Foul Pole by Tina Gallagher
Chapter Thirty-Two
Leo
“These past fivedays flew by way too fast,” I said.
They’re flying out later this afternoon and since my game is at night, I’ll be able to drop them off at the airport. Anjannette and I woke early, wanting to squeeze as much time together out of our remaining hours as possible. After going out for French toast at a little diner down the block, we decided to take a walk on the beach.
“Way too fast, but I had a great time. Keera did, too. Thank you so much for having us spend time with your friends. And thank them for being such good sports.”
“They had fun too, and Keera is already over her fascination. So next time she sees them, it’ll just be like they’re long-lost friends.”
We reached my building but instead of heading up toward the walkway, I stopped. When Anjannette looked up at me, I turned her to face the water. Stepping behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back against me. After a brief hesitation, she leaned against my chest and we stood there in silence.
After what seemed like forever, she spoke.
“I’m not looking forward to the cold that’s waiting for me at home.”
“At least it hasn’t snowed again. I was worried you’d be flying into a storm.”
She didn’t comment which wouldn’t concern me, but she seemed upset about more than the cold she’s facing. Something is off with her the past couple days. Sometimes she’s okay but every once in a while, she hesitates or seems distracted. I hate to let her go without finding out what’s wrong, especially if we’re not going to see each other for a while.
“Is something wrong?”
She didn’t say anything at first, but I felt her muscles tighten then she shrugged.
“Did I do something to upset you?”
“No, you’re perfect.”
While I know that’s not true, I think she means it.
“So what’s wrong?”
She let out a deep sigh and turned to face me.
“Leo, this trip was great. So was the time we spent together in Myrtle Beach.”
When she didn’t continue, I said, “Why do I think there’s a but coming?”
“But I can’t just pick up and come visit all the time.”
I blinked. “I know that. I know you have the studio and can’t just run off whenever you
want.”
“You’re right, I can’t. It doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about doing just that.”
“I’m really confused.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not explaining this very well.”
She sat in the sand and dragged her fingers through her hair. I sat next to her, putting
enough space between us so she doesn’t feel crowded and waited for her to speak again.
“You know how I told you I wasn’t with anyone for three years before we got together?” I nodded. “There’s a reason for that.”
She bent her knees and wrapped her arms around them as she stared out at the water.
“The last guy I was with—Travis—ended up being not so great.”
I curled my hands into fists. If that fucker laid a hand on her, I swear I’ll kill him. She rested her hand on my arm and squeezed.
“He didn’t hurt me physically.” She let go of my arm. “But he was mentally abusive.” Shaking her head, she added, “It’s so embarrassing to admit this.”
I started to put my arm around her but stopped myself. If she wants me to touch her, she’ll let me know.
“Anjannette, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Not with me anyway.”
“It is though, and if I could go back and do things differently, I would. Travis was just the last in a long line of losers I changed myself for, and by the time I broke things off with him, I was isolated from my friends, had nowhere to live, and barely knew who I was.”
Clay’s observation that her inner light was missing makes total sense after hearing her words. I have no idea where this is going or why it’s on her mind today. Hopefully her douchebag of an ex hasn’t reappeared trying to cause problems.
“When we went through my history, my therapist noticed patterns of things I do when I’m with men. At the time, she recommended I take a year off dating, kind of like they do in twelve-step programs. I didn’t think it would be that big of an issue, but the fact that I found it really difficult proved that I had a problem. So after the first year, I decided to do another, and that just naturally led to a third.” She looked over at me. “And then you came along.”
I’m not even sure what to say to that, so I remained silent. She turned to face the water again and we sat like that for quite some time before she continued.
“I was terrified to go out with you.”
“So why did you?”
“I liked you.” She shrugged. “But honestly, I figured we’d go out once and that would be it.”
“Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know exactly, but it’s kind of irrelevant. The thing is that we did go out more
than once, and here we are.”
“Where exactly is here?”
“I’m living in your house and I keep trying to figure out how I can rearrange my schedule so I can be with you. So basically I’m falling right back into those patterns. And even though you’re not like all those jerks I dated in the past and you’d never take advantage of me the way they did, it’s not healthy for me to act like that. Plus, you’d hate that person.”
“First of all, you’re living in my house because you lost your apartment,” I pointed out.
“I moved in with Travis because Keera moved in with her boyfriend and I couldn’t afford our apartment on my own.”
“And I don’t expect you to rearrange your schedule to fit with mine. I’d never ask you to do that. I know you have a business to run.”
“I know that, but it doesn’t mean I won’t.” She wiped a tear off her cheek. “It’s funny, at
Thanksgiving, Keera’s grandmother told me not to be a Miranda, referring to the character in Sex in the City.”
“I’m familiar with the character, but don’t understand what she has to do with us.”
“When she started dating Steve, she basically expected the worst based on past relationships. Granny Vi was afraid I was doing that to you.” She met and held my gaze. “And I thought maybe she was right, but now I don’t. I know how great you are, Leo. Seriously, you’re perfect and I love you so much.”
“Again, there’s a but.”
“You’re not the problem and if I’m being honest, neither were any of my exes. I’m the problem, and I don’t know how to open myself fully to a relationship without losing myself again.”
