Perfect Sinner by Maggie Cole

27

Gemma

The entire timeI'm at Nora's, I focus on Shannon. No matter how much I love her, nothing takes away my conflicting thoughts.

Before we left, I stayed near the bedroom door, thinking I could find out where Nolan was going. I eavesdropped on his and Declan's conversation and now wish I hadn't. And then I almost walked into the room when Colin was over.

Nolan's voice never leaves my head. It doesn't matter what time of day or night. All I hear are his words.

"I don't trust a word anyone with Bailey blood says. No matter how desperate they are, nothing could ever be one hundred percent truthful. You can't take scum and try to cleanse it."

I despise being a Bailey, but their blood is mine. Since Nolan told me he loved me, everything has been perfect between us. It's been months since we had a fight, and all I've done is allow myself to fall deeper into our relationship. When I think of my future, he's in it.

His conversation makes me question everything. I've lied to him in the past. I cringe thinking about how that makes his declaration true. If I'm honest with myself, I've always been desperate for his protection and love. But if he doesn't trust me, how can he love me? And does he see me as scum?

I was upset and going to call Nolan out on it when I walked out of the bedroom and heard him talking to Colin. His statement, "You knocked her up. Whether she trapped you or not is a moot point. If it's your kid, then you're stuck with her," keeps spinning in my mind, along with him telling Colin to marry Madison because it's the honorable thing to do. I'm not pregnant, and Nolan and I have been careful except for the one time we weren't, but it rubs me the wrong way. If I accidentally got pregnant, would he feel I trapped him? Would he think I did it intentionally? Would Nolan marry me so he could be honorable and not because he wanted to?

We've never talked about kids. I want them, but until Orla and my father are dead, there's no way I would risk bringing a baby into this world. Yet, everything involved in Nolan's conversation with Colin makes me think he wouldn't want kids. Spending my time with Shannon only makes me want it more while at the same time thinking I might never get it.

The days pass slowly. Merged into my disturbing thoughts is my worry about Nolan. He may not love me. Maybe he only told me that to continue to get in my pants. Regardless, I can't turn my feelings off for him. I'm worried, and I see the same anxiety on Hailee's face. Neither of us discusses it. I still haven't told her about Nolan and me. I'm not sure why I always avoid answering her when she asks me about our relationship status. Now I wonder if part of me knew Nolan could never really love me. That thought stings more than his comment about how you can't cleanse scum. So I spend days battling with my fear he doesn't love me and what that will do to me. Then I freak out he's going to get hurt and never come home doing whatever it is he's doing.

When I wake up after my second night at Nora's, it's the same as the first night. Sweat coats my skin. My heart's pounding. The visions and voices of my reoccurring nightmares with Orla annihilate me.

Everything is the same in my nightmare, except Nolan isn't here to calm me down. It's another slice in my heart.

I go into the bathroom, take a shower, and get dressed. I walk into the kitchen and freeze. Liam has his arm around Hailee. My insides quiver. I glance around then ask, "Where's Nolan?"

Liam reassures, "He'll be here later."

"He's okay?" I ask, wondering why he's not here.

Liam nods. "Yeah."

I take a deep breath and attempt to calm my worries. For several hours, I don't hear from him. Nora's phone rings and she answers, "Hey, Nolan."

My chest tightens.

Nora smiles and says, "Sure. She's right here." She hands me the phone.

"Hey." I walk toward the bedroom.

"You all right, princess?" His voice sends relief, pain, and all the desire I constantly feel for him straight through my heart.

My throat turns dry. I blink away tears. "Yeah. Are you?"

"I'm fine. Hey, I'm sorry, but I need you to stay at Nora's the rest of the day. Something popped up I need to take care of. I'll pick you up on the way to Skylar's grand opening."

I close my eyes. I forgot about her party. She just started a fashion line. I swallow the lump in my throat and reply, "Okay. Are you...are you safe?"

He confidently states, "Yes. There's nothing to worry about, and I'll see you tonight."

"All right. Thanks for letting me know."

He says, "I miss and love you."

I put my hand over my eyes, not sure whether he means it or if maybe he's keeping me close since he doesn't trust me. My voice shakes when I tell him the truth. "I love you, too."

"Gemma—"

"I'm fine. I'll see you tonight." I hang up before he can ask me anything else, or I lose it. I spend the day the same as before then get ready in the late afternoon.

Nolan arrives at Nora's in black dress pants, my favorite green button-down shirt of his that shows off his eyes, and smelling like his signature sandalwood and coffee beans. Everything about him, including the snake tattoo on his neck, creates a pulsing in my veins. Nora and Boris are in the bedroom getting ready. Shannon is with them, too. It's Nolan and me, and the minute he sees me, he sweeps me into his arms.

