Angel’s Trumpet by Sem Thornwood

For the next week, Salvatore came home early for dinner every night. But I still slept in my own room. Having separated rooms was something I feared so much in the beginning, but now I was doing it willingly.

I had a purpose, and I was not going to step back. I was not going to sleep next to him unless it felt right, and I was almost sure that was not going to happen until he was completely honest with me.

I didn’t keep myself closed, though. I didn’t build walls like him. My limits were out and clear. I was not planning to be secretive like him. He seemed like he needed an influence.

We talked during dinner and after, but it was always in front of Verona and Valerio. Sometimes I swear I saw something like longing in his eyes, but I was past the stage of hoping too much from Sal. Yet his expression when I visited his office after a week made me consider it again.

I was also determined to not go to him since I wanted him to be the one to come to me. After five years, it was time to change roles. Sal was supposed to play chaser now. But thanks to Verona, I had to go to his office the next Monday night after the twins went to bed.

I knocked on the door softly, and after a brief pause, I assumed cause by his surprise, he called, “Come in.” No one would normally disturb him this late unless there was an emergency.

When I opened the door and stepped inside, his eyes widened just a little bit, and I saw that same longing and something like hope. Maybe he was just happy because he thought I caved, and now he didn’t have to put any effort into this marriage. I was almost sure of it when I saw the glimmer in his eyes as I asked, “Can we talk?”

He nodded and got up from his chair quickly to move to the leather chairs on the other side of his office. “Of course.” He also carried his tumbler filled with Scotch, and when he saw me eyeing it, he asked, “Do you want one?”

A smile took hold of my lips, remembering the joke he made at our wedding. “Are we in Europe?”

He also smiled at that, but I could see the memory also gave him some discomfort. I wondered if he also thought our marriage was going to be perfect at that moment. Because I was sure of it. I was impossibly happy at our wedding.

Look at me now.

After Sal poured me a glass and handed it to me, I thanked him and sat on one of the chairs. He sat on the other one. “What do you want to talk about?” he asked in a way that sounded like he was expecting me to give him the secret of the universe.

I took a gulp from my drink. “It is about Verona, actually.”

Oh man, how did that crush him. He was good at masking his emotions, but I have grown up with Antonio, so I was good at reading small details about emotions. He was disappointed, and it made me oddly satisfied.

“What is it?” he asked after putting on his better mask to hide his disappointment.

“Well, I actually told her to talk to you herself, but for some reason, she was a little shy. You know she spends a lot of time with me in the art studio, and she told me that she is more interested in sculpting than painting.”

Sal’s eyebrows came together, but I knew he was interested. He was always interested in what his siblings were doing. “Should I buy her sculpting equipment? She has my credit card to use.”

I shook my head. “No, that is not the problem. Sculpting is not easy, and she wants to learn. I found a class for it, but she was afraid you wouldn’t let her join.”

This time he actually looked a little hurt, and I could understand. He didn’t give Verona any reason to feel that way. “Why wouldn’t I? She has to have her bodyguard close just like you, but she can attend.” He paused for a painful second. “I am not my father.”

“I told her the same.”

His eyes sparkled. “You did?”

“Yes.” Then I grinned to soften the situation. “You are a very modern Capo.” He chuckled, but there was hardly real joy in it. I took that as my cue to go and finished the remaining whiskey on my glass. “I will deal with the registration then.”

“Good,” he said, and I thought he was done, but when I put down my glass and walked to the door, he called to me, “Mia.”

I didn’t turn, only looked at him from my shoulder. “Yes?”

Sal stood up. “Aren’t we going to talk about more?”

This time I turned. “What are we going to talk about, Sal?”

“About why you are still sleeping in another bedroom.”

Oh, so he still didn’t understand my deal. I shook my head and got closer to him. “We don’t have anything to talk about that topic unless you are ready to open up to me.”

“Why are you so stubborn?”

“I am not stubborn,” I said angrily. “I am just protecting myself. I won't sleep next to you unless I feel like this is a real marriage.”

A silent plea filled his face. He seemed helpless like he was not holding the answer to our problems between his lips. “Can I not give you something else? I want to make this right, Mia. I don’t want to have a marriage filled with hate.”

“It's not filled with hate,” I said too quickly. I was holding a grudge, but I didn’t want him to think that I hated him again. “I just need time.”

He swallowed thickly but, In the end, said, “Okay.” He was giving me time because he was not willing to give me the truth. Was it really that hard to be open to your wife?

