Big Boy by Skyler Snow
Day: Wednesday
Time: 11:15 Pm
Breakfast: Pancakes
Lunch: Chicken Caesar salad
Dinner: Turkey wrap and some fruit
I should not be attractedto my personal trainer.
Knowing that and following it were two very different things. Even as pessimistic as I was, it was dulled by Samuel's optimism. Not to mention how good he looked. I had really tried not to stare in the locker room, but it was impossible. The man looked like he was chiseled out of stone and his brown skin was covered in tattoos. He looked like a badass, but he was all sunshine and smiles. It was so misleading, but for whatever reason, I was into it.
I glanced up at him when he wasn't paying attention. Samuel was glancing off into the distance and I wondered what he was thinking as a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. His tongue darted out and swiped his mouth, making it glisten in the sunlight. I've had my fair share of crushes on men, but this was ridiculous. I barely knew anything about him, but I loved his attitude. He had made working out tolerable. Usually, I detested it, but even though it was difficult and I hated dripping in sweat afterward, I hadn't completely wanted to ditch the whole thing five seconds in.
Samuel's eyes slid to me and I swallowed thickly before I stuffed some food into my mouth and stared at my plate. How many calories was I eating? I hadn't thought too much about it when I was standing up at the counter with him, but now that I was eating it I was reminded that I was supposed to write it down. There was no packaging on the sandwich, but if I added up the bread, mayo, and chicken separately I should be able to get a pretty accurate number. I just needed to-
"Are you counting calories?"
I looked up sheepishly. "How can you tell?"
"It's a pretty common thing when people start working out and I can spot it a mile away." He shook his head. "Counting calories isn't a good thing you know."
"How could it not be? If I don't, I end up eating way too much and feeling guilty about it later."
Samuel sighed. "Counting calories isn't the way to go though. Listen, I don't promote the whole diet culture thing. As long as you eat better and control your portions, you'll lose weight. Counting calories leads to unhealthy habits and restrictive eating. Sure, you might lose weight at first, but it doesn't last. And it’s dangerous."
Well, he wasn't entirely wrong. Every time I counted calories, I could lose some weight, but eventually, it went right back to me overeating because I was starving. Or worse. I decided to go along with him and eat my lunch without counting another calorie.
"I do wish I could eat better at home," I said. "When I think about it, I'm all for it, but I'm not that great of a cook and all of my meals end up being really bland and boring or I burn things." I shook my head. "Guess I have plenty of time to learn now since I don't have a damn job."
Had I just said that out loud? Ugh, great. I glanced up at Samuel. I hadn't told many people about being jobless. He probably thought I was a bum now. Awesome.
It's not like he would be wrong. I have no idea what I'm going to do.
"Hey, shit happens," Samuel said, drawing my attention back to him. When our eyes met, he smiled. "Want to talk about it?"
I shrugged. "Not really. I mean it won't help get my job back."
"No, but it might help get it off of your chest so you can move forward. What happened?"
Sighing, I shook my head. "I don't exactly know. I mean I thought I was doing a good job, but all of a sudden they were saying they didn't need me anymore. I ended up missing a few days, but I was still within the limit. It's hard to get up and go to work when you're..."
Depressed. Yeah, those were the days that I hadn't been able to drag myself out of bed without feeling like I would fall apart at my desk and make a scene. I'd made the decision to stay home and recover those few days that I took off, but apparently, that was more than enough for the boss to want to get rid of me.
"It sucks not being popular at work. People will tell you popularity contests end in high school, but they don't. I never fit in at work and I kinda figured when they started saying they needed to downsize that I would be one of the people to go. And I was right."
"I'm sorry." Samuel frowned. "You're not wrong. Popularity is still a thing for most people. I hear it from my clients. They were passed up because someone else was closer to the boss or they were ignored because they weren't the type to go out to the after-work bars and bullshit."
I nodded hard. "Exactly, that! I like to keep to myself. I didn’t have anything in common with the people that worked there. I tried to reach out and get to know some of them, but it's like they wanted nothing to do with me."
"Well, I would say don't worry, but I know that's difficult when you're talking about your livelihood. You have every right to be upset about it. Hey, I can be on the lookout for any opportunities I hear about. What did you used to do?"
"Boring data entry. It wasn't the best job or one I even enjoyed, but it was work and I made decently good money doing it. I liked that it was a regular old nine to five and I had plenty of time when I was done to do other things."
Samuel nodded. "Yeah, some people love their jobs and some people use them to fuel what they really want to do in life." He drank down some water and nodded toward me. "What do you like to do then?"
I ate the last of my food and sat it aside. Talking to Samuel, I had completely forgotten to obsess over my calories. And the food was pretty good. I wiped my hands and mouth as I thought about his question. What did I love to do? Game. But most people took one look at me and thought I was way too old to still be obsessed with video games.
"You'll probably think it's stupid," I muttered suddenly feeling self-conscious.
Samuel shook his head. "No, I don't think anything someone enjoys is stupid."
God, why did he sound like he really meant that? I felt better hearing him say those words. My friends always said the same things to me, but they had to love me. They were my friends. Samuel was practically a stranger and for some reason he made me feel like maybe he really cared.
"Well for work I don't know. I mostly play video games. Some classics, some computer. My favorite one right now is StarBattle."
Samuel's eyes widened. "You play StarBattle? I love that game!" He lit up and grinned at me. "My favorite character is Commander Khrone."
