Perceive by K E Osborn

 

 

KENZI

 

I’m getting pretty fucking sick of this bright white room. Everything is colorless—the walls, the bedsheets, the floor, even the bedside table has been painted an icy color to match. It’s like having a constant headache, but maybe that’s the point.

You can’t relax in this place, there’s no fucking way. No warm, soothing atmosphere, no soft edges to ease the pounding and panicking in your brain.

It’s a weird and unusual form of torture—but effective because I’m about to lose my fucking shit if someone doesn’t open that damn door and soon. The only thing I can hear is my own footsteps as the rubber-soled slip-on shoes they’ve given me squeak on the tiles as I pace back and forth. No shoelaces, of course. No toothbrushes either. Probably afraid I’ll craft some kind of shank.

This is a prison and hell at the same time.

I haven’t seen anyone other than some stern-faced guard since I spoke to Axel yesterday about the safehouse. I can’t help the guilt that’s begun to swirl in my empty stomach nor the panic setting in. Have things gone wrong?Have I fucked it up? I thought sending them there would be safe.

It’s just a house we used sometimes. A place we stayed when we were above ground. It shouldn’t be dangerous.

My fingers twist together nervously.

Five steps to one end.

Turn.

Five steps back.

Agitation getting the best of me, I rush to the door, pounding my fist against the heavy structure. “Hey! Is anyone there? Hello!” I pound harder, my breathing becoming more rapid as my heart rate intensifies. “Hello?”

I have no idea how long I’m standing here thumping and screaming, but my hand is bright red and my throat aching by the time I get a response.

A loud beep makes me jump, and I stumble back from the doorway as it slides open to reveal a young girl with dark hair, a headset covering it, pushing the stray tendrils back from her face. Two heavyset men stand just behind her, armed and dressed in army camouflage gear but appear relaxed.

Maybe they don’t see me as a threat anymore?

Maybe I’m finally earning their trust?

“Hi, I’m Everly,” the young girl says with a warm smile as she steps inside what is essentially my prison hell. I shuffle back, giving her and the two guys behind her a little space. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Kenzi.”

“Let me guess…” I start, noting the way she’s more casually dressed but covered in communication equipment, including the small tablet in her right hand. “You’re a friend of Axel’s?”

Her face brightens, and she pulls the tablet to her chest, wrapping her arms around it and herself. “I’m more guilty by association, I think,” she answers with a soft, warm laugh. It instantly takes the chill off the air, my shoulders slumping from their defensive position. “I do communications for the team when they’re out. I’m also Luca’s girlfriend.”

“Is he the crippled one?”

The two guys behind her both smother their laughter, trying to cover it by coughing into their elbows. Everly simply rolls her eyes, but I don’t miss the twitch at the corner of her lips. “Yes, he was hurt when they went after you the first time. Ended up in a damn wheelchair. Then, this second time, he pushed hard, knowing he had to help Axel get you out, and ended up fucking most of the recovery he’d done.”

I hold her gaze. Everly is sweet, that’s obvious. But she’s also incredibly protective, and she isn’t afraid to let me know what the people she cares about have sacrificed for my dumb ass. “He honestly has a huge heart,” she continues with a knowing smile. “You’ll get to know him.”

“Will I?”

The cryptic question pulls the warm features from her face, like a switch has been flipped. “They’re on their way back from El Paso right now. Things are fine. Everyone is in one piece.”

A long breath whooshes out of my lungs, and I drop my heavy body down onto the hard bed. “Can you ask Axel to come to see me when he gets in?”

“Actually,” she announces, drawing out her words. The two men at her back stand a little taller. “Reid and Tyson are going to take you up to see Jack. He wants to speak with you before Axel returns.”

“And Jack is?” I ask nervously, wondering why this person won’t wait for Axel before seeing me. It seems like that is the running theme around here. “I’d rather wait until Axel is back.”

“Unfortunately, that’s not an option,” she responds with a tight smile, pulling her tablet from her body and tapping away at it for a few seconds before her eyes come back to mine. “Jack is in charge here.”

“In charge of what?”

“Everything,” she answers with a light laugh. “Come on… I’ll show you up there.” She leads the way.

The Agency is bigger than I expected—a maze of hallways and doors with keypads. It’s one after the other after the other until we finally step out into a much wider space. It’s familiar, an area we’d rushed through a few days ago when Tanner took me up to the roof to eat pizza. I remember the hustle and bustle with large computer screens on the wall spilling out words and numbers I didn’t understand. Things aren’t as busy as they had been only a few days ago, but I’m not oblivious to the way people watch me out of the corner of my eye as I pass them by.

