlfriend think about you taking me out?”

“Girlfriend? You mean Gigi?” Samantha laughed heartily. “Gigi is merely a means to an end. I’m in between… companions at the moment. Gigi assuages any needs I may have.”

“I see.” I’m not jealous. “Even so, I have class in the morning. I should have left more than an hour ago.”

“Yet, you’re still here. And, from the noise I heard coming from your stomach when I came in, you need to eat.” Samantha leaned up in her seat. “Come to dinner with me, Rebecca.”

Part of Rebecca begged her to say no. Another part, the one that was consistently intrigued by Samantha, begged her to say yes. Her stomach chose that moment to growl again and she made her decision.

“Okay.”

HINDSIGHT IS TWENTY-TWENTY.Isn’t that what they say? There are those moments in life when you had to ask yourself; if you knew then what you know now, would you have done it all differently? Rebecca’s answer was a resounding yes. If she had known then what her future would be, she never would have said yes to having dinner with Samantha that fateful night nearly a year ago. But she did. And that was something she now had to live with.

She couldn’t remember now if it was the attention Samantha gave her? Or maybe it was the fear that she really was boring? Or perhaps it was the intrigue of letting go and giving herself over to someone completely? Had she been lonely and never realized it? Ever since Rebecca’s parents died, she had pushed herself to be the person she thought they would be proud of. The demanding work never allowed for much of a social life, but Rebecca hadn’t cared much about that.

Fact was, whenever Rebecca was feeling particularly horny, it was easy for her to take care of it herself. She didn’t need anyone, and honestly, she thought that was the way she preferred it. From what she had observed around her, relationships were messy and falling in love couldn’t be an option for her at this point in her career or life. However, that one dinner had changed everything. She told herself it was bound to happen eventually. Working so close with someone as sexual as Samantha had Rebecca yearning for more for the first time in her young life. How could she resist the pull she felt every time the woman was near?

God, how she had thought she fully understood what getting involved with Samantha would mean. She knew the sex would be anything but conventional. She knew that if she gave in she would be submitting to Samantha and everything she thought a lover should give. Having heard all that entailed on her first tour of the club, it was perhaps the one major element that had caused Rebecca’s hesitation to get too close. She hadn’t known if she had it in her to be a submissive. The thought of the pain that she was told came with pleasure was daunting. Nevertheless, in the end, the attraction was too strong to resist.

Eyes—once silver and bright, now dull—looked up and Rebecca stared at herself in the mirror. How had she ended up here? How did something that started off as incredibly erotic turn into something so sadistic? Rebecca untied her silk robe and gingerly peeled it away from her skin. She winced as the fabric caught on a fresh wound. Tossing the robe aside, she turned to see what the damage was this time. Angry red welts crisscrossed her back and a trickle of blood rolled down slowly. She followed its progress until the steam from the running shower fogged the mirror enough to obscure her view.

This was the worst it had ever been. In the beginning, the pain—as hurtful as it was—had been bearable because it was always followed up by incredible pleasure. As time went on, Samantha became increasingly stressed out about money and the club. The pain increased, and the pleasure stopped. It was as though torturing Rebecca somehow eased Samantha’s anxiety. When Rebecca would beg for Samantha to stop, it would get worse.

In an attempt to save herself—save her soul—Rebecca did something drastic. Something she never thought she would do. She went to her aunt and asked for an advance in her inheritance. That wasn’t an easy conversation. As things declined with Samantha, Rebecca’s phone calls to her aunt declined as well. She was afraid her Aunt Wills would hear something in her voice that would give away what her life had become. Rebecca had to explain exactly what she wanted to do. That it was not only to help her girlfriend, but it would be beneficial to her career as well. It wasn’t exactly a lie. She didn’t have a hefty amount, but if she could just buy the club, bring it into the black, things would get better. They had to. She looked at her back again and thought about how wrong she was.

IN RETROSPECT, REBECCAprobably should have discussed her plan with Samantha. Unfortunately, they didn’t have that kind of relationship. Once they got involved physically, Samantha’s respect for Rebecca and her abilities dwindled drastically. Every idea, whether it was made to save money or make money, was rejected as though some silly schoolgirl was making them. So, Rebecca kept her plan to herself, opting to surprise her lover once she could hand a thriving business back over to its rightful owner.

