Becoming by Jourdyn Kelly
SHE WAS Acoward. She freely admitted that. Being with Cassidy that night brought up hopes she didn’t want to feel. Because of her cowardice, Rebecca didn’t hesitate when a friend called her for help with a business venture. She could have refused, but she hoped by going away for a bit, she could get Cassidy out of her system. Or at least put her feelings in perspective. It didn’t work.
When she arrived at the club that night, she was informed that Cassidy had been there every night. She was also informed that she had been propositioned many times. And refused. As much as Mistress didn’t deserve to feel relieved, she did. She wasn’t sure how she would have handled Cassidy being in someone else’s room in her club.
Mistress’s step faltered when she saw Cassidy toying with the black card that had been left on her table. She seriously considered firing every single Dom that worked here if Cassidy accepted. The relief when Cassidy pushed the card away was remarkable. I’m in so much trouble. Of course, that relief was short-lived when she saw how sad Cassidy looked. The passionate woman she remembered was now laying her head back on the couch with those peculiar eyes closed.
She wanted to comfort her. To hold her in her arms and apologize for not being here. Rules! With a sigh, Mistress carefully placed her card on Cassidy’s table, caressing her cheek briefly before walking away. Just as she was closing the door, she heard Cassidy call out to her.
“Where the hell have you been?”
Oh, hell no. No one talked like that to her now. She was the boss. She was in control. She closed the door with a distinct click.
“Go to the foot of the bed and strip.”
Cassidy didn’t move. “Where have you been?” She repeated with irritation. “You said you’d be here. You lied!”
Anger filled Mistress. “I’m here now. And, I will not tolerate you speaking to me in this way. Say your safe word, Cassidy, and leave. Otherwise, do as you are told, and go to the foot of the bed and strip.”
It was like a switch had been thrown. Cassidy, who had just been fired up with resentment, now hung her head in defeat. Perhaps it was fitting that they were both dressed in black tonight with the way this was starting.
“Face me,” Mistress ordered. She watched as Cassidy disrobed, never once lifting her head. “Look at me.”
Her heart broke as a single tear rolled down Cassidy’s cheek and her eyes fluttered closed to block out the image. Or, maybe it was to remember this feeling of regret so she wouldn’t do it again. She reached up and removed her mask, tossing it aside. Whether it was Mistress or Rebecca that gently wiped the tear from Cassidy’s cheek, she didn’t know.
“Turn towards the bed.” Mistress stood close enough that her corset scraped against her tanned back. Placing a hand on Cassidy’s left shoulder blade, she hoped she could convey her remorse. “I was called out of town on business,” she explained quietly. “It was sudden, and I didn’t have time to get word to you. I’m sorry.”
She never saw the second tear.
Emotions weren’t her forte. The best way she could make it up to Cassidy is by rocking her world. And that’s exactly what she intended to do. If she got lucky, she would get the same results as the last time they were together. “Kneel on the edge of the bed. Hold on to the bedposts.”
The muscles in Cassidy’s back stretched as she obeyed. She had so much strength, and yet, someone as small as Mistress could bring her to tears. It nearly felt like too much control for Mistress, until she had to bring out the step-stool in order to reach up and tie Cassidy’s hands. She tied them a little tighter than usual, then dipped her head close to Cassidy’s ear.
“Don’t fall in love with me,” Mistress whispered. It was a desperate plea to Cassidy and to herself. Either way, it tore her apart to say them. In order to give her some time to gather herself, she stepped down and went to her armoire. Tonight deserved something more advanced. A riding crop would do. For now.
She took that crop and traced those spectacular muscles and colorful tattoos before moving lower. The slap of the crop against Cassidy’s ass rang out in the silence of the room.
“That’s for speaking to me the way you did.”
It didn’t surprise her that Cassidy pushed her ass towards her, silently asking for more. Emotions could do that. They could make you crave the physical pain over the emotional.