It reminds me I’m that person. The one they can’t trust, the one they fear just a little because of where I’ve come from. It makes me feel ill to think I’m that person to them. They’re scared I’m going to hurt them and the people they love.

It’s fucked up.

It hurts a part of my soul, and a dull ache begins at the base of my skull. The pain a reminder of just how messed up this is. Down deep inside, I know I’m not the kind of person who could hurt people or who can cause others pain. It’s just something I know.

But my brain, it questions everything.

Because while I feel that shit in my heart, my brain just can’t fucking confirm it.

The disconnect is hard to process. It’s difficult to convince yourself you’re a good person when you honestly have no fucking clue if it’s true.

It’s like everyone else knows me better than I do.

It’s like being told I’m allergic to nuts, but if I want to know if that is true, I have to risk my fucking life to find out.

Everly presses a hand to my back, directing me away from the elevators we’d taken last time and toward the metal walkways climbing the space behind me. They weave upward to the second-floor landing, where large panels of glass line the walls. My brow knots as we march up the slope toward them.

“The last time I looked up here, the glass was see-through like a window. I could see inside,” I comment, mostly in a whisper.

Everly nods, pointing up at the now frosted panels. “They’re offices. The glass frosts over for privacy when meetings are happening. Since we have to work in this underground place without much light, they’ve tried to keep everything as bright and as open as possible, so it doesn’t start to feel like a dungeon.”

I know that feeling.

Hendrix kept us underground in laboratories and other places for months at a time. There were even times when I got sick from lack of sunlight, and it took me weeks to recover. It was hard on my body. Hard on my mind. But he insisted it was for the best, especially when Axel and this team destroyed that last bunker.

After, I remember how devastated I was. Not because everything we’d worked on was lost but because I knew it meant starting the process again, and I just wasn’t sure I was ready for that. I didn’t know if my mind or my body could handle the darkness again.

We pause at the doorway to the first glass office. Everly raises her petite hand and knocks gently against the door.

“Come in!” a gruff reply comes from inside.

Everly turns to me and offers a supportive smile, then nods for me to head in first.

I draw in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before turning the handle and pressing the door open. A few nervous steps and I’m inside, my eyes instantly wandering around the space and drawn to the elegance of the area. There’s a small wet bar straight ahead against the wall, and leather sofas with wooden accent arms sit back against the wall near a large bookshelf packed to the brim.

The door behind me snaps shut with a click, making me jump forward slightly. A quick peek over my shoulder makes me realize my three escorts have abandoned me. 

“Come… take a seat.”

My head snaps to the side, a large desk just to the right, centered in front of a massive wall of screens. A few showing the same numbers and words like downstairs—still unknown to me as to what they mean—while there’s another showing security footage cameras. But it’s the man sitting in front of them who pulls my attention.

He leans back in his seat and nods to the large armchair sitting across from the desk, not saying a single word. Obviously, a man who refuses to say things twice.

It’s that type of energy which radiates off him.

No bullshit.

No fucking around.

It makes me a little nervous.

My eyes hold his intense gaze as I shuffle toward the seat and slowly drop down onto the soft pillowy surface. My body silently thanks him, given I’ve been sleeping on that rock-hard fucking bed down in that white-walled hell. “Jack, I assume,” I finally offer when he doesn’t bother to speak.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” he rasps, his thumb scratching at his bristled jawline. His hair is light, but you can still catch the odd strands of gray that sweep through. And when paired with the intense frown lines decorating the corners of his eyes and forehead, I’m starting to put together a picture of just who this man is.

“I can’t say the same,” I answer with a shrug. “But I’m guessing you have something you’d like to say.”

“I’ve got one man who needs stitches because he was attacked by flying knives. Another who took at least two shots to the vest and is, at the very least, going to need X-rays to make sure nothing is broken. And to top it off… a plethora of fucking bruising and bumps caused by flying debris from the house that fucking exploded.” With each word, his voice grows louder, his tone harsher, until he’s on his feet, pressing his palms to the desk, screaming at me.

My breathing becomes labored, his words resonating through the air and striking me in the chest. I shake my head, pinching my eyes closed. “It’s just a holiday home. A safe house where we hid out sometimes.”

“So, you’re telling me you didn’t know?” he snaps and leans forward—the intimidation tactic is not lost on me. “You’re telling me you had no idea you were sending my team into some fucked-up fun-house come ticking-fucking-time-bomb?”