His mouth hungrily attacks mine, and I can't stop melting into him or the tears from falling. It's a cruel move on his part if he doesn't love me. He pulls back and swipes my tears with his thumbs. "Hey. What's going on?"

I sniffle. "Nothing." I'm not going to get into it; this isn't the time or place.

"Gemma—"

"I'm happy you're safe. Can we go?"

He studies me. Worry laces his expression. Is it because he knows I might be onto him, or does he really love me?

I hate myself for any of these thoughts. I want to return to a few days ago when I was in ignorant bliss.

Nolan nods and says, "Let me tell Nora we're leaving."

"I think Shannon is sleeping in their room."

Nolan picks up his phone, texts her, then grabs my suitcase near the entrance. He takes my hand and guides me into the car.

He slides his arm around me, and I sink into him. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Nervous flutters fill my chest. I glance up, and his phone rings.

"Crap. Hold on." He answers, "Declan, we're almost—" The color drains from his cheeks. He sits up straighter then mutters, "Jesus."

The hairs on my arms rise. The car parks in front of Skylar's new office.

"We just got here." He hangs up.

"What's happening?" I ask.

Nolan turns. "Selena's ex-husband kidnapped her. I need you to go inside and stay with the others."

"Oh my God!" I put my hand over my mouth as chills fill me.

Nolan's eyes turn to slits. He steps out of the car, reaches in to help me out, then swiftly escorts me inside. The next few hours are scary. Both O'Malley and Ivanov bodyguards secure the building, but all of our men deal with the Selena situation. Sergey calls Kora to tell her they rescued Selena, but they're going to be a while. Toward the end of the night, Hailee and I sit on the couch in Skylar's office, not saying much, still worried about Selena.

Finn comes storming into the room. His face is red, and he barks, "Where is Liam?"

"I-I don't know. He's not back yet. No one is," Hailee answers.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

Finn's demeanor doesn't change. "When you see Liam, you tell him I'm looking for him."

"Finn," Liam says from the doorway. The two men pin an intense gaze on each other.

"I told you not to touch Mack," Finn growls.

Mack? My father's brother?

I grab Hailee's arm.

Liam claims, "I didn't. Obrecht did. It happened before I could stop him."

"Is he dead?" I ask, hoping he died a horrible death. Mack was one of the men I had to watch breaking women in at my father's whorehouse.

Liam closes his eyes then clenches his jaw. He stares at Finn. "Yes."

"And Jack?" Finn snarls.

"Ivanov garage. Obrecht gave me his word he'll wait."

Finn shakes his head in disgust at Liam then shoves past him.

"You can't go right now. I need you to finish this off," Liam calls after him, and a new chill runs down my spine.

Finn spins. "What are you talking about?"

He points for him to go back into the office.

Finn reluctantly returns.

"Rory threatened Hailee in her classroom today," Liam informs him.

"What?" I cry out as new horror fills me.

"He's texting her a location. There are no more options. We take him out. Tonight," Liam insists.

Finn glances at Hailee. "Are you okay?"

She nods. "Yeah. But he's going to blow up O'Malley houses and the school if I don't bring my sisters and mother to him at midnight."

"Hailee! What the hell? Why didn't you tell me this?" I accuse, upset she sat next to me all night and said nothing.

Finn looks at the ceiling then says, "I'll be outside. I need some air. I'll let you know when I can think again." He storms out.

I sternly fume, "Hailee!"

She ignores me. "Liam?"

He scowls. "Stay here." He turns to leave, and I grab his arm.

"Liam!"

He freezes and glances at me.

"Where's Nolan?"

His face slightly relaxes. "He's fine. You don't need to worry. Stay here with your sister." He shuts the door.

I spin on Hailee and scold, "Why didn't you tell me?"

She closes her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't think it was appropriate when Selena's situation was going on."

"You should have told me," I insist.

Her eyes fill with tears, and her lips tremble. She swallows hard and says, "He's so horrible."

I sigh, pull her into my arms, and we both cry.

Liam comes back into the room. "Go to Aspen's. When this is over, I'll come get you."

"What are you going to do?" Hailee asks.

His eyes turn cold. "Kill your father. Now, go with Aspen."

We don't argue and obey. More Ivanov bodyguards appear. All of us women get transported to Maksim and Aspen's penthouse.

We all wait on pins and needles. I don't know how they will kill my father, but I'm not naive enough to think this is a situation they have complete control over. They could die. I may never see Nolan again. And that thought almost paralyzes me.

I engage in the conversation as best as possible, but I'm on the edge of losing it. Too many days have passed since I was with Nolan. Too much time has been spent wondering what the truth is between us.

Nora asks, "What's up with you and my brother?"

Anna laughs. "Nora's keeping it real like always, I see."

