Raging Fires by Candace Camp
Chapter Nine
The ceremony went pretty smoothly after the judge started his spiel—well, compared to how it started. That damn dog barked every three or four minutes, just to remind everyone that she hated him, and one time Aunt Lucy asked in her my-hearing-aid-batteries-are-dead voice, “What did he say?” Like she hadn’t heard wedding vows five hundred times. But Gran told the justice of the peace to speak up, and after that Aunt Lucy was quiet. Jake didn’t know if she could hear now or she just fell asleep. Either way, it worked.
He kept having weird flashes of their first wedding—how hot Kelli looked in that simple white gown and how his throat closed up watching her walk down the aisle toward him. Her cramming that stupid piece of cake in his mouth and how good it had tasted on his lips when she kissed him afterwards. He tried not to think about that because they were standing in front of a bunch of people and he already looked bad enough in his miniature t-shirt without also sporting a tent, but his brain was pretty persistent. Jake was so lost in memory-land that he didn’t hear the judge when he got to the I-do’s, and Kelli had to squeeze his hand to wake him up to the fact that he was supposed to participate. Okay, that wasn’t so smooth either.
She looked startled when he pulled out their wedding rings, and her fingers trembled a little as she picked up his gold wedding band to slide it on his finger. But they made it to the end, and the ‘Now you may kiss your bride’ moment. Awkward.
They had to do something so Jake bent down to give Kelli a peck on the lips, but she turned her face away so he hit her cheek instead. She had tears in her eyes. What the hell had he done now? That was one of the bad things about being in a relationship: not knowing what you’d done that pissed her off. Some things were easy to identify, like forgetting your anniversary or giving her a gag gift on her birthday, but most of the rest of them you were just floundering around, trying to figure it out, and the worst thing was you might come out with some sin that wasn’t even what she was talking about.
Well, thank God they weren’t in a relationship anymore—a marriage because your dead grandfather forced you didn’t count—and Jake didn’t have to worry about it. Still. . .why was she looking like she might cry? Because she was having to be connected to him, even if it was only legally? That kind of sucked.
They turned to face the room. There wasn’t any aisle to walk down this time, so they just stood there indecisively, until the J.P. poked Jake in the back, and they moved aside. Jake had already paid him the other day when they got the license, so the judge just murmured something and escaped out the front door.
“What did he say?” Kelli asked.
“I’m not sure. Maybe ‘good luck?’”
Asa came up and slapped Jake on the back. “That was one hell of a wedding, you guys.”
“Well, we’re always happy to entertain you.” Kelli’s tone was sarcastic, but she smiled at him. She’d always liked Asa. He was not only charming, but very sincere and authentic, too; it was a rare combination.
One of the bikers came up and hugged Kelli. He looked Jake up and down and said, “Nice suit, man.”
Jake started to tell him he didn’t need a fashion critique from a guy with a red bandanna wrapped around his head, but Gran was on them by then, and after that it was all hugs and her crying and Aunt Lucy coming up and doing the same. Next the whole family had to do the hugging and tears thing—what was it with all the crying today? He was the one who had a reason to be in tears, shackled to a woman who hated him. Again.
Kowalski and some of the guys shook his hand, and he introduced them to Kelli. They kept looking at the couple’s clothes and Kelli’s hair like they couldn’t decide if the two of them had seriously decided to look this way, but none of them had the nerve to ask.
Then, of course, Howard showed up, and the dog began to bark.
“Good thing that dog’s a girl so there’s no need to revisit the Toby discussion,” Jake aimed his comment at Kelli, knowing it would annoy Kelli. Their on-going joke about Toby being a dog’s name had always led to Kelli being the kind of annoyed that just made her look cute and huffy. As opposed to the kind of annoyed that made her want to heave a vase at his head.
“Toby discussion?” Howard asked, glancing from Jake’s cocky grin to Kelli’s crossed arms.
“Yeah, we should get Howard’s opinion on this since he’s such a dog connoisseur,” Jake went on.