"Really?" I asked. "Mine is Sergeant Lillia. She's awesome."
"So you're a healer." He looked me up and down. "I could see that. You look like the type to play support."
I laughed. "What is that supposed to mean!"
Samuel shrugged. "The sweet ones are always support. I don't know what it is, but I think it has something to do with helping people out, but also being in control. I mean, if someone's a dick, how easy is it to just ignore them when they start calling for you?"
I smirked. "Super easy. I once let my friend bleed out six times because he decided to call me a fat ass as a joke."
Samuel shook his head. "What a jerk. I hope he learned his lesson."
"Well, he never called me that again." I grinned. "And he apologized. A lot. It was pretty fucking satisfying."
Probably because I couldn't force most people in my life to say sorry for the things they said to me. They let whatever they wanted slip out of their mouths and didn't think about how it could affect the people around them. I knew most times my family didn't mean to hurt me, but words could sting.
"Serves him right." Samuel sighed. "I can't believe I met another gamer. Most of my friends are into working out and clubbing, not games. I feel like I'm the only one that gets lost in them and anime."
"Me too! Oh man, I've watched so much anime, it's ridiculous."
"No way. What are your favorites?"
As I ticked off anime titles on my fingers, Samuel listened to every word. He didn't get distracted, didn't look bored. No, he seemed as if he was really enamored with every word that I was saying. It made me excited and I temporarily forgot how much my legs were in pain and how my stomach was still tight from all of those crunches.
"I'm rambling," I said, realizing that I had been going on for way too long. "Sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry about, Carter," Samuel said as he waved a hand. "I'll have to watch some of those because I'm definitely behind. So, if I look out for work, you want me to see if there are any video game companies hiring?"
My cheeks heated. "As much as I would love to play or make video games for a living, I don't think that's going to happen. I have no experience in it and going back to school isn't on my list of goals right now. I hated going the first time."
I hated going so much that I hadn't even finished college. What was the point? There was nothing I wanted to do besides focus on my gaming and my mother didn't find that an acceptable career. She'd said it was best to go for business and I had, but I hated the classes. I hated the professors. I hated all of it. Eventually, I took that first step and defied my mother, something I had never done before that day. It had given me freedom.
"Ah damn, I need to go." Samuel frowned down at his phone. "I can walk you back to the gym so you can get your car."
"That would be great." I polished off my soda and felt better once there was something on my stomach.
"Be right back," Samuel said. He dipped into the cafe and came back out before he handed me a bottle of water. "Now that you've had your treat, I have to be a hard ass and tell you to drink water. I can't not say it. That's like trainer law."
I rolled my eyes but grinned just the same. "Fine, I guess that's fair." I opened the bottle of water and chugged some down before I started following him.
"I think if you want to do something with gaming then you should. The world has changed a lot. There's nothing that says you can't turn a hobby into a career you know."
"My bank account says that’s absolutely the truth. When I check it, the damn thing laughs at me in 'get a job'."
Samuel laughed. "I guess you're right, you do need to make sure you have the money to do those things. But hey, if you fail at least you tried."
Maybe he was right about that. Still, I was terrified to step out of my comfort zone and go for my dreams. How was I supposed to recover if I found out I really couldn't do the things I had fantasized about for years? I'd seen streamers. They were all upbeat, hot, bubbly. I was none of those things. I could have a good time while I was gaming, but I didn't look the part and I was way too old. I had missed out.
"Hey, don't look so down," Samuel said as we walked into the parking lot of the gym. He stopped and patted me on the shoulder. "You seem like a great guy and I think you could do this if you really wanted to."
My heart squeezed. When those warm, brown eyes stared into mine, I felt weak. Why does he have to be so good looking? It was making me feel hot and bothered and I wanted to see him naked again.
I scolded myself. What was wrong with me? I barely even knew him. Even though the image of him sweaty and naked would stay in my head for days to come, I couldn't act on it. Besides, why would someone like him want someone like me?
Reality dropped on me like a ton of bricks. For a moment I had started to think maybe someone like him really could want someone like me, but I knew that was idiotic. How would the two of us look together? Ridiculous, that's how. Everyone would question why he was with someone like me. If it was pity or something.
Suddenly the dark stormcloud that always hung over my head was there again. For a short while, I had felt free. But now I was tugged back down to Earth and the fantasy was over. My eyes followed a couple walking into the gym, both of them petite and tanned and hot.
Yeah, I was never going to be that. Even if I lost a little weight, I would still be big and by myself.
"Carter, are you okay?"
I nodded at Samuel. "Yeah. I should head out. I have errands to run."
Samuel tilted his head and searched my face. I felt like he was trying to look into my soul. Underneath his gaze, I fidgeted and looked anywhere but at him.
"Alright, well I'll see you soon. We'll work on some more exercises when you come in. Take care, Carter.”
"Yeah, I'll see you soon."
When I glanced up, there was that megawatt smile on his face. A part of me wondered if he gave that smile to everyone. He was probably just a cheerful person. I watched him walk away until he disappeared inside of the gym and I was left alone.
Maybe Samuel wasn't so bad. I had expected to hate his guts and want to run the hell away from the gym as quickly as possible, but I didn't. He was nice, understanding, down to earth.
Who knows maybe I'll lose the weight finally working with him. He seems like he can keep me on track. He definitely doesn't want me, but I can dream.
My phone rang and woke me up from my daze. I saw my mother on the caller ID and groaned. Yeah, that was the perfect ending to my day.