For Crying Out Loud by J. Preston

20A Big Can Of Whoopass

I love children, but I don’t think I can eat a whole one.

- Carter

Jenny

“I can’t believe you’re all going to Carter’s for Thanksgiving tonight. The whole female population of Starwood is jealous of you!” Hayley throws her hands up in the air for the umpteenth time. I just smile at her and continue walking towards her dorm.

“You know, you were invited too. You can still change your mind and come.”

“No, Jen, it really is for the best if I just stay here. Please don’t tell the guys I lied about going home.” Sadness laces her words, but she catches herself quickly and tries to mask it with a smile. I can see right through it. This is the exact smile she puts on when she wants to appear like everything is okay: her ‘professional’ smile. Hayley has recently admitted to me that she’s not going to see her family for Thanksgiving. In fact, she hasn’t seen her ‘family’ in years. I cried when she told me the whole story and swore to keep it a secret. As tough as it has been for her to tell me, I felt honored that she trusted me enough to confide in.

“Of course I won’t.” I give her a small hug. “It’s your story to tell. I just wish you’d at least come with me to London for Christmas.”

She wraps her arm around me as we walk into her building. Her room is on the third floor and the lift is out of order, so we climb the stairs.

“I wish I could, but even though I’m doing as many modelling gigs as possible during the school year without them getting in the way of studying. Holidays are the only time I really have to work, and you know I only have a partial scholarship so...” she trails off, opening the door to her room. Her lips are in a thin line and her eyes are sad and fixated on the poster above her bed. It's a white canvas with a big block ‘You Go Glen Coco’ on it. It makes me giggle every single time I see it. I love it.

“I know, I know… Sorry, I just wish you didn’t have to do it…” I say, slipping under her arm and landing my butt straight on her bed in one swift jump.

“Me too. Anyway, let’s not talk about this now!” she says, clapping her hands and turning around to her closet. In two long steps she’s in front of it, opening the door and diving head first into what I call my personal paradise, filled with all the shoes, bags, and clothes I’m allowed to borrow.

For the next half hour, I get clothes thrown at me every few minutes. I sort them into three piles. Maybe, No, and I’m dying to try this on. Once we go through the clothes, Hayley insists I try them all, disregarding my oh so well thought out sorting system. We end up playing dress up for about an hour before choosing a couple of dressy, black dresses and one red. I fold them carefully and put them in my bag. Getting up, I gather my things and get ready to go home. The gruesome task of packing ahead of me. Seems I’ve only got a couple hours left before we’re supposed to set off.

I hug Hayley goodbye and promise to call and take loads of pictures, so that she doesn’t feel like she’s missing out. Before we know it, we’ve wasted another half an hour, and I’m really starting to panic about not having enough time to get ready.

I run out of Hayley’s room and down the two flights of stairs, patting myself on the back for not breaking my neck in the process. As I cross the green towards the parking lot, I hear someone shout my name.

“Jenny, wait up!” I look around. Did I forget something? But it’s not Hayley. Instead, I see a thin girl with a short blonde bob and an unhealthy-looking tan approaching me. “Thank God you stopped! I thought I’d have to run to catch up with you, and, trust me, these shoes,” she points at her extremely high heeled ankle boots, “are not made for running.” I find myself nodding. The shoes, indeed, look dangerous if not mouthwateringly so.

“Chloe,” I say tensely, once I stop drooling over the grey suede beauties on the dragon’s feet.

“Hi,” she smiles timidly at me.

“Did you need something from me?” I’m totally confused. Chloe looks approachable, apologetic even. Who knew the She-Devil had any other looks apart from the ‘Die little worm, die’ and the ‘I’ll rip your heart out with my dragon claws, then slowly eat it while you’re looking at its diminishing heartbeat’…

“Well, yeah,” Chloe replies, looking down at her feet. I follow her gaze and ogle the boots one more time. They must be about five inches high. If I had them on, they’d basically make me five feet nine. I’d be able to reach things from the top shelves and everything. As it stands, my converse did nothing to help my gnome-like height, especially in comparison to Chloe, who’s towering like a giant above me. She’s almost as tall as Aiden in those shoes, but not quite. She could probably reach his mouth with hers without having to climb him like a koala bear trying to summit a freaking bamboo. I cross my arms in front of my chest and huff with dismay at the unfair reality of my situation.