“I’m telling you I had n-no idea!” I yell back, feeling my voice shake and crack a little. “When I’m there, I lay by the pool, I sleep, and I eat. There are no knives… no bombs!”

“You sleep,” he repeats, confusing me for a second as to why out of everything, he picks those two words. “With Hendrix, right?”

I sit straighter like someone shoves a steel rod up my back. “That’s none of your damn business.”

“Wrong. Everything is my fucking business,” he growls, stepping back from the desk and pointing to the security screens behind him. One in particular, catches my eye. “See these people, sitting in the back of this Hercules?”

It’s Axel and his team. There are a couple sitting on the floor, some are slumped in hard metal seats that line the sides of the aircraft, one of those being Axel. His arms are folded across his chest and his head back, eyes pinched closed like he’s sleeping. The camera is grainy and not great, but I can’t help but notice the dust completely covering his brown hair and appearing to coat his gear from head to toe. But otherwise, he looks okay, and that makes the tension in my body relax. Just slightly.

“They’ve been awake for over twenty-four hours. They’re battered. They’re fucking tired. Just because one of them is fighting to prove that you are worth it.”

I don’t know what to say.

The honest truth is, I had no idea about the house. I thought it was a safe bet. Give them a location. Send them there and let them find whatever they find. But as it turns out, Hendrix knows me better than I know myself. Turns out, he was ready for me to give in—to cave.

I feel the ache at the base of my skull begin to throb. “I didn’t know,” I murmur, pressing the heel of my palm against my temple to try and fight back the rush of pain as it works its way up. “You think I would send Axel out there to be killed? You think out of this whole shitstorm, that’s what I want?”

“I don’t think you know what you want,” he answers, his heavy frown growing deeper as he narrows his eyes on me. “But what I’m going to tell you is… those men and women won’t be used as collateral while you fucking figure it all out.”

“The hell do you want from me?” I snap, getting to my feet, standing my ground. “What do you want me to say? You want me to tell you I’m playing you? You want me to tell you I sent them there to die? That I don’t give a shit about Axel. Or about your damn team? Because right now, the things I don’t know, heavily fucking outweigh the number of things I do know.”

My breathing is heavy, and tears burn in the back of my throat as I ramble, trying to somehow get him to hear me before this migraine that’s attacking takes over, and I’m back to square one.

“And what I do know…” I croak out, swiping at the tears as they drip down onto my cheeks, “… is that Axel looks at me like I’m his entire world. And he wouldn’t just look at me that way unless at some point, I looked at him the same way.”

I see it in Axel’s eyes.

The kind of love that’s there—it isn’t just a crush.

When love isn’t returned, you move on, you find someone else, you make new connections, and you understand why it never worked out.

All I can see in Axel’s eyes is me.

He hasn’t moved on.

He hasn’t found someone new.

He hasn’t given up on us and come to the conclusion it was never going to be. Not even when he knew there was a chance I could’ve been dead.

He still saw me.

And I’m desperate, so fucking goddamn desperate, to see me too.

“When you don’t know who you are,” I continue in a whisper as Jack takes his seat silently, the tension between us easing just a little. “How do you know who to believe? I made the mistake once of taking Hendrix on his word, letting him manipulate me despite that pinching feeling in the back of my brain telling me something was wrong…” I take in a deep breath. “I’m trying my best now not to make that same mistake. So, while you know exactly who you are, who your team is… I don’t. So, excuse me if I don’t fall into line so quickly.”

The silence in the room is suffocating while waiting for a response from this man who seems to have the power to control the damn world. I’m almost waiting for him to press some button that will flip my chair and dump me into a pit of snakes or a pool of hungry sharks.

“Okay.”

My eyebrows shoot up, so fast I’m surprised they don’t leave my damn face. “Okay?”

“Okay,” he repeats, tapping on a clear screen built into the desk before reclining in his huge king chair. I grip the arms of my seat and brace myself, but a few seconds later, nothing happens.

No pit of snakes.

No hungry sharks.

Instead, the large windows lining one side of the office begin to clear, the frosting fading away just in time for me to spot an exhausted group stumble out of the elevators downstairs. “I bare my soul to you, and your answer is, okay?”

“I’ve got a fucking list of other things I could say, but if I were you, I’d take fucking okay and get the hell out.”

Hesitantly, I rise to my feet, still unsure what the hell is going on, noting he doesn’t protest as I make my way to the door.

There’s not a guard to be seen.

