Courage by Kristen Proby

Chapter 15

~Natasha~

I’m so damn exhausted.

Is Christmas this exhausting for all parents? We’ve done everything: school plays, the Christmas stroll, parties, gift and cookie exchanges. Hell, I’m going to another cookie exchange tonight, but this one includes wine.

I need all the wine in the land.

I’ve baked more cookies in the past two weeks than I have in my entire life combined.

If I never see another red or green sprinkle, it will be too soon.

But the kids have loved it. The lights, the treats, seeing their friends more than ever. They’ve both smiled more since we put the tree up than I’ve seen since their parents died.

I guess it’s been the mood booster we all needed.

But on top of all of the activities, I’ve also been wrapping gifts and delivering things to friends and loved ones.

We’ve received at least half a dozen invitations for Christmas dinner.

And I have to admit, I love that our community has rallied around us at this time, for the first holiday without Monica and Rich, and that they want to support us all.

I’m grateful.

But I’m also so damn tired.

Sam and I decided that we’d spend Christmas at home, just the four of us. He isn’t on call at the station, which surprised me because he also had Thanksgiving off.

But that’s another thing to be grateful for. Our time together is ticking down, so I’ll take every minute with him that I can get.

“Okay, guys, I shouldn’t be late.” I hustle into the kitchen and make sure I have everything I need in my handbag. “I’ll have my cell on me if you need anything.”

“We won’t need anything,” Sam assures me as he sidles up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my neck from behind. “Why do you have to look so delicious tonight?”

“I definitely don’t,” I reply with a laugh. “My makeup didn’t cooperate, the jeans I wanted to wear were in the laundry, and I feel like I’m forgetting something.”

“Cookies?” He reaches over for the big roaster pan full of the cookies I’m bringing to share. It’s nestled in an empty pan that I’ll fill with an assortment of everyone else’s cookies.

I’ll have to freeze them. We have cookies coming out of our ears.

“I’ve never been this social before.”

“People like you,” he says simply.

“They didn’t like me last year?” I lean over to kiss his cheek. “Okay, I’d better go.”

“Hey.” He takes my chin in his fingers and tilts my head up so he can examine my face. “You okay?”

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You have dark circles going on. You look beat, babe.”

“So tired.” I sigh and close my eyes for just a moment, but then I straighten and offer him a brave smile. “But fine. I won’t be late, and I’ll go to bed early for the first time in over a week.”

“You could stay home,” he suggests. “Get comfy and lounge.”

That sounds like the best idea I’ve ever heard. But I know I can’t do that.

“Ellie will be sad if I don’t come. It’s her first cookie exchange. Or, biscuit exchange, as she calls it. I can’t bail on her.”

“You’re going up the mountain?” He frowns down at me.

“No, it’s at Nina and Sebastian’s place.” I kiss him one last time, then hug each of the kids. “Have fun. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Drive safe.” Sam walks me to the door and kisses me once more, lingering a little longer than needed. “And have fun.”

“Yes, sir.” I wink at him and trudge through the snow that fell all day to my car.

The engine doesn’t want to turn over, but it fires up after a couple of tries.

“Must be the cold,” I mutter and briefly wonder if I should have an engine block heater installed. I’ve never needed one on this car before, but it gets damn cold here, and a dead car is the worst in the winter.

I mentally add it to the long list of to-dos in my head and take off toward Nina’s house on the lake. Less than five minutes later, I pull through her security gate and make my way through the front door, cookies in hand.

I love this house. The first time Monica and I came here when Ellie invited us over to help her seduce Liam, we were stunned by the beauty of the inside of the home, not to mention the stellar views of the lake.

It’s a fantasy, really. And one I get to take part in regularly.

How did a girl like me get to be good friends with the royal family? It’s a question I ask myself often.

But I’m not complaining at all.

When I enter the foyer, a server holding a silver tray full of what looks like hot chocolate martinis approaches.

I’m officially in love.