“Did you get other cards while I was away, Cassidy?” Mistress asked, knowing full well the answer.
“No, Mistress.”
She wants the pain. Mistress made sure to hit the same place for an extra sting. “Don’t lie to me! Did you receive invitations?”
“Yes, Mistress,” Cassidy panted.
“Did you follow through with them?” Mistress slipped the crop between Cassidy’s legs and caressed her soaked pussy lips with it.
“No, Mistress.”
Mistress moved the crop when Cassidy began moving her hips, effectively depriving her of finding more pleasure.
“Did you want to?” She asked. She dipped the crop into the crack of Cassidy’s ass, eliciting a gasp from the bound woman.
“No, Mistress.”
The vision of Cassidy toying with that black card flashed through Mistress’s mind and she spanked Cassidy harder than she had dared to before.
“Don’t lie to me, Cassidy. One more lie and this is over.” It wasn’t the rules, but she wouldn’t condone being lied to.
“Tonight was the first time I considered it,” Cassidy confessed in a hurry. “I thought you lied to me. I thought you never wanted to see me again. I thought I had done something wrong to drive you away. I waited for you every day. When you didn’t show up it…” The pause spoke volumes. “I considered it, but I couldn’t do it. I don’t want to do this without you. I don’t care about the lifestyle if it’s not with you, Mistress.”
Speechless and sorrowful at what could never be, it was Mistress who shed a tear this time. “Don’t turn around,” she commanded, her voice rough with emotion. Her need for this woman was dangerous and thrilling. And, she was coming to find, addictive. Her pussy ached to be filled by Cassidy. To feel her pounding deep inside her, making her forget how bad it used to be. Suddenly, her clothes were too restricting, and she peeled them off as quickly as she could. “Stay facing forward. Understand?”
“Yes, Mistress.”
Cassidy’s voice cracked as Mistress pressed her breasts into Cassidy’s back. Nipples hardened achingly as she reached around Cassidy to stroke her cock. Mistress had been more than pleased to see her Sub had come prepared again tonight. She jerked Cassidy off as the trussed woman watched. Wanting to watch herself, Mistress pressed a hidden button, revealing a mirror directly in front of them.
“Watch me jerk you off,” she commanded, barely recognizing the hunger in her voice. She teased Cassidy by nearly pulling it out completely until Cassidy was stretched by the thick knob of the double-sided dildo. She would then thrust it back in harshly, causing Cassidy to lose her breath. With her free hand, she caressed her Sub’s rock-hard nipples with the crop. She knew the simultaneous friction was creating havoc with Cassidy’s body, and she wanted to hear the words. She wanted to know for sure the pain was going to be welcomed.
“Tell me, Cassidy. Tell me you want it.”
“I want it, Mistress. Please.”
Mistress’s nostrils flared with desire, and she slammed the dildo inside Cassidy, grinding her clit with the base. She waited until the precise moment, the intense beginning of the orgasm, to whip the crop across Cassidy’s nipple. A guttural response came from the bound woman before she slumped forward as much as her tied limbs would allow.
“Are you okay?” Mistress could have sworn that Cassidy lost consciousness there for a second.
“Yes, Mistress.”
Mistress smiled at how easy those words seem to come from Cassidy now. She patted her on the ass and moved to the armoire for something a little more aggressive. After picking out her carefully selected choice, she used the stepstool to climb up onto the bed. She shook her head with mirth when Cassidy’s eyes never left her tits. Using a fingertip, she raised Cassidy’s chin until their eyes locked.
“Can you handle more, Cassidy?” she asked, genuinely concerned about giving the newbie too much to handle.
“Yes, Mistress.”
With a nod, Mistress eased the dildo out of Cassidy. What she had in mind had the smaller woman sliding off the bed to stand behind her Sub. She scraped a fingernail across the tattooed back, loving the feeling of rippling muscles as she went. I hope you’re ready for this, Cassidy. She pushed the taller woman lightly until she was bent forward as much as her binds would allow. The same finger that journeyed down Cassidy’s back tracked lower, finding its destination.
