The Betrayal by Shayla Black

Liam set the jar on the counter behind him. “I’ll determine if your answer is enough to put the pickles away.” He pulled up the chair beside her and leaned in. “I’m listening.”

She drew in a bracing breath. “Long story short, my home life sucked. My mother decided the grass really was greener elsewhere. My older brother thought boot camp would be better than life at the Kendall house. My much smarter older sister ran off to college the second she got a dazzling scholarship overseas, leaving me alone with a guy who would never win father-of-the-year awards. It wasn’t like I loved high school. And I hated being reminded everywhere that I wasn’t as good as my siblings. Since dear old dad wasn’t shy about telling me that I wasn’t worth the food he had to feed me, I made his miserable life better by taking a hike.” She grimaced, then gulped down half her wine. “God, every word of that was like ripping out my entrails and lighting them on fire.”

While he could have done without the snark, in reading between the lines, her explanation told him a great deal. Everyone she’d ever cared about had left her. “How old were you when your mother left?

“Nine.”

“And…?”

“And…before that, things hadn’t been rosy, but they hadn’t been terrible, either. My grandparents had died the year before, and she’d been really depressed. Then I woke up one morning and she was gone. Never called, never came home. Just packed a bag and walked out. To this day, I don’t know what happened to her.”

“Were you close to her, lass?”

Raine took a really long time answering. “I thought so.”

And the fact that her own mother had simply left without a word had blindsided her. “What about your father? Did he abuse you physically? Mentally?” Liam paused. “Sexually?”

“Gee, don’t want to pry me open all at once or anything?”

He raised a brow at her and started to open the jar of pickles. She winced.

“Sorry. Sarcasm is a reflex. I’ve used it to drive people off for a long time. Just...”

Liam set the jar aside again. “I’m a patient man, but I’ll warn you to watch your tone. Answer me now.”

“My dad didn’t...touch me like that.” She swallowed, looking down, face nervous. “He actually didn’t do much more than belittle everyone. At least that’s what I thought. My brother always had bruises, but he’d say that he’d gotten into fights after school. Then my sister started getting them after my brother had gone to boot camp. But she’d just tell me that cheerleading was tougher than it looked. When she left, too... I found out that I shouldn’t mess with Dad’s temper. I just never got good at holding my tongue.

“One night after we fought, I got a concussion and a broken wrist. He told the people at the ER that I’d fallen, but they didn’t believe him. He dragged me out, mad all over again. He said he wouldn’t go to jail for disciplining his stupidest, most willful...” She dissolved into silence, looking at her hands wringing in her lap. The sight tore at his heart. Then she shook her head. “You get the picture. I’m not hungry after all. Can I go back upstairs?”

So she could escape again? He bent to her and adjusted her to face him, then tilted her chin upward, forcing her to look his way. “No, don’t shut me out.” He kissed her forehead and rubbed her arms lightly. “Thank you for the trust you’ve given me so far. I’m so proud of you right now. I know that was difficult. I promise you, I’m right here and not going anywhere.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, not meeting his gaze. “I’m so grateful…and more, but I don’t know how to say it.”

Just as he wanted it. He’d keep chipping away at her barriers until he found a place in her heart. She seemed to have made one in his already.

“I trust you’ll find the words eventually. Eat here with me now. You did such a wonderful job of preparing us a feast.” He smiled. “Let’s share it.”

With a tired nod, she focused on the plate he set in front of her before he tucked the pickles back in the refrigerator.

Liam sat and dug into his steak. “Perfect, as always. Thank you, lass.”

Everything she’d cooked was superb. The bread crunched just enough when he bit into it. The salad was crisp, the meat savory. The vegetables had a burst of flavor. Raine was at home in the kitchen. Hammer’s words about her being made for marriage floated through his brain again. At the time, he hadn’t given it much thought, but Liam could see now that she would flourish with stability, with a man who committed to her and would be there day in and out.

He had no desire to marry.

A problem for later. No sense in borrowing trouble now.