What the hell is going on?

Am I having a stroke?

I press the door open, feeling Jack’s eyes on me as I step out onto the landing, my hands gripping the railing as I look over the side.

Waiting.

Kace notices me first, his eyes drifting upward as he tugs off his vest, then shakes a sandpit’s worth of sand from beneath. He pauses, frozen for a second before reaching out and smacking Axel with the back of his hand.

Axel cringes, and I suck in a sharp breath as if I can feel the instant pain rippling through him. It propels my feet forward, my pace quickening as I race down the metal ramp toward them. Axel’s eyes catch mine halfway, and he takes a step forward just as I reach the bottom.

“Are you okay?” I question breathlessly, my hand reaching out to touch him but pausing in mid-air. Maybe waiting for someone to drag me away. “I didn’t know. I swear.”

“We figured as much,” Tanner comments while Axel simply stares at me, unable to pull his gaze away. “Jack already agreed the gauntlet of hell didn’t really seem like your idea of amusement.”

“But I only just talked to Jack, and he gave me the third degree…” My voice fades off while the men around me just appear amused. “He’d already come to a conclusion about me before I went off on my epic rant up in his office just now, didn’t he?”

“If there’s one thing you’ll learn about Jack, it’s that he never asks a question without already knowing the answer.” Axel chuckles, pressing his hand to my back and turning me toward a hallway to the side. “Come on. Everly is bringing you in some clothes. I’ve got one more thing to do, then we’re going out.”

I easily fall into step beside him, his grin infectious. “What do you have to do?”

“Mac?”

The grin instantly slips from my face, and I spin on my heel. “Carlos?” My body moves forward on its own, my eyes taking inventory at the same time. The bloody nose, the red-hot swollen cheek, his hands pulled tight behind his back causing a painful grimace on his face even as he tries to smile at me.

“Jesus, what the hell?”

Axel hooks his arm around my waist, pulling me to a stop before I can reach my friend. I look between the members of his team, one after another they all appear worse for wear. Dirty. Dusty. Scratched. Bruised. Though still standing with their shoulders back and chins high.

“You know him?” Axel asks, tugging me back a little further, like he is trying to put some space between us.

“He’s Hendrix’s nephew,” I answer, my head falling to the side. “What are you doing here?”

“I had a fight with my mom and needed to get out. Thought the El Paso place would be empty…” He lets his words hang, his eyes circling the group of secret agents. “Turns out… I was wrong.”

“We need to talk to your friend here,” Kace urges, nodding to the hallway. Blair eases Carlos forward, and I step out of the way as they walk him down to the holding and questioning rooms. Places where I’ve spent a fair amount of my time.

Axel lets me go, and I spin around. “He hasn’t done anything. Carlos was there just to hang out with me, to keep me busy while Hendrix was gone doing business,” I ramble, my eyes flicking between Axel’s stern gaze and my friend being led off to be locked up like a criminal. “Axel. Please. He’s not a bad person.”

“Just in the wrong place at the wrong time?” Axel questions while raising his eyebrow.

“He’s just a kid!” I protest. “He’s dealt with enough shit in his life. He doesn’t need to be treated like a fucking criminal too.”

Axel’s nose scrunches up for a second, and he holds my pleading eyes before letting out a soft curse. He grabs my hand, pulling me down the ramp after his team. Kace scans his thumb on the small pad next to the keycard reader, and the first door in the white hallway I’ve grown to despise, slips open.

Blair directs Carlos inside, sitting him at the table before stepping out again. Luca and Kace enter next, Kace reaching for the door. Axel slams his palm against it, his team leader narrowing his eyes. “Can Kenzi and I sit in?”

Carlos looks up, his dejected emotions quickly becoming hopeful.

Kace looks from Axel to me, and I squeeze Axel’s hand. “Please, Kace. I know him. He’s just a kid trying to escape his problems. He wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

Kace clenches his jaw but then steps back. “Fine. Hurry up.”

I don’t question him, slipping into the small room quickly before he can change his mind. Axel allows me to pull away, gritting his teeth and moving to the side of the room as I slide into the chair next to Carlos and reach for his hand, the cuffs around them tinkling against the table where they’re attached by a large bolt. “You all right?” I ask softly, reaching up and brushing his thick, curly black hair back from his face.

“Kenzi,” Axel growls from the side of the room, and I instantly pull my hand back, much to Carlos’ confusion. This is what got us in trouble. It’s what got the both of us our fucking asses beat.