“Listen.” Chloe looks down at me kindly. Kindly? What the hell is going on? Am I dying? Is it some sort of Make A Wish Thing? Damnit, who’s in charge? This is not my wish! I want full access to Jimmy Choo’s store! “I know we started off on the wrong foot and everything...” You think?

“You think?” My mouth runs faster than my brain. Chloe clutches her Chanel bag to her side and nods at me, her long earrings bumping on her shoulders with each movement of her head. “I just… I wanted to apologize.”

I nearly choke on the chewing gum I’ve been chewing. “Y-y-you what?” The disbelief is making me stutter.

“I wanted to apologize for everything,” she says in a small voice. “I’ve been behaving like a total bitc—not a nice person…”

“You don’t say,” I mutter, stunned.

“Yeah,” she agrees earnestly. “I guess I owe you an explanation. Well, I don’t owe you anything, but I wanted to explain myself anyway.” Ah, there she is! For a second, I thought the reincarnation of Lillith might have actually gone back to hell for a bit, and a normal human being took her place. But I suppose that was just wishful thinking.

“Okay.” I look up at her expectantly.

“Where do I start? I guess you might find this hard to believe, but I’m not a horrible person and I actually have feelings and… The thing is, Jason, your brother, he…he broke my heart,” she blurts out. Thanks to Carter, this does not come as a total shock.

“Carter mentioned that you and Jason used to date.”

She looks surprised but continues on. “Are you going somewhere? We can walk and talk, if you want to? Actually, it might be easier for me to say all this to you if I don’t have to…you know, look at you? Sorry, that sounds bad, but it still hurts when I talk about it.”

I nod and, in silence, we set off towards the parking lot, the jingling of Chloe’s bracelets the only sound.

“So?” I prompt her.

“We dated for the better part of last year, did you know that?” I shake my head. I thought Carter said it was a month. “Well, it was almost eight months. I was in love. And so happy. I couldn’t believe that he’d want to be with me. Then the rumours started, that Jason wasn’t faithful.” She clenches her fists, surely drawing blood with her sharp nails. “I never believed them. Most rumours are just that, rumours. But then I started seeing him around campus with other girls and…”

She stops in her tracks. “He didn’t even have the decency to break up with me. He just phased me out. Stopped texting me, stopped answering my calls… Didn’t even officially break up with me before I found him in another girl’s bed.” Chloe’s voice hitches and her hand flies to her mouth, covering it. I can see the anger and betrayal in her eyes, clear as day. She’s either an amazing actress or Jason really hurt her.

“I didn’t know.”

“Eight months and not even a text, Jenny! He just ghosted me,” she exclaims, and my hand automatically goes out to her, landing on her arm, squeezing it.

“I’m sorry, Chloe. That’s no way to treat a girl.”

“Yeah.” She nods, a single tear escaping her eye. She quickly wipes it away and turns to face away from me. “It can make a girl go a bit crazy, you know?” She laughs bitterly and resumes walking.

“I get it. I didn’t realize Jason was playing mind games. It doesn’t explain, however, why you’ve been such a bitch to me from the start,” I deadpan.

Chloe sucks in a breath. Her head whips my way. “Wow, you really have bigger balls than most guys in Starwood, don’t ya?” She smiles at me. I’m not buying it just yet but give her a short smile back. “Is it so hard to understand? I felt threatened,” she says. I narrow my eyes. What is she on about? Why would she feel threatened by me out of all people?

“Huh?”

“You don’t even know it, do you?” She smiles knowingly at me.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, exasperated.

“Jenny, you’re gorgeous, and you were hanging out with models, Carter and Aiden. Driving the car Jason drove all last year. Then you were there at Jason’s house—”

“My house and my car!” I interject.

“Yeah. Your house, your car.” She smiles. “I thought for sure you have an agenda, then I found out you’re Jason’s little sister rather than someone who came out of his bedroom. I’m ashamed to say…I lied, hoping that Jason would find out and be jealous. I’m so sorry.”

