Kite In The Snow by Karla Lopez
My fingers shake as I press the buzzer to Travis’s parents’ estate. No longer than five seconds later am I buzzed in. I take a deep breath while I keep my eyes on my son while I walk in.
“Mae, it’s so good to see you. I’m so happy you came to your senses.” I blankly stare at Travis’s dad. His cold eyes meet mine, and I shiver.
“Mae.” I close my eyes and try to breathe in through my nose to calm myself. I hear Travis’s voice, and it was a sound I thought I’d never hear again.
I turn toward him without saying a word. “My mom would like to meet our son.” My son. I don’t correct him and just nod.
He grabs Carter from my arms, and I feel like he just pried my heart from my chest. I walk right next to him, never keeping my eyes off of Carter.
Carter stares up at Travis in awe. He doesn’t cry and something inside me shifts. My son isn’t scared of his father the way I am. It’s a fear that I never want him to have.
Travis’s mom gushes over him and holds him the whole time we’re there. “What did you name him, sweetie?” I freeze with my heartbeat the only sound.
“H—his name is Carter.”
“Carter Richardson,” she says, and I can’t help but contradict her. They will find out soon enough Travis’s last name isn’t on Carter’s birth certificate.
“No. Carter Smith,” I whisper, and I feel three pair of eyes on me, and dead silence.
“Well, we can definitely fix that,” Travis’s dad says sternly.
I just stay quiet even though I won’t go down without a fight for Carter to keep Wyatt’s last name. It’s the only thing he has of him.
After another hour passes, Travis takes me to the house he bought for us to stay at.
Where we can be a family. We will never be a family, no matter how much he tries. He’s taken so much from me. Carter falls asleep on the ride over and since the whole house is furnished, I go place him in his crib.
Travis disappears for a few hours, and I thank God for it. I decide to take a shower. I sit on the floor of my shower and just sob my pain away. I think of Wyatt and what he’s doing. And how much I miss him. I would give the world to be with him, just not Carter.
After a good cry and my memories of Wyatt playing behind every tear, I decide to get ready for bed. I fear of what’s to come next. I don’t want Travis to take away Wyatt’s memory from my skin when he decides he wants to have sex.
I think about the soft and rough edges of Wyatt and how much I crave them. To be in his arms right now. My thoughts are startled as Travis walks into the bathroom.
I eye the bottle in his hand and his blood shot eyes. “You know, you are something else. You’re not the girl I once loved.”
“I can say the same thing about you.” He throws the bottle, and it shatters against the wall. I shiver from the fear of the unknown or in the reality of knowing of what’s to come.
“How can you name him after that coffee shop kid that you decided to spread your legs for. Are you fucking stupid? He’s my kid, not his.”
I wish he wasn’t. My lack of response makes him angry, and I’m startled by the clap that resounds around the room and the pain that follows. The force of his slap makes me fall, and my tears run down my cheeks along with blood. The metallic taste keeping me centered when I just want to break. Just breathe, Mae. Breathe through the pain.
“You make me sick.” He walks out of the bathroom, leaving me in a puddle of fear on the floor.
I hug myself tightly and think of the man who saved me from the cold and believed I could fly like a kite in the snow.
ONE MONTH LATER
“You ready to leave, man?” I ask James as he comes one last time to the coffee shop where we both grew up.
“Yeah, but I think I might cry.” We both laugh, then we stare at each other. He reaches for me, and we hug each other tightly.
“I’m going to miss you.”
“Me too, James.”
He laughs sadly. “Okay. This isn’t supposed to be hard; it’s what I wanted.”
“It’s still going to be hard. You’re leaving everything you know, but they are your dreams. Go make me proud.” He gives me a proud smile.
His eyes turn to Camila, and I turn away to give them a moment. I know this will crush her, but he’s not her one. I just know it. When they’re done, I walk over to the counter and sit in the spot where we used to in high school.
“You’ll be okay? You know…” He’s talking about Mae and Carter. No, I will never be okay, but I won’t tell him that.
“I’ll live. Go chase your dreams.” He gives me the biggest smile I’ve ever seen, then he grabs his bags and walks out my cafe for the last time.
I know it in my heart I’ll never see him in this place again. He’ll keep chasing his dream, and I’ll encourage him from afar.
I walk over to the counter and see two envelopes, one with my name and the other with Camila’s. I hand Camila hers and I take mine with me.
I close the cafe and take my jeep to the mountains that James and I loved to sled on. It’s now midsummer and the snow is long gone, but I still love coming here to watch the sunrises and sunsets. As the sun sets, I open James’s letter.
I laugh and cry while I read his letter. His words toughen my heart and give me the comfort I needed. The last bit of family I had left me today, but I’ll never give up on either of them. I stay to watch the sun completely set and think about my yellow.