Hold Onto the Stars by Tracy Broemmer

Chapter 23

“You’re gonna spoil me.”CJ watched him from her perch on the island. Peyton flashed her a smile, but he returned his gaze to the pepper he was slicing for dinner.

“That’s my goal.”

She laughed softly and sipped her beer.

“I mean it, Peyton. I could get used to this.”

Rather than look at him, she eyed the duffel bag she had brought with her this time. Packed not just with something to wear home tomorrow—although the denim shorts and tee she wore tonight would have worked—but a few things to leave here. Including a toothbrush.

“I’ve…” She whooshed out a quick breath and shook her head. “God, I’m thirty years old, and I’ve never left a toothbrush at someone’s place.”

Peyton glanced at her again.

“Erica and I weren’t living together,” he told her. “So, this is kinda new to me, too.”

“Well.” She nodded her head back and forth. “It’s a toothbrush. Not all my earthly belongings.”

“Someday?” Peyton said quietly.

“And it’s a new toothbrush, so I haven’t even used it. You could give it to another houseguest.”

“I mean,” he shrugged, “we could talk about it.”

“Moving in together?”

He nodded.

“Isn’t it kind of soon?”

“Maybe.” He shrugged again. “And maybe, when you know, you know.”

CJ arched her eyebrows for a moment and considered his wisdom. When you know, you know. Maybe so. What she knew was that she was happy. That even though she lived a charmed enough life, she hadn’t ever felt this way. And no guy had ever made her anxious to get through a day just so she could see him. She loved being with Peyton, whether they were catching a movie at the Flickhouse, grabbing pizza at Gino’s, or dancing at The Rox. Turned out, he was a much better dancer than he was a pool player.

Mostly, she loved hanging out with him in the evenings. Walking Junie was now their nightly habit. She loved shooting baskets with Peyton, and she loved it when she sprawled on his couch, and he and Junie both had to climb on top of her to snuggle her.

She loved the way he touched her, the way she felt cherished and worshipped, even when the sex was hard and dirty. He was good in bed, in the kitchen, and even on the staircase. And he held her when they slept together. CJ loved waking up with the sheets tangled around their bodies, his leg thrown over hers, or her front pressed to his back and her arm around him.

One day last week, she had visited Oak Bend Elementary on the job. While there to fix an outlet in Harlan North’s office, she had taken a quick peek inside Peyton’s room. Watching him with his students had made her heart ache just a little bit, because if he loved her, if he stayed with her, he would never be a father. And yet, she couldn’t give him up now. She couldn’t walk away, unless he changed his mind and placed demands on her that she was unwilling to grant.

The camp theme in his classroom impressed her. She couldn’t imagine sitting down and planning a unit or a classroom theme, much less making it all come to life the way he had. She had no patience for it, but she just wasn’t as creative as he was, either.

But Peyton claimed to like her practical side. As well as her backside.

“Maybe,” she answered him now with a small smile.

Peyton’s dinner tonight was chicken fajitas, but CJ had brought dessert. She had made another batch of cookies, and as if Violet had a nose for them, she had shown up in time to snitch some dough and catch up on CJ’s new whirlwind love life. She didn’t like to think about what she would have done if Violet had fallen for Peyton, but she was relieved that hadn’t worked out. Violet was ready to ring church bells, but CJ shushed her anytime her friend brought it up. She didn’t believe in bad luck any more than she believed in fate; she just insisted it was too soon to talk about forever.

“So.” Peyton took a deep breath later that evening as they walked, Junie in the lead.

“This sounds a little ominous.” CJ narrowed her eyes at him and waited.

He grinned and shrugged. “Well. Leslie and Jonathon took the kids to see a litter of puppies.”

“I heard.” She nodded. “Leslie told Violet that both kids thought they were getting their own dog.”

“Can you imagine?” He rolled his eyes. “But here’s the thing.”

“What?”

CJ waved at an older couple who crossed the street down at the corner.

“There’s one puppy left.”

“And?”

“I think he’s the runt,” Peyton continued. “And he needs a home.”

“So, maybe Leslie should get two.”

“Or maybe,” Peyton tipped his head, “we could take him.”

“We? You and Junie?”

“Me and Junie and you.” He appeared to be avoiding her eyes. CJ watched him struggle not to look at her, eyes on Junie as she moseyed in front of them.

“You think we should get a puppy together?”

“You’re a pretty good stepmom to Junie.”

CJ laughed. “Peyton—”

“He can live at my house if you don’t want a dog at the duplex. And maybe someday…you could live at my house, too.”