It was a good plan. At least it had been in Rebecca’s mind. Regrettably, she neglected to take Samantha’s ego into account. Of course, she knew it would be hard for Samantha to give up control. After all, that was the epitome of who Samantha is. But Rebecca made considerable effort to ensure the change of owners was private from the employees, and Samantha remained in charge as the manager. Nevertheless, the older woman saw losing ownership of her club as a failure. And Samantha’s defeat meant Rebecca’s agony. There were many times when Rebecca faltered and nearly confessed everything she had been fighting to do for Samantha. But, she couldn’t do that without having something to show for her efforts or her pain. So, she waited. And endured.

It took more than two excruciating years for the club to start seeing a significant profit. It was during that time that Samantha began her love affair with heroin. A long-time patron had introduced her during a particularly stressful time. It didn’t take much for Samantha to become as addicted to this new hobby as she was to being a Dominant. It soon overtook her love for practically everything else.

Of course, she justified her frequent using by arguing how it helped her get through the pain of losing the club. She also claimed sex became euphoric and more heightened, though Rebecca was never “allowed” to share in that experience—something she was secretly grateful for. The only thing that helped Rebecca in the bedroom was the charade that Samantha was solely responsible for all of the club’s success. Stroking her ego was easily accomplished when Samantha was in an altered state.

It only helped marginally as soon as the drug use became a daily occurrence and Samantha became increasingly aggressive. Rebecca’s appearance in the club had been reduced to nothing more than Samantha’s stress reliever in the black room. Those times when Rebecca physically couldn’t take more, Samantha would find other willing participants. Despite Samantha’s vow to remain loyal, her unfaithfulness no longer fazed Rebecca. The reality of that depressed her. Perhaps she had been naïve to think whatever she and Samantha had would grow into something resembling love. Now, all she could hope for was mutual respect.

SHE LOOKED ATthe stripes that marred her once smooth back again, and for the millionth time, she wondered why she stayed. What was this hold Samantha had on her? Did she feel indebted to the woman for giving her an opportunity? Did she feel bound as Samantha’s sub because she knew no other way to be other than a slave to her lover’s every wish?

Why did she keep trying to make things better? Why did she ever think anything she did would make a difference? These were the questions that swirled inside her head each time things got too excessive. Which is exactly what happened tonight. All she had wanted to do was make things better. She cooked a romantic dinner, dressed in something she knew Samantha would like and had the papers on hand to sign the club back over. She had hoped it would be a joyous occasion that would end in the two making love for the first time. Or, at the least, bring the pleasure back after the pain.

Hindsight is twenty-twenty. If only Rebecca had known Samantha had spent the day shooting up. If only she had grasped the extent of Samantha’s ego. If only she hadn’t tried so hard to win Samantha’s love. But hindsight never helped anyone. The reality was dinner sat cold and untouched on the table. Candles were long ago burned out. And the contract was in shreds all over the dining room floor. Instead of the elation Rebecca had expected and hoped for, it was anger she was met with.

“Those are going to sting in the hot water.”

Rebecca lifted pain-filled eyes and met a smirking Samantha. No longer did she see a charming, clever woman. Instead, she saw a vicious bully. Rebecca’s weary eyes stayed with Samantha as the woman stepped closer. When Samantha leaned in, she felt that hot breath on her neck. It used to excite her. Now, it instilled fear inside her.

“It’ll teach you never to lie to me again.” She bit Rebecca’s ear painfully, but the younger woman remained quiet. She had learned earlier in the night that trying to explain only brought on more pain. Every “excuse” was met with another strike on her back. “Get in.”

As much as Rebecca didn’t want to get in the shower with Samantha watching, she didn’t argue. All she needed to do was will herself not to react. If she cried from the pain, she would be giving the older woman exactly what she wanted. And Rebecca refused to be humiliated even more tonight. She felt a hard smack on her bare ass when she failed to move fast enough.