“Goodnight, Sal,” I said, and just when I was about to turn on my heel, Sal cupped my face and pressed his lips to mine. I was surprised but didn’t push him back. In fact, I wanted him closer.

My hands found his chest, and his fingers on my cheek tightened. It was not a harsh or a passionate kiss, but it made my stomach flutter. And even though it was a simple kiss, it was also a long one. So long that I thought more was going to come, but just when I pushed my hands from his chest to his neck and pressed myself to him, he stopped. Because of my touch, all of his body went rigid, and it made me feel like shit. Still, I didn’t show it.

Sal pulled back and sweetly brushed his knuckles on my cheek. “Good night Mia.” Then he turned back to his desk, and I left his office feeling all kinds of confused.

The internal war between my logic and my emotions didn’t come to a conclusion even on the next day. I only had an afternoon class, so I got to sleep a little longer. I worked on my studio before leaving for school, but I couldn’t get any work done. I wished class to take my mind off things, but as I was driving, I realized I was not going to be able to focus on that too. So, I turned the car around.

Mateo looked up from his phone. His eyebrows came together in worry in response to my sharp turn. “Is something wrong?”

“I just don’t feel like going to class today.”

“But we are also not going back to the mansion?”

“We are going to the Hill.” The Hill was not quite a hill, but it was kind of deserted and looked over the city. I found that place when I was driving around town like crazy, and Mateo let me go there quite a few times. I really enjoyed it there, to be honest. I bet it was much more beautiful at night, but Mateo didn’t let me go there at night because he said, “There is always at least one couple having sex in a truck. It is not appropriate for you.” Maybe now he would let me since I was finally “allowed” to know things about human reproduction.

Mateo didn’t talk on our way to the hill, but I could feel his burning gaze on me. He was really not happy about my current state, but there was nothing he could do, so he was giving me these worried glances every time I did something a little out of character. Not going to school was definitely out of character. Not because I was a perfect student or anything but because I was studying art, and it was always my escape. Now having problems that even art couldn’t help was probably concerning to him.

When we reached the empty hill, we both got out of the car and almost instinctively made our way over to the front to have a smoke. I sat up on the hood, and Mateo only leaned over it. Having a smoke while watching the city was kind of our thing.

“Are you going to tell me what your problem is?” he asked.

I chuckled. “Are you a marriage therapist? Because I can use one of them.”

He shook his head but didn’t smile despite my sarcastic humor. He was straight-up annoyed. “Is it really so bad that you have to sleep in a separate room?”

“I am not talking about that with you.” And I was determined. This was between Sal and me, and it should stay that way.

Mateo did not have it, though. “You should talk to someone if not me. Keeping it all in is just going to hurt you more. I don’t want you to hurt.” I didn’t answer that because simply, I didn’t have an answer. There was no one I was willing to talk about my issues. Mateo didn’t step back because of my silence. He put his hand on the hood next to my thigh and came closer to my face. “Do you love him, Mia?”

My heart jumped up. “Why would you ask such a thing?”

“Because I can see how you look at him.” This crap again? “Because I know you loved him when you were little. I know over the years, you changed yourself just so you can become someone he can love. I can see all of this because I was in love too, Mia. I put everything on the line and still didn’t get what I wanted in the end.”

There was so much to react so many things to say. Maybe to deny or accept, but I didn’t know what to do because, honestly, I didn’t know the answers. So, I decided to go for the other thing. “Who was it?” We were close with Mateo, but he never told me about a girlfriend before, and even though it was not surprising, now I wanted to know.

He looked away, but he was still close to me. “Her name was Natalie. She was kind and strong and beautiful. I loved her, and she loved me.”

“So, what was the problem?” I never understood why there would be a problem when two people loved each other. Years ago, Bella told me love didn’t matter, but in the end, she got to marry the love of her life. I was still a believer in the power of love even I was not in a loving relationship.

Mateo looked almost in pain. “She was an outsider. We don’t do outsiders.”

To me, that was a shitty excuse, but I didn’t know what Mateo went through with Natalie. “What happened to her?”

That was probably a punch to the stomach because I have never seen Mateo this hurt. The question almost knocked him out, and I guessed she was probably dead. It also made me feel like shit because I thought his excuse was shitty. Of course, an outsider who was very deep in the mob was destined to get killed.

I wanted to ask him when it happened or how it happened and how I could never know about it. I wanted to know, but seeing Mateo’s current state, it was probably not a good idea to dig deeper. So, I went a different road. I wanted to comfort him. He was trying to talk to and comfort me since I get married. He deserved the same.

