How Much I Love by Marie Force
Chapter 25
WYATT
The movers are quick and efficient and have the truck packed by noon. After we close on our house in Miami, they’ll deliver the furniture from my house. Dee packed up everything in my kitchen, calling it our starter kit. I’m not much of a cook, but she says we can get the rest of what we’ll need when we’re ready.
This is really happening.
I’m leaving Phoenix to make a life with Dee in Miami.
A few weeks ago, none of that would’ve seemed feasible to me, but now she’s shown me anything is possible. All I have to do is believe it. Maybe we’re both being naïve and unrealistic about what’s probably ahead for me—and us—but I’ll be damned if I can find the wherewithal to care inside the happy bubble with her.
My parents surprise us with lunch. They both hug Dee, which helps to repair the damage they did the other night. My sweet girl is so forgiving, so loving. She treats them like old friends, even after the way they behaved at their first meeting.
“Did you guys leave work to bring us lunch?” I ask as we stand around the kitchen island to eat the salads they brought.
“We did,” Dad says. “We wanted to see you before you left.”
“I’m glad you did.”
Mom gets a little emotional at the sight of my empty living room. “Wow, you’re really moving.”
“I’m really moving, and I can’t wait until you guys can come to Miami and meet Dee’s awesome family and eat at their restaurant. It’s the best food you’ve ever had anywhere. And wait until you see the house Dee found for us. It has a second master suite that’s all yours anytime you want to come to visit.”
“That sounds very nice,” Mom says.
I know her well enough to understand she’s making an effort for my sake and maybe Dee’s, but she’s still heartbroken about me leaving.
“It has a pool, and it’s right near a golf course, Dad.”
“You’re speaking my language.”
We visit with them for another half hour. They leave with hugs for both of us and promises to come to Miami as soon as we’re settled in our new house.
“Please check in often, or I’ll worry,” Mom says when she hugs me a second time.
“I will. I promise.”
Dee and I walk them out and wave to them as they drive away.
“It was nice of them to come,” she says.
“It was. I’m glad you got to see the Mom and Dad I know and not that weird version of them from the other night.”
“I am, too.”
We have a quick meeting with the Realtor who’s listing my place so I can sign the agreement that puts it on the market. And with that, it’s time to go.
At two o’clock, we load suitcases, backpacks and other things we’ll need on the road, including an entire bag devoted to my medication, into my SUV. We take one final walk-through to make sure we didn’t miss anything. As I shut and lock the door on my Phoenix home for the last time, so many emotions overwhelm me.
Chief among them is excitement for what’s ahead, and that, in and of itself, is such a welcome feeling. Ever since I passed the eleven-year mark, I’ve been living in this odd state of suspended animation, waiting for the sky to fall. There’s not much room for things like hope or excitement inside that mindset.
Dee has changed everything for me. She’s shown me a different way, a better way, and as I go down the stairs to the parking lot, I don’t look back. I only look ahead to Dee, who’s standing by the car waiting for me. With the sun streaming down on her, she looks like an angel sent from above to show me what it means to truly live rather than just exist.
I surprise her when I go to her rather than the driver’s side of the vehicle. “Before we leave, I just want to say thank you.”
“For what?”
“For showing me another way to live.”
“You like this better?”
Nodding, I kiss her softly. “So much better. Thanks for all you did to get ready for the move. I never would’ve gotten it done without your help.”
“We make a good team.”
“Yes, we do.”
“Should we get this show on the road?”
“Absolutely.” I hold the passenger door for her and wait until she’s settled to steal another kiss. “Let’s go home.”
MARCUS
I sleep better than I have in weeks and wake up twelve hours later to sunlight pouring into my sister’s bedroom. Since she’s out of town, I slept in her room after talking to Tara for hours about everything that’s happened since we last saw each other.
Unlike Dr. Stern and the people at rehab, Tara listened to me without interrupting. She let me talk until I had no words left, and then she asked what I needed.
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
“Maybe you should sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning.”
I was utterly exhausted after seeing Maria’s post about Dee and talking it all out with Tara, so I took her offer of a place to stay for the night and slept like a dead man.
I feel a little better today, but I’m so sick of myself and my never-ending litany of problems. I’ve made a God-awful mess of my life. That’s about the one thing I know for sure.
In Bianca’s bathroom, I “borrow” an unopened toothbrush and take a shower.
Wearing yesterday’s clothes, I leave the bedroom to figure out what I’m going to do next.
Tara is in the kitchen standing watch over something on the stove. “Coffee?”
“Sure, thanks.”
She pours coffee into a mug and puts it on the counter along with cream and a sugar bowl. “How’d you sleep?”
“Really well for once.”
As I watch her move around in the kitchen, I have the same thought I had last night. The cute young girl who used to follow me around like a puppy has grown into a beautiful woman. I haven’t seen her in years, and the change in her is remarkable. “Sorry to make it all about me yesterday. I never even asked where you’ve been since I saw you last.”
“I was in Ecuador for three years with the Peace Corps.”
“Oh wow. That’s amazing.”
“It was great. I taught English as a second language to elementary-aged kids. I loved every minute of it. I got back two weeks ago, and I’m moving into my new place at the end of the month. Bianca was nice enough to let me crash with her in the meantime.”
So while I was drinking my way into oblivion and making a full-on disaster of my life, Tara was off saving the world. “That’s really cool. I’m impressed.”
