How Much I Love by Marie Force
Chapter 24
DEE
Wyatt texted to tell me he was running late, which gave me more time to make sure everything was perfect for the night I’ve planned for us. Nona sent me the recipe for her famous seafood casserole, which I cooked with a tiny bit of olive oil rather than the usual ton of butter in deference to Wyatt’s avoidance of cholesterol.
I have just enough time to worry that maybe he doesn’t like seafood other than salmon, or perhaps he’s allergic to shellfish. I wonder if I should’ve even bought seafood in freaking Arizona, which isn’t exactly close to the ocean. I’ve worked myself into a full-on anxiety meltdown by the time I hear his key in the door.
He comes in and stops short at the sight of the table set, lit candles and me in a black dress and heels that I packed in case we went anywhere that required such a thing.
I spent time on my makeup and hair, which cascades over my shoulder in long spiral curls.
He drops his work bag and keys right inside the door and comes to me, sliding his arms around me and holding on as tightly to me as I do to him. “I’m so glad you’re still here.”
“Where else would I be when you have my heart? I can’t leave without that, without you.”
Pulling back, he looks down at me for a long moment before he kisses me with almost twenty-four hours’ worth of pent-up desire, despair and fear. His tongue brushes up against mine, and my knees go weak from wanting him.
He has me pressed so tight against him that there’s nothing I can do but surrender to the desperate need for a lifetime of feeling just like this.
“Dee.” His lips skim lightly over mine. “I love you. I want you. I want us, but more than anything, I want you to be happy. If you need babies to be happy, we’ll have babies. We’ll figure it out. As long as I have you, I have what I need.”
I’m overwhelmed by relief at being back in his arms and hearing his sweet words. But I’ve learned to be wary of situations that resolve themselves too quickly. “We should talk.”
He hugs me even tighter. “Let’s do this for another minute first.”
We hold each other in the soft glow of the candles I placed on the table.
When he finally pulls back from me, he says, “You look beautiful, and something smells incredible.”
“I made dinner.”
“How’d you do that when there’s almost no food in the house?”
“Instacart.”
“Ah, very industrious.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Starving, as always, but let’s talk first. I need to get some stuff off my chest.”
“Let me just turn down the oven, and I’m all yours.”
Before he releases me, he kisses me again, softly this time. “I want you to be all mine forever.”
I place my hand on his handsome face. “I am all yours. I had a very long day to think about going back to my pre-Wyatt life and concluded there’s no going back to before you. There’s only forward with you.”
“I feel the same way. Turn down the oven, and let’s talk about it.”
After I see to the oven, I pour a glass of chardonnay for myself and seltzer for Wyatt and bring them with me to join him on the sofa.
He’s looking at his phone but puts it down when I sit next to him.
“Everything all right?”
“I lost a patient today during a fairly routine procedure. Hell of a way to end my tenure there.”
“I’m so sorry, Wyatt. That must be horrible.”
“Having to tell family members that a routine procedure led to death is the worst part of my job, especially when there’s no good explanation for it. Sometimes things just happen that we can’t control or explain.”
“Do you worry about getting sued when that happens?”
“Always, but we have pretty airtight consent forms that spell out all the possible outcomes of heart surgery. And I always, always tell the patients I’ll give them my very best, but I can’t promise anything. It just sucks when it happens, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they sue.”
“Ugh, that’s awful.”
“It happens. That’s why we have malpractice insurance. This is the first time in my career I’ve lost a patient during what should’ve been a routine stent procedure, but I witnessed similar scenarios two other times during my residency. Both times it happened the same way. Everything was fine until it wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry it happened today when you should be celebrating the end of a successful time here and the start of a new adventure.”
“Thanks. It was a bummer of a last day, for sure. But my colleagues had a potluck going-away party for me at the end of the day, and they all signed a card. They made it a nice sendoff.”
“I’m sure they’ll miss you.”
“Enough about me. Tell me what’s on your mind, and then I’ll tell you what’s on mine.”
I roll my lip between my teeth, trying to find the words I need. “I heard what you said before about having as many babies as I want, but just last night, you were pretty adamant about not having any. I’m worried you’re going along with what I want, but maybe you still feel the same way.”
“I’m trying to pivot to this new anything-is-possible mindset you’ve taught me. For the longest time, I limited myself out of fear of what might happen. You’ve helped me see that’s no way to live, and while I still have the same concerns about leaving you alone to raise kids without a financial cushion that life insurance would provide, I, too, had a long day to think about returning to life before Dee.”
He turns to face me and takes hold of my hand. “I can’t do it, either. You’ve ruined me for anything other than being with you. I still have major concerns about bringing kids into this world and maybe leaving them far too soon, but I also heard what you said last night about them having a life because of me, even if I’m not there to enjoy it with them. That’s not nothing.”