“Have you done this before, Cassidy?” Mistress asked when Cassidy gasped. She carefully watched the reaction in the mirror.
Cassidy shook her head. The trepidation was evident, and Mistress wondered if she would say her safe word.
“I’ve never trusted anyone that much,” the young woman answered with a trembling voice.
Stirred by Cassidy’s faith in her, Mistress vowed silently to be as gentle as she could. She reached over and picked up the anal beads she had a sneaky suspicion Cassidy hadn’t noticed yet and began coating them with Cassidy’s wetness.
“Do you trust me?” Mistress asked, holding Cassidy’s gaze in the mirror.
“Yes, Mistress,” Cassidy whispered.
“You can tell me to stop, Cassidy. I will go slow, one bead at a time. If it hurts or makes you uncomfortable, please let me know.” Cassidy merely nodded as Mistress slipped the first small bead into uncharted territory. “Relax,” she coaxed.
Cassidy took a deep breath, and Mistress could feel a slight loosening. In an effort to help calm Cassidy, Mistress started rubbing small circles on her smooth ass cheek. Once the first bead was securely in place with no complaint, Mistress proceeded to slip the slightly larger second bead in. Cassidy pressed her ass back, offering herself even more. Mistress approved, and slipped the third, even larger, bead in.
“Enough,” Cassidy groaned huskily, and Mistress immediately stopped the pressure.
“Do you want me to pull out, Cassidy?”
“No, Mistress. Just give me a minute, please.”
“Of course.” She increased the breadth of her strokes, rubbing hypnotic circles on Cassidy’s ass and back. She waited patiently for Cassidy to get used to the sensation.
“I’m okay,” the younger woman finally pronounced.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, Mistress.”
Perfect. Mistress smiled and climbed back up onto the bed in front of Cassidy. “Do you remember your safe word?”
“Yes, Mistress, but I don’t need it.”
“Just in case, Cassidy.”
Now for the big guns. This is going to be fun.Mistress picked up a large, triple-pronged dildo. She laughed lightly at the expression of fear mixed with excitement on Cassidy’s face.
“This fits inside you, like yours,” she explained. “The other parts are for me. Okay?”
Cassidy nodded with enthusiasm. She likes the idea of doing to me what I’m doing to her. Mistress had been told multiple times that her ass was fuckable. When Samantha forced her to do things like this, it had been painful. So, when she chose to do this with Cassidy without much thought, it had surprised her. Not only was she doing something she hadn’t necessarily enjoyed with Samantha, it meant exposing her back. But it seemed as though her body had cravings that only Cassidy could feed. She could only hope that her scars would be the last thing Cassidy was looking at.
“Ready?” Mistress asked, amused by Cassidy’s enthrallment with the dildo.
“Ready.”
It was relatively easy to slip Cassidy’s part inside of her due to her abundance of wetness. Mistress was pretty sure the same would be true for her. Not yet finished, Mistress leaned over to get one more gadget. She let the delicate chain drape through her fingers. Can you handle this, Cassidy?Let’s test it. She cupped Cassidy’s modest breasts and pinched her nipples. That beautiful, powerful body jerked beneath her touch.
Mistress squeezed the small clamp open, hearing an audible gulp from Cassidy. The temptation was too great, and instead of immediately using the implement, she bent her head to suck Cassidy’s nipple into her mouth. She had no doubt that what she was doing affected Cassidy by the way her hips bucked wildly.
Cassidy moaned from somewhere deep inside her, causing Mistress to moan in return. She brought her gaze up, making sure Cassidy was paying attention. Those magnificent eyes were vibrant with excitement. Cassidy was close, and Mistress knew just what to do to push her over that threshold. Her pink tongue came out to circle the tip before taking it between her teeth and biting. Hard.
“Fuck!”