I have a distinct feeling that I must look a lot like a gremlin right about now. My eyes are large and glassy, my mouth is agape, and the thoughts in my head are causing havoc.

“Okay….” I drawl.

“I don’t want to be that girl,” Chloe says, grabbing my hand. We’ve been standing in front of Kitt for a while now, and I feel the need to lean on the hood before I collapse from confusion. “I don’t want to lie and scheme just because some guy broke my heart last year. I might still hold a torch for him, but I’m not going to stoop that low.”

I slowly nod.

“Will you forgive me? Can we please start over?” she asks excitedly.

“I guess,” I mutter. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”

“Oh, Jenny!” Chloe claps her hands and bends over to give me a hug. It’s awkward, and I give her a stiff pat on the back, trying not to breathe in the cloud of Angel by Thierry Mugler that I just got assaulted with. My eyes start to water from lack of oxygen when Chloe finally breaks the hug and steps away from me. I take a lungful of fresh, gorgeous air, and exhale slowly. “I’m so glad I confided in you.” She smiles at me.

“Yeah,” I say. “It definitely took guts, especially since I’m his sister.” Maybe she’s not that bad in the end. Maybe her soul was not forged in the pits of hell. Who knows? If I went a bit psycho because of Aiden, who am I to judge another person who spent eight months in love with a jerk. My brother, the jerk. That boy is gonna get a big can of whoop ass next time I see him. She-Devil or not, no girl should be treated like he treated Chloe. I sigh.

I will have to give both him and Carter lessons on how to efficiently break up with girls. I’ll probably need to Google that first since I’ve got no experience in that department whatsoever. Like zero. Zilch.

I obviously will not give any of these lessons to Aiden since he’s going to marry me and I’ll have his beautiful British babies.

HOLD UP!!

What?

This is what I’m talking about when I say that it’s quite normal for a girl to go crazy because of a guy. I mean. Marry him. Ha.

Haha.

Hahahah!

Have his babies…

Hahahahaha…

Although they would be pretty… I wonder if they’d be tall like him or short like me? Would they have my blue eyes or his green? I hope green. And dimples. I’d return them if they didn’t have his dimples. I’d be like nuh-uh! Go back into my uterus and bake some dimples right now, you little—

“Jenny?” Chloe pulls me out of my mind walkabout in la-la land. Shit, was she talking to me all this time?

“Yes,” I say. I mean, it’s fifty-fifty anyway. Might as well try to save face.

“So you do like him? I’m really sorry I made you think I slept with him. It was a shit thing to do.”

What the…?

“What?” I guess my fifty-fifty did not pay off, cause I’ve got a peculiar feeling that I just replied ‘yes’ to something I’d never admit to. Ever. Not in a million years. At least not out loud. “Sorry, my mind wandered there for a bit and I’m not a hundred percent sure what I just admitted to…” I say sheepishly. Chloe giggles in her high-pitched voice, and I congratulate myself for not wincing at the sound.

“Oh. I was asking if you liked Aiden.”

“Right. Aiden and I are just friends, but I still accept your apology. Even if we are just friends, it was not a cool thing to do,” I say.

Chloe nods. “Yes, that’s why I was saying I’m sorry…”

“No worries.” I smile at her. “But listen, I do have to go or I’m going to be late.” I glance down at my watch. Damn, another half an hour gone. I’m cutting it awfully close!

“Oh, yes!” Chloe claps her hands again! This might just be her most annoying habit yet. “You’re all going to Kennedy’s for Thanksgiving, aren’t you? The whole campus is buzzing about it.”

Gossip travels fast in Starwood. It’s only been a week since we made the plan, and half of the school is already gone for the holiday. The half still left behind seem to have nothing better to do than to talk about my group of friends. I briefly remind myself that at least I have friends now, ones that would stand by me and stand up for me. That’s a lot more than I had most of my life. I shouldn’t complain.

“Yes. We are all friends, and this seemed like a conventional thing friends would do. You know, hang out on Thanksgiving together?”