“Miss,” another server says as she takes my cookie tray from me. “I’ll just set these with the others. Please, be at home. We have the hot chocolate martinis here, peppermint martinis in the great room, and there is plenty of festive charcuterie to eat, as well.”

“Thank you,” I murmur as someone slips my coat off my shoulders. The next thing I know, I’m walking into the living room with the best martini I’ve ever tasted.

“You’re here,” Ellie says with an excited smile. “And you look marvelous.”

“I think you mean underdressed,” I reply as I glance around and see that everyone but me is in either a dress or slacks. “You should have told me that I shouldn’t wear jeans, El.”

“You’re gorgeous. There is no specific attire, my friend.”

“You mean, everyone but me just knew to wear something fancy? How did this escape me?”

“You’re in the middle of your first holiday season as a parent,” Nina says as she joins us. “I’m shocked that you’re conscious and not weeping.”

“Oh my God, you guys. Why is it so hard?”

“So hard,” Nina agrees. “And we have help. I would be lost without Jordan to help with things.”

“God, we love Jordan,” Ellie agrees.

Jordan is married to Nina’s personal security guard, Nick. She came on staff when she married Nick, and as a nurse, took care of all three of the princesses when they were pregnant. She stayed on as medical staff and to help with the babies.

Nina, Ellie, and Aspen all insisted that they didn’t want full-time nannies. They wanted to raise their children themselves.

But Jordan has been a huge help over the years and became part of the family.

“Is someone talking about me?” Jordan asks as she joins us.

I love that the royal family befriends their employees—especially those who work closely with them every day.

“We’re simply grateful for you,” Ellie says with a smile and then waves toward the doorway. “Oh, Cara and Jillian King just arrived. I’ll go welcome them.”

“She loves to host a party,” Nina says.

“Aren’t you co-hosting?” I ask and sip my amazing beverage.

“No, I just provided the venue. This is all Ellie’s doing. The cocktails, the food, the décor. All her.”

“She’s been nervous,” Jordan confides. “She wanted it to be just so.”

“Well, she didn’t need to worry,” I reply. “It’s all gorgeous and delicious.”

I know that I told Sam that I’d be home early, but this party is just too good to leave early. People I’ve known all my life are here, and the food is amazing.

Monica would have loved this.

“This is the best holiday party I’ve been to all season,” I inform Ellie later when most of the guests have left.

“Really?” She turns hopeful eyes to mine. “I so hope the others enjoyed it.”

“Are you kidding? The cocktails alone were special, but then we didn’t have to fetch our own cookies. This is the only cookie exchange I’ve heard of where the cookies were divvied up for us and handed back to each guest when they leave.”

I sip the peppermint martini I switched to.

“Will you be able to drive home?” Ellie asks me.

“Oh, absolutely. I’ve only had three martinis over the course of that many hours. I’m just tired, not drunk.”

“Are you sure you won’t come up for dinner tomorrow night?”

Tomorrow night is Christmas Eve. “No, thanks. Sam and I decided we want to stay in and start making some new traditions with the kids.”

“I think that’s wonderful,” Ellie says.

“Speaking of Sam and the twins, I should go. But thank you so much for such a fun party, El.”

“You’re welcome.” She hugs me close. “Drive safe. Text me when you get there, okay?”

“You’re the youngest, and yet you’re such a mother hen.” I grin and give her a wink. “I’ll check in.”

I wave at Nina and make my way to the front door where a staff member hands me a pan full of cookies and my other belongings.

If I wasn’t already sober, the brisk, biting winter air would do the trick. It’s cold tonight.

I glance up but only see stars.

No snow, just damn cold.

I climb in my car and turn the key. It sputters the way it did earlier, but with some coaxing, it fires up, and I head toward home. About a mile from my house, the car just…quits.

I coast to the side of the road and try to start it back up, but it’s no use.

It’s dead.

I could call Sam, but he’s home with the kids. He can’t leave them alone to come and get me.

There are others I could call, but it’s only a mile away. By the time someone arrived to give me a ride, I’d already be home.

That’s just silly.

