Hold Onto the Stars by Tracy Broemmer

Chapter 24

Peyton was thrilledto see his mom, but sure, it might have been better not to introduce CJ to her that way. Peyton thought CJ looked beautiful when she woke up in his arms, and he was sure his mom thought she was pretty. But he understood that it had been uncomfortable for CJ to meet his mom after rolling out of bed and dressing quickly in clothes from the night before.

Still, something about the way CJ had rushed out after eating breakfast bothered him. She had acted funny even when they sat with his mom and talked over pancakes and coffee. He knew her well enough to know that even if she did feel a little funny about how they met, CJ would normally warm up to her quickly and have fun talking with her. Her warm, welcoming personality was one of the things he loved about her.

“Oh, Peyton.”

Loved about her? Peyton squeezed the back of his neck and followed his mom into his classroom.

“I love it. This is great!” She wandered around the room inspecting his artwork and his cardboard camper and fire. Peyton took a moment to bask in her praise, but he couldn’t stop wondering about CJ.

He loved her.

Hell, there was no question he loved her. Might have happened the day Ella told him CJ had a thing for Johnny Cash. Maybe the first time he kissed her. Maybe when didn’t matter. Just that he did. And up until this morning, he’d thought they were on the same page.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. CJ felt something for him. Peyton kind of thought she loved him. After all, they had talked about how different it felt when they were together, how new it was for them. The whole toothbrush conversation last night.

The fact that he had asked her to parent a puppy with him. That she hadn’t explicitly said yes, but they had debated what they would name their fur baby.

“So.”

Peyton shook off the deep thoughts again and focused on his mom. Sitting on a little yellow plastic chair by the campfire, she looked a little bit ridiculous. Peyton had to laugh.

“You’re in love with her.”

Tucking his hands in his pockets, Peyton joined her at the back of the room.

“I think I am.” He sat on the floor by the fire, as if he could really feel the heat.

“Does she feel the same way?”

Peyton met his mom’s eyes and sighed. “I thought so.” He shrugged and scrubbed his hands back through his hair. “I think so.”

“She’s lovely, Peyton.” She tipped her head at him and studied his face. “But…”

“But what?” He held his breath. What had his mom seen that he’d missed?

“She was uncomfortable this morning with me.”

“Well, she came downstairs half-dressed,” he said with a laugh. “Kind of an awkward way to meet you, don’t you think? Pretty obvious what we did last night.”

His mom chuckled. “It was, and good for the two of you. But it was more than that.”

Peyton stared at the cardboard fire as if mesmerized by the flame. Instead, he was thinking of CJ. Their first kiss.

The fact that she had tried to pull away from him after that first date.

“Oh God.” He winced and squeezed his eyes closed. “Oh man.”

“What?”

“I fucked up.” He blinked his eyes open and looked at his mom. “I totally fucked up.”

“Two demerits for the f bombs,” she said with a frown, but the grin on her face made him laugh. “What did you fuck up?”

Peyton snickered. “Don’t do that,” he mumbled. “That’s almost as bad as you giving me kudos for taking her to bed last night.”

His mom’s hearty laugh made him ache inside. He wanted that. He wanted CJ for himself. All to himself. He wanted a house full of love and laughter, the same sort of love and laughter always present in the home where he grew up. All he needed for that loving home was CJ.

And he had failed her this morning.

“Well, if you’ve been seeing her for a while, I hope last night wasn’t the first time.”

“Stop. It.” Peyton ducked his head and covered his face with his hands.

“So. Tell me. How did you fuck up?”

“She doesn’t want children.” He looked up at his mom again.

“Oh.” She flinched. “Oh, dear. And I rambled on and on about grandbabies and Annie and the risks of pregnancy and twins.”

Peyton felt a rush of love for his mom.

“It’s not your fault,” he said quietly. “You had no idea.”

“Well, still. I just met her. And there I was, probably sounding nosy and overbearing—”

“I should have said something.” He shook his head. “She told me after our first date that she didn’t want kids. And it…It was a mess, the way the conversation happened. She didn’t think we should see each other anymore because I want a family.”

“Obviously, that didn’t hold.”

Peyton shrugged. “I want her in my life. When I look forward now, I see her with me. That’s it. I have a classroom full of kids, and I can mentor kids, and I have Annie’s kids to love. And Leslie’s kids—”

“Who’s Leslie?” His mom tipped her head with a frown.

“A friend.” He waved a hand as if to ignore her question. “The thing is—everything I want starts with CJ.”

“Okay.”

“I should have told you that this morning. Jesus, I probably sounded like an idiot. Telling you it might be serious and that we’d talked about moving in together and ignoring the one thing that she needed to hear me say.”

His mom nodded but said nothing.

“She told me she dated someone when she was younger, and she told him how she felt. I think she’s kind of a lone wolf with her ideal future. Small town life, ya know? Everyone gets married and has kids. So, she was with this guy, and he knew how she felt, but the first time it came up in his family, he started pressuring her to change her mind.”

“Peyton?”

“I promised her nothing else mattered. That you would understand. That you would accept her because she’s important to me, and then I didn’t stand up for what she wants, what we want together.”

“Peyton?” His mom said, louder this time.

“What?”

“What’re you going to do about it?”

He stared at her silently for a moment.

“You gonna let her go? Or are you gonna go to her and say all the things you just told me?”

A surge of hope roared through him. “Do you think she would forgive me?”

“Maybe.” His mom stood and reached for his hand. “You’ll never know if you don’t get your butt over there and talk to her.”

“Maybe you should come too.”

“Not sure including your mom is a good grand gesture.”

“Are you kidding? It’s the only gesture I can give her.”

She stared at him for a long moment before nodding. “Maybe you’re right.”