“I said, get in.”

With her head held high, Rebecca walked over to the shower and took a breath. Do not cry. Do not cry. She kept that mantra in her head as she stepped in. The bite of the steaming water nearly caused Rebecca to gasp and her knees to buckle. Tears pooled in her eyes but they never fell. She knew Samantha was watching carefully. She could see her smiling at Rebecca’s obvious discomfort. Once again, she wondered why she was still here. She even wondered how she was still alive.

“Hurry up. I’m hungry,” Samantha said finally and walked out.

Rebecca released the breath she had been holding, and with that came the tears. Yet, she never stepped out of the spray of the shower. She welcomed the pain, knowing that each splash against her skin meant the blood of the night was being washed away. How fitting that she should feel as though it was her life circling the drain.

“REBECCA!”

Samantha’s agitated voice carried through the apartment, causing Rebecca’s entire body to shake. She closed the book she was reading and set it aside. It had been months since Rebecca had told Samantha about buying the club. Since then, their relationship declined even further. Samantha stayed high more often than not. Her temper became out of control. The only fortunate thing was her memory was lapsing. Rebecca had gotten away with never mentioning the ownership of the club again. Fortunate because Rebecca couldn’t imagine giving Samantha control in the state she was in.

“In the bedroom,” Rebecca called out as calmly as she could. Where I always am. Every night. It was another lesson learned after that horrible night. The sight of Rebecca in the kitchen only served to piss Samantha off. The blonde had been all but banned from the club. And when Samantha came home, Rebecca was to be waiting in the bedroom for her, ready for whatever mood Samantha happened to be in.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” Samantha staggered into the room, hitting her shoulder on the door jam. “Shit!”

“I was…”

“Shut up!”

Fantastic.Nights like these were the worst. Samantha would come home completely wasted and Rebecca would take the brunt of her wrath. The only good thing was there were times she was too wasted to do anything sexual. Words and insults were bad, but they were far better than the physical pain of the whips.

“Would you like me to run you a bath?” Rebecca suggested softly. If she could get Samantha to calm down, there was a chance the night would be short and painless. Maybe she will fall asleep in the tub. Rebecca cut off that line of thinking.

“No, I don’t want a fucking bath.” Samantha threw her small bag on the bed, hitting Rebecca’s shin. “I want you naked.” She unzippered the bag revealing needles, a tourniquet, and vials of black tar heroin.

In a ritual Rebecca had seen many times before, Samantha took out the tourniquet and wrapped it around her upper arm. She remained silent as she watched Samantha fill the syringe with a precise dose. With the state Samantha was in already, Rebecca could only hope that another shot would incapacitate her enough that Rebecca would get the night off.

“Did you hear me? Undress.” With great care, Samantha stuck the needle in a plump vein. She closed her eyes, and Rebecca could only assume she was feeling whatever euphoria the drugs brought her.

“Samantha, maybe we could just relax tonight. It sounds like you’ve had a rough day. I think,” Rebecca began. Pain exploded in her head when Samantha back-handed her.

“I don’t want your goddamn opinion! You do what I say when I say.” Samantha staggered towards the bathroom. “You had better be ready when I get out.”

Rebecca wiped blood from her chin and slowly lifted her nightgown over her head. Every inch of her body still ached from the night before. If only she had called her aunt as she was desperate to do. If only Rebecca could find it within herself beg her aunt to convince her that she deserved more.

“Rebecca!”

Rebecca heard a crash coming from the bathroom and braced herself. She had no idea what had happened that day to make Samantha so angry, so she had no idea how to fix it. Rebecca scoffed silently. Like I could fix it anyway. My mere presence pisses her off. She quickly made her way to the bathroom and knocked timidly.

“Samantha? Are you okay?”

The door swung open violently. “What the fuck is this!”

She threw a toothbrush at Rebecca’s face, narrowly missing her eye.

Rebecca frowned in confusion. “It’s my toothbrush.” She did all she could to stay calm as she was confronted with Samantha’s unfounded wrath. “Is something wrong with it?” She wracked her brain, trying to remember if she had left the toothbrush out, or failed to put it back in its “rightful spot.”