“I think it’s time I shared something painful from my past with you, Raine. I rarely do this, but you’ve been such a brave wee beauty. I would have you know more about me. It might help you understand. Don’t get ideas, mind you. This is something I’m choosing to give.”

She nodded solemnly, and he knew that he had her attention.

“As you probably know, Hammer isn’t the only one who was married...”

She watched him with unblinking eyes, her questions lurking in her gaze. “I’m listening.”

“After Juliet passed away and Hammer moved out here, I met Gwyneth, a seemingly lovely English rose from an aristocratic family on holiday in New York. I was rich. She was pretty. We had similar interests and appetites. So I married her. It seemed that we had found that elusive something idyllic for a time. Then…I discovered Gwyneth cheating. I returned home unexpectedly after a business trip to find her on her knees as her supposedly gay personal trainer fucked her while she gave his life partner head.”

Raine paled. “Oh my god…”

Liam took a long drink of his wine, cut another slice of the moist, succulent steak, and savored it for a moment. “To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I thought we were happy, that she’d be the mother of my children. I had plans for our future. In an instant, I buried them. I realized that I’d married her because it seemed logical, not because I’d loved her. When she wanted a divorce, I let her go. I didn’t care enough anymore to fight. But that sour taste of betrayal is something that, even now, triggers me...” Again, he paused, allowing his words to sink in. “You’re not the only one with trust issues, Raine. So seeing you with Hammer this morning…”

“Brought it all back.” Guilt tortured her face. She dropped her fork. “I’m so sorry.”

Actually, Gwyneth’s perfidy had enraged him. Raine’s had fucking torn at his heart, so much that Liam barely understood. But he kept that to himself.

“I didn’t realize…” Her face pleaded for forgiveness.

He leveled a considering stare her way. “I understand that what happened between you and Hammer was not just two people fucking for mere sex. He wanted you as much as you wanted him. I’d like to, but I can’t blame you for giving yourself to the man you’ve long believed that you loved, though your timing was frankly lousy. Whether intentional or not, you agreed to something that I hold dear, then tossed it aside without so much as a backward glance when Hammer looked your way. Understand, Raine, that trust will be hard won from me, too. And if you ever violate it again like that, we’ll be done.”

She swallowed, looking stricken, and he realized that she’d stopped eating long ago. “I understand.”

“Finish your steak.” He waited until she picked up her fork again.

“Liam…I truly never meant to hurt you. I really am sorry.” She looked at her plate, face filled with contrition. It was on the tip of his tongue to reassure her, but it might be good for her to think about what he’d said. He wanted this to work, but she needed to understand what would kill their growing relationship faster than anything.

Liam shook his head, thinking about the slew of messages from Hammer. Had the man been trying to get Raine pregnant as a way of tying her to him, even unconsciously? Or maybe fucking her without protection had been completely premeditated, to get him back for claiming her as his own. Liam gnashed his teeth.

“Does something not taste good?” Raine asked quietly from across the table. “I’ll remake whatever it is.”

“It’s all lovely, lass. Excellent, as always.” He noticed that she’d set her fork aside again and her napkin on the table. Her plate was still more than half full. “Why aren’t you eating?”

“I’m not good at that when I’m upset. Maybe I’ll reheat it later. Do you want seconds of something? I’ll get it for you.”

And there was the natural submissive. She wanted to feed him. It was her way of comforting and serving. Though the thought that Hammer may have gotten her pregnant made him violent, he could see that she’d make a wonderful mother.

“No. Thank you. I’d see you eat another few bites, though. You’ve scarce eaten enough for a bird.”

“I don’t think I can. Please... Not now. Maybe my stomach won’t be turning later.”

“You’ll eat a few more bites of your meat and salad.”

Raine wrinkled her nose, but managed to choke back a few more mouthfuls, then she started turning green. He stopped her with a raised hand.

“Enough. Is there something on your mind?”

She wrung her hands. “I should have thought far more about who I was affecting and how it might hurt you before I said yes to Hammer. But I didn’t think much past the fact that I’d waited and loved him for so long, and if I said no, then I’d never know…”

“What he felt like? If he could love you in return? If it could work with him?” he leveled a heavy stare that told her he’d already guessed every one of her reasons.

