Foul Pole by Tina Gallagher
Chapter Thirty-Three
Leo
I saton the couch staring at the TV eating a slice of cold, leftover pizza. Some of the guys were going out to dinner after today’s game, but I just wasn’t in the mood. I’m not really good company these days and haven’t been since Anjannette left St. Pete three weeks ago and cut me off.
She did send me a text telling me she was cutting me off first, so I suppose that’s something. Then I got another text telling me she’d be out of my house as soon as she finds an apartment. But that’s it. Two texts in three weeks. After everything.
I’ve been in contact with Keera so at least I know Anjannette is okay, physically anyway. From what I understand she’s just as miserable as I am. Keera keeps telling me not to give up and I’m trying not to. But it’s not easy.
A knock sounded on my front door and I groaned. The last week in St. Pete the guys were always stopping by, but since we live in the same complex, it’s easy. Here in Myrtle Beach, we’re scattered all over so random pop-ins are rare.
I peeked out the window and saw Jack Reagan sitting on my front porch.
Opening the door, I said, “Hey Jack, everything okay?”
“You tell me.”
How do I answer that? The whole team knows I'm miserable and have an idea why even if they don’t know the specifics.
I opened the door and stepped aside, resigned to the fact that Jack doesn’t plan on leaving until he says whatever he came here to say.
“I’ve got cold pizza and cold-ish beer.”
“As appealing as that sounds, I’m gonna pass. I actually just ate.”
I settled back onto the couch and Jack sat across from me on the loveseat.
“You look like shit.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Trey told me a little bit of what’s going on. Not specifics, but enough that I have an idea.”
“So do you have any solutions for me?”
“No, just a story if you’re interested in listening.”
“What else have I got to do?”
“Everyone pretty much knows the details about my childhood now, but three years ago, that wasn’t the case. You know how I lived my life until I got together with Hannah and that was directly related to my mom dying and my dad basically falling apart.” He sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees and continued. “So I start spending time with Hannah and then spending time with Hannah. And somewhere along the way, I decided that I needed to pull back so all those nasty feelings interfere with my life, my game, whatever.”
“How’d that go over?”
“Not well,” he said around a chuckle. “Hannah immediately noticed something was different and called me on it. I told her what I was doing and why. She told me she wanted all of me or none of me. Stupidly, I chose the latter.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t good. I looked a lot like you do now, but I convinced myself I was better off. That I was doing something good for Hannah.”
“So how did you resolve it?”
“I tracked her and chased her down at the airport. You know, a grand gesture.”
“Yeah, women like those.”
I thought about what I could do to impress Anjannette and came up blank. Especially since I’m not the one who ended our relationship.
“I’m telling you this to maybe help you understand how no matter how much you love someone, you can royally fuck up doing something you think is best for yourself or them.”
“So what can I do to convince her to give us another shot, oh wise one?”
“My recommendation would be to give her some time. I know it’s not easy, but I can tell you that the longer I was without Hannah, the more miserable I got. Dan called me on my shit and made me realize I was being a total ass,” he said. “And from what I understand, she’s as miserable as you and her friends are on your side. So the way I see it, it’s just a matter of time.” He slapped his hands against his thighs and stood. “Hang in there.”
“Thanks Jack,” I said as I followed him to the door. “I appreciate the talk.”
What he told me didn’t give me a course of action, but it did give me hope. And that’s more than I had an hour ago.
Anjannette
I lookedaround the waiting room of Dr. Green’s office. Nothing has changed since the last time I was here, not even me, apparently. I took a deep breath in through my nose and let it out slowly the same way trying to clear my head. Getting myself all riled up before going in there won’t help anything.
The door to the inner office opened and a patient walked out. Dr. Green looked at me and smiled.
“Anjannette. Come on in.” She stepped aside as I entered her inner sanctum. “Have a seat.”
One of the couches is different, but I chose to sit in the one I always used when I came here regularly. Dr. Green settled into her big leather chair and picked her iPad up from the table next to her.
When I first started coming here, she used to take notes on a yellow legal pad. Somewhere along the line, she got more technical and started writing on the iPad using a stylus.
“How’ve you been? How’s the studio doing?” she asked.