“Well, have fun,” Chloe says, fluffing her blonde bob. “I need to get back to the dorms. I’ve got a plane to catch.” She gives me another awkward hug and a peck on the cheek. “So glad we had this talk.” She grins at me with her pearly white teeth and turns on her gorgeous heels to walk away. I considered taking a quick snap of the boots but decided against it.

Rubbing the red lipstick stain she left on my cheek, I slide into Kitt and speed dial Hayley. I tell her all about my talk with Chloe while I drive back to the house, silently thanking Jason for installing hands-free in Kitt.

“I don’t know, babe, she just doesn’t seem like the person who does things out of the goodness of their heart.”

“I know,” I reply. “But she seemed genuine, and it really sounds like Jason screwed her over, so maybe we should give her a chance?”

“Maybe,” Hayley says just as I park in front of the house.

“Okay babe, well, I’m home now, so I’ll text you later. I’ve got half an hour to get ready and pack!” I start to panic.

“Calm down, you’ll be fine.” She laughs through my speakers.

And she’s right. I am fine. I even find myself with 30 seconds to spare. When Carter arrives, I’m already in the living room, my bag by my feet, Jake sitting with his head on my lap, and patiently waiting.

“You guys ready for some 90210, where the kids are pretty and the housewives have nothing better to do than drink mimosas at brunch?” Carter screeches excitedly, walking in through the front door. Jake barks once in response, tapping his tail twice on the floor, then puts his head right back onto my lap, looking at me adoringly. I love that dog so much it’s ridiculous. I give him a kiss on the forehead and turn to Carter.

“Afternoon, Mr. Miyagi.” I tip my invisible hat.

“Afternoon, grasshopper,” he replies, bowing. “Looking like a vision, as usual.” He smiles full force at me, and I have the urge to put sunglasses on to stop him from blinding me with his eagerness. “Where are the guys?” He arches his perfectly shaped eyebrow at me. I make a mental note to enquire about it later. Does he wax or thread?

“Still getting ready.” I smile triumphantly, just as both Jason and Aiden walk into the living room.

“Beaten by a girl! You guys are a disgrace to men everywhere.” Carter crosses his hands over his chest.

“In my defence,” Aiden says. “I had to pack for two.”

“You pregnant? Who’s the father?” I smirk.

“Har-har, very funny. I also had to pack all the stuff for Jake.”

Jason starts making kissing noises at Jake, and Jake trots over to him for some love. I roll my eyes. I’m pretty sure Jason packs his pockets full of treats just to make sure Jake follows him around.

“Enough of this chit-chat,” Carter interrupts the Kodak moment. “Let’s get going. I flew back home last weekend to pick up the Audi Q7 so we can road trip the hell out of this!”

We follow Carter outside and pack our bags into the trunk. Jake goes in the last row, and I sit by the window in the middle one. The door on the opposite side opens, and Aiden leans over, flashing his dimples at me. I tense up. Damn, this will be one long trip.

“Mind if I sit here?” he asks.

“Not at all,” I reply, my voice a lot higher than I’d like it to be. Aiden smiles brighter and settles himself in. There is a seat in between us, but I can feel the heat radiate off his body even from this far. I glance over at him and blush when I see that he’s been blatantly looking at me all this time.

“Oh, hell no!” Jason says from the front seat, looking at the both of us. He crawls over the console and sits in the middle seat right between Aiden and I. I’m, once again, able to breathe.

“Guys, I’m not your chauffeur. Someone sit next to me and entertain me. Eeeny-meaany-minyyy-mo—grasshopper, you’ve been chosen,” he says, his finger trained on me all throughout his little speech.

“You were pointing at me all along,” I grumble, but move over to the front.

“What’s the point of choosing the navigator and the radio controller if you can’t choose who you want? Of course I was pointing at you,” Carter explains, as if it all makes sense.

I get settled in the front seat, and we set off for the drive.

During our road trip, I learn two things:

1. Carter Kennedy has an amazing singing voice. Seriously, when he belted out Wind Beneath My Wings, we were all stunned into silence. That boy is wasting away studying politics.

2. When Jake is fed too many treats by Jason…he farts.