Raine sank even smaller into her chair. “All of that.”

“What had you planned to say to me the next morning?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t…” Think. Yes, he’d gathered that much. “Before we…” she sighed and looked down, guilt pouring from her. “I said no. I objected more than once. I told him that I belonged to you.”

Liam froze. That was more consideration than he expected. But he wanted to make certain there’d been absolutely no misunderstanding. “So he forced you?”

“No.”

Raine squeezed her eyes tightly shut, as if wishing she could escape. He gave her points for not lying to him.

“I didn’t stand my ground as I should have.”

Because she’d wanted Hammer so damn badly. Liam wished he could say otherwise, but it rankled.

“I won’t ask if you feel guilty. I see that you do. Instead, I’ll ask you to remember this feeling, so we don’t cross this bridge again. I can be a patient man, but not always a forgiving one.”

“Yes, Sir.” She took a bracing breath and worked up the courage to meet his gaze. “In your shoes, I’d be furious, devastated. I would have run and done my best to disappear forever.”

“Where I couldn’t hurt you again.” It wasn’t a question; he was beginning to understand her well enough to know the answer.

“Yeah.” She sent him a shaky nod. “But you…you’ve confronted this head on and actually listened to my side of the story…such as it is.” Her question hung unspoken. Why?

And there was his clever girl again. She wanted to know why he’d chosen to give up on his wife, but would fight for her. In some ways, Liam wasn’t sure himself. Maybe because he didn’t want her to go the way of Gwyneth. Or because he didn’t want to fail again. And yes, because she meant more to him than she should.

“I have my reasons,” he said cryptically for now.

She nodded, as if accepting his vague answer. “Can I ask how long you’ve been divorced?”

He sat back in his chair. “Officially, just over a year. We were separated for nearly a year before that.”

She hesitated, seeming to grapple with her next question. “Why didn’t you tell me about all of this sooner?” She frowned. “And why are you telling me now?”

“Answer me this first: What difference would it have made? I doubt it would have changed a damned thing. You’d heard the rumors I was divorced. I didn’t know how much Hammer might have told you.” He shrugged. “What we can do now is communicate. I volunteered to share something of myself with you, Raine. But your way is to brush me aside at every turn. Quid pro quo.”

She sucked in a breath and looked down, mired in more guilt. “It’s not my intent to brush you aside. It’s just...my mom didn’t stay around to hear what I had to say. My dad never wanted to hear it. Hammer...” She swallowed. “He couldn’t handle it. I assume that when most people ask, they’re just being polite, but they don’t really care. So I save us all the trouble.” She shrugged. “You’re the first person I actually believe wants to hear it. Problem is, I’ve kept it to myself for so long, I don’t know how to say it.”

Liam watched as she rose, rounded the table, then knelt beside his chair and grabbed his hands. “I swear, I didn’t do it to hurt you. It was thoughtless. And selfish. After wanting someone so badly for so long, I didn’t try hard enough to say no. Hammer kept telling me that he wasn’t good for me. I’m starting to think maybe he was right.” She squeezed his fingers and looked at him with earnest blue eyes. “I’m probably not going to be very good at telling you how I feel. But if you really want to hear it, I’ll try.”

She took a deep breath, and he realized that, for her, it was a big concession. And a big clue that she was willing to put some effort into their relationship, as Gwyneth hadn’t been.

“Raine...”

Pushing the dishes back, he lifted her on the table in front of him. “Lean back, lass. You’ve earned a reward, and I’ve a mind to give it to you.”

He lifted her legs, cradled them gently over each of his broad shoulders, then stroked his palm across her belly softly. She sighed as he kissed his way from her knees up to her inner thighs, paying tender attention to every purple mark Hammer had thoughtlessly left behind.

“Bloody hell, woman, you smell so good, like sin, so hot and feminine, utterly irresistible. I would taste you, Raine. Give you pleasure. Just relax and let me hear your cries.”

Soon, she melted like butter beneath his warm tongue. He teased her clit and stroked her sweet, ripe nipples. As she undulated, her essence burst across his taste buds, overloading his brain with her flavor. And sealed her fate as his.