“Peyton.”

“No.” He stopped walking, his arm stretched as far as it would go as Junie tugged at him to keep going. “I’m not pressuring you. I’m not trying to rush anything.”

“You’re using me as an excuse to get another puppy.”

He laughed softly and dropped a peck on CJ’s lips. “No. There are other things I like to use you for.”

“Peyton!” She swatted his arm. “This is a big step. Co-parenting a puppy.”

“Will you think about it?”

They started walking again. Now CJ watched Junie, though she was remembering her own dog and how much she had loved him.

“Well, what would we name him? Johnny?”

“Sue.”

CJ snorted. “No one here is gonna get that,” she argued. “I say Folsom.”

“Right.” Peyton rolled his eyes. “No one’ll get that, either.”

“How about Elvis?”

“You got a thing for him, too?”

CJ snickered and leaned into him. “No. I like his music.”

“We don’t have to name him now.” Peyton slipped his arm around her as they walked.

“Did you just talk me into raising a puppy with you?”

“Did I?”

Later, after they filled up on cookies and wine, the three of them curled up on the couch to watch a movie. As the Clint Eastwood movie played on Peyton’s TV, CJ closed her eyes and considered another warm body snuggled up on her on a night like this. More nights of walks and games and love with Peyton.

It wasn’t the worst idea she’d heard.

Peyton woke her after midnight. They climbed the steps to his bedroom quietly and snuggled together under the sheet. Junie now slept on the floor on CJ’s side, a fact Peyton had moaned and groaned about at first. CJ closed her eyes again, Peyton spooned behind her, and wondered about living with him. Were they ready for that?

Didn’t it make as much sense as what they were doing now? CJ spent most of her nights here anyway. But then, if things didn’t work out, she would have a mess on her hands, wouldn’t she? Trying to find a place?

Not if her dad didn’t rent her side of the duplex right away. Wasn’t like he needed money.

“Stop.” Peyton pressed a kiss to her neck just below her ear.

“What am I doing?” She opened her eyes.

“Overthinking. You’re so tense, Crosby. We don’t have to decide anything right now. I promise I won’t push you.”

* * *

CJ woketo the smell of coffee. She stretched, running her foot down Peyton’s calf.

“Why does it smell like coffee?” she mumbled. Though he enjoyed a cup or two, Peyton had never snuck out of bed in the morning to brew a pot when she slept over. Usually, they walked Junie up to Java by Jackie.

“Do you smell that?” Peyton lifted his hands and rubbed his eyes. “I thought I was dreaming.”

CJ snorted. “Wow. When you say you have hot dreams, I think you’re talking about me. Turns out, you dream about coffee?”

Hands still covering his eyes, his grin grabbed her by the heart.

“You. And coffee. And whipped cream.”

“How does coffee fit into that?” She propped herself up on her elbow to study his face. “That sounds weird.”

They froze at the sound of dishes clanking in the kitchen.

“Is that Junie?” CJ looked around. “Nosing around for cookies?”

“Is it?”

They sat up and listened to the sounds of someone in Peyton’s kitchen. CJ leaned over her side of the bed to find Junie conked out on her side.

“Some guard dog you have. She’s sleeping.”

“Then who the hell’s in my kitchen?” Peyton scrambled out of bed and tugged a pair of shorts on. CJ dressed quickly in the shorts and tee she had worn last night and followed him down the steps. Peyton held his hand out behind him as if to protect her as they crept toward the kitchen. CJ loved the gesture, though she thought it was silly. No one in Oak Bend was dangerous.

Then again, there was indeed someone in Peyton’s kitchen. An older brunette woman busied herself putting their dinner dishes away from last night. A steaming mug of coffee sat on the counter near the sink.

When she heard them and turned to see them sneaking up on her, her face lit up with a smile.

“Peyton!”

“Mom?” He stopped walking so abruptly, CJ ran into him. “What’re you doing here?”

“I thought I would surprise you,” she announced. “And it looks like I did a bang-up job.”

CJ ducked her head to rest it on Peyton’s shoulder blade. Peyton had met her dad so maybe this was fair. However, meeting her dad when they weren’t really seeing each other was a little bit different than meeting his mom after spending the night together. CJ wondered if her hair had that wild, morning-after-sex look going.

“You did,” Peyton said with a laugh. He entered the kitchen and gave the woman a hug. CJ lingered in the doorway, tugging at the hem of her shorts, wishing she were dressed a little bit more appropriately. That maybe she had a bra on. That she’d had had time to brush her hair and her teeth.