“No, it isn’t. And our kids would be surrounded by a big loving family and men like my dad, my uncles, my brothers and friends like Jason and Austin. It wouldn’t be the same as having you, but they’d be okay. I’d make sure of it. And it would leave me and everyone who loves you with a piece of you here with us forever.”
“That’s true,” he says with a small smile. “I feel better about it when you remind me you wouldn’t be alone, and neither would they. They’d have my family, too, and speaking of them, you should have a text from my parents.”
“Really?”
He nods as he gets up to retrieve my phone from where I left it in the kitchen. He brings it back to the sofa and hands it to me.
Sure enough, there’s a text from a phone number I don’t recognize. I glance at Wyatt before I read it.
Hi Dee, this is Gary Blake, Wyatt’s dad. I’m here with my wife, and we wanted to apologize for the way we behaved last night. It’s not like us to be unwelcoming to our kids’ friends, especially one who’s as important as you are to Wyatt. We’re upset he’s moving and worried about him for reasons you can certainly understand. However, none of that is about you, and we hope you’ll forgive us for a dreadful first impression and give us another chance. We’re happy you and Wyatt have found each other and that he is getting to have this experience with you. He seems very happy, and we’re determined to be happy for him. Anyway, we’re sorry, and we hope to see you again soon. Gary and Dawn
“Wow, you must’ve given them one hell of a talking-to.”
He smiles, which makes his eyes twinkle. “My dad and I had a conversation.”
“Thank you for smoothing things over with them. I hate to get off to a bad start.”
“You didn’t. They did, and my dad sounded genuinely remorseful about it. I can’t promise there won’t be more bumps with them because they worry about me at extremely unhealthy levels. But he promised they’ll make a genuine effort to get to know you and to be part of this.”
“I suppose I can’t ask for anything more than that, and I understand they’re overprotective after what you all went through.”
“Overprotective isn’t a strong enough word to describe them. Again, I remind you my mom texted me when I was in Miami to make sure I was taking my antirejection meds.”
Although he’s seriously annoyed, I can’t help but laugh at that.
“It’s not funny!”
“It’s kinda funny.”
He shakes his head. “Not even a little funny.”
I pinch my fingers together. “A tiny bit.”
“Just don’t you get any ideas about making sure I take my meds.”
“I’ll refrain from nagging you about that as long as I’m allowed to nag you about everything else.”
“Nag away, baby.”
“So, we’re good?”
“We’re fantastic.”
“I want you to know I appreciate the way we dealt with this like two adults and didn’t turn it into a multiday nightmare that undermined all the good stuff.”
“Is that how it worked for you in the past?”
“Sometimes. Trust me, this is way better.” I glance at my phone. “Let me respond to them, so they know there’re no hard feelings.”
Thank you for your message. I appreciate it, and I hope you can visit us in Miami soon. I promise to do my best to make Wyatt happy and to take very good care of him. It means a lot to me that you reached out. Thank you again. Dee
I show it to him. “Is that good?”
“It’s lovely and more than they deserve after the way they acted.”
“They’re frightened parents, Wyatt. We can’t hold it against them. That could be us someday. You just never know what might happen.” Another thought occurs to me that I should’ve had before now. It’s so big it takes my breath away for a second. “The condition that led to the transplant. Is it hereditary?”
“No, it’s not. My issue was determined to be a rare birth defect that led to damage to my heart. My siblings and parents don’t have it, and there were no genetic links, either.”
“Well, that’s a relief.”
“Indeed. If it were a hereditary thing, kids would’ve been a hard stop no matter what. I’d never want to subject a child to what I went through, but our kids will need screening. If they have a defect, we can correct it before it causes damage. The damage had already occurred when mine was discovered.”
“Would they need heart surgery if they have it?”
“Yes, but it’s a pretty basic procedure that would prevent a world of problems down the road.”
I swallow hard as I try to imagine my child having heart surgery.
“It bodes well for our kids that no one else in my family had the same issue, so we shouldn’t worry about that until we need to. Hopefully, we’ll never have to.” He tips my chin up so he can kiss me. “All good?”
“All good.”
“Now about this dinner you made. It smells fantastic, and I’m starving.”
“Then let’s eat.”
* * *
Hours later, I’m lying in Wyatt’s arms, watching him sleep and marveling at how much my life has changed in a few short weeks. My one-night stand has become my once-in-a-lifetime, and I couldn’t be happier to know we get to be together from now on, for as long as we can. Maybe it’ll only be a short time. If it is, I’ll be thankful forever that I knew him and was loved by him.
Giving your heart into someone else’s care isn’t something any of us should do lightly. It’s a big deal to give someone the power to hurt you. I learned that lesson the hard way, but I already know I’ll never have to worry about Wyatt wanting someone other than me. He’s sowed those so-called wild oats with his history of fleeting encounters with women. We’re both ready for something more lasting.