Her body grew tense, and she grabbed the edge of the table, anchoring herself as he drove her up higher. When she mewled, straining for the bit more stimulation she needed to tip her over, he slid a finger into her pussy. Groaning as her tender flesh squeezed him, Liam wished he could replace it with his cock. Then he drew her clit back into his mouth, all but inhaling her, pressing and flicking the swollen nub until the cries of climax spilled from her throat. Cream flooded his mouth.

Slowly, her grip softened, her body still quivering. Raine panted, her breasts rising and falling with each breath. God, he wanted to fuck her. But her eyes were squeezed shut, the aftermath still rippling through her. Liam tried to be patient, give her a minute to recover, but he couldn’t stop himself from kissing the swollen pad of her pussy and looking up the length of her slender curves with a hungry stare.

He clutched her waist and dragged her into his lap so she straddled him. He moved to kiss her, but Raine reached him first, eyes closed, a soft joy on her face as she laid her lips over his. He tangled his hands in her hair and tilted her head to take her mouth deeper. Even in her kiss, he tasted her welcome. She wasn’t just more open, but giving, and it was heady. God, he could get drunk off her. That he alone had tasted this sweet willingness spilling from her heart made it all the more thrilling.

Breathing heavily, he frowned when she broke away. He started to grab her closer and command her to stay when she lifted from his lap and squirmed to the floor between his feet, under the table. She reached for the zipper of his pants and looked up at him, silently asking permission.

He shook his head. “As much as I’d like to fuck you, you’re not healed enough. And I’ve no condoms in the kitchen.”

“I understand.” She bit her lip, then looked up at him through the dark fringe of her lashes with coquettish eyes. “I wasn’t asking if you would fuck me.” She licked her lips.

All the blood rushed from his brain to his cock.

“Yes, lass. I’ve been dying to feel your mouth around me.”

He’d never been harder in his life, nor more miserable with wanting. The need to have Raine in every way tormented him. Just the sight of her shiny pink tongue sliding over her plump lips made his heavy balls draw up and his thick crest leak. He fell into her blue eyes and gritted his teeth, fighting for control as her wee hands drew the zipper downward. She was giving this to him of her own free will. The significance of it not lost on him for even an instant.

As she pulled his cock free, his breathing grew harsh. And when she wrapped her hot, sweet mouth over the throbbing crown and sucked him deep, he sighed out a long groan of toe-curling pleasure. His nipples drew up tight as pebbles as she worked him in and out of her heavenly mouth with a slow worship that set him on fire and burned him to his soul.

The unrelenting pull and release of her mouth on his cock threatened to unravel him. Liam clutched his thighs, terrified that he’d succumb to the urge to grab her without restraint and force himself down her throat. He gasped, fighting to hold back. He tensed, but the overwhelming pleasure was about to drown him.

Liam was dying to make every second of it last, yet desperate to fill her throat with his seed. He had to see it, had to see her swallow him, needed to see the submissive glow on her face. “Raine… Oh god, Raine! Look at me. Take it all. I’m coming!”

She raised her stare to him. Their eyes locked as he uncurled his grip on his thighs, fisted his hands in her hair, and drowned in her stare as he released every drop in his balls on her tongue. Her joy as she drank him deep transfixed him until he felt his heart become hers, and Liam let out a long sigh. This hard road he’d been down to reach here with Raine… He no longer had a shred of doubt that he’d done the right thing.

* * *

Hammer paced. Though Raine and that bastard, Liam, had only been gone twelve hours, it felt like twelve fucking months. In that time, he’d exhausted every avenue he could think of to locate them. Mutual friends hadn’t heard from either. He’d talked to a private investigator, but even his mad skills hadn’t turned up a clue as to Raine or Liam’s whereabouts in that short timeframe. The fucking Irish prick was no doubt using cash and an alias to keep her sequestered far from big bad Hammer’s reach. Son of a bitch. Liam had to know that he’d leave no stone unturned until he found Raine, but the man was still ignoring his phone calls and texts. So was Raine. The woman-thieving son of a bitch Hammer could understand. But his Raine?