“I wouldn’t say dog connoisseur. More like held captive by a dog,” Howard said.
“Either way, can’t you just see the name Toby emblazoned on one of those little collar tags that looks like a dog-bone?” Jake asked.
“Huh?” Howard responded.
“You don’t have to answer that.” Kelli rolled her eyes. “He just insists on pretending that the name Toby, which was the name of my very sweet high school boyfriend that I am still friends with, is not a name that humans have.”
“Hey. I can’t help it that your ‘very sweet’ ex was named after his grandfather’s old dog.”
“It was a family name. The dog was named after his grandfather’s brother. As was Toby.”
“Or so he claims.” Jake raised his eyebrows at Howard.
Princess, who hadn’t stopped barking for so long that Jake was beginning to wonder if it was how she breathed, started pawing at the mesh in front of her and nosing against it. Kelli leaned down to look through the mesh and crooned, “Oh, isn’t she sweet? Can I hold her?”
“Uh, Kell, I don’t know if that’s a great idea.” Jake had visions of Princess bounding all over the room attacking everyone.
Of course Kelli paid no attention to him, and Howard was happy to get rid of the little fiend, so he unzipped the mesh. Jake tensed, ready to jump in and block the dog before she could bite Kelli. But Kelli held out her arms and Princess jumped right into them and started wriggling all over and kissing Kelli’s face. Kelli laughed and petted her, and they had a regular love fest going while he stood there gaping.
“Princess doesn’t much like men,” Howard told Jake.
“Yeah. I got that impression.”
Princess turned her head to bare her teeth at Jake and growl, then settled into the crook of Kelli’s arm and went to sleep. At least they could hear now.
“Congratulations,” Howard said and shook Jake’s hand. To Kelli, he said, “I apologize for bringing the dog to your wedding. But I got stuck with taking care of Princess because my wife’s spending the weekend at The Naked Woman.”
Kelli’s eyebrows shot up. Jake tried to signal her not to ask, but she again ignored him. She laughed. “I’m sorry; I thought you said she was spending the weekend with a naked woman.”
“Yeah. But it’s The Naked Woman.” Even Kelli had no response for that. Howard went on, “It’s this fancy spa in L.A., where they have Bade baths and a Bul Goma sauna and craniosacral therapy.”
Kelli’s blank face told Jake she had no more idea than he did what the man was talking about. “Um... I see.” Yeah, right.
“Mineral pools and cold baths and charcoal saunas and gold-and-caviar facials.” Howard was listing them on his fingers. “All the regular stuff like massage and exfoliation. Kelp wraps. Then there’s the mugwort steam treatment for the, uh—” Howard waved his hand vaguely downward. “—you know, lady parts.”
Jake tried to swallow a snort of laughter, which made him cough, but he couldn’t stop snort-laughing, so that he came out sounding like an asthmatic horse. Kelli was looking at him like she was trying not to bust out laughing too, opening her eyes real wide and pressing her lips together.
“You okay, guy?” Howard asked.
“Fine. . .fine…” Jake managed to gasp out.
Kelli reached over and slapped Jake hard on the back a couple of times. “Don’t mind him. He just gets like this sometimes. You were telling us about the spa?”
Jake was sure she said that just to bug him. Howard beamed, though, and went on, “Well, they have the clay rooms—red, yellow, and blue—and the mud bath. The infrared sauna, the frozen sauna, the Himalayan salt sauna... all that kind of stuff. They’re really into health. And taking off their clothes.”
“That’s really interesting,” Kelli said. She was good at this kind of people stuff. “But I’m sure you must miss her.”
“Yeah. I can’t wait to dump Princess Fleek on her.” Howard glanced around, aware of the people behind him, forming a sort of disorganized receiving line. “Well, hey, I’m holding everybody else up. Great to meet you, Kelli.” He gave Jake a thumbs up and walked away.
He left Princess with them. Jake started to chase him down, but Kelli seemed happy holding the little terrorist, so he stayed where he was.