“I told you I was trying to get a few days off to come and see you.”

Peyton, still with his arm around his mom, nodded and turned to CJ with a smile. “You did, but I thought you would let me know when you knew your plans. Did you fly? I would have picked you up—”

“I’m perfectly capable of renting a car and driving, Peyton Quinn.”

“Okay.” Peyton nodded. He squeezed his eyes closed and laughed softly. “Mom, this is my girlfriend, Crosby. She goes by CJ. CJ, this is my mom, Marilyn.”

“It’s so nice to meet you, CJ.” Marilyn stepped away from Peyton and reached for CJ’s hand, leaning in to give her a quick hug. CJ shot a look of panic at Peyton over the woman’s shoulder.

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” CJ said sincerely. She hoped she sounded normal, because her nerves were on fire at the moment.

“It never occurred to me that you would have a live-in girlfriend, Peyton,” Marilyn cut her eyes to her son, “or I would have let you know I was coming. You gave me that spare housekey. I thought it would be fun to come in as a surprise and make sure you were settled in.”

CJ stared at Peyton, wondering if he would correct his mom. They might have talked about living together, but it wasn’t official. Then again, would it be any easier to tell his mom they weren’t living together but they slept together often?

Junie had come downstairs with them, but she had sauntered past Marilyn and gone straight to her water dish and then darted outside. She came back in now and hurried across the kitchen to nudge Marilyn’s leg.

“Hi, pretty girl,” Marilyn crooned. She bent over to pet Junie, but after a few seconds, Junie left her to sit on CJ’s foot.

“Hey, Junie.” CJ rubbed her fingers over the dog’s head. “You need breakfast, baby?”

Seeing an escape, even if it was only momentary, CJ went to fill Junie’s bowl and give her a treat.

“She’s so pretty.”

CJ bit her lip when she heard Peyton’s mom whisper to him.

“I agree,” Peyton answered with a chuckle.

“Here. Let me get you some coffee.”

CJ scooped Junie’s food into her bowl with her back to them.

“Is it serious?” Marilyn asked Peyton.

“CJ won’t want coffee,” he told her. “She drinks Mountain Dew.”

“Oh.”

“And yes, I think it is.”

CJ’s hands shook as she offered Junie a treat. Junie snatched it quickly and carried it to her bed to sit down and munch on it.

“Maybe there is someone up there listening,” Marilyn mumbled. “And I’ll get a grandchild out of you yet. Looks like Junie loves her.”

CJ froze, waiting for Peyton to set his mom straight. But the only sound was the splash of coffee in a cup and a cabinet being closed.

“Where’s Dad?” Peyton asked.

He leaned on the counter when CJ joined them again. She stared at him quietly, wondering why he hadn’t taken that opportunity to tell his mom there wouldn’t be grandchildren if he stayed with her.

“Home. Annie and Dean went to Seattle to see friends, so Dad has the kids.”

“Dad?” Peyton laughed softly. “Dad is babysitting?”

“Mmm.” Marilyn nodded. “They’ll be back tomorrow night. I just left yesterday. He’ll survive.”

“Wow.” Peyton glanced at CJ with wide eyes.

“Annie’s pregnant,” Marilyn announced. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you. She and Dean are mailing out announcements.”

“She’s pregnant?” Peyton sipped his coffee. “Isn’t that a bit risky?”

“She’s only thirty-three.” Marilyn shrugged his concern away. “Although age can make pregnancy risky.”

CJ swallowed hard when Marilyn looked at her.

“Are you hungry?” Marilyn asked. CJ wasn’t. Not now. Not with the mention of grandchildren and Peyton’s sister being pregnant again.

“I am,” Peyton decided.

“Sit down,” Marilyn insisted. “Let me fix you breakfast. CJ, sit down, hon. Do you like pancakes?”

Peyton grabbed a soda from the refrigerator for CJ and then tugged her to the island to sit with him. CJ nodded when she realized Marilyn was waiting for her answer.

“You know, the older a woman is when she gets pregnant, the bigger her chances of having twins.” Marilyn busied herself with the pancake mix and a bowl. “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Mom.” Peyton’s voice held a note of warning. CJ relaxed. Finally. He was going to end the talk about kids.

“CJ, what do you do?”

CJ stared at Peyton silently, waiting for him to say something. When he stared back, and she realized he wasn’t going to say a word, CJ’s throat grew tight. She turned back to Marilyn and took a deep breath.

“I’m an electrician,” she answered softly. “I work for my dad.”

“CJ’s hoping to take over his business when he retires.”