Unless… Racing to Raine’s room, he saw her purse sitting on her nightstand. Fuck me! Liam hadn’t even let her grab it before he’d kidnapped her and disappeared.

Diving into the bag confirmed his worst suspicions. His hand squeezed around her cell phone as his stomach tightly knotted. Raine was lost to him unless Liam allowed her to call. And what were the odds of that? Sure, she might leave the bastard…someday. But would she ever come back here?

“Motherfucker!” He resisted the urge to throw her phone across the room.

Hammer set the little colorful bag back on her nightstand, staring sightlessly at the wall. He grabbed her pillow, drawing it up to his nose to inhale the intoxicating fragrance still clinging to the linen. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the remnants of her scent. Remorse clogged his throat, but the lump was so damn big, Hammer felt as if it might choke him.

The sound of someone shuffling near the doorway snagged his attention. He set the pillow in his lap and found Beck staring at him, shaking his head. No way Hammer could miss the concern in the big man’s eyes.

“What?” Macen barked.

“You need to get it together, man.” Beck frowned and walked away.

As much as Hammer hated to admit it, the guy was right. Moping and mooning wasn’t going to accomplish a damn thing. Problem was, he’d never mastered the art of not thinking about Raine even when she was here. Now that she was gone, her ghost lingered everywhere, haunting him.

“Fuck!” Hammer threw Raine’s pillow back on the bed and stormed from the room. He might feel like a pathetic bastard, but he wasn’t going to act like one.

Striding into the dungeon, he was determined to focus on work. Raine wasn’t here to complete some of her tasks, and he needed to find a willing slave to take care of those duties until she returned.

Hammer wouldn’t let himself think that he’d never see her again.

He found a pair of lounging subs only too happy to do his bidding. He knew their names and vaguely remembered playing with them in the past. Neither had made a huge impression on him, but he was grateful for them now. Since Raine’s disappearance, no one had bothered to wash the coffeepot or organize the dungeon. Neither should have been a big deal, but because she always took care of those tasks, they stabbed him with her absence again—and made the hole in his chest bleed more.

As they ran to do his bidding, he looked about, watching others scene. He hadn’t done that since that fateful night with Marlie. Shit, he didn’t really want to, and Hammer felt a bit guilty about shirking his responsibilities to the others here today. But he couldn’t bring himself to voluntarily take the hand of another sub and…

“Sir?”

Someone tapped his back, and a soft, sensual voice broke into his thoughts. He turned to find Crystal. She sent him an inviting glance. The single sub had few reservations about the Doms she chose to give her power to and even fewer boundaries. He usually strapped her up and pushed her to the edge about once a week. Often, he fucked her afterward. But he hadn’t been interested enough to even look her way lately. She wasn’t Raine. No one was. And the last thing he felt like doing now was Crystal.

“What is it, girl?” If he was lucky, maybe she had a complaint he could fix or trouble with another Dom whose head he could bash in.

Instead, she reached for his hand, prodding his fingers open with something cool and leathery. He looked down to find her giving him a single tail, then sliding to her knees. “Please, Sir. I need to feel the kiss of the whip.”

Fuck.Guilt pressed down on him. He’d neglected her, and it wasn’t her fault.

Since the blowup with Liam and Raine’s departure, he wondered if the grapevine was working and members would start talking, whisper that he’d lost control. Would they wonder if they should play elsewhere? Speculate that he might not be able to run a safe place?

It would be better for everyone if he put the possible rumors to rest. He never wanted to use a sub in anger…but he wasn’t mad at the nubile woman. In fact, anger had fallen far down on his list of emotions. Panic and desolation seemed to be vying for the top spot.

Confident that he wouldn’t take Crystal past a place she could handle, Hammer nodded and gestured across the room. An eager smile spread across her lips as she headed to a suspension frame near the back wall.

