How Much I Love by Marie Force
Chapter 16
WYATT
As my flight lifts off from MIA at six p.m., I look out at the place that’s come to mean so much to me in such a short time. Dee is down there somewhere, probably feeling as shitty as I do after saying goodbye at the drop-off area. Leaving her was painful, even if it’s only for a week. Less than a week. Six days.
We had the best time wandering around Little Havana. We saw cigars being made, watched the old men playing dominoes in the park and shared a Cuban sandwich. She cried when I bought her flowers and again when we said goodbye—for now.
I love her so much. She’s perfect for me in every way, from her boundless optimism to her sweetness, to the connection she shares with her family, to the way she cares so much about the people she loves. I’m fortunate to be one of them, and I know it.
Right before I boarded the plane, I received a text from my mom inviting me to a welcome-home dinner tomorrow night. We’re so glad you’re coming home!
The thought of sharing my plans with them fills me with dread, knowing they won’t be happy for me if it means I’m moving to the other side of the country. I hate that my news will upset them, but after having tasted paradise with Dee this past weekend, I’m sure that moving to be with her is the right thing for me to do, even if it upsets my parents.
At thirty-four, I should be long past the point where my parents factor into my life decisions. Still, it’s impossible to explain to people who haven’t experienced what a serious childhood illness does to the parent-child dynamics, even long after the “child” is a grown adult.
I’m exhausted from the sleepless night and nap almost the entire four-hour flight to Phoenix. When we land, I power up my phone and listen to the voice mail from Miami-Dade’s medical director, offering me a position on their cardiothoracic team. I was worried my health situation might be a deal-breaker. In the interview, they asked about my status, and I told them the truth—that I’m fine and intend to stay that way. I’m relieved that didn’t derail the process. He asks me to call him in the morning to discuss the details. It’s all I can do not to let out a whoop of excitement right there in the crowded plane cabin.
I put through a call to Dee.
“Hey, did you get there okay?”
“Just landed and got a message from Miami-Dade along with an offer.”
She lets loose with the shout I had to contain in a plane full of other passengers. “Congratulations, Wyatt. I’m so happy for you.”
“I’m so happy for both of us. It’s all coming together, baby.”
“It sure feels like it.”
“How was dinner?”
“It was great. We had Thai at a cool new place downtown.”
“Will you take me there sometime? I love Thai.”
“Anytime you want. I’m so excited, Wyatt.”
“So am I. I loved the people I met today at the hospital, and the job sounds great. But that’s the least of it.”
“Don’t be silly. You just got an awesome new job. You have every right to be excited.”
“The job has nothing on you. You’re the exciting part. I miss you so much already. I missed you the second you drove away.”
“I cried all the way home.”
“Aw, I hate to hear that.”
“They were good tears. The best kind. I just want to blink my eyes and have this week be over so we can be together again.”
“One more week and then together forever.”
“I can’t wait for together forever.”
“Me, either.” I talk to her all the way home and late into the night until we’re both yawning so much, we have no choice but to say good night.
I’m at work by six with back-to-back surgeries scheduled. Between surgeries, I meet with my department head and give him my two weeks’ notice. As a contract employee, I made sure I had an easy out if I needed it in light of my health situation. Most of the time, they’d expect at least ninety days’ notice. My boss is completely shocked to hear I’m leaving, but I never waver in my determination to chase the dream with Dee. When he realizes he’s not going to change my mind, he shakes my hand and wishes me well in my new position. But I can tell he’s pissed I didn’t give him more notice.
Time is one thing I can’t afford to waste.
I finish with my last patient just after five and leave my residents in charge of monitoring my patients, with orders to call if they need me. A little after six, I drive out of the parking lot in my black Audi SUV and head for my parents’ home. On the way, I call Dee, feeling cut off from her after not having spoken to her all day.
“Hi there, how was your day?”
“Long. But the highlight was giving my notice. How about you?”
“I’m still at work. Can I call you later?”
“I’m heading to my parents’ for dinner, but I’ll text you when I’m leaving there.”
“Sounds good. I miss you.”
“Same, babe. So bad.”
“I’ll talk to you in a bit. Enjoy dinner.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I can’t believe I’m saying those words to a woman or hearing them back from her. Being in love with Dee is the highest high I’ve experienced since getting my second chance at life. She makes all the hell I went through to survive worth it. She’s the pot of gold at the end of a very long rainbow. Such thoughts would’ve been unimaginable to me before I met her. But now that I know she’s out there somewhere, the only thing in the world I want is to be with her.