True enough. Why was it so easy for him to say that to his mother but not correct her when she started daydreaming about grandbabies?

“That’s interesting.”

CJ took a drink and then fiddled with the can. “I lost my mother when I was very young. So, I grew up with my dad. Learned the trade from him.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.” She nodded.

“And how did you two meet?” Marilyn asked as she worked. CJ stared at the whisk as she whipped it through the mix.

“A friend of mind set me up on a blind date with her best friend,” Peyton told his mom. “Luckily for all of us, Violet and I bombed the first date, but I did get to meet CJ that night.”

“And the rest is history?” Marilyn asked with a hopeful look.

“Maybe.” Peyton shrugged. “It’s kind of early yet, but we’ve talked about moving in together.”

Can at her mouth, CJ choked on a swallow of soda. She eyed Peyton silently as he clapped her on the back.

“Are you from Oak Bend?” Marilyn asked her.

Nodding, CJ dabbed at her lips with the back of her hand. It wasn’t Marilyn’s fault that she was uncomfortable. It was Peyton’s. If he felt the way he claimed—no L word had been spoken, but CJ thought they were both thinking it—he should be explaining to his mother that they might be serious, but no, they did not want children.

“I am,” CJ told her. She tried to clear her throat, but her heart still pounded there. Her pulse thrummed in her ears. He wasn’t going to say anything. Not now. Maybe not ever. And now his sister was having another baby. Would he start dropping little hints here and there that it sure would be nice for her kids to have cousins to play with? “Born and raised here.”

“It’s a pretty little town,” Marilyn poured batter in the skillet and lifted her eyes to look at CJ. “Haven’t seen a lot of it yet, but I like it.”

“Did you get here this morning?” Peyton asked her. “Or did you sneak in last night?”

Well, that was a great thought. CJ shivered, imagining Marilyn bunked on the couch listening to them make love upstairs.

“This morning,” Marilyn assured him with a grin. Maybe that grin was supposed to put them at ease, and maybe if Peyton had shown CJ a little respect earlier and made their decision clear to his mom, CJ would take it as the teasing it was. Instead, it made her squirm on the stool.

“Whenever you get Dad here,” Peyton sipped his coffee, “you need to take him to Mickey’s Diner. He’ll love it.”

CJ, hands fisted in her lap, glanced at Peyton. “Yeah? Why’s that?”

“Well, for one, he just likes that old-time feel. You know. Classic diner.” Peyton looked at his mom as if for confirmation. When she nodded, he continued, “And he loves milkshakes.”

That brought a sincere smile to CJ’s mouth.

“I think he and I might make good friends.”

Except probably not. CJ licked her lips and fixed her gaze on the countertop.

“So, how’s the job, Peyton? Do you like the school? The kids?”

“I do!”

CJ rubbed her chest; his enthusiasm made her heart hurt. Eyes still on the countertop, she moved her hand to smooth her fingers over the granite.

“The kids are great. Finally getting settled in after the summer break.”

“You should take your mom to see your classroom,” CJ suggested. “He made this elaborate campsite for them. A camper and a fire. It’s really cool.”

“I’d like that,” Marilyn agreed. “Maybe after breakfast?”

“Yeah, we can do that.” Peyton covered CJ’s hand with his. Marilyn plated a stack of pancakes and eased it over in front of CJ.

“Thank you.” CJ wasn’t sure she could eat. Never mind that her stomach hurt—her throat was so tight with emotion, she wasn’t sure she could swallow. Peyton was doing the same thing Mark had done. The hell of it was, CJ knew he wasn’t trying to hurt her. He wanted a family. He’d been raised to believe he would have the same sort of family that his parents did. And if he stayed with her, CJ would be the selfish one to deny him that.

She managed to eat some of her pancakes while she listened half-heartedly to Peyton and Marilyn’s conversation. Lots of catching up to do about family, especially Annie’s kids. Marilyn informed him that Annie wanted to come and see him too, but Dean thought he would have trouble getting the time off. Peyton sounded hopeful that Annie would come and bring the kids with her. They talked about the holidays this year, where the family would spend them. Peyton told his mom they were welcome to come to his house, but they agreed it would be more fun to carry on the tradition of holidays at his parents’ house. Annie’s kids loved Grandma and Grandpa’s house, after all. Peyton quirked an eyebrow at CJ and tipped his head at her.

“Maybe CJ will come home with me.”