She smiles, which makes her eyes light up. “Thanks. It was fun, but now I have to figure out what’s next. I’ve applied to a bunch of places, and I’m just waiting to hear something. The waiting is making me crazy. I always need to have a plan.”
When she retrieves plates from the cabinet, her T-shirt rides up on her back, revealing two sexy indents at the base of her spine. Not that I have any business noticing Tara’s sexy indents. Drink your coffee, Marcus, and keep your eyes off your sister’s friend.
Tara serves scrambled eggs, turkey bacon and buttered toast.
“Thank you so much for everything, Tara. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem.” After refilling my coffee, she joins me at the bar, and we eat in silence until she puts down her fork and looks at me. “What’re you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
“May I offer a suggestion?”
“Sure. After all, you listened to my bullshit last night. I’m interested in your opinion.”
“You need to go back to rehab and finish what you started there.”
That’s the last freaking thing I want to do.
“Everything you talked about last night comes back to one thing—you need to deal with your alcoholism before you worry about anything else.”
She’s right. I know she is, but I still don’t want to go back there, even if I know I have to. They’ve called six times since I left, but I’ve declined the calls and haven’t listened to the messages from them or Dr. Stern, who’s called three times.
“I can give you a ride if you’d like.”
I want to say no, thank you. I want to tell Tara I’m not going back there, but she looks at me in such a way that lets me know my bullshit isn’t going to fly with her. “I’ve been unfair to you.”
That seems to surprise her. “How so?”
“When we were younger, I always felt like you were maybe into me, and I spent hours last night talking to you about Dee and how upset I am that she’s found someone new.”
“I was into you.”
“Oh.”
“So into you, it wasn’t even funny,” she says, laughing. “But you were always with Dee.”
“I’m sorry if I was clueless.”
“It’s fine. I got over it.”
For some strange reason, I’m sad to hear she got over me, which is ridiculous in light of everything else I’ve got going on.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that Dee’s moved on from a Facebook post.”
“That was more than she got from me when I married someone else.”
“True. That wasn’t your finest hour.”
She’s cute, funny, intelligent and insightful. If things were different, I’d want to sit here all day and talk to her about anything and everything.
“I know you’re beating yourself up over everything that went down, and while you should feel bad about what happened with Dee, you don’t need to carry that around with you for the rest of your life. It happened. It’s over. She’s moved on. You’re moving on. Life goes on. You need to work on forgiving yourself for things that happened when you were dealing with an illness.”
“I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for what I did to her.”
“You have to, Marcus.”
“I feel like I need to see her for that to happen.”
Tara shakes her head. “No, you don’t. That’s not what she needs. She’s moved on. Seeing you wouldn’t be good for her.”
I blow out a deep breath as it finally registers with me that there’s nothing I can do where Dee is concerned besides leave her alone and wish her well. My phone rings with yet another call from the rehab. I decide to take this one.
“Hello.”
“Marcus, this is Dr. Stern. We’ve been trying to reach you.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I had some stuff to take care of.”
“We’d like you to come back to the facility. Do you have a means of transportation?”
I look at Tara when I say, “Yeah, I do.”
“Can we expect you back today, then?”
I take a deep breath and release it. “Yes, I’ll be there.”
“I’ll look forward to seeing you soon.”
After we end the call, I put the phone on the counter.
“You’re doing the right thing,” Tara says. “You can’t worry about anything else until you’re healthy again.”
“That’s easier said than done.” I glance at her. “We’d probably better go before I make another bad decision and talk myself out of going back.”
“I won’t let you do that.” She clears the plates and puts them in the sink. “I’ll be ready in a minute.”
After she disappears into the other bedroom, I force myself to sit there and wait for her when everything in me wants to bolt. For whatever reason, I feel like that would disappoint Tara, and I don’t want to disappoint her or anyone else. I’ve done enough of that.
Tara comes out wearing leggings and a tank that clings to her full breasts. She blossomed from an awkward girl to a gorgeous woman since I saw her last. And the best part is she’s beautiful on the inside, too.
As she drives me to the rehab facility in her silver Hyundai Sonata, we’re both quiet.
I watch the scenery go by—palm trees, strip malls, colorful flowers and ponds with fountains in front of apartment complexes. It’s all so familiar and yet so foreign, too. When was the last time I bothered to pay attention to the scenery? When was the last time I had the bandwidth to think about anything other than getting drunk or fixing things with Dee? It’s been a long, long time.
Tara pulls up to the main door at the rehab and puts the car in park. “Unlock your phone and let me see it.”
I do as she asks, even if I’m not sure why.
She taps at the screen and then hands it back to me. “I programmed in my number. If you need a visit or a care package or a friend to talk to, call or send a text.”
“Thank you, Tara. You’ll never know what you did for me just by listening.”
“I’m glad I was there when you needed a friend.”
I eye the main doors apprehensively. “Well, here goes nothing.”
“No, Marcus.” She puts her hand on my arm and looks at me with warm, hazel eyes. “Here goes everything.”
She puts a huge lump in my throat with that.
“Thanks again,” I manage to say before I get out of the car and head inside without looking back. If I look back, I suspect she’ll still be there, making sure I’m inside before she leaves.
It’s the strangest thing. Yesterday, I found out Dee had someone else and nearly lost my mind. I ran from rehab, landed at my sister’s and found an old friend who provided just the support and comfort I needed. Today, I find myself wondering when or if I’ll get to see Tara again.
I really hope I do.