Nora turns to her. "What? My brothers always interfered in my love life. Seems fair that I at least get to know what's going on in theirs."

"Nothing is going on," I claim, and heat rises in my cheeks. The last thing I'm going to do is proclaim my love for her brother when he might be lying to me.

Nora tilts her head. "You're a bad liar."

"Nothing is going on. What you should ask Nolan is what is up between him and Molly," I blurt out then cringe inside. Molly's been fine since Colin made her apologize, and I promised not to tell Nora she threw her drink on me.

Surprise fills Nora's face. "Molly?"

It's like I opened the floodgate. All the issues I had previously come rolling out. I reply, "Yeah. She's constantly bringing him food and sending him messages. And how many times can a person really have laptop issues?"

Nora winces. "She tends to make bad decisions and usually finds herself in some sort of pickle."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure some of it she creates so Nolan can save her," I assert.

Confusion fills Nora's face. "I thought Colin sorted her out?"

I roll my eyes and reveal, "She's still obsessed with Nolan." I immediately feel guilty. I still see her longing looks from time to time, and part of me feels bad for her. Nolan broke her heart, and it's written all over her face when we go into the pub.

"For someone who says nothing is going on with Nolan, you sure seem annoyed by it." Kora raises her eyebrows.

I stand up. "I'm not. I'm going to the restroom." I quickly leave the room and go into the safety of the bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror. Why the hell did I bring up Molly again? If Nolan is lying about loving me, I'm going to be in worse shape than she is.

I put cold water on my face, tell myself to pull it together, and return to the main room. Hailee is pacing. I go up to her and say, "You're making me nervous."

She stops moving and stares at me. "Sorry. I...seeing him today..."

I swallow hard. "When Orla made me visit him in prison, I didn't understand how we shared his DNA."

Hailee nods. "I know."

I admit, "I hope Orla is there tonight and they take her out, too."

Hailee hugs me. "I'm so sorry she came after you. I wish she would have picked me."

I shake my head. I would never wish that upon any of my sisters. "No. I'm glad she didn't. But, Hailee, I swear to God, if they don't take her out, I will."

Hailee freezes. "Gemma—"

"I can't deal with it anymore. She's ruined my entire life. I lost my career, my home, and everything I thought I knew about myself. I-I don't sleep at night. She keeps breaking the firewalls Nolan puts on my phone and texting me. Every time he adds something, it only takes her a few weeks to bypass it. He's stopped giving me new phones. It doesn't matter. She still seems to find me. Sometimes, I think I'm going insane," I declare.

"All this will end soon. I promise," Hailee vows.

I sarcastically laugh then wipe my face. "I hope it's before I end up in a straitjacket."

"Gemma—"

"Everyone safe and sound?" Adrian's Russian accent fills the air.

Hailee spins and runs over to Liam. She asks. "Is he—"

"They're all dead," Liam affirms.

"Orla, too?" I hopefully ask as Nolan steps into the room. Relief fills me at the same time my stomach pitches. We stare at each other. I will my feet to move, but they don't seem to step toward him.

Liam's face falls. "We don't have any proof she was there. We'll have to wait and see if she was in any of the cars."

My heart sinks. I walk out of the room. Nolan follows me and shuts the door behind me. He slides his arms around me, and I lose it.

"Shh." He strokes my head and kisses it.

My entire body convulses. It's too much. My father is dead, but Orla might still be out there. Nolan is holding me, safe without a scar on him, yet I don't know if he really loves me.

I can't stop crying. Nolan moves me to the bed, and I curl onto his lap.

"Gemma, he's dead. She might be, too. If she isn't, I'll find her. I promise," he says.

It should make me happy. Right now, I can't even process that. I blurt into his chest, "I can't handle it if you don't love me."

He freezes then tilts my head up. "Why would you ever question my love for you?"

I sob harder.

"Gemma, I need you to calm down and tell me why you think this," he firmly demands.

It takes me several minutes. I finally say, "I heard you and Declan."

Confusion fills his face. "When?"

"At the house. Before you left."

He pulls me up, so I'm face-to-face with him. "What did we say?"

I close my eyes and try to compose myself. "You said you don't trust a word from anyone who has Bailey blood, and you can't take scum and try to cleanse it."

He furrows his eyebrows. "What does that have to do with us? You know how I feel about the Baileys."

My lips quiver harder. I look away.

"Gemma—"

"I have Bailey blood," I cry out, spinning toward him.

He gapes and swallows hard. He sternly says, "I don't consider you a Bailey. I haven't for a really long time."

"Then what am I?" I ask, not fully believing he doesn't still see me as one. "You even call me princess, and we know where that comes from."

He takes a deep breath then grabs some tissues off the nightstand. He hands them to me. "Dry your face. We're going home, and then I'm going to tell you exactly who you are to me."