“What’re you staring at?” he says in a low grumble.
“You.”
“Do I have something on my face?”
“Yep, a whole lot of handsome.”
The side of his face that I can see lifts into a smile. “You need to sleep. We’ve got a long day tomorrow.”
“I don’t want to sleep. I want to look at you.”
His eyes open, and he draws me in closer to him, our bodies intertwining as if we’ve been doing this for years. “You’ve got a little line between your brows. Right… here.” He leans in to kiss the spot. “What’s that about?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Are you scared, sweetheart?”
“Of what?”
“Of all the unknowns and what-ifs?”
“Maybe a little, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“I really, really hope I never break your heart, but if I do, I want you to know that loving you made my life whole. We’re just getting started, but I already know that everything before this was leading me to you.”
“I love you so much,” I whisper. “I never knew things like this could happen, and then there you were at my cousin’s wedding, too handsome to be believed. You have no idea what it meant to me that day to have a guy like you paying attention to me after what I’d been through. You lifted me so high.”
“You dazzled me at the wedding. I felt like a tongue-tied teenager around you.”
“No way.”
“I swear! I was tripping over myself to keep you talking to me and dancing with me.”
“I would never have known that if you hadn’t told me. I was in a horrible place that day, and you made everything better.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” He runs his hand up and down my back, making soothing circles. “Do I need to thank your ex for that first night we spent together?”
“How do you mean?”
“If he hadn’t put out the word that he regretted what he did and wanted you back, do you think you would’ve had your first one-night stand after the wedding?”
I think about that for a minute before I speak. “That might’ve had a tiny bit to do with loosening my inhibitions, but I can assure you, it never would’ve happened if I hadn’t felt a connection to you.” With my hand on his chest, I look into his eyes. “And if you hadn’t kept texting me, none of the rest of this would’ve happened. Every time I heard from you after our night together, I got the same lift you gave me at the wedding. Your texts made me so happy during a rough time with my mom. I started to look forward to them.”
“I was like an eighth-grader with a new cell phone waiting for you to reply to me. I was checking it obsessively, every chance I got. One of my surgical nurses asked me one day if I had a girlfriend, and that shocked me.” He mocks a shocked expression. “That was how I looked at her.”
“What did you say?” I ask him, laughing.
“I told her I didn’t have a girlfriend, but for the first time in my life, I thought I might want one. She said, ‘Ah, so you’ve met the one, have you?’ I had no idea what to say to that. It was the first time I understood that maybe you were my one, and after that, all I could think about was getting back to Miami as fast as I could. And then the very next day, Jason called to tell me about the opening at Miami-Dade. He made a joke of it, saying if only I were interested in moving, we could work together again. I took that as a sign from the universe and asked him to send me the info on how to apply, even as I told myself to stay away from you because it wouldn’t be fair. I just couldn’t stay away.”
“That’s amazing. I loved getting your texts, but I had no idea you were thinking of me so much.”
“I thought about you all the time. I’ve never thought of anyone more than I’ve thought of you.”
“I’m thrilled you came back to Miami.”
“So am I.”
“The bad stuff from before I met you seems like a lifetime ago as if it happened to someone else. It doesn’t even matter anymore.”
“It still matters because it’s part of your story, but I’m glad I could help you move on from something that caused you so much pain.”
“You did help. I thought I was doing so great moving on from it until that night of Carmen’s bachelorette, and suddenly, I was right back at day one.”
“That must’ve been an awful feeling.”
“It was! I was home for a happy occasion. My beloved cousin, who’d been through so much after losing her first husband, was getting married again to a great guy. I was ready to celebrate, and then I heard what Marcus had been saying.” I blow out a deep breath. “It just sucked the life out of me to hear that about him.”
“Did you think about seeing him or getting back together with him?”
“God, no. Never. My love for him shriveled up and died the second I heard he married someone else. But the hurt… That took a lot longer to go away. The rough part was thinking I was over it and had moved on, only to be right back in that painful space the second they told me what he was saying. That was the same weekend we found out my mom was sick, too.”
“That’s a lot all at once.”
“It was, but I shouldn’t be talking about him with you.”
“Why’s that?”
Smiling, I tell him, “I know this is your first official relationship, so you may not know that talking about your ex to the new guy is frowned upon.”
“You can talk about anything with me, even him. He doesn’t threaten me. At least I don’t think I need to be threatened.” He gives me a playful side-eye. “Right?”
“You don’t need to be threatened by anyone. You’re in a class all by yourself.”
He kisses me, and as all kisses with him seem to do, one thing leads quickly to another, and he’s on top of me, pushing into me, making me crazy the way only he can. At times like these, when he’s so vital and alive, I find it easy to forget about the threat to his health that’ll be part of our life together.
I don’t want to think about that or anything else coming between us, not when everything about this feels so damned good.