As soon as Cassidy threw her head back in total euphoria, Mistress fastened the nipple clamps to nipples she knew had to be incredibly sensitive. The taut body spasmed again with another orgasm much to Mistress’s delight.
“Don’t move!” Mistress whispered harshly. She couldn’t hold back any longer. She needed Cassidy inside her, now! She got on her hands and knees in front of Cassidy, backing up until she was positioned just right. She reached back to arrange the dildo, then filled herself by pushing back with force. As wet and turned on as she was, the pain never came. Only unimaginable pleasure.
Cassidy is a quick learner.The tall woman merely braced herself as Mistress increased her speed. She brought a hand between her own legs and stroked her throbbing clit. It wasn’t going to take much after seeing Cassidy come twice already.
“Oh, Cassidy!”
“Please!” Cassidy begged.
“Fuck me, Cassidy! Hard!” Mistress commanded.
There wasn’t even a second’s hesitation from Cassidy. With hard, fast thrusts, Cassidy quickly drove Mistress to the edge of a violent orgasm.
“I’m coming, Cassidy!”
“Me, too!”
Both women cried out simultaneously. They were loud, and at the moment, Mistress couldn’t care less if anyone heard them. In fact, the possibility that someone could hear them spurred Mistress on. She wasn’t even close to being done. She slid Cassidy out of her, then relieved the slightly exhausted woman of the dildo as well, and tossed it aside. She then released Cassidy’s nipples from the clamps, causing her to hiss, and untied her wrists.
“Keep your hands there until I tell you to move them. Understand?” she panted, yet her authority was still loud and clear.
“Yes, Mistress.”
Satisfied that Cassidy would do as told, she picked up the dildo Cassidy wore to the club and spread herself out in front of Cassidy. It was the first time she had ever willingly exposed this much of herself to someone. The first time she ever wanted to do what she was about to do. She watched Cassidy’s reaction as she began fucking herself with the dildo.
“Mmm. Fuck yourself for me.”
Mistress hadn’t expected Cassidy to say anything. When those words came out of her mouth, her pussy clenched, and a thrill ran through her body. She watched as Cassidy’s body bucked in time with her as though she was the one fucking Mistress. Watched as Cassidy licked her lips as the dildo was thrust in and out of Mistress’s wet pussy. She wanted that tongue inside her. With only slight reluctance, she pulled the dildo out.
“Eat me, Cassidy!” It was like Cassidy had been waiting for Mistress to free her. She dove at Mistress as though she had been parched for weeks. The way Cassidy sucked in her clit, then batted it with her tongue, drove Mistress crazy. More. “Use your fingers, Cassidy!”
Cassidy buried three fingers inside her, and Mistress lifted her hips, helping her go deeper. Teeth got in on the act, and when Cassidy curled her fingers, hitting that elusive spot, Mistress knew she was about to explode.
“Cassidy!”
“Come for me like I know you can. Let me drink you.”
Oh, God!It was Rebecca—not Mistress—who screamed, arched her back off the bed, and gave Cassidy exactly what she commanded from her.
AM I ALIVE? If she wasn’t, Mistress couldn’t think of a better way to die. That orgasm was so unreal, she still hadn’t caught her breath. Cassidy had yet to move, though that could have been because Mistress had a firm hold of her hair. She couldn’t say she didn’t enjoy feeling Cassidy’s hot breath on her extremely sensitive sex. She would love to stay this way forever.
That thought, coupled with the small kiss she felt Cassidy place on her mound, scared the hell out of Mistress. She extracted her fist from Cassidy’s hair, but even fear didn’t stop her from giving the woman a light, affectionate scratch on her head.
“Go into the bathroom and start the shower for us,” she ordered softly. She had given up trying to figure out why she was treating Cassidy so different than any other client. Not client. No money had been exchanged between the two of them. That, at least, was something Mistress could be happy about.
“Um, Mistress?”