I take that resolve with me into my parents’ contemporary home, covered in the solar panels my dad sells. His success in the solar industry has more than made up for the enormous financial hit they took when I was sick.
My mom is so happy to see me that she nearly squeezes the life out of me. I get my dark hair from her and my height from my dad.
“I’m so glad you’re home. Did you have fun?”
The best time of my entire life. “So much fun.”
“How’s Jason?”
“He’s great. Loving married life.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.”
She’s put out veggies and hummus for me and cheese and crackers for them.
“Something smells good. What’d you make?”
“Shrimp stir-fry. I got those snow peas you love.”
“Thanks, Mom.” She tends to me like a mother who’s seen her child through a nearly fatal illness—with relentless attention to detail.
“What’s new with you guys?”
“Dad landed a big new client that he’s excited about, and my class scored in the top one percent of all fifth grades in the state for reading on the recent statewide testing.”
“That’s fantastic on both counts.”
“It’s been a good month.”
And I’m going to kill their buzz with my news, which dampens my excitement somewhat. But then I think of Dee’s sweet face and what it feels like to lose myself in her, and I have no doubt I’m doing the right thing for myself—and her. We belong together, and it’s up to me to take the steps necessary to make that happen.
My dad comes in from work, pops open a beer and greets me with a one-armed hug. “Good to see you,” he says as if he hasn’t seen me in weeks.
I saw them the Sunday before last when we had brunch with my siblings. “You, too. I hear business is good.”
“Very good. Better than ever.”
“That’s great, Dad. Glad to hear it.”
“How’s the heart-and-lung business?” Dad asks.
“Busy as always. I did three surgeries today and have three more scheduled for tomorrow.”
“You’re not pushing yourself too hard, are you?” Mom asks. “You look tired.”
“I am tired. I had a busy weekend and a crazy day at work.” The lack of sleep over the weekend was worth it. “I’m normal tired, Mom. Nothing to worry about.”
Over dinner, I hear that my brother’s wife has gestational diabetes, and my sister is looking for a shelter dog to adopt. One set of grandparents is enjoying a visit in Palm Springs with friends, and the others are in upstate New York visiting my grandmother’s sister. Everyone is happy, healthy and doing well, which means my parents are in a good place, too, and my news will upset them. I hate that, but as I help them clear the table and clean up the kitchen, I force myself to get on with it.
“So, guys, I’ve got some news.”
They stop what they’re doing and turn to me. Their expressions are wary.
“Nothing bad. It’s kind of the best thing ever.”
“What is?” Mom asks.
“I’ve met someone amazing.”
“Oh, well, who is she?” Dad asks.
“Jason’s wife’s cousin, Dee. We were matched up at the wedding and really connected.” Oh, how we connected that day—and that night. “We’ve stayed in touch since, and, well, I’ve fallen for her.”
“That’s wonderful, honey.” Mom’s eyes sparkle with delight. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks. I’m pretty damned happy for me, too. She’s… She’s everything. You’ll love her. She’s sweet and beautiful and funny and so devoted to her family. She’s one of four siblings, but they have a huge extended family. Her aunt and uncle run a famous Cuban-Italian restaurant in Little Havana, and they recently asked Dee to be their general manager. She’s so excited about the new opportunity.” I realize I’m gushing, but how can I not when talking about Dee?
“So, if she lives in Miami and you live here, how’s that going to work?” Dad asks, cutting to the chase the way he always does.
“I’m moving there. I got a job at Miami-Dade General Hospital. Dee and I, we’re going to make a life together.”
My mom is so flabbergasted that she stares at me in disbelief.
“Before you can tell me all the reasons why this is a terrible idea, let me tell you why I think it’s the best idea I’ve ever had. I’m truly in love for the first time in my life, and all I want is to be with her for as long as I possibly can. Yes, I only met her a couple of months ago. Yes, it happened fast. But we all know time isn’t on my side, and we want to go for it while we can.”
Dad clears his throat. “So she knows… everything?”
“She does, and she’s the one who convinced me to go all-in with her and us, to experience what it’s like to be in love, and it’s…” Now words can adequately express what she means to me or how it feels to be in love with her. “I had the best weekend of my entire life with her, and I can’t wait for more.”
“Is it fair?” Mom asks, tending to tears with a tissue. “To her?”
“Probably not, but she’s decided everything is going to be fine, and we’re not going to worry about what might happen in the future. We’re going to live like hell right now.” I can’t even talk about her without grinning like a fool. “I’m telling you—you’re going to love her as much as I do.”
They glance at each other but don’t say anything more.