Hammer untied the little bow holding her sheer, nude baby-doll together and flung it away. Compliantly, she raised her arms to the dangling cuffs, and he secured her in. Then he grabbed her little thong in his fist and gave a mighty yank. It tore from her body, and Hammer tossed it aside. The actions were familiar. He’d done this a thousand times. But nothing felt the same. None of it excited him.

Against his will, his eyes traveled across the dungeon to the infamous spanking bench Raine had perched on for her punishment with Beck…and where she’d given herself to Liam. God, he could still see her there, angry and frightened and determined, at least until Beck had fucked it all up. He didn’t have the first clue where she’d gotten those Fuck You Very Much panties. At the time, he’d been furious. Now, he smiled a bit fondly. Only Raine…

How the fuck was he going to heal this gaping wound in his chest? How long was he going to miss her and need her and regret every second of the way he’d so fucked up.

“Sir?” Crystal stared at him over her shoulder.

Hammer could give this woman what she craved, and it didn’t cost him a thing. Why couldn’t Raine be as easy? Why did she want his heart and soul? Love he didn’t have to give?

Gripping Crystal’s long auburn curls in his fist, he jerked her head back as his lips whispered over her ear. “Your safeword is ‘power,’ girl.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you. But you know I won’t need one.” She sent him a dreamy smile.

“You might,” he warned.

He smoothed a broad hand over her creamy flesh. Immediately, thoughts of Raine filled his head. His blood surged, boiled. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he allowed himself to remember how her soft ivory flesh yielded beneath his hands.

Tightly, he gripped the leather-plaited handle of the whip and got ready to inflict pain.

But he was good at that, wasn’t he? He’d brought so much pain down on Raine with his actions. His gut seized at the thought of inflicting more, even on a pain slut who craved it. Visions of the marks he’d left marring Raine’s sensual body flooded his mind, and he liked the idea that those were the last marks he’d left on a woman. The memories of her slick, swollen pussy and how fucking epic she felt wrapped around his cock consumed him.

Shit, he had to focus.

Opening his eyes, he stepped back, arching the whip high above his head, and with a flick of his wrist, a deafening crack filled the air. Sweat broke out along his brow and trickled down his back. The room spun and a sickening taste filled his mouth. Staring at Crystal’s unmarred ass, the canvas he was expected to paint with wicked red welts, he clutched the handle of the whip with both hands. His body trembled as he fought for control.

Raine had left him. His uncompromising needs and his goddamn fears had driven her away, leaving him with no way to harness the overwhelming panic.

He shook his head and closed his eyes.

Suddenly, a strong hand gripped his forearm. Snapping around, he growled at Beck, who stood next to him looking deeply concerned.

“I’ll take care of her, Macen,” he whispered in a voice that only Hammer could hear.

“I got it,” he assured Beck.

“You don’t. Pull your head out of your ass,” Beck murmured for his ears alone, obviously trying to save Hammer the embarrassment.

He shrugged Beck off. “What the fuck are you still doing here? You’ve been banned.”

Beck snorted. “Banned. Yeah, right. Sorry, chief, I’m still here because I’m the only one who will risk standing up to you. You’re dealing with too much. Go unwind in your room. I’ll see to Crystal’s session.”

The asshole was treating him like a BDSM invalid. “Go the fuck away.”

“No. Look at yourself. You’re white as a fucking ghost. If the members truly knew how much you were falling apart, the ramifications would be disastrous. I can’t let you scene with Crystal, not while you’re half out of your mind over her.”

Hammer didn’t have to guess which her Beck meant.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Get your shit and get out.”

“I’m not leaving until I know you’re stable enough to be let loose among the subs. Now give me the whip and go unwind in your room.”

Who did Beck think he was talking to? He clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes, ready to knock the fucker’s head off.

“Ah-ahh, don’t start swinging here. It’ll ruin your fine, upstanding reputation as the bad ass Dom in charge now, won’t it?” Beck taunted with an arch of his brow.

Hammer looked up. All eyes were on him. Even Crystal had turned to see the reason he hadn’t started working her over yet. Hell, the sadist was right. “Shit.”

“I got this,” Beck assured. “I’ll give Crystal whatever she needs.”