Mistress was brought out of her thoughts by Cassidy timidly calling out for her attention. Does she not want to shower with me? Is that too personal? And, why the hell am I disappointed by that when getting too personal is something I really don’t need?
Cassidy sheepishly looked behind her. Not understanding, Mistress frowned. That is until she remembered what was causing Cassidy to hesitate.
“Oh!” Her lips twitched, but she somehow managed not to laugh. She scooted out from under the younger woman. “Sorry, Cassidy.” Do not laugh. Do not laugh. Do not laugh. This had to be uncomfortable for Cassidy, so Mistress patted her butt cheek and told her to relax. Which, apparently, was not working.
“Cassidy, this is going to hurt if you don’t… let go.” Well, this is awkward. Yet, Mistress felt a certain intimacy had been formed. She didn’t have time to explore that feeling as Cassidy took a deep breath and finally let go. As delicately as she could, Mistress relieved Cassidy of the anal beads.
She frowned when Cassidy didn’t get up right away. Fear that she had hurt her made Mistress’s heart hurt. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, Mistress.” The reply was muffled because of the pillow Cassidy had her face buried in.
“Come here, Cassidy.” There was only a small hesitation before she obeyed. “Are you sure you’re okay? I’m sorry about that.”
Cassidy didn’t answer. Instead, she leaned down, coming close to kissing her. Mistress couldn’t allow that. As much as she wanted it—God, how she wanted it—she couldn’t allow that kind of closeness. She braced a hand on Cassidy’s chest, keeping the distance between them.
“Cassidy,” she breathed. The taller woman lowered her head and sighed, not bothering to hide her disappointment. This hurt—hers and yours—is exactly why you shouldn’t be involved with anyone. “Start the shower. I’ll be right in.” She hoped Cassidy didn’t notice the hitch in her voice.
“Yes, Mistress.”
When Cassidy disappeared into the bathroom, Rebecca gripped the bedpost and pressed her forehead to the cool wood. You shouldn’t want what you can’t have. You should have left her alone. You know a relationship is impossible. She sniffled quietly, telling herself to get over it. The sex was incredible, but that’s all it could be.
“It’s ready, Mistress!” Cassidy called out from the bathroom.
Mistress wiped away any errant tears and squared her shoulders. Just sex, nothing more.
“Thank you,” she said as she walked in, curiously startling Cassidy.
“Yes, Mistress.”
Mistress swept her hair up into a messy bun and grabbed Cassidy’s hand as she walked by her. She let the water wash over her, wash away the depression that wanted to take over. She picked up a loofah, dolloped it with her favorite lavender and chamomile body wash, and handed it to Cassidy.
“Wash me,” she commanded, hoping that having Cassidy’s hands on her would help. Cassidy complied, her eyes never leaving Mistress’s, as she bathed her tenderly. It was all Rebecca had ever wanted. What she had craved all those years ago with Samantha. Something she had never received. Her heart rate and breathing became erratic when Cassidy moved closer.
Mistress moaned softly but didn’t move, when Cassidy progressed lower and cupped Mistress’s sex. She wanted to see how far Cassidy would go in a situation such as this. Her palm rubbed against Mistress’s clit and she closed her eyes to the sensation. The next thing she felt was Cassidy’s lips on her neck. God, that feels incredible. She moaned louder, pressing herself even closer to Cassidy. But, when Cassidy’s lips started to make a path to her lips…
“Cassidy, no.” She pushed Cassidy away and turned around to rinse her body.
“Why?”
Mistress stiffened when Cassidy put her hands on her shoulders.
“Mistress?”
Mistress knelt to pick up the loofah that Cassidy dropped earlier. “Finish in here, and then join me in the room.”
Why? Why did she have to make this so difficult? Why couldn’t she just want sex like everyone else?Mistress snapped a towel off the rod, pissed that she didn’t know which one of them she was questioning. This has to end. It’s what’s best for both of us. She kept telling herself that, hoping she would believe it, as she dressed. Once she was fully dressed, she picked up her mask. This is who you are. Cassidy could never love who you were. You’re broken. You’re too old. She shook her head sadly before putting the mask on.