Neil Moran and his wife were next up, looking like the perfect couple, with Cherneski and his glam blonde lady lurking behind them. Neil introduced his wife Stephanie and Jake introduced Kelli.
Kelli said she’d heard Stephanie was a writer, and they started talking about that, and pretty soon the women were chatting away like good friends, while he and Neil stood there like useless appendages. Jake saw a little gleam of amusement in the other man’s eyes that told him he was thinking the same thing.
But even while they talked, Stephanie’s eyes kept going back to their shirts.
“So, man, I gotta ask,” Neil shook his head, “Steph and I have been wondering all evening—the shirt? What is it about—your name is Riley, right? Is Kent Kelli’s last name? Is it a nod to the honeymoon? Are you two going camping after this?”
Jake looked down at his Kents do it in Tents shirt and laughed. “No. It was actually from a family reunion on my mom’s side of the family.”
Stephanie, who had started glancing over as soon as Neil asked his question, broke off in the middle of a sentence to Kelli. “So it’s an incest joke?”
“What?” Jake shook his head. “No! My Aunt Lucy had one of my cousins make them online.” He pointed out his aunt, who, as predicted, was now snoozing at a table in the corner.
“But… why? What were you doing in the tents?”
“Sleeping?” Jake shrugged. “Who knows what she thought, but it definitely wasn’t sexual. This is a woman whose entire decorating scheme is Amish with a dash of doilies. Seriously, she’s never even been in a liquor store.”
“I have one of those aunts,” Neil smiled. “She makes her husband buy the rum for her Bundt cakes.”
“Hey, I don’t mean to break in,” the blond behind the Morans broke in. No surprise there; this was the ‘boundary-challenged’ woman who had brought all the wedding stuff. “But I’m going to have to run to the ladies’ soon.” She leaned around Neil to shake Jake’s hand. “Congrats on bagging this one.” She gave Kelli a long up and down look. “She is stunning. I mean, not to say you don’t look good—you’re both straight snacks. But she is a full-on meal, if you know what I mean.”
“Don’t worry, no one ever knows what Claire means.” Neil told Jake out the side of his mouth.
“But she does have good hearing, Moran.” Claire fixed him with a stare and Neil, big as he was, looked at the ground like a scolded child.
“Thanks for the decorations,” Jake lied, unsure what else to say.
“I mean, when Steph told me that you two were getting married a second time—I just couldn’t help myself. That is commitment. I wouldn’t remarry my ex for all the rhinestones in a Swarovski factory. And I love me some sparkle. It really says something about how you feel.”
“It says something all right.” Kelli muttered. “Possibly about my mental state.” Jake didn’t want to smile but he’d never been able to resist her sarcastic streak.
“I had a wedding in my most recent play and all the props were just there—I couldn’t help myself,” the blond finished.
“Claire has notoriously bad self-control,” the linebacker next to her threw in. “Especially if you’re lucky enough to get a few drinks in her.”
“I’d pretend to be mad, but Pete’s too right.” Claire laughed, wiggling her glass back and forth in the air. The bar hadn’t even opened yet, but somehow this woman had managed to finagle a drink. He’d barely met her, but Jake figured this was on brand. “Cheers!” Claire made a big show of miming knocking her glass in a cheers with Kelli’s empty hand while she tried to slyly reach toward Jake with her other arm.
“Did you just pat my ass?” Jake’s eyes widened and he turned to Pete. “Sorry, man, but I swear your girl just tried to cop a feel.”
Claire widened her eyes like a secret signal at the linebacker.
“Oh, uh, that was me.” Pete slapped Jake on the butt—quite a bit harder than the smooth swipe Claire had done. “Because, um… we’re football players—and that’s just what we do?”
“Maybe on the field. What the hell is going on here?” Jake looked from Pete to Claire suspiciously.
“Polish wedding tradition?” Pete shrugged.
“Try again, big guy.” Jake felt his now-empty pocket. “Hey! Your girl stole my phone!”