I cupped his cheek and looked at him with my softest expression. “I am sorry,” I whispered.

His eyes shot back to my face. He pressed his cheek to my hand, and as I realized we were much closer than we should be, he kissed me. I was already very confused because of my talk with Sal and then Mateo’s confrontation and his ex-lover but nothing compared to this. This was the most surprising thing of all.

Mateo fucking kissed me.

And it was not a short, sweet brush of lips that might be needed in a time of comfort. It was not like the kiss I gave to Sal in the Lake House all those years ago. It was a real kiss. Or it would have been a real kiss if I opened my mouth to him when I felt his tongue tracing my lips instead of pushing him away.

My shock only froze me a few seconds, but after that, I gathered myself and pushed him by his chest. He looked as shocked as me.

I jumped from the hood of the car and took a few steps back from him. My pointer finger was out in the air between us in warning. “Never do that again, Mateo. I might not share a room with my husband, but I am still married.”

He shook his head to get rid of his complicated thoughts probably, but his eyes stayed wide. “I am so sorry. I really don’t know why I did it.”

“Well, it was very inappropriate!”

“I know,” he murmured. “Mia, I am really sorry. Talk about Natalie and all I guess I was… no, there is no explanation; I shouldn’t have done it. I will gladly take any punishment Capo will see fit for me.”

Punishment for kissing Sal’s wife? Oh, he might not want to touch me, but he was called Crazy Eyes, and I knew he was as possessive as any other Made Man. The punishment for kissing me was most likely death. And even though I felt really uncomfortable and found what Mateo did wrong, it was a bit too much. He didn’t deserve death. He was vulnerable and probably seek comfort in me. He didn’t force it when I pushed him, and he was as shocked as I.

He also apologized.

No, there was no way I could live with Mateo’s blood in my hands just because of a little mistake. I knew him for years. He was a good person. He didn’t deserve a punishment.

“I’m not going to tell Sal.”

Now he looked even more shocked. “You should. What I did was wrong, and as your husband, he gets to choose a punishment for me.”

I shook my head. “He is not my owner Mateo. I don’t want you to get punished. Now get in the car. I want to go back home.”

He didn’t push but looked very uncomfortable as he got into the passenger’s seat. I got in after him and checked my phone for the time because I was probably going back home earlier than I should. I was right about the time, but there was another surprise waiting for me. A text from Sal. Did he feel it or something?

Salvatore: I want to take you out tonight.

Oh, that was sweet. If my head was not filled with all the things Mateo said and the fact that he kissed me, I would be very happy and accept, but now I couldn’t. I felt like before I was alone with Salvatore, I needed to solve my internal problems. I was also almost sure he was not going to give me the truth at this dinner. He was just trying to make up for what he couldn’t give me.

Besides, I didn’t want to go out. When we were in front of people, we needed to pretend. We had roles to play in public, and if he was trying to get close to me, that was not the way.

Mia: Can we stay home and order Indian food instead?

The answer came in quickly.

Salvatore: Indian food?

Mia: Maria would cut us in half for ordering outside, but I love Indian food. We can watch a movie too. All of us.

I added the last bit to let him know I was not accepting his date idea fully, but I was still giving him something. Just like he did. Giving only halves.

Salvatore: When will you be home? I am about to get out of work.

Mia: I am on my way. I’ll get the food.

And then I drove with a confused head but a smiling face. My life was really fucking messy.

 

I was already home when Mia came. For once, I was able to leave work early enough for that. Actually, I made the arrangements to leave early so I could take Mia out, but she didn’t want that. For some reason, she preferred to eat at home. If things were different, I would have preferred to be alone with her in the house as well. But for starters, this was not a date night because Valerio and Verona were going to be with us. And even if we created a date night in the house away from them, it was not a good idea to stay alone with her. It was not safe.

The hardest part of staying away from her was not her clear sky eyes or her soft skin or silky black hair. The hardest part was that I could see she wanted me. She craved my touch like a drug, but there was no way I could give it to her because she didn’t know what she was asking for. I was not good with boundaries, and she deserved them. She deserved something so much different than what I could give her.

One of the reasons I wanted to take her out was to maybe give her something else than answers. She demanded answers I could not give. I wanted to be near her. I wanted her to sleep next to me at night, and I wanted to spend time with her, but I could not risk sex. I could not even risk giving her answers.

If she was scared of me, it would be so easy. Then I’d give her answers even before she asked, but she wasn’t scared of me, and she was always prone to see the good side. She was always too fucking hopeful and positive, which I admired but didn’t help our current situation at all. Because I knew if I told her my reasons, she was not going to accept them. She was going to ask even more questions. She was going to demand to know what I was really capable of, and after I told her, she was going to be disgusted by me.