“You two seem cozy,” Kace examines, taking a seat on the other side of the table while Axel and Luca brace themselves against the wall behind him. Kace’s attention turns to Carlos. “Why were you in the house at El Paso?”

“Technically, I wasn’t in the house,” Carlos announces quietly, clearing his throat when he’s hit with a warning glare. “Look… I’m from Albuquerque. My family isn’t exactly… great. So, when I fight with my mom, Hendrix lets me chill out in the El Paso house for a few days.”

“What do you fight with your mom about?”

Carlos snorts. “Fucking everything. I’m an eighteen-year-old who is unemployed, not academic, not athletic, and completely antisocial.”

“Introducing every career criminal we’ve ever met,” Luca scoffs out from behind Kace.

“He’s not like Hendrix,” I argue instantly, noticing the way Carlos’ hands curl into fists. If there’s one thing he hates, it’s being compared to his uncle. Hendrix is a bastard. Carlos, while he uses his uncle’s lifestyle to his advantage, is too kind-hearted to pursue that path.

And in his mind, that just makes him more of a disappointment.

“Hendrix get annoyed with the relationship you two have?” Axel asks, completely taking me off guard.

I sit tall, my brow pinching between my eyes. “What relationship would that be?” I counter.

“The one where you guys look pretty fucking cozy!”

“Jealous?” Carlos chuckles before I slap him around the back of the head. “Um… ow.”

“Don’t be an ass. This shit is serious, and I’m trying to keep them from wiping your existence from this planet,” I warn him under my breath making Luca laugh softly.

“They’re the ones who think we have some magical fucking sexual attraction,” he states, screwing up his nose.

“And you don’t?” Kace questions.

Carlos looks up at him and grins. “I’m more sexually attracted to you, than I am to Mac.” The room falls silent for a second, and I lean back in the hard wooden chair, rolling my eyes.

Kace swallows, clearing this throat and hiding a smile behind his hand. “You bat for the other team.”

“Yeah!” Carlos huffs, leaning back and yanking at the chains. “How fun do you think it is to have an uncle like Rix constantly trying to make me be a man, having my parents send me to him because they think he’ll be able to fix me.”

The air in the room is suddenly different. Not because Carlos being gay unexpectedly makes him a non-threat, but because of the way they can see his cracks begin to come through. A reminder of who the real enemy is here, and that victims don’t all come in the same kind of package or with the same kind of pain.

“So, our good friend, Clinton, is not your favorite person in the world, huh?” Luca questions, his body relaxing back against the wall. The tension in the room settling. “So, when we kill him—”

“Luca,” Kace warns sternly, shooting a sharp glare over his shoulder.

“I’m handy with a shovel,” Carlos announces, surprising me a little, and I let out a sharp burst of laughter.

“Tell us how you really feel,” I joke, leaning into him, remembering the comfort this kid gave me when I was in such a bad space. Even though I might not have realized at the time just how toxic that environment was, or just how deep in my own hole I’d fallen, he was there. “So, he can leave, right?”

Axel is already shaking his head, though it isn’t him who answers.

“He has to stay here,” Kace explains, pressing his palms to the desk. “Even though you trust him, we can’t. It’s dangerous. For you. For us. For our families.”

Carlos tenses, then sits a little straighter. “So I’m a prisoner. Wow! Fucking awesome.”

“Axel…” I plead, looking up at him, but he shakes his head again.

“It’s not up to me, and you know it. And honestly, Kace is right. You might trust him, but I don’t know him. We don’t know him. You barely fucking know him. Hell, you barely know yourself.”

“I know—”

“You know what you’ve been told, what you’ve heard, what you’ve seen,” Axel continues, his eyes moving to Carlos and narrowing. “He’s really not wanting to be his uncle’s nephew… cool, when I kill the bastard, I’ll come back and see what he has to say about it. Then, he either goes down too, or he walks away.”

“And until then, you’re just gonna keep him in one of those little rooms?” I question, understanding where they’re coming from, but still refusing to be okay with it.

The only bonus? At least at The Agency, Carlos is safe.

“I can find him something more comfortable,” Kace interrupts. “I’m open to coming to some kind of agreement. You scratch our back, we’ll scratch yours.”

Carlos shrugs. “Anything I can help with, it’s yours. I’m done with that bullshit. Hendrix has spent too fucking long hurting people.” His eyes flicker to me for a second before returning to Kace. “I’ll help.”

And I just hope like hell, whatever Carlos is getting himself into with these guys, doesn’t get him, or the both of us killed.