She sat in the chair, in the same position she had been in when Cassidy first came into this room. And she waited.
“Mistress?”
The waver in Cassidy’s voice shook Mistress’s resolve. Do it. For her. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Cassidy. If she did, she may not be able to go through with this.
“Get dressed and sit, Cassidy.” Cassidy dressed but didn’t sit. “Please.”
“What’s with the mask?”
“This will be our last session, Cassidy.” Though it hurt her to say those words, Mistress kept her tone even as to not give up any emotion.
“What? Why? What did I do? If this is because I kissed your…”
“It’s not that,” Mistress interrupted. The pain, fear, and anger in Cassidy’s voice were like torture. So, she did the only thing she could think of to make this marginally easier on both of them. She lied. “The business that I was called away for? I’m opening a new club. I’ll be going there to get it up and running.”
“No. We—we just started. You told me you would teach me.”
It was unfortunate that Mistress, no that Rebecca, felt the same desperation she could see in Cassidy. Yet, she continued.
“This is for the best, Cassidy.”
“For who? You? Am I that bad? You can’t tell me you didn’t get off on all of this!” Cassidy gestured angrily towards the bed.
It took everything in her not to flinch at Cassidy’s anger. She didn’t believe Cassidy would do anything to hurt her, but anger never bodes well for her.
“It’s normal for a Sub to get attached…”
“Don’t! Don’t fucking do that!” Cassidy stood abruptly. “I didn’t get attached to my Dom! It’s more than that. You know it!”
A small trickle of fear made it past Mistress’s defenses as Cassidy towered over her. She looked up at her, genuinely apologetic for causing this animosity between them. “I’m sorry.”
“Where?”
“What?”
“Where are you going? My job is flexible.”
Though she knew that to be true, Mistress had nothing to offer her. Besides, there was no ‘other club.’ “Cassidy, you can’t leave your home here.”
“I’m pretty sure I can do whatever I want. Except in this fucking room.” Unable to hold her gaze, Mistress lowered her eyes. Apparently, that only managed to piss Cassidy off more. “Ah, I get it. It’s time for you to move on, right? What’s the matter, Mistress? Run out of conquests here? You successfully recruited me, and now you have to find more?”
Those words hurt as much as any blow to her. But, Mistress couldn’t—wouldn’t—allow anyone to hurt her like that ever again. Her shutters came down with force.
“You are welcome here at the club anytime you want,” Mistress said evenly, hoping that Cassidy would never show up here again. She just couldn’t fathom thinking of her with someone else here. “But this room will be closed. Indefinitely.”
“Please, Mistress. Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me.”
Mistress stood immediately as this beautiful, strong, proud woman fell to her knees and begged. It was something Mistress never expected. And something she never wanted to see. She wasn’t worth it. No one was.
“Get up, Cassidy.” She grabbed Cassidy’s shoulders when she didn’t move. “Please get up. You don’t deserve this. Get off your knees.” She pulled Cassidy desperately. “This world isn’t for you.”
“Have I not done everything you’ve asked of me? I may have had some issues, but I got over them. All I want is to be… is to be a good Sub for you.”
Cassidy’s tears brought Mistress to her knees. Kneeling in front of her, she took Cassidy’s face in her hands “God, Cassidy, you are so much more than this. I’m leaving because it’s what’s healthiest. For both of us.” She wiped Cassidy’s tears with her thumbs, fighting to keep her own tears from falling. “I should have left you alone,” she whispered, then leaned in to feather a kiss on Cassidy’s cheek. “I was selfish, and I’m sorry. I’ll never forget you, Cassidy.”
She rose quickly and left before she didn’t have the strength to. It was one of the hardest things she had ever had to do. With all that she had been through, she found it curious that a woman she had just met could affect her so profoundly. And wondered if she had the power to move on this time.