I bundle up in my coat, root around for my hat and mittens, and make sure I have my purse and the cookies, then lock the car and set off for home.

“Jesus, it’s cold,” I mutter as I trudge through the snow to the sidewalk. It’s icy, so I have to be careful where I step.

Which means, I have to move much slower than normal.

By the time I make it up the steps to my front door, I feel like my fingers and toes might fall off.

“Where the hell have you been?”

I scowl at Sam when he yanks the door open. “Huh?”

“What the hell happened?” he demands and helps me inside. “Jesus Christ, Tash, you’re frozen solid.”

“Car broke down.” My lips don’t want to work. I’m stiff. “Only walked a mile, but it’s cold.”

“Ellie was worried and called me. Said you promised to text her when you got home. That was an hour ago. You didn’t answer your phone.”

“Forgot it in the car.”

He takes the cookies from me and then wraps his arms around me. “God, you’ll get frostbite. Come on, honey, we have to warm you up.”

“Kinda numb.”

“Yeah, I’ll just bet you are. We have to warm you up slowly so we don’t do any damage.”

“A hot shower will do it.”

“Not yet.” He leads me to my bedroom and starts stripping me out of my clothes. When I’m down to my underwear, he guides me under the covers, then throws extra blankets on top of me. “I’m going to make you some hot tea, and then I’m getting into that bed with you.”

“I’m not really in the mood for sex.”

He doesn’t laugh like I expected. He shakes his head in disgust and leaves the room without another word.

Well, I guess walking in the snow pisses Sam off.

Good to know.

My teeth are chattering when he returns, carrying a whole pot of hot water, a mug, and several bags of tea.

“This will steep while we warm you up. Which one do you want?”

“Lavender.”

He pours the water over the tea bag, then strips down to his skivvies and joins me under the covers.

His warm body feels hot to me, but I wrap myself around him and soak him up.

“It’s really cold out tonight.”

“I know.” He rubs circles over my back. “What happened to your car?”

“I don’t know, it just died. I was glad that I was able to at least coast to the side of the road. I’ll call someone in the morning.”

“You should have called me.”

I glance up at him. “You’re here with the kids. They can’t be left alone. And it was only a mile.”

“On a normal day, that’s not a big deal. In this cold, it could have been deadly.” But he’s not angry with me anymore. His lips are pressed to my forehead. “Did you have fun?”

“I’m so glad I went. It was so fancy and pretty. And there were so many people there that I knew and haven’t seen in a while. I kept thinking that Monica would have loved it. And, honestly, it didn’t make me as sad as it used to. I mean, I’m still sad every day, but I didn’t want to hide in a corner and sob. It was just a thought of, ‘Oh, Mon would have had a good time tonight.’”

“It’s good that you enjoyed yourself. Just don’t walk home again in the winter, okay?”

“Oh, trust me, lesson learned.” My teeth finally stopped chattering. “Did you guys have a nice evening?”

“We watched a Christmas movie and then they went to bed. Pretty relaxed, really. I wrapped some presents.”

I look up in surprise. “Really?”

“Sure. I mean, they’re not as pretty as yours, but they’ll pass. You shouldn’t have to do it all, Tash. I know you think you have it all under control, and you do, but I can help. You really need to let me help more.”

You’re leaving.

I don’t say it out loud, but it’s true. I can’t drop my guard and rely on him now because he’s about to leave, and then it’ll be all up to me anyway.

But I don’t say anything. The extra help that he’s willing to give me now is just that: extra. I’ll take it.

But I won’t learn to expect it.

And I can’t get used to it.

“Your brain is moving way too fast.”

I laugh and then yawn. “Actually, I’m really tired. The combination of martinis and cold weather have knocked me on my ass.”

“You drank?”

“Of course, I drank. She had hot chocolate martinis, Sam. No one in their right mind could pass that up. But don’t worry, I didn’t drink too much, and I spaced them out. I was perfectly sober.”

“I know you’re not stupid enough to drink and drive.”

He kisses my head.

“Do you want tea?”

“No.” I yawn again. “I want to sleep.”