She stood and brushed sand off her pants. I looked up at her.
“So what exactly are you saying?”
“I don’t know. I can’t…”
She looked lost and confused. I stood and wrapped my arms around her and she rested her cheek against my chest as she sobbed. At least she’s not pushing me away. Not yet anyway.
The driveto the airport was melancholy. Even Keera and Angie were quiet in the back seat. I’m not sure if they’re so sad to be leaving or if they’re picking up on the vibe Anjannette and I have had since our walk on the beach.
I’d reassured her the best I could, but honestly, I have no idea what we’re going to do.
If she can get away for a day, or even overnight, we might be able to make it work when we play in New York but that’s the best I can figure.
I’ve told her since we started this relationship that I’ll take her however I can get her. If that means FaceTime until October, so be it. I’m not saying it won’t be difficult, but if that’s what it takes, I’ll do it.
All the other stuff she talked about, well as far as I can tell, it’s all in her head. But I have three sisters and more female cousins than I can count. I’m not crazy enough to actually say that to her.
I turned onto the airport exit and followed the signs to their airline and pulled up to the curb. Keera and Angie each gave me a big hug and said goodbye then grabbed their bags and walked toward the entrance. I appreciate them giving Anjannette and me time alone to say goodbye.
Pulling her into my arms, I squeezed her tight.
When I pulled back, I said, “We’ll make it work. Don’t worry.”
She offered a wobbly smile, but didn’t seem convinced.
“Call me when you get home.” I leaned down and gave her a brief but intense kiss. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Leo.”
My stomach twisted as I watched her walk away and have no idea what the status of our relationship is at this point.
Anjannette
My phone rangand I turned it off, ignoring Leo’s call. It’s been ten days since I left St. Pete and I’m still as confused as ever. I’ve been ignoring his calls because I have no idea what to say to him.
It’s not you, it’s meis the biggest break-up cliché, but in this case, it’s true. It’s definitely not him. And while I didn’t specifically say the words, breaking up is basically what I did.
I looked around his house knowing what a hypocrite I’ve been staying here since I got home. My only alternatives would be to get a hotel room or sleep at the studio. I have applications in for three apartments. Hopefully one of them will pan out.
Keera’s made it very clear she thinks I’m an idiot and things have been tense between us. I’ve been trying to keep both that and my bad energy from infecting the studio but there’s definitely a palpable tension in the air.
I couldn’t stop my groan at the sound of the doorbell. The only person who knows I’m here is Keera and I just don’t have the energy to deal with her right now. It’s been a long week and the only thing that’s kept me going was the thought of spending Sunday alone, on the couch, nursing the ache that’s been a permanent fixture in my head since I last saw Leo.
The doorbell rang twice more and I laid down and put the pillow over my head. A few minutes later I heard knocking on the patio doors.
“Let us in, Anjannette.”
That’s not Keera’s voice.
I picked my head up and saw Angie and Keera through the glass.
They’re not going to leave so I tossed off my blanket, left the sanctuary of the couch, and opened the door.
“Jesus, it’s freezing out there,” Angie said as she stepped inside.
I walked back to the couch, wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, and flopped back down.
They sat in the chairs across from me and looked at each other, seeming to decide who was going to speak first. Angie won, or maybe she lost. Either way, she spoke first.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to relax on my day off.”
“Don’t be obtuse. What are you doing with Leo?”
“I’m not doing anything.”
I blinked back tears as I said that.
“You can’t even answer a question about him without tearing up. Is this better than whatever fucked-up reasoning you have for not answering his calls?” Keera asked.
“You know my reasoning isn’t fucked up. He deserves better than me.”
“I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about,” Angie said. “But it seems to me that Leo should have some say about who and what he deserves.”
I wiped tears off my cheeks and tucked my hands back in the blanket.
“Look at me. I’m a mess.”
“The thing is, you weren’t a mess when you were with Leo,” Keera said, raising her voice with each word until she was shouting.
Just hearing his name hurts.
I looked at Angie.
“Does he hate me?”
“I don’t know. He won’t talk about it.”
I frowned.
“He called me to find out if you’re okay,” Keera said.
“And she called me. Leo didn’t tell either of us anything, but Trey told Nori and she told me that he’s miserable.”
Good Lord, it’s like a heartbreak phone chain.
“And obviously you’re miserable,” Angie said. “So I don’t understand.”
I gave her the abridged version of my history and where I am now. Her frown grew more pronounced with each word I said. When I was finished, she looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Keera flashed me an I-told-you-so smirk.
“The two of you just don’t understand. I can’t lose myself like that again and it’s not fair to Leo if I hold a part of myself back from him.”
“Honey, why don’t you call Rachel Green? I’m sure she’ll give you some insight on what you’re feeling and help you figure out how to navigate your relationship with Leo.”
Angie scrunched her nose.
“Like Jennifer Aniston’s character on Friends.”
“It’s my therapist’s name.”
When I started seeing Dr. Green, even in my pathetic state, I had a good chuckle about her name. Now, nothing. I’m just sitting here watching Angie and Keera laugh.
Keera sobered when she noticed I wasn’t laughing.
“Just call her. Please?”
Since I’ve been toying with the idea anyway, I agreed.