“I’m sorry if this is upsetting to you, but I’m really happy, and I want you to be happy for me.”
“We’re happy for you, Wyatt,” Mom says. “It’s just a lot to process. We thought you were going to Miami to visit Jason, not to apply for a new job and start a whole new life on the other side of the country.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the interview, but I didn’t think there was any point in talking about it until I got the job. And when I went there on Friday, I had no idea what to expect with Dee or whether it would be as great as it was the first time we met.” I didn’t think anything could top that first day and night with her. I was so, so wrong.
“You’re a grown man, son,” Dad says. “You can do whatever you want, and if this woman in Miami is what you want…” His voice breaks along with my heart.
I hate upsetting them any more than I already have. “I don’t want to live away from you guys. I hope you know it’s not about that. It’s just that I have a chance to have something I thought was never going to happen for me, mostly because I refused to allow it to happen. And now that it has…”
“I get it,” Dad says, “and it makes me happy to know you’ll have that experience. It’s just, you know, hard for us. We worry about you.”
“I know you do, and I hate being the cause of that. But I’m feeling great, better than I ever have. There’s no reason to worry about anything. I’ll live with Dee in Miami. We’ll be surrounded by her family, and Jason will be there, too. It’s not like I’ll be moving somewhere with no support like I did when I went to Duke. Dee even has doting grandmothers to help keep an eye on me. And I was thinking… Maybe you could spend part of the winter with us in Miami. We’re getting a house with plenty of bedrooms, and Dad, you’ve been talking about taking more time off now that the business is doing so well. Mom, you should retire one of these years and enjoy life. You’ve both certainly earned the right to relax.”
My mom is on her second tissue as she mops up the tears that keep coming. I go to her and hug her. “I’m sorry to upset you, but I promise this is a good thing. The very best thing.”
“What are we supposed to do if you have some sort of problem, and you’re in Miami?”
“You can be there in a few hours if it comes to that, which it won’t.”
“You can’t possibly know that for sure, Wyatt,” Mom says.
“No, I can’t, but I’ve made up my mind to quit living like I’m dying.”
“You haven’t been doing that!” Mom’s distress turns to anger in an instant. “Look at what you’ve done with yourself—you’re a board-certified cardiothoracic surgeon. How does that equate to living like you’re dying?”
“My career is incredible. I’m very proud of what I’ve accomplished there. It’s the rest of my life that’s been lacking. I had fly-by relationships with women, never allowing myself to get too involved out of fear of my loaner heart giving out and how unfair it would be to ask someone to care about me when that could happen.
“Dee reminded me we’re all one bad decision away from certain death. We could step off the curb at the wrong moment, accelerate through an intersection when someone is running a red light or any number of dreadful things that happen. I’ve been so busy pursuing my career with a ruthless determination that, somewhere along the way, I forgot to live. Dee has shown me something else—something I want more than I’ve ever wanted anything, and I’m going for it. I want you guys to be part of it. But what I don’t want is to add to your stress. I want you to just be happy for me and not worry about me.”
“It’s tough for us not to worry,” Dad says softly.
“I know, and I appreciate why. I hate that I put you through such hell, but this is the payoff for what we all went through. Dee is the payoff. She’s my golden ring.”
“And you know this for sure so quickly?” Mom asks.
“I knew it right away. The day I met her was unlike any day I’ve ever spent with anyone, and all I’ve thought about since then was seeing her again. Please… Just be happy for me. Let’s not dwell on all the ways it could go wrong. Let’s just be happy in this moment, the only one we have.” I use Dee’s words to seal the deal with them, or so I hope.
Dad closes the distance between us and hugs me as fiercely as he has in years.
My eyes burn with tears.
“We’re happy for you, Wy, and we can’t wait to meet your Dee.”
“Thanks, Dad. You’ll love her. I know you will.”
When he releases me, I turn to my mom. “Are you okay?”
“I suppose I will be. I just can’t bear the thought of you living so far from us.”
“You got through the four years I was in North Carolina,” I remind her.
“That was hell, always waiting to get a phone call.”
“That never came. I was fine. I am fine. I’m going to be fine. We just have to have faith in that, and if the day comes when I’m not fine, we’ll deal with it then. In the meantime, I don’t want you to be upset.”
“I’m sorry.” She wipes away more tears. “I don’t want to take anything away from your happiness. I just… I need a minute to wrap my head around this.”
“Take as long as you need. Dee is coming next Sunday for the week before we leave for Miami. I hope you guys can spend some time with her while she’s here. I promise you’ll feel a lot better about this after you meet her.”
At least, I hope so.