With a sigh of defeat, he clapped Beck on the back. “Her safeword is ‘power.’ Don’t forget it.”

“No sweat. You worry about figuring out if you’re going to get yourself together or self-destruct. Now that Raine is gone, man, those are your only two options.”

With a disgusted sigh, Hammer slapped the handle of the whip into Beck’s hand, then clenched his jaw and walked away. The club members’ nervous looks did not escape him. Inwardly cursing for being such an idiot, he headed down the hall, to his room, picking up a bottle of Patrón on the way.

As he stripped off his clothes, Hammer stared at the wild tangle of his bed, the sheets still strewn from his night with Raine. If he closed his eyes, he could picture her naked and willing, legs spread, offering him every part of her without an ounce of reservation. God, she’d been all his wildest fantasies come true.

After all he’d put her through, Hammer couldn’t blame Raine for taking Liam up on his offer. If Liam’s ploy unraveled and she returned broken, he’d be there to pick up the pieces…like he always did. But for now, he was stuck here, alone.

Raine’s scent lingered here, driving him mad. He could still feel her in this room. Hear her. Taste her. But it was a mirage. His eyes blurred.

Liam wasn’t going to call suddenly and cough up their fucking location. But even if he could talk to her, Hammer wondered what he could really say except that he was sorry. Anything more would only hurt her.

Numb and empty, he unscrewed the top from the bottle and guzzled the clear liquid, relishing the burn down his throat.

As the tequila tore past his control, he allowed himself to drown in memories of Raine. The party he’d thrown for her eighteenth birthday, the night she’d cried to him after losing her virginity, the triumphant day she’d received her college degree—he’d been there for her. Her constant. And Hammer hadn’t realized until now how much he needed her to need him.

Would Liam be taking his place?

Hammer had no idea how long he’d been sitting in the middle of his bed, clutching the pillow she’d slept on, but by the looks of the nearly empty bottle of Patrón, he figured it had been a while. How many more bottles would it take before he passed out? He’d drink an entire case if it would ease this ache.

Lowering his head to the pillow again, he caught a whiff of her waning scent. But he wanted more. The fresh reminders of her would make him continue bleeding, and he welcomed it.

Crawling out of bed, he stumbled down the hall to Raine’s room. Yanking open her closet door, he pawed several shirts suspended on hangers and hugged them to his chest. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply. Ahh, there she is. Her scent filled him, made his mouth water, and a stunning visual of her swirled in his head. Much better.

He nearly tripped over his own feet as he turned and wandered back to his room. Sinking to the bed, he clutched her clothing against his face, breathing in her sweet floral and feminine musk, wishing he could hear her tender voice. Look into her big blue eyes sparkling with undeniable love.

God, he’d taken so much of her for granted. An agonizing scream tore from his throat.

“Christ, Macen. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Beck’s dark eyes narrowed with pity as he stood in the doorway, eyeing the near-empty bottle of tequila. “Patrón didn’t help you before. What makes you think it’s going to change anything now? Pull yourself together. Seriously, dude, you’re scaring the natives more than I do.”

Yanking Raine’s shirt away, he tried to stand, but just fell back to the bed. “You think I give a fuck what anyone else thinks? You’re not a shrink. Go find someone else’s spurting artery to repair and get the hell out.”

He laughed. “Jesus christ, you’re pathetic. You didn’t want Raine enough to fight for her, despite fucking her all night. Loudly, I might add. You two lovebirds made it impossible for me to get any damn sleep.” A smirk tugged on his lips. “And now you’re going to cry in your beer? I thought the Irish lug was your bosom buddy. You just stood there while he swept her out the front door. It’s over, man. She’s gone. Stop weeping and start taking care of your business.”

“I didn’t have a fucking choice. How can I love her when she can’t be what I need—when fuck, I can’t be what she needs, either? This shit is…” his voice trailed off. “Yeah, Liam is my best friend. Hell, he’s like my goddamn brother. So why did he do this to me? He knew… The bastard reads me like a fucking book. And he still stabbed me in the back.” Hammer shook his head, staring into the bottom of his bottle. “He’s going to fuck with her head. It’s his MO.”