“Bullshit! Your toothbrush is not this color. Who the fuck has been here?”

Rebecca shook her head. “No one. I swear. I bought new brushes for us both the other day. Remember?”

Another backhand caught Rebecca off-guard.

“Don’t fucking lie to me! Where is the bastard, you fucking whore!”

This time it was a punch that made contact with Rebecca’s jaw, causing the young blonde to crumple to the floor in pain. She curled her naked body up as Samantha continued to wail on her. Each kick, each punch, was like being branded with a hot-iron. She wanted to argue, wanted to beg Samantha to stop, but she couldn’t catch her breath and was pretty sure her jaw was broken. Temporary relief only came when Samantha turned her attention to destroying the room looking for the “bastard” Rebecca was cheating on her with.

Rebecca did her best to protect her stomach with the arm she could still move. The other arm lay limp at her side. It was tough to determine what was hurting worse. Her ribs ached so much she could barely breathe. There was a pain in her stomach that made her wonder if Samantha had caused internal bleeding with the multiple kicks to the area. Her left eye was swollen shut and the right had blood dripping into it.

This is it. She’s finally going to kill me. I love you, Aunt Wills. I’m sorry. Maybe I’ll be able to see mom and dad again. Please don’t let them be disappointed in me.

“Who is it, huh?” Samantha grabbed Rebecca by the hair, yanking her head back. “One of the vendors? Maybe an investor? Is that how you get things done? By spreading your legs?” She wrapped a hand around Rebecca’s throat and squeezed. “What? Nothing to say? You always had something to say. You know, the only reason I let myself be with you is because I wanted to punish you for thinking you could talk to me the way you did.” Samantha let out an evil laugh when a blood-stained tear rolled down Rebecca’s bruised cheek. “Did you think I really wanted you? That I could love someone as pathetic as you? Fuck no. I wanted you to know exactly who the boss is and always will be.”

Regardless of what Samantha thought, Rebecca wasn’t crying because of the words Samantha was spitting out at her. She couldn’t deny she had had her suspicions lately as to why Samantha was with her. No, what was causing the tears was the inability to breathe. Samantha’s large hand squeezed against her throat, cutting off her air supply.

“Please,” Rebecca managed. She grabbed onto Samantha’s wrist but didn’t have the strength to fight off the bigger woman.

Samantha raised her free hand, poised to strike again. “That’s right, beg me, bitch. Beg me to…”

All of a sudden, Samantha’s grip loosened, and she stumbled backward. Her glassy eyes widened as she clutched at her chest. The exertion she had displayed by trashing the place already had her breathing hard, but this was different. This, to Rebecca, was more like the inability to catch her breath.

Rebecca scooted herself back as far and as fast as she could. Before she knew what was happening, Samantha began retching. It seemed as endless as the beating did. When Samantha started vomiting blood and convulsing, Rebecca instinctively reached for the phone. Adrenaline must have dulled the pain as she pulled herself up off the floor, and with her fingers poised to dial, Rebecca met Samantha’s wild gaze.

“Help me,” the older woman wheezed in between heaves.

Every hit, every whip, every kick, every slap, every bite, every harsh word that Samantha did to Rebecca came back with a vengeance. It was like reliving it all over again. Not to mention, Rebecca stood there bleeding and broken, contemplating helping the woman who did it to her. Why should I?

“Rebecca.”

For the first time, hearing her name come from Samantha’s mouth didn’t sound like a demand, but a plea. Rebecca held Samantha’s frightened gaze as she lowered the phone.

“No!” Samantha gasped and doubled over, her hand beating weakly at her chest. “Please!”

Unable to stay standing, Rebecca sank onto the bed. There was an abundance of things going through her head that she wanted to say to Samantha. How saying please never helped her. How Samantha deserved what she was going through right now. How ironic it was that Rebecca was the one with unanswered pleas just moments before. Yet, she said none of those things. She simply sat there and watched as Samantha’s eyes rolled back into her head. Rebecca exhaled softly as Samantha’s last breath left her body.