Maybe she would have liked that, but not now. CJ couldn’t imagine being in his parents’ home with his family, his memories, and his hopes to have the same thing. All of that rubbing right up against her adamant refusal to give him what he wanted wouldn’t end well. CJ would end up miserable and might unintentionally make the rest of them feel just as bad.

“Maybe,” she said quietly. “I’d hate to leave Dad alone.”

Also true, though her dad would probably pay for her airline ticket and pack her bag.

“Bring him along!” Marilyn sounded thrilled at the possibility. CJ smiled politely. Her dad didn’t do much traveling. She was amazed that he had been talking to his coffee cronies about a trip to Alaska. If it ever happened, she figured it would be the trip of his lifetime.

When they were finished eating, CJ hurried to clear the plates and wash the dishes. Her hands shook as she worked, Peyton and his mom still talking at the island counter about family things. CJ was careful not to drop or break anything, but she moved as fast as she could. The pancakes didn’t settle, and she felt awkward in this kitchen with Peyton’s mom, when she wasn’t fully dressed.

“I’m…” She cleared her throat and rested her hands on the countertop when she was finished cleaning the breakfast dishes. “I’m gonna run home, Peyton. Take a shower and stuff.”

“Oh.” He nodded. CJ held her breath and prayed that he didn’t remind her she had things here now so she could shower and dress and not have to run home. For one thing, she needed to escape him and his mother and her expectations, and for another, she wasn’t ready to discuss their relationship so openly with someone she just met. “Okay. We’ll pick you up? When we go to the school?”

Her belly flip-flopped, and she wished for a moment she had skipped the pancakes.

“Actually,” she nibbled on her lip and shook her head, “I think you guys should go. It would be a good time for you to catch up.”

“Crosby.” Peyton drew back like she hit him.

“It’s okay. I’ll check in with Violet. Get some stuff done around the house and catch up with you later.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.” She managed a big smile, though she knew from the way Peyton looked at her, it was unconvincing.

Peyton followed her into the living room when she went after her shoes and her purse. Her phone stuck out of the top of it; CJ considered grabbing it and calling Violet. She didn’t have a car here. She would have to walk home. Not a big deal; it wasn’t a long walk. But something about walking out on Peyton and his mom to walk home felt wrong, like she would end up offending Marilyn.

“You okay?” he asked as she swung her purse strap over her shoulder. She nodded, but she avoided eye contact.

“Yeah. I’ll see you later.”

“Crosby.” Peyton moved closer to her and took her hands in his. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” She shook her head, finally meeting his eyes. “I just want to get dressed. I feel weird hanging around your mom when I don’t have a bra on.”

He grinned. “I could go get it for you. I think it’s on the nightstand.”

She laughed softly, but it hurt to be reminded of how good last night had been. And how easily he had swept away her feelings when his mom showed up.

“Take the Jeep,” he told her.

“What?” She shook her head. “No. It’s fine—”

“Please take the Jeep. And don’t argue. Mom’s got her rental car. We’ll get the Jeep later.”

She didn’t want to take his Jeep. Because she was ready to run. To stop everything cold right now. Peyton didn’t respect her feelings any more than any other man she knew. Taking his vehicle, planning to see him later tonight—she didn’t want to feel that connection anymore. She hurt enough as it was.

And yet, the last thing she would do was argue with him now and make a scene in front of his mom.

“Okay.” She nodded. “Thanks.”

He kissed her—just a soft, simple kiss, totally appropriate since his mom was in the next room. CJ swallowed hard, the knot of emotion in her throat making it difficult to breathe.

“Maybe we could do lunch?” he suggested. “I could show Mom the school, and then we’ll pick you up and do lunch and show her the square.”

He sounded hopeful, but the way he drew back to study her face told her he knew something was wrong. Too bad he didn’t know what it was, but then, that seemed to be the problem in the first place. For all the lip service he had paid to wanting her more than a family, for respecting her choices, he had made the choice to forget it as soon as he saw his mom.

“Yeah.” She nodded, though she had no intention of spending the day with them. “Sounds good.” She would probably give her soul to the devil right now, just to get away from him and his mom. CJ raised her eyebrows and slipped past him to peek into the kitchen again. “Goodbye, Marilyn. It was so nice to meet you.”

“You too, CJ.”

CJ held her breath when the woman hurried over to give her another hug.

“We’ll catch up with you later?”

“Of course,” CJ agreed.

Peyton followed her into the kitchen and grabbed his keys from the drawer where he kept them. She thanked him when he handed them to her. She even kissed him back when he kissed her again. But CJ’s heart was ticking like a bomb, and it took all her courage to walk, rather than run, out of the house.