Hold Onto the Stars by Tracy Broemmer

Chapter 25

A showerusually did wonders for CJ. After a long day at work, the hot water felt good on her tired muscles. After a good night’s sleep or no sleep at all, a hot shower woke her up and made her feel alive. After most good cries, a shower calmed her.

The shower she’d taken when she got home had done nothing for her. CJ was still miserable. How had she fallen for the same thing again? Worse this time. She loved him. Every damned thing about Peyton Quinn warmed her, made her happy. She loved the idea of waking up with him every morning for the rest of her life. Loving Junie. Raising a puppy with Peyton.

And he had forgotten everything that was important to her the first time she was introduced to someone in his family. Were all guys like that?

A desperate phone call to Violet after her shower did nothing for her either. She had gone straight to Violet’s voicemail. Afraid she would fall apart, she didn’t leave a message for her. Instead, she curled up on the sofa with a blanket and pretended she was sleeping. That didn’t work because she couldn’t not think about Peyton, she couldn’t stop thinking how much more comfortable she would be in his bed, in his arms.

When her doorbell rang, she tossed the blanket aside, climbed to her feet, and pulled the door open. Assuming it was Violet, she turned her back immediately to reclaim her spot on the couch.

“Crosby?”

She froze when she heard Peyton’s voice.

“Peyton.” She cleared her throat, wondering how obvious it was that she had come home and had a crying jag before her shower. She hadn’t put makeup on. Her eyes had to be puffy.

“Can we come in?” he asked quietly.

She turned back to the door, stunned to see Marilyn behind him. Nothing like making a mediocre first impression and an even worse second impression.

“Sure.” She nodded. With no pockets in her leggings and nothing to do with her hands, she folded her arms over her chest and pressed her lips together. She didn’t want to do this in front of his mom, but she couldn’t imagine scraping herself back together and pretending for the rest of the day, the rest of Marilyn’s visit, that everything was okay.

“I owe you an apology.” Peyton met her eyes boldly. What was this about? She swallowed hard and did her best to hold the eye contact. “Earlier—”

“Maybe we should talk about this later?” she raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

“I should have said something,” he ignored her suggestion. “I was insensitive to everything you and I have discussed, and I’m so sorry.”

“Peyton.” She flicked her eyes to his mom and back at him.

“I talked to her,” he said simply. “I realized that I did exactly what you were worried that I would do. Mom knows that we don’t want children.”

CJ cringed and turned away from them.

“Crosby.” His voice was closer. She tensed when he touched her, squeezed her shoulders. “More than that, she knows that it’s not up for debate. That when I see my future, the most important person I see is you.”

“I can’t.” CJ shook her head and rubbed her face. “We shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place. It’s never gonna be anything but a mess, Peyton. I can’t deny you what want.”

“I have a classroom full of kids.”

She shivered when she felt his breath on her neck.

“I can mentor kids here. I could coach a soccer team. I have a niece and nephew, and another one on the way. I love you, Crosby, and if I have you, I have everything.”

“Until this comes up again.” She tipped her head back. “Peyton—”

“Crosby. You are everything to me. All I need is you. You loving me right back.”

She whirled around to look at him, tears in her eyes.

“I do love you.” She tossed her hands up in defeat. “I do love you, but I can’t do this. I can’t be with you if this is going to come up every time someone we know announces they’re pregnant. Or someone has twins. Or someone wishes Annie’s kids had cousins to play with. I can’t do that.”

“You don’t have to,” he said simply. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shove your feelings aside this morning. I respect you, CJ. You know that. I think I was just…flustered. I want you to meet my family. I want them to know you, to see why I love you. But yeah, it was a little…awkward…this morning, because you came downstairs looking sexy as hell, and it was obvious—”

“Peyton.” CJ and Marilyn said his name at the same time.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t walk away from me now.”

“I’m just going to say one thing,” Marilyn announced. “And then I’m going to leave you two alone.”

CJ tried to swallow the knot in her throat. When she couldn’t, she rubbed her fingers over her neck and closed her eyes.

“CJ, all I want for my son is to be happy. Everyone’s happy is different.”

CJ blinked and met Marilyn’s eyes.

“My husband and my kids are my happy.” Marilyn shrugged. “You’re Peyton’s. That’s all that matters.”

CJ swiped at her eyes. She glanced at Peyton as Marilyn slipped back out the door and left them alone.

“Do you know what that felt like? You telling her we might be serious, that we might move in together?”

“I guess I just wanted to say that out loud.”

She shrugged. “But you couldn’t say out loud that we don’t want a family.”

“We do, though. You and me and Junie.” He tipped his head and reached for her hand. “And Torino.”

“What?”

“That puppy. The little guy needs a name, Crosby.”

Her laugh turned into a sob.

“I’m sorry. Mom and I talked, and I’m sorry it took my mother to make me realize that I’m an idiot. That I should have spoken up earlier.”

CJ leaned into him when he wrapped his arms around her.

“Don’t walk away.” He kissed the top of her head. “CJ, I knew the moment I saw you at Bender’s in that damned Tigers hat that you were meant to be mine.”

She laughed softly. Arms circled around his waist, she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Maybe we could find twin puppies.”

Peyton drew back to look at her. “You mean you don’t want Torino?”

“Well, yeah.” She pressed her face into his neck. “But maybe someday, Junie and Torino would want little brothers or sisters.”