I decided to answer the easier question first.
“The studio is doing well. It’s turning into the space I’d envisioned.”
“I’ve heard good things,” she said. “I’m happy it’s working out for you.”
“Thank you.”
“Now for the tougher question. How’ve you been?”
I twisted my fingers together and tried to remember the answer I’d come up with for that question but drew a blank. So I had to improv.
“For the most part, I’m good. Like I said, the business is going well and I’m okay.”
“That’s good,” she said. “But I don’t think you’re coming here for the first time in nine months to tell me you’re okay. I’m guessing something is bothering you.”
“I started seeing someone a few months ago.”
“And how’s that going?”
“For the most part, it’s great. He’s so different from the other guys I’ve been with.”
“In what way?”
“In every way. He’s sweet and kind and he treats me well. And he’s so supportive of the business and the fact that I pole dance. Super supportive.” I paused and collected my thoughts. “The problem isn’t him, it’s me.”
“Why do you say that?”
“He’s a baseball player.”
“Are we talking about professional baseball?”
I nodded.
“He plays for the Carolina Waves.”
“How did you two meet?”
I told her how Leo ended up living in Scranton and why he was at the studio.
“At first I turned him down when he asked me out. I told him it was because I was too
busy, but it was really because I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“At that point, I hadn’t dated anyone in three years and I was doing well. So well. I was afraid if I did, I’d backslide.”
“So what made you finally say yes?”
“I liked him. But honestly, I figured we’d go out once and that’d be it. Then one date led to two and two to three…” I shrugged. “You get the picture.”
“So when did things start going bad?”
“They haven’t,” I said. “Well not exactly.” She frowned and scribbled on the iPad. “Like I said, he’s a baseball player. Do you have any idea what their schedules are like?”
“Very hectic during the season, I imagine.”
“Extremely hectic. He’s been at spring training since mid-February and basically won’t be back here until October.”
“Are you worried he won’t be faithful?”
“Funny enough no, that’s not my big fear. Not with him.”
“Then what is?”
“That I’ll arrange my life to fit into his like I’ve done before. I’m already living in his house.”
She raised her brow.
“So you’re living together.”
“Not officially.”
I told her how I ended up living in Leo’s house.
“Well, that sort of makes sense. Are you still looking for an apartment?”
“I found three places I liked and put applications in, but someone got to them ahead of me. So yes, I’m back to searching.”
“So your concern is that you’re falling into similar patterns as before?”
“Yes.”
“And have you talked to—” she gestured.
“Leo.”
“Have you talked to Leo about this?”
“I have. The last time we spoke actually.”
“And what did he say?”
“He said we’d work it out.”
“Do you have a reason to think that’s not true?”
I shrugged, unsure what to say.
“How did you feel when you were sharing your story with him?”
“Embarrassed.”
“Why?”
“Because I hate the person I was when I was with Travis. I don’t ever want to be like her
again.”
“Anjannette, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You were in a bad situation and you got out. You’ve come a long way since the first time we met. The fact that you’re even worried about repeating patterns shows how far you’ve come. I don’t think you’re acting like that person at all.”
“Sometimes I feel like I’ve come a long way and others it seems like I’m starting to do the same thing I did before.”
“Let me ask you something. Do you love this man enough to try to make this work?”
“I do love him,” I said. “I just need to know how to navigate a relationship as the new me. How do I open myself up to someone without losing myself again? How do I know when I’m losing myself?”
“If Leo is as wonderful as you say, he won’t let you lose yourself. Or rather, you’ll lose yourself in a different way, a healthy way. When you’re in a healthy committed relationship, it’s okay to give and take. The problem occurs when, like in your past relationships, you give everything you have and your partner takes it all and still wants more.” She studied me as I processed her words. “Does that make sense?”
“It does.”
“Just remember to communicate with your partner. Tell him what you need and listen to what he needs then work together so you’re both happy in the relationship.”
“But you think I can do it?”
“Anjannette, I watched you rebuild your whole life three years ago. So yes, I think you can do it.”
“Thank you, Dr. Green.”
I left her office feeling more positive than I have in, well ever. Now I just hope it’s not too late to mend things with Leo.
Time to call in the troops.