I could take her anger, but I could not taker her disgust.

So, my mission was to figure out a way to have a nice marriage with Mia without having sex. I knew it must be possible for some people, but as far as I understood, we both had very high sex drives, so it was really a challenge, and even though I tried my best, I had no idea how I was going to succeed.

After I told Verona and Valerio, Mia was coming with the food, and we were going to have a movie night, they went crazy. They were really close and got along pretty well, but still, they couldn’t agree on a movie. Apparently, they drew the line at films. Both of them were not stepping back.

Just when I was trying to get away from their arguing with a small smile on my lips, the front door opened, and Mia stepped inside. She was wearing jeans and a sweater, but oh man, how beautiful could someone look in that. Her black hair was perfectly in place like always, and even her pale lips – it was a rare occasion that she didn’t put on a ruby lipstick – created a desire deep down in me. Maybe I was too worked up about her because internally, I knew I could not have her. Still, knowing this fact didn’t change anything.

“You are early,” I said, and her eyes found mine. She did say she was on her way before her class was done, but I didn’t want to ask it by text.

Mia shrugged and took the take-out bags from Mateo, who was standing next to her. “I didn’t go to school.”

I stepped closer to her and curled my hand on hers to take the bags. I know she could carry them, but they looked heavy, and she was tiny. The sight just awakened the protective side of me. “Where were you then?”

Mia looked to Mateo under her lashes. He was obligated to report to me, but sometimes I felt like he was more loyal to her than me. It fucking bothered me. I wanted to know where she was, even if she didn’t want me to. I was not going to forbid her from going anywhere, but for safety reasons, I just needed to know.

After her eyes found mine, she seemed tense, and I didn’t like that too. “I wanted to just clear my head,” she said. It made sense she wanted that after last night. I was giving her all kinds of mixed signals, and I was probably not going to stop doing that.

“And where did you go?”

“My favorite hill.”

My eyebrows raised. “You have a favorite hill?”

She nodded absently.

“Maybe one day you’ll show it to me?”

Then all her distress went away. She looked at me with hopeful eyes, and for some reason, her cheeks turned a pale pink color. “Maybe,” she almost whispered and then brushed past me. “Where are Valerio and Verona?”

“In the living room. Valerio wants to watch Joker and Verona wants to watch Gone Girl.”

For some reason, it gave her such a great delight that she threw her head back and laughed. I, on the other hand, could only stay there and look at her, mesmerized by how much her laugh can affect me.

In the end, we decided to watch 1917 because Mia said the cinematography was top-notch. Valerio was not very impressed, but it turns out he also had a hard time saying no to Mia. I really wondered how kind of role they attached to her. If they saw her as a replacement for Mom or Isabella or just a savior after all the horrible things that went down in our lives.

We ate dinner while watching the movie. Verona was curled up on the leather chair, and Valerio was sitting on the lazy boy like a king. He was the only reason I bought that thing anyway. Mia and I were sitting on the sofa side by side. She decided to lie down after her meal was done. I could tell she was very careful to stay on her side and not disturb me, but she was wearing shorts, and there was no way I could take my mind away from her milky legs. All that great cinematography could not compete with the sight of Mia lying down watching the movie with interest.

After she shifted a few times, I couldn’t help it. My fingers curled on her ankle, and I pulled her legs to my lap. She was short, but the sofa was not very large, so she couldn’t lie very comfortably without putting them on my lap. Luckily, I was not uncomfortable at all.

She gave me a shy smile but kept watching the movie after that. For the rest of the movie, my hand stayed on Mia’s ankle because I really didn’t want to let go of her heat. Probably I was doing something fucked up. I was confusing her like crazy, but I couldn’t help it.

I also couldn’t help but kiss her before going to bed. Last night was messing with my head too. After we were done with throwing away the boxes, she announced she was going to her studio. Valerio and Verona were going to bed, so she kissed both of them goodnight. When she turned and saw the look on my face, she turned a little pink again. Her eyes were wary of me, but she still came close.

“Goodnight,” she murmured and raised on her toes to kiss – I assumed – my cheek, but I couldn’t let her go when she was this close. Lucky for me, I knew I was not going to get tempted to take this further because Valerio and Verona were still in the same room. So, I cupped her cheek and pressed my lips to hers. “Goodnight.”

She didn’t say anything, but I could see the little smile on her face when she left. I was utterly fucked up when it came to Mia.