With a sigh, Beck strolled into the room and picked up the bottle between Hammer’s feet. He drained the last gulp in one healthy swallow. As he set it on the nightstand, he pulled up a chair, flipped it around, and straddled it. “Let me ask you something. Besides last night, when did you ever treat Raine as anything other than a kid?”

“Probably never. I wanted to protect her, and it just fucking took over everything else.”

“Then you can’t possibly know if Raine is incapable of being what you want. One night with her isn’t going to tell you shit! You didn’t try before. You’re still not.”

“You don’t understand.” Hammer scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t want a submissive. I need a slave. You know she never will be.”

“You love her,” Beck said quietly.

Hopelessness plowed through him like a freight train, and tears closed up his throat. “Yeah,” he choked out. “And I have no fucking clue where to find her or how to save her before Liam turns her inside out.”

“I think he cares about her, too.”

“But he’ll never love her like I do. No one will.” He hung his head.

“You didn’t show her that.”

“The hell I didn’t! Maybe not in the way you mean, but I’ve always taken care of Raine. The night I found her in the alley, I didn’t dare look at the terrified girl as she tried to hide by the dumpster. I didn’t know anything about her, but one look, and I had to protect her. I was frantic that she’d take off down the alley and be raped. Or shot full of drugs or bullets. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and lock her away to keep her safe. She was so tiny and falling apart. Then fuck, I looked into her eyes… She seemed so damn lost. Hell, the first few weeks she was here, Raine jumped every time I raised my voice. But I refused to give up on her. I still can’t.”

“She’s not that waif from the alley anymore, man, and if you think that…you’ve got the whole river of denial running in your veins. I have no doubt that you had your cock in every one of her openings last night. It’s no big secret that she wanted you just as badly. As far as being a slave, it’s not like a submissive can blink her eyes and presto, she’s grown to that level. If you were giving yourself advice, you’d tell yourself that it takes time to train her. You’ll teach her to drive, but not to be what you need? You won’t even give her a taste. Why?”

“I told her this morning,” he slurred. “I explained what to expect as my slave. She ran screaming.”

“Do you seriously not know how to compromise? Ease her into it? Maybe it’s time to wise up. Your so-called friend has collared Raine now. You’re going to have to get at least as clever as Liam and figure out your shit to even think about winning her back.”

A wounded growl erupted from his chest. “Even if she wasn’t wearing his collar, I’d still be too much for her to handle. I almost broke her last night.” His shoulders sagged as he sighed. “Where the hell did he take her? Do you know? I need her back. I’ve got to know she’s okay.” Tears blurred his vision, and Beck just shook his head. “Help me. Please?”

“God, you’re a pussy when you get drunk.” Beck rolled his eyes. “I don’t know where she is. You think I’ve got a crystal ball? Did you try to call her? Call Liam?”

“Her cell phone’s still here, and the son of a bitch won’t answer his. I’ve sent messages, a shitload of them,” Hammer mumbled, trying to quell the panic swirling inside him.

“I’ll bet, but have you tried leaving a sober message he might understand?”

Hammer just glared. “Some fucking help you are.”

“You need to sleep it off. Booze won’t help, trust me. I’ve been there. But if she’s still what you really want, then I’ll help you figure out a way to fight for her.”

“I can’t.” His voice cracked. “What if I won, then what? I’d just end up killing her. Then I’d have the guilt of two deaths to live with. Living with one is hard enough.”

“Raine isn’t Juliet. You’ve been so focused on what you think she can’t do that you’ve never stopped to consider what she can. Or what you want now. You aren’t the same person. Your wife died years ago. Try a little. It’s time.”

Launching toward Beck, Hammer grabbed him by the shirt. “Help me find her, Ken. I can’t live without knowing she’s all right. What if she needs me?”

“Fuck, you whine more pitifully than a damn dog. Rest. I’ll see if I can find her.”

“Thank you, man.” He slumped to his side on the bed. His eyes felt like weights as they slid shut. Every minute Raine was gone chafed